I wear many hats: mom, daughter, older sister, mentor, friend, and founder of HERide, Atlanta’s #1 female-friendly rideshare company. But above all these roles, I am a Black woman navigating life with resilience and grace.
Embracing Self-Love After Heartbreak
Let’s be honest: breakups suck, and no matter how long ago you went through one, the lingering effects can sometimes last for what feels like a lifetime. Embracing self-love after a breakup is a crucial step toward healing, and solo travel can be a powerful catalyst for this journey.
At one point, I thought being in love meant adapting to my partner's needs, but in the process, I shrunk myself until I was no longer recognizable.
Traveling alone gave me the space and freedom to rediscover who I am outside of a relationship. It allowed me to appreciate my own company, fall in love with myself all over again, and rewrite my story on my terms.
Through solo adventures, I found strength, joy, and a renewed sense of self-worth that prepared me to re-enter the dating world with confidence and a deep appreciation for my own happiness.
Courtesy
The Transformative Power of Solo Travel
I recently returned from my first major solo travel adventure, celebrating my 30th birthday in Asia. Over the course of two weeks, I explored Bali, Thailand, and Seoul, Korea. This trip was more than just a vacation; it was a celebration of my growth, independence, and resilience.
Solo travel has taught me numerous valuable lessons. It has pushed me out of my comfort zone, allowing me to discover new cultures, meet incredible people, and, most importantly, reconnect with myself.
Each destination presented unique challenges and joys, from navigating language barriers in Thailand to experiencing the serene beauty of Bali's rice terraces. These experiences have deepened my appreciation for the world and my place within it.
Courtesy
Traveling alone as a Black woman can sometimes feel daunting, but it has also been empowering. It has reminded me of my strength and capability. In moments of solitude, I have found clarity and peace, far from the hustle and bustle of daily life.
This freedom has been instrumental in my journey toward self-discoveryand personal growth. Here are a few ways solo travel has been transformative for me and why I believe it can be for you too:
- Rediscovering Yourself: Traveling alone allows you to step away from your daily routine and the roles you play in other people's lives. It's a chance to listen to your own thoughts and desires without external influences. This space can lead to profound self-discovery and personal growth.
- Building Confidence: Navigating new countries, cultures, and languages on your own can significantly boost your confidence. Each challenge you overcome is a testament to your strength and resilience.
- Making Uncompromised Choices: When you travel solo, you make all the decisions. You don't have to cater to anyone else's preferences or schedules. This autonomy can be incredibly liberating and empowering.
- Meeting New People: Solo travel often opens doors to meeting new people. Without the safety net of a travel companion, you're more likely to strike up conversations with locals and fellow travelers, leading to enriching interactions and friendships.
Courtesy
Breaking Free from Hustle Culture
In today’s society, there is a pervasive culture of hustle and constant productivity. We are often made to feel that our worth is tied to how busy we are and how much we achieve. However, this mindset can be detrimental to our mental health and overall well-being. It’s important to remember that rest and self-care are just as valuable as hard work.
Solo travel is a powerful antidote to hustle culture. It allows us to step back from our daily routines, disconnect from work, and focus on our personal growth. Traveling alone gives us the space to recharge, reflect, and realign our priorities. It reminds us that life is not just about work and achievements but also about joy, adventure, and self-discovery.
Courtesy
Practical Tips for Solo Female Travelers
To make the most of your solo travel experience, here are some practical tips:
- Plan Ahead: Research your destination thoroughly. Know the safest neighborhoods, the local customs, and any potential risks. Having a solid plan can alleviate a lot of anxiety.
- Stay Connected: Keep in touch with family or friends back home. Share your itinerary and check in regularly. This not only keeps you safe but also provides peace of mind to your loved ones.
- Trust Your Instincts: If something doesn’t feel right, trust your gut. Whether it’s avoiding certain areas or turning down offers that seem too good to be true, your intuition is a powerful tool.
- Pack Light: Traveling light can make your journey more comfortable and less stressful. It also makes it easier to move around and stay mobile.
- Embrace Technology: Use travel apps to navigate, book accommodations, and find local attractions. Technology can be a great ally in ensuring a smooth travel experience.
- Stay Aware: Be mindful of your surroundings. Avoid distractions like excessive phone use in public places, and always stay alert.
Courtesy
Conclusion: Take the Leap
As I reflect on my journey, I am reminded of the importance of taking the leap. Solo travel has taught me that the world is full of possibilities and that the most important journey is the one we take within ourselves. Whether you are seeking adventure, self-discovery, or simply a break from the routine, solo travel can be a powerful catalyst for change.
So, to all my sisters out there: take the leap. Embrace the unknown. Rediscover yourself one solo journey at a time. Travel safely, travel confidently, and never forget that you are enough.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image courtesy
RELATED
Her captivating command of the pole left many of us intrigued, perhaps even tempted, to explore pole dancing ourselves after witnessing the mesmerizing performances at Mercedes Sunday. But it wasn’t just her physical prowess that kept us hooked. Mercedes is a character of depth—empowering, complex, relatable, and deeply human.
These are qualities that Brandee embodies both on and off the screen.
(L-R) Marque Richardson and Brandee Evans on 'UnPrisoned' Season 2
Courtesy: Hulu
A Memphis native, Brandee is no stranger to dance. She boasts an impressive career as a choreographer, having worked with renowned artists like Katy Perry, Monica, Ke$ha, and Ledisi. But while it has been a significant part of her journey, Brandee has her sights set on more—expanding her acting career beyond dance-inclusive roles. This ambition nearly led her to pass on the opportunity to appear alongside Kerry Washington in Hulu’s UnPrisoned, where she plays Ava, Mal's (Marque Richardson) new girlfriend.
“When Kerry Washington slid into my DMs, I nearly said no,” Brandee revealed with a laugh. “She mentioned pole dancing, and I told myself and my team that once I was done with Mercedes, I wasn’t going to do that again.” Fortunately, Washington assured her that the role would be vastly different, leading to what Brandee described as an invaluable masterclass in comedy under the guidance of Washington herself.
“Kerry is a force of nature,” Brandee reflected. “She’s everything you’d hope she’d be—strong, compassionate, and incredibly talented. Working with her was like a masterclass in acting.” This opportunity was no mere stroke of luck; it was something Brandee had manifested years earlier. But make no mistake–she credits her faith and praying hands for her success. “I’m praying, you know what I mean? I’m asking God for what I want and working for it too,” she said.
"When Kerry Washington slid into my DMs, I nearly said no."
(L-R) Brandee Evans, Kerry Washington, and Marque Richardson on 'UnPrisoned' Season 2
Courtesy: Hulu
This role marked Brandee’s first foray into comedy, and while she was eager to embrace the challenge, she found herself in the hands of an incredible mentor. “Kerry was always so kind in her critiques,” Brandee noted. “She’s not a diva by any means. She knows exactly what she wants, but she’s gentle and encouraging in bringing it out of you. That’s something I’ve taken with me to other sets—I want to lead with the same kindness and openness that Kerry showed me. It’s a lesson I’ll carry for the rest of my life.”
Brandee speaks with profound respect and gratitude for her peers and fellow actresses as many have shown her genuine sisterhood and support in an industry often notorious for its competitiveness. “Danielle Brooks sent me a prayer the other day, and I was just so touched. Those are the moments that people don’t see,” she shared. “I call Sheryll Lee Ralph my fairy godmother, and Loretta Devine is like my auntie. Being able to pick up the phone and seek advice from these incredible women is a true blessing.”
And she pays it forward.
Brandee Evans
Courtesy: Hulu
But her commitment to supporting others extends far beyond her career. As an advocate for health and wellness, she empowers women to prioritize their well-being. “Azaria [Carter], who plays my daughter on P-Valley, mentioned wanting to start a weight loss journey and get more fit. I told her, ‘Well, let’s work out together,’” Brandee recounted. But her dedication to healthy living goes beyond physical fitness, encompassing a holistic approach to wellness. “When she came to my house and tried to microwave something in plastic, I said, ‘Let’s use glass instead. At 20, I wasn’t thinking about that, but let me share some tips now so you’re not battling fibroids in your 30s.’”
Because she was.
While filming the first season of P-Valley, Brandee faced enormous stress—not only as a caregiver for her mother, who was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, but also due to the physical demands of the role. Yet the impact on her body was far greater than she expected. “I was literally on my cycle every day while playing a stripper, which is far from ideal,” Brandee revealed. It was Harriet D. Foy, who plays her mother, who urged her to get checked for fibroids.
"I was literally on my cycle every day while playing a stripper, which is far from ideal."
Brandee Evans graces the 2024 ESSENCE Black Women In Hollywood Awards Ceremony.
Arnold Turner/Getty Images for ESSENCE
The statistics are staggering—80% of Black women develop abnormal uterine growths by age 50, making them more likely to suffer from fibroids than any other racial group. But like many, Brandee was initially unaware of these growths and their debilitating effects, and the prospect of surgery was daunting. “I was scheduled to have a myomectomy on my birthday, but I thought about what it would mean for my career. How am I going to climb the pole? The healing process is similar to a C-section.” Determined to avoid surgery, she committed to healing herself naturally.
After a deep dive, she sought treatment at The Herb Shop of Vinings in Atlanta, which ultimately led to a remarkable recovery. “This man saves lives. His name is Jeff, and I call him my doctor.” Brandee shared. “I started detoxing my body with herbs and following his program. During my follow-up with the gynecologist, they said, ‘We don’t know what you’re doing, but your fibroids are shrinking.’”
Emerging on the other side of this journey not only fibroid-free but with a regulated cycle and a renewed outlook on life, Brandee is now focused on sharing her story and advocating for women’s health. “I know y’all want to hear about P-Valley, but I want to talk about regulating your period,” she said with a laugh.
Of course, she didn’t leave fans hanging when it came to what to expect in the upcoming season. “It is worth the wait. The world is about to go crazy. Oh, the world is about to lose it,” Brandee teased. “Y’all might be mad at us right now, but baby, it’s going to be worth it.”
All episodes of Season 2 of UnPrisoned are now streaming on Hulu.
Featured image courtesy of Hulu
After about a year in behavioral therapy, my therapist told me that while I had made some progress, I might benefit from something more. I was initially surprised and disappointed, feeling like I had somehow failed at therapy. I didn't realize there were other types of therapy beyond behavioral.
She recommended EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) and explained it to me. According to the Cleveland Clinic, EMDR is a mental health therapy method designed to treat conditions stemming from traumatic memories. It’s mostly known for addressing PTSD and other conditions. My therapist provided me with information about EMDR, and I agreed to pursue the next chapter of therapy. She helped me find a new therapist, and the transition began.
At first, I was nervous because I wasn’t sure what to expect, but I knew this was a necessary step for my progress. EMDR reaches the deep parts of your memory where trauma and darkness reside. It’s like revisiting the trauma, but with guided exercises that help you reprocess it in a more positive light. This therapy aims to lighten the shadow that has been following you throughout life. Although it’s challenging, the experience is worth it to be on the happier side of life.
Whale Design/ Getty Images
I've been doing EMDR therapy for over a year now, maybe closer to two years. Since starting, I’ve noticed that it helps me process life differently. I’m no longer so quick to slip into a dark space. I’m learning to give myself more grace and to understand that the human experience is full of ups and downs.
The biggest lesson I’m learning is not to stay down during tough times. In the past, when something unfortunate happened, I would automatically link it to similar past experiences, layering all those dark feelings together, which left me feeling defeated.
Now in my early 30s, I believe therapy is an ongoing journey; it’s not about reaching a final destination. I remain committed to achieving peace and happiness for my past, present, and future self. With the support of my therapist, maintaining my faith, love from my community, and consistency, I’m improving each day. The mountain doesn’t feel as heavy as time goes on. EMDR is teaching me to extend grace to my past self, which makes room for the blessings to come.
If you're considering EMDR therapy, I encourage you to give it a try. Just remember that therapy is a relationship—it requires you to show up, be present, and put in the work, even when it’s uncomfortable. EMDR is a long-term commitment because it involves breaking down your traumatic experiences, fully feeling those emotions, and reprocessing those events.
Changing how you feel about life’s experiences takes time, especially if you’ve been carrying that pain for a while or if you’ve come to see your trauma as part of your identity. But you can do it, and you’re worth the effort.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by Courtney Hale/ Getty Images