One of the things that I like the most about the change of seasons is there are food trends that go right along with them. When it comes to what's popular on plates all around the country this year, what's awesome about pretty much all of them is they are delicious and, if you would prefer to make them yourself, for the most part, they are low-maintenance too. This means you don't have to spend a ton of cash or spend loads of time in the kitchen in order to satisfy your cravings.
So, just what should you be consuming more of if you want your palate to currently be "in style"? (By the way, if you see a hyperlink, it's tied to a recipe. You're welcome.)
1. Big Breakfasts
Most of us grew up hearing that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. It gives us an energy boost. It kicks up our metabolism rate. It helps to control our blood sugar levels. It's great when it comes to maintaining heart health. It helps us to concentrate and be more productive throughout the day. So, how cool is it that one of the biggest summer food trends this year is eating breakfast?
Not just any ole' cereal and orange juice either. I mean, the classic kind of breakfasts that are typically reserved for Sunday brunches or going out to eat. If you'd like a bit of creative inspiration, how about making some veggie breakfast tacos, blueberry and peace oatmeal, a couple of slices of scrambled egg toast, oat waffles or some mixed berry French toast bake? All delicious. All fairly easy to make. And all perfect for a first-meal-of-the-day-during-the-summer-season treat.
2. Strawberry Matchas
If you've never had matcha tea before, the backstory on it is it comes from the same plant that green tea does; only, it's grown differently. As far as its health benefits go, matcha is good for you because it's packed with antioxidants that are able to fight off free radicals. Not only that but it also contains properties that can strengthen your liver, increase your brain function and can even help you to lose weight. Since strawberries are in season during the summer (and are also loaded with antioxidants and fiber), it would make sense that strawberry matchas are all the rage right now. You can enjoy a strawberry matcha latte, an iced strawberry matcha latte or a strawberry matcha smoothie — all from the comfort and convenience of your own home.
3. Grilled Veggies
We all know that vegetables are good for us if we want to maintain optimum health. Well, something else that's popular this summer is grilled veggies. I don't know about you, but the first thing that comes to my mind are veggie kebabs (some folks call them skewers). Anyway, if you're curious about which vegetables are currently in season, the list includes cucumbers, carrots, bell peppers (which are technically a fruit yet many folks forget that and they are great to grill), zucchini, garlic, eggplant and shallots.
4. Pickled Foods
At the end of the day, a pickled food is one that's been fermented by putting it in a combination of water, white vinegar, salt and sometimes a little bit of sugar in order to create a bit of a brine. This is good for you because it contains a lot of good bacteria that's great for promoting gut health. Luckily, pickled foods also made the list this year. As far as the kinds of foods that will give you some of the best pickling results, asparagus, mushrooms, peaches, squash, tomatoes, blueberries and grapes all make the list. For tips on how to pickle properly, The Kitchn has an article that you can check out by going here.
5. Iced Lavender Lattes
I'm telling you, if you've never had lavender ice cream before, you're really missing out!
While lavender is oftentimes approached from an essential oils angle, consuming dried lavender can be great if you've got digestive issues, if you're looking to reduce some stress or you want an all-natural approach to relieving a headache or toothache.
That said, another drink that is getting a lot of attention this summer is an iced lavender latte. If you add some pure vanilla extract and oat milk, it could easily become one of your favorite summertime drinks. You can cop a recipe for it here.
6. Mediterranean Pitas and Greek Salads
Are you someone who happens to absolutely adore Mediterranean food? If so, that's great because this type of cuisine has a reputation for maintaining weight loss, reducing our risk for heart disease and strokes, decreasing the chances of cancer cells developing, helping to prevent type 2 diabetes and even easing depression-related symptoms. Two types of Mediterranean food that you should get on before the fall season arrives are pitas and Greek salads. Click here for a vegetarian pita recipe and here for one that includes chicken.
7. Rice Rolls
Another big food trend right now is rice rolls. They are a Cantonese dish that's made from a Chinese rice noodle known as shahe fen and is then filled with meat and/or veggies. Some folks prefer them steamed while others like them to be pan-fried. Either way, if you're looking to deviate a bit from your normal palate, rice rolls are a cool way to do it.
8. Vegan Fried Chicken
You really would have to be living under a rock that is under another rock to not know that veganism continues to soar. If you've been considering trying it out, but it's super hard for you to imagine life without, say, fried chicken, another big food trend this summer is yep, you guessed it — vegan fried chicken, chile. I'm not a vegan or vegetarian. However, I did grow up Seventh-Day Adventist and that came with all kinds of meat alternatives which means that I can vouch for the fact that some of them (so long as you make sure the gluten, sodium and preservatives aren't totally off of the charts) actually taste pretty good. Word on the street is the site Blacks Going Vegan's Crispy Spicy Popeye's Chicken Style Vegan Fried Chicken is definitely worth giving a shot. If you wanna learn how to make it, go here.
9. Charcuterie Boards
If you've always wondered how to pronounce "charcuterie", it's shar·koo·ter·ee. Now that we've gotten that out of the way, the long story short of a charcuterie board is it's a French tradition that consists of putting together cured meats, cheeses, olives, nuts, fruits and artisan breads such as naturally leavened white or whole grain bread, ciabattas or baguettes. These boards are ideal if you plan on hosting some sort of summer-themed party this year. A lot of restaurants sell them pre-assembled or you can learn how to make your own by clicking here.
10. Homemade Sorbet
I am unapologetically THE ice cream girl. Although I must admit that the more I learn about dairy, the more intentional I am about finding alternatives, so that I don't overdo it. One that I like a lot is sorbet. If you've always wondered what the differences are between ice cream, sorbet, sherbet and (another goodie) gelato — ice cream contains fat from milk; sorbet consists of nothing but fruit and sugar; sherbet is sorbet with milk added to it, and gelato is a custard-based kind of ice cream. While all of these are the absolute bomb around this time of year, it's sorbet that is getting most of the love in the food trending department. And you know what? You'll be kicking yourself once you find out how easy it is to make. The Flavor Blender has an article entitled "Easy Fruit Sorbet (Only 3 ingredients and so many flavors!)" that is definitely worth checking out. Enjoy!
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Let me start this off by saying that of course, to a certain extent, the answer is subjective because it’s mostly opinion-rather-than-fact driven. However, I personally think that sex is hella impactful, which is why I hope that my personal breakdown will at least cause you to want to think about what you do, who you do it with, and why, more than you may have in the past.
Because although, at the end of the day, the physical aspects of making love, having sex, and f-cking are very similar, you’d be amazed by how drastically different they are in other ways…at the very same time.
Making Love
GiphyBack when I wrote my first book, I wasn’t even 30 at the time and still, one of the things that I said in it is, I pretty much can’t stand the term “make love.” Way back then, I stated that sex between two people who truly love each other and are committed for the long haul, when it comes to what they do in the bedroom, it’s so much more about CELEBRATING love than MAKING it. To make means “to produce” or “to bring into existence;” to celebrate means “to commemorate,” “to perform” or “to have or participate in a party, drinking spree, or uninhibited good time.”
The act of sex, standing alone? It can’t make love happen and honestly, believing otherwise is how a lot of people find themselves getting…got.
What do I mean? Tell me how in the world, you meet a guy, talk to him for a few weeks, don’t even know his middle name or where he was born and yet somehow, you choose to call the first time you have sex with him (under those conditions) “making love.” You don’t love him. You don’t know him well enough to love him. He doesn’t love you either (for the same reason). And yet you’re making love? How sway? Oh, but let that sex be bomb and those oxytocin highs might have you tempted to think that’s what’s happening — and that is emotionally dangerous. And yes, I mean, literally.
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times before, that one of the reasons why I like that the Bible defines sex between a husband and his wife is by using the word “know” (Genesis 4:1) is because, well, I think that is what celebrating love is all about — we know each other well enough to know that we love each other, we know each other well enough to know that we aren’t going anywhere, and that knowing is what makes us want to celebrate that union by getting as close to one another and bringing as much physical pleasure to each other as we possibly can…as often as absolutely possible.
To me, that is what the peak of physical intimacy is all about — and the people who choose to use the term “make love,” it should be seen through this type of lens. When this type of mental and emotional bond comes together via each other’s bodies, they are amplifying love, enjoying love, embracing love.
Making it, though? Chile, the love has already been made. Sex is just the icing on the cake.
Having Sex
GiphyA few nights ago, I found myself rewatching this movie called Four of Hearts (which you can currently view on yep, you guessed it: Tubi). It’s about two married couples — one that is in an open marriage and another that isn’t although they somehow thought that sharing a night with the other couple would be a good idea (chile). Anyway, as one of the partners found themselves getting low-key sprung, the one they fell for said in one of the scenes, “It wasn’t a connection. It was just sex.” JUST. SEX.
Listen, when you decide to let a man put an entire part of his body inside of you at the risk of potentially getting an STI/STD or pregnant (because no form of birth control is 100 percent except for abstinence), it can never be “just sex” (somebody really needed to hear that too). At the same time, though, I got the character’s point because, if one or both people do not love each other or even deeply care for one another and/or sex is treated as an activity more than an act to establish a worthwhile connection and/or you and the person you are sleeping with have not really discussed what you are expecting from sex besides the act itself — you’re definitely not making/celebrating love.
Not by a long shot. What can make things get a bit complicated, though, is you’re doing the same act that “love makers” do without the same mental and emotional ties…or (sometimes) expectations.
You know, back when I decided to put all of my business out there via the piece “14 Lessons I've Learned From 14 Sex Partners,” now more than ever, I am quite clear that most of those guys fell into the “having sex” category. I wasn’t in the type of relationship with them where “making love” even made sense; however, because I was friends with most of them, we weren’t exactly f-cking (which I will get to in just a moment) either. We had a connection of some sort for the bedroom yet not enough to be together in the other rooms of the house.
We were really attracted and curious, so we decided to act on that. Oftentimes, the sex was good and so we rationalized that “having sex” was enough because if the friendship was, eh, “sound enough”, that we could justify the physical pleasure.
And y’all, that’s kind of what having sex is — it’s the limbo (or purgatory, depending on your situation) between making love and f-cking. The thing about limbo ish is it’s a lot like something being lukewarm: it’s not really one thing or another which means that it can completely blindside you, if you’re not careful (and totally honest with yourself as well as your partner(s)).
So, if you are contemplating having sex, I really — REALLY — recommend that you figure out how you feel, what you want (outside of the act itself) and if you are prepared for what “not quites” can bring. My mother used to say that the consequences of sex don’t change just because the circumstances do — and there is some solid “wow” to that, if you really stop to think about it.
GiphyAnd finally, f-ck. Although most experts on the word (and yes, there are some) agree that its origin is rooted somewhere within the German language (although some say that it might’ve come from Middle English words like fyke or fike which mean “to move about restlessly” or the Norwegian word fukka which means “to copulate”), you might have also heard that it is an acronym that once stood for “Fornication Under Consent of the King”; and there is actually some data that is connected to that as well.
Legend has it that way back in the day, in order to keep reproduction rates where a particular king wanted them to be, he would instruct his residents to have sex with each other — whether they were married or not (hence, the word “fornication” being in the acronym). However, because sex outside of marriage was taken far more seriously at the time, residents had to apply for a permit to participate so that the king could determine if things like their occupation and lineage would prove to be beneficial for the kingdom overall. F-ck: no love; just necessity. And although some believe this to be more myth than fact, what is certain is it was only over time that f-ck was seen as a profane/swear/cuss word — a word that was perceived to be so offensive, in fact, that between the years 1795-1965, it didn’t even appear in dictionaries.
Personally, when I think of this four-letter word, the first thing that actually comes to my mind is animals. Take a dog being in heat, for instance. That’s basically when a female dog is ovulating and wants to have sex the most. It’s not because they are “in love” with another dog; they are simply doing what instinctively comes to them — and since animals do not reason or feel at the same capacity that humans do, although they science says that many of them do experience pleasure when they engage in their version of sexual activity, it’s not nearly as layered or even profound as what we experience.
Let’s keep going. Another reason why f-cking makes me think of animals is due to the doggy style position. Hear me out. Ain’t it wild how, most of us pretty much know that the term comes from how dogs have sex, even though most animals have sex that same way — and think about it: Doggy style doesn’t consist of making eye contact or kissing while having intercourse. It’s “hitting from behind” without much emotional energy or effort at all. Just how animals do it. And so, yeah, f-cking does seem to be more about pure animal — or in our case, mammal — instinct. I don’t need to feel anything for someone, so long as the sexual desire is there. Hmph.
Something else that I find to be interesting about f-cking is how dictionaries choose to define it. Many of them are going to provide you with two definitions: “to have sexual intercourse with” and “to treat unfairly or harshly (usually followed by over)” and that definitely makes me think of another term — casual sex and words that define casual like apathetic, careless and without serious or definite intention. So, the dictionary says that while f-cking is about having sexual intercourse — just like making love and having sex is — it goes a step further and says that it can include being treated unfairly or harshly.
And although that can make you think of assault on the surface, for sure — sometimes being treated unfairly or harshly is simply feeling like someone had sex AT you and not really WITH you; instinct (i.e., getting off) and that’s about it. Yeah, the way this puzzle is coming together, f-cking seems to be more about lust and self and not much else.
Now That You Know the Difference, What to Keep in Mind
Y’all, this is definitely the kind of topic that I could expound on until each and every cow comes home. That said, here’s hoping that I provided enough perspective on each act to close this out by encouraging you to keep the following three things to keep in mind:
1. Before you engage in copulation, be honest with yourself about what you’re ACTUALLY doing — and that your partner agrees with you. You know, they say that our brain is our biggest sex organ and honestly, breaking down the differences between making love, having sex and f-cking helps to prove that fact. I say that because, although the sex act itself is pretty much the same across the board, you and your partner’s mindset can make the experience completely different. That said, if you think that you are making love and they think y’all are just having sex — stuff can get pretty dicey. Bottom line: communicate in the bedroom before attempting to connect outside of it. It’s always worth it when you do.
2. Yes, you can feel one way and do something else. I can just about guess what some of y’all are on: Shellie, we can love our partner and still just want to f-ck. If what you are saying is you can emotionally love someone and physically lust them and want to act sometimes on the lust without really factoring in the love — yes, I agree. Doggy style continues to be a favorite sex position for people, in general, and I’m more than confident that many of the participants polled are in a serious relationship. However, having lust-filled sex with someone who you know loves you is vastly different than doing it with someone who you have no clue what they think about you or you barely know at all. Y’all, please just make sure that you know…what you should know. Sex is too amazing to have a lot of regret after it.
3. Have realistic expectations about sex. Listen, so much of my life consists of writing and talking about sex that I will be the first one to say that it deserves a ton of props for what it is able to do, in a wonderful way, for people mentally, emotionally and physically. Yet again, I’m not a fan of “make love” because something that feels really good doesn’t always mean that it is good for you. Meaning, you’ve got to be real about what sex with someone will do to your mind and spirit — not just what it will do for your body. An author by the name of Gabriel García Márquez once said, “Sex is the consolation you have when you can't have love.” For no one, should this be a constant norm. Feel me? I hope you do.
____
One act. Three very different experiences.
It’s kind of wild that sex has the ability to create that — and yet, clearly, it does.
Please just make sure that you know which experience you’re signing up for.
So that you’re having sex (you know, in general) instead of sex having you. Real talk.
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