For xoNecole's Finding Balance series, we profile boss women making boss moves in the world and in their respective industries. We talk to them about their business, their life, and most of all, what they do to find balance in their busy lives.
If you ask Kennedy Johnson, she's always been a star in the making.
She recalls vivid childhood memories of her younger self, enchanted by the lights, cameras, and production behind shows like Zoom, TRL, 106 & Park and America's Next Top Model. The latter, specifically, acted as the initial spark to motivate her career path, as well as her 4th grade career day costume inspiration. "I showed up to school with my prompt cards and portfolio as a supermodel, which, looking back really meant that I wanted to be on TV."
Even though Kennedy had her mind made up on what she wanted to become, she still had her parents to convince. Growing up in a household with "9-5 focused" parents made Kennedy's career choice in the entertainment industry a difficult one to take seriously; so she tried things their way. After a short stint at her local community college, Kennedy instinctively knew that college just wasn't the path for her. In turn, she followed her mother's footsteps and for three years, she worked as a front desk agent at a hotel. Still, something inside was calling her beyond her Atlanta roots and into the concrete jungle where her dreams lied.
After being accepted into a performing arts school in New York City, it didn't take long for her to realize that this too might not be the best fit, "When I got there I realized it was a bunch of white kids coming straight out of high school. I was 24 and needed to work full-time. So I dropped out."
It was time for Kennedy to put all of her focus into her craft, so she took a leap. Now, the serial creative has taken full advantage of the stage that social media has created for her. As a YouTuber, model, host of her very own Instagram Live show, Live with Kennedy, creator of the natural hair page, Curlss for the Girlss, and on-air host for Yahoo Entertainment, Kennedy didn't idly wait for her audience to come, she created her own. Confidence is key in the industry of entertainment, and Kennedy's cup runneth over thanks to her mom and faith, "My faith was really the push that made me realize that if I don't have my shoulders back and my head up then I'm not really being grateful for what I have."
With the many blessings and endeavors on Kennedy's plate, how does she maintain it all? In this segment of Finding Balance, we ask this media maven just how it's done:
What does an average day or week look like for you?
Whew, girl. Now that I'm working for Yahoo Entertainment, I go there every morning, Monday through Friday. It's a lot different from my freelance schedule because I created my own schedule. I would get up, eat, record a YouTube video – if I wanted to – or I would just get on Instagram and do videos. Either way, it was about being active on social media, that's a daily thing that I have to do. I have to post on my pages in order to keep up that momentum and keep people interested in my content. Everyday requires that, and physically coming into Yahoo Entertainment every morning.
What do you find to be the most hectic part of your week? How do you push through?
Girl, just trying to get out the house! I'm trying to tell you, I am tired of getting up and leaving my house every day. I'm still trying to adjust to that and the commute everyday – getting on the train, dealing with MTA and their bull. That, every day, is so annoying.
How do you practice self-care? What is your self-care routine?
I don't think that I do intentionally, but there are things that I enjoy doing that I'll make sure I make time for. For instance, I like painting my nails; it's very therapeutic for me. I have to do my hair every day and whenever I do my hair, I have to have a good Netflix show to watch. I really pay attention to what new Netflix shows or movies are out that I'd be interested in watching while I do my hair. For me, those are the simple self-care things that have to be done anyway and I would consider those to be my own personal moments to myself to gather my thoughts. Also when I'm vlogging or on my Instagram Live show called, Live with Kennedy, it's really therapeutic for me to just talk and get things out and share my feelings about certain things.
How do you find balance with:
Friends?
To be honest, I have one best friend. So for me, it's not hard to balance that because I only have one person I have to worry about. (Laughs) Everyone else, I would consider to be great friends, but the type of energy I put into those relationship, it's not the same that I have with my best friend.
Love/Relationships?
Ohh, girl… well… I'm newly single. I was in a four-year relationship with a man who was so great and I will love him forever. He lives in Los Angeles, I live in New York, and it was just hard trying to maintain the type of relationship we had without seeing each other as often. Now as a single woman, living in New York City, I'm just trying to figure it out. I don't really think my man is in NY, I'm not attracted to some of the guys up here. I'm from Atlanta and I just feel like the guys down South just move a little different and I don't have time to be looking over my shoulder every counter we walk by. I'm cool on that.
I feel like it would be a bit distracting to try to get to know someone while you're getting to know yourself. That energy, especially when you get physical with somebody, can be misinterpreted in what type of connection you have with them, and I don't have time for that. I'm not trying to feel like something is happening when it's actually not. I'm just trying to focus on myself.
"If I haven't stretched in a while, I'm going to feel it in my waist walking to work. I just try to be honest with myself and my body."
Exercise? Does it happen?
Look, exercise is cute and I know it's necessary, but one of the blessings that I have received is that genetically, I have a very fast metabolism. I don't have to workout like that, but just in terms of staying in shape, I do like to yoga every now and again.
Health?
Self-awareness is a real thing. I know that if I've been eating a lot of junk, I'm going to see it in my face. If I haven't stretched in a while, I'm going to feel it in my waist walking to work. I just try to be honest with myself and my body. I know that I need a certain amount of nutrients in order to be fulfilled. I gotta have my greens, my water, my fruit, and I have to do that every day. So I'm just being smart, moving smart.
Do you ever detox? What does that look like for you?
I haven't done a social media detox because I don't think that social media affects me in that way. I am on there a lot, but I'm not putting on an act, I'm being myself, and if I don't feel like talking, I don't. I'll post pictures of other things and inspiration. I'm engaging in other ways, so I've never felt like it affected me in a way where I had to completely remove myself from the app. Although sometimes it can be overwhelming, like I'm tired of hearing certain stories about certain folks, but I just don't look at those pages on those days.
When you are going through a bout of uncertainty, or feeling stuck, how do you handle it?
I spend some time with myself. I trust my judgment and my intuition and I can't do that if I'm surrounded by a whole bunch of noise. I also just look at things dead-on, or allow myself to just take a break. Like, I'm not about to get fired from YouTube. One of the things that I've allowed myself to do is live in my truth: I am my own boss so if I don't want to do something, I'm not going to do it. It's a simple as that.
What does success mean to you?
Being able to do whatever the hell I want to do. Working with who I want to work with, talking about what I want to talk about, moving how I want to move, and money not being an issue. To me, that's my version of success. Freedom.
What is something you think others forget when it comes to finding balance?
I think people forget to be honest about where they are in their life. When we're trying to create some type of balance or self-care in our life, we want to go off of this script that we found from somebody else's life story. We try to follow those steps and it doesn't work for us because we're not considering the fact that we have different lives. For me, I always consider my own situation first, then I try to implement what I've seen in other people and see if it works for me, and if not, I just modify it. If you have responsibilities that need to be taken care of, don't beat yourself up because of what you see other people doing, everybody's story is different.
"One of the things that I've allowed myself to do is live in my truth: I am my own boss so if I don't want to do something, I'm not going to do it. It's a simple as that."
For more of Kennedy, follow her on Instagram. And check out past women we've featured on Finding Balance women by clicking here.
All photos c/o Kennedy Johnson/Instagram.
Amber Riley has the type of laugh that sticks with you long after the raspy, rhythmic sounds have ceased. It punctuates her sentences sometimes, whether she’s giving a chuckle to denote the serious nature of something she just said or throwing her head back in rip-roarious laughter after a joke. She laughs as if she understands the fragility of each minute. She chooses laughter often with the understanding that future joy is not guaranteed.
Credit: Ally Green
The sound of her laughter is rivaled only by her singing voice, an emblem of the past and the future resilience of Black women stretched over a few octaves. On Fox’s Glee, her character Mercedes Jones was portrayed, perhaps unfairly, as the vocal duel to Rachel Berry (Lea Michele), offering rough, full-throated belts behind her co-star’s smooth, pristine vocals. Riley’s always been more than the singer who could deliver a finishing note, though.
Portraying Effie White, she displayed the dynamic emotions of a song such as “And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going” in Dreamgirls on London’s West End without buckling under the historic weight of her predecessors. With her instrument, John Mayer’s “Gravity” became a religious experience, a belted hymnal full of growls and churchy riffs. In her voice, Nicole Scherzinger once said she heard “the power of God.”
Credit: Ally Green
Riley’s voice has been a staple throughout pop culture for nearly 15 years now. Her tone has become so distinguishable that most viewers of Fox’s The Masked Singer recognized the multihyphenate even before it was revealed that she was Harp, the competition-winning, gold-masked figure with an actual harp strapped to her back.
Still, it wasn’t until recently that Riley began to feel like she’d found her voice. This sounds unbelievable. But she’s not referring to the one she uses on stage. She’s referencing the voice that speaks to who she is at her core. “Therapy kind of gave me the training to speak my mind,” the 37-year-old says. “It’s not something we’re taught, especially as Black women. I got so comfortable in [doing so], and I really want other people, especially Black women, to get more comfortable in that space.”
“Therapy kind of gave me the training to speak my mind. It’s not something we’re taught, especially as Black women."
If you ask Riley’s manager, Myisha Brooks, she’ll tell you the foundation of who the multihyphenate is hasn’t changed much since she was a kid growing up in Compton. “She is who she is from when I met her back when she was singing in the front of the church to back when she landed major roles in film and TV,” Brooks says. Time has allowed Riley to grow more comfortable, giving fans a more intimate glimpse into her life, including her mental health journey and the ins and outs of show business.
The actress/singer has been in therapy since 2019, although she suffered from depression and anxiety way before that. In a recent interview with Jason Lee, she recalls having suicidal ideation as a kid. By the time she started seeing a psychologist and taking antidepressants in her thirties, her body had become jittery, a physical reminder of the trauma stacked high inside her. “I was shaking in [my therapist’s] office,” she tells xoNecole. “My fight or flight was on such a high level. I was constantly in survival mode. My heart was beating fast all the time. All I did was sweat.”
There wasn’t just childhood trauma to account for. After auditioning for American Idol and being turned away by producers, Riley began working for Ikea and nearly missed her Glee audition because her car broke down on the highway while en route. Thankfully, Riley had been cast to play Mercedes Jones. American Idol had temporarily convinced her she wasn’t cut out for the entertainment industry, but this was validation that she was right where she belonged. Glee launched in 2009 with the promise of becoming Riley’s big break.
In some ways, it was. The show introduced Riley to millions of fans and catapulted her into major Hollywood circles. But in other ways, it became a reminder of the types of roles Black women, especially those who are plus-sized, are relegated to. Behind the scenes, Riley says she fought for her character "to have a voice" but eventually realized her efforts were useless. "It finally got to a point where I was like, this is not my moment. I'm not who they're choosing, and this is just going to have to be a job for me for now," she says. "And, that's okay because it pays my bills, I still get to be on television, I'm doing more than any other Black plus-sized women that I'm seeing right now on screen."
The actress can recognize now that she was navigating issues associated with trauma and low self-esteem at the time. She now knows that she's long had anxiety and depression and can recognize the ways in which she was triggered by how the cult-like following of the show conflicted with her individual, isolated experiences behind the scenes. But she was in her early '20s back then. She didn't yet have the language or the tools to process how she was feeling.
Riley says she eventually sought out medical intervention. "When you're in Hollywood, and you go to a doctor, they give you pills," she says, sharing a part of her story that she'd never revealed publicly before now. "[I was] on medication and developing a habit of medicating to numb, not understanding I was developing an addiction to something that's not fixing my problem. If anything, it's making it worse."
“[I was] on medication and developing a habit of medicating to numb, not understanding I was developing an addiction to something that’s not fixing my problem. If anything it’s making it worse.”
Credit: Ally Green
At one point, while in her dressing room on set, she rested her arm on a curling iron without realizing it. It wasn't until her makeup artist alerted her that she even realized her skin was burning. Once she noticed, she says she was "so zonked out on pills" that she barely reacted. Speaking today, she holds up her arm and motions towards a scar that remains from the incident. She sought help for her reliance on the pills, but it would still be years before she finally attended therapy.
This stress was only compounded by the trauma of growing up in poverty and the realities of being a "contract worker." "Imagine going from literally one week having to borrow a car to get to set to the next week being on a private jet to New York City," she says. After Glee ended, so did the rides on private planes. The fury of opportunities she expected to follow her appearance on the show failed to materialize. She wasn't even 30 yet, and she was already forced to consider if she'd hit her career peak.
. . .
We’re only four minutes into our Zoom call before Riley delivers her new adage to me. “My new mantra is ‘humility does not serve me.’ Humility does not serve Black women. The world works so hard to humble us anyway,” she says.
On this Thursday afternoon in April, the LA-based entertainer is seated inside her closet/dressing room wearing a cerulean blue tank top with matching shorts and eating hot wings. This current phase of healing hinges on balance. It’s about having discipline and consistency, but not at the risk of inflexibility. She was planning to head to the gym, for instance, but she’s still tired from the “exhausting” day before. Instead, she’s spent her day receiving a massage, eating some chicken wings, and planning to spend quality time with friends. “I’m not going to beat myself up for it. I’m not going to talk down to myself. I’m going to eat my chicken wings, and then tomorrow I’m [back] in the gym,” she says.
“My new mantra is ‘humility does not serve me.’ Humility does not serve Black women. The world works so hard to humble us anyway."
This is the balance with which she's been approaching much of her life these days. It's why she's worried less about whether or not people see her as someone who is humble. She'd rather be respected. "I think you should be a person that's easy to work with, but in the moments where I have to ruffle feathers and make waves, I'm not shying away from that anymore. You can do it in love, you don't have to be nasty about it, but I had to finally be comfortable with the fact that setting boundaries around my life – in whatever aspect, whether that's personal or business – people are not going to like it. Some people are not going to have nice things to say about you, and you gotta be okay with it," she says.
When Amber talks about the constant humbling of Black women in Hollywood, I think of the entertainers before her who have suffered from this. The brilliant, consistent, overqualified Black women who have spoken of having to fight for opportunities and fair pay. Aretha Franklin. Viola Davis. Tracee Ellis Ross. There's a long list of stars whose success hasn't mirrored their experiences behind the scenes.
Credit: Ally Green
If Black women outside of Hollywood are struggling to decrease the pay gap, so, too, are their wealthier, more famous peers.
Riley says there’s been progress in recent years, but only in small ways and for a limited group of people. “This business is exhausting. The goalpost is constantly moving, and sometimes it’s unfair,” she says. But, I have to say it’s the love that keeps you going.”
“There’s no way you can continue to be in this business and not love it, especially being a plus-sized Black woman,” she continues. “We’re still niche. We’re still not main characters.”
"There’s no way you can continue to be in this business and not love it, especially being a plus-sized Black woman. We’re still niche. We’re still not main characters.”
Last year, Riley starred alongside Raven Goodwin in the Lifetime thriller Single Black Female (a modern, diversified take on 1992’s Single White Female). It was more than a leading role for the actress, it also served as proof that someone who looks like her can front a successful project without it hinging on her identity. It showcased that the characters she portrays don’t “have to be about being a big girl. It can just be a regular story.”
Riley sees her work in music as an extension of her efforts to push past the rigid stereotypes in entertainment. Take her appearance on The Masked Singer, for instance. Riley said she decided to perform Mayer’s “Gravity” after being told she couldn’t sing it years earlier. “I wanted to do ‘Gravity’ on Glee. [I] was told no, because that’s not a song that Mercedes would do,” she says. “That was a full circle moment for me, doing that on that show and to hear what it is they had to say.”
As Scherzinger praised the “anointed” performance, a masked Riley began to cry, her chest heaving as she stood on stage, her eyes shielded from view. “You have to understand, I have really big names – casting directors, producers, show creators – that constantly tell me ‘I’m such a big fan. Your talent is unmatched.’ Hire me, then,” she says, reflecting on the moment.
Recently, she’s been in the studio working on original music, the follow-up to her independently-released debut EP, 2020’s Riley. The sequel to songs such as the anthemic “Big Girl Energy” and the reflective ballad “A Moment” on Riley, this new project hones in on the singer’s R&B roots with sensual grooves such as the tentatively titled “All Night.” “You said I wasn’t shit, turns out that I’m the shit. Then you called me a bitch, turns out that I’m that bitch. You said no one would want me, well you should call your homies,” she sings on the tentatively titled “Lately,” a cut about reflecting on a past relationship. From the forthcoming project, xoNecole received five potential tracks. Fans likely already know the strengths and contours of Riley’s vocals, but these new songs are her strongest, most confident offerings as an artist.
“I am so much more comfortable as a writer, and I know who I am as an artist now. I’m evolving as a human being, in general, so I’m way more vulnerable in my music. I’m way more willing to talk about whatever is on my mind. I don’t stop myself from saying what it is I want to say,” she says.
Credit: Ally Green
“Every era and alliteration of Amber, the baseline is ‘Big Girl Energy.’ That’s the name of her company,” her manager Brooks says, referencing the imprint through which Riley releases her music after getting out of a label deal several years ago. “It’s just what she stands for. She’s not just talking about size, it’s in all things. Whether it’s putting your big girl pants on and having to face a boardroom full of executives or sell yourself in front of a casting agent. It’s her trying to achieve the things she wants to do in life.”
Riley says she has big dreams beyond releasing this new music, too. She’d love to star in a rom-com with Winston Duke. She hasn't starred in a biopic yet, but she’d revel in the opportunity to portray Rosetta Tharpe on screen. She’s determined that her previous setbacks won’t stop her from dreaming big.
“I think one of my superpowers is resilience because, at the end of the day, I’m going to kick, scream, cry, cuss, be mad and disappointed, but I’m going to get up and risk having to deal with it all again. It’s worth it for the happy moments,” she says.
If Riley seems more comfortable and confident professionally, it’s because of the work she’s been doing in her personal life.
She’d previously spoken to xoNecole about becoming engaged to a man she discovered in a post on the site, but she called things off last year. For Valentine’s Day, she revealed her new boyfriend publicly. “I decided to post him on Valentine’s Day, partially because I was in the dog house. I got in trouble with him,” she says, half-joking before turning serious. “The breakup was never going to stop me from finding love. Or at least trying. I don’t owe anybody a happily ever after. People break up. It happens. When it was good, it was good. When it was bad, it was terrible, hunny. I had to get the fuck up out of there. You find happiness, and you enjoy it and work through it.”
Credit: Ally Green
"I don’t owe anybody a happily ever after. People break up. It happens. When it was good, it was good. When it was bad, it was terrible, hunny. I had to get the fuck up out of there. You find happiness and you enjoy it and work through it.”
With her ex, Riley was pretty outspoken about her relationship, even appearing in content for Netflix with him. This time around is different. She’s not hiding her boyfriend of eight months, but she’s more protective of him, especially because he’s a father and isn’t interested in becoming a public figure.
She’s traveling more, too. It’s a deliberate effort on her part to enjoy her money and reject the trauma she’s developed after experiencing poverty in her childhood. “I live in constant fear of being broke. I don’t think you ever don’t remember that trauma or move past that. Now I travel and I’m like, listen, if it goes, it goes. I’m not saying [to] be reckless, but I deserve to enjoy my hard work.”
After everything she’s been through, she certainly deserves to finally let loose a bit. “I have to have a life to live,” she says. “I’ve got to have a life worth fighting for.”
Credits
Director of Content: Jasmine Grant
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Cover Designer: Tierra Taylor
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I typed these words in my iPhone Notes as I fed my newborn daughter one morning during the first few weeks of having her earthside. I didn’t have much time for page-filled journal entries as my days were filled with nonstop feedings, soothing, and recovery…but I knew I needed to give those words space and life.
Prior to my maternity leave, I, like most working moms, was burning fumes juggling work and life. Since 2019, I’ve been running revenue operations here at this really cool company you may have heard of called xoNecole (hehe). I’ve been behind the scenes building our brand partnerships and negotiating deals with companies such as Ulta Beauty, Toyota, Target, Spotify, SheaMoisture, etc.
Courtesy of Shakyna Bolden
I’ve co-produced our signature events like ElevateHER and Pajamas & Lipstick while conceptualizing, selling, building, and distributing our original video and podcast content and podcast. The list goes on and on. I’ve helped build this small but brilliant company into what it is today, all while running my own small family. And that is not an easy feat.
In all truth, trying to be the best mom and partner I can be while also leading in my job has felt at times like a whirlwind where the rest of my life is passing me by. I don’t quite know where or when it happened, but I swear somebody pushed the fast-forward button in life, and I’m losing my edges trying to keep up.
My mind and body get so preoccupied with the management of life that my soul sits on the sidelines, waiting to take the reins and intentionally live it.
So many facets of my life, from my health and well-being to my hobbies and passions, have been placed on the back burner while tending to my young family and growing in my career has taken center stage. And for the longest time, I’ve wanted to flip the switch, but the pace of life just hasn’t let me restack my priorities.
That is, until now.
Courtesy of Shakyna Bolden
When I found out I was pregnant with my daughter last year, I couldn’t imagine adding more to my already full plate. Simultaneously, I was also relieved to know that my upcoming maternity leave would force me to press pause and catch my breath. Her birth in January 2023 was a much-needed reset, to say the least.
My maternity leave was the first time since 2019 that I had a second for dreams that were buried in the back of my heart to bubble up to the surface of my reality. I got a taste of what it was like to solely focus on my well-being and my home life. And I liked it a lot. My healing. My recovery. Sitting and really taking quiet time with God to search the unattended areas in the garden of my life.
I was cooking homemade meals on the regular and actually sitting down with my family at the table to eat. As grueling as those first newborn weeks can be, I was enjoying the long-awaited shift in my priorities; and I wanted that shift to stick. I didn’t want it to fade away after my maternity leave.
I want to build my work around my life and not my life around my work.
As a leader of an organization that speaks to millions of women every day about their well-being (and also in leading a team of majority women), I feel it’s my responsibility to carry this shift forward boldly. This is why I’m launching a new column here at xoNecole: Chief Mom Officer!
As I return to work full-time this month from my maternity leave, I want to regularly share my experience of trying to harmonize work and life. As an audience, you all share your raw, unfiltered journeys with us. For years, they’ve undoubtedly inspired me. I want to show up and do the same because I know this shift in my life will be quite the journey.
So for all my Chief Mom Officers—those of us who are constantly merging the imperfect and chaotic worlds of leadership in the office and wearing our crowns at home—I invite you to come on this journey with me and celebrate the ebbs and flows in how we show up for each.
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Featured image courtesy of Shakyna Bolden
