Summer is upon us ladies and gentleman, and although I know you're probably in the gym working on your fitness in preparation for the upcoming months, don't forget to take a little time for yourself and focus on some TLC. And by that I mean television lying on the couch. If your Netflix queue is empty and you're looking for some new suggestions, xoNecole has you covered, sis.
Here's everything that's new and black AF on Netflix this May:
B*A*P*S - May 1
Amazon
B*A*P*S was an underrated cinematic masterpiece and possibly one of the greatest comedy films made in the 90's periodt. Don't @ me. When two ambitious waitresses from Decatur ditch their jobs and fly to Los Angeles to audition for a music video that could potentially fund their dreams of opening a hair salon/soul food restaurant, they meet an ominous stranger who offers them a lucrative deal that leads them to the estate of an elderly millionaire. Nesi (played by Halle Berry) and her best friend, Mickey (played by Natalie Desselle) find themselves in a whole new world filled with bidets and butlers and make an unlikely friend in the process.
Her Only Choice - May 1
Netflix
When a woman and her husband find out news that she is expecting after years of infertility, they are ecstatic; only to have that dream dashed in an instant upon discovering that she also has breast cancer. After losing her mother to the same fight years earlier, Tasha (played by Denise Boutte) must make a choice to fight for her life or sacrifice it to save her unborn child.
Knock Down The House - May 1
Netflix
While this is an extremely unpopular opinion, I believe that Donald Trump getting elected as president was one of the best things that has ever happened to our country and the Netflix original documentary, Knock Down The House is proof. Last year, we saw a historic number of women run for office and win, proving that the American people are angry, and these women are a part of the coalition that's fighting back. Featuring Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Cori Bush, this doc takes an in-depth look into the campaigns of four women who ran for Congress in the 2018 elections.
Tuca & Bertie - May 3
Created by the producer of Bojack Horseman, Tuca and Bertie is an adult animated comedy series that features a sensible songbird (played by Ali Wong) and a carefree toucan (played by Tiffany Haddish) who struggle to navigate their adult lives and find their identities as women (bird-women). The show, much like its predecessor, is a dark comedy but instead focuses on topics that millennial women face every day like career instability, harassment, and sexual frustration. You can binge watch these BFFs experience life after 30 this Friday.
Pose: Season 1 - May 10
Craig Blankenhorn/FX
The FX hit-series Pose is coming to a streaming platform near you, and now you can experience all of the glamour and drama these ladies of drag have to offer in HD. Set in the 1980s, this series follows the rise of NYC Ball Drag culture through the eyes of a group of transgender women fighting for space in a very intolerant world. The show was brought to life by creator of American Horror Story, Ryan Murphy, and will premiere for a second season this summer.
See You Yesterday - May 17
The Stefon Bristol-directed See You Yesterday is a next level sci-fi style film that tells the story of a brilliant young science prodigy named C.J. who loses her brother Calvin in a tragic police shooting. She and her best friend, Sebastian, develop a plan to invent homemade time travel backpacks in an attempt to alter history, and to their surprise, it works and sends them on a number of dangerous trips in the past.
Moonlight - May 21
David Bornfriend/Courtesy of A24 Films
Winner of the Academy Award for Best Picture in 2017, Moonlight is a heart-wrenching tale based on the semi-autobiographical play In Moonlight Black Boys Look Blue by Tarell Alvin McCraney, and tells the story of Chiron, a young boy from Miami who struggles to navigate his sexuality while dealing with a drug-addicted mother and school bullies. This drama features Janelle Monae, Mahershala Ali, and Naomi Harris and was the first film with an all-black cast to win an Oscar.
Wanda Sykes: Not Normal - May 21
Netlix
Wanda Sykes has been a staple in the comedy world for decades, and now she finally has her own Netflix special. Tackling topics like racism, politics, and reality TV, as always Wanda holds nothing back in this hour-long standup show.
The Perfection - May 24
Netflix
When a cello prodigy reunites with her former mentors only to find that they have a new favorite student, all hell breaks loose and grossness ensues. This psychological thriller featuring Logan Browning is not for those with a weak stomach.
She's Gotta Have It: Season 2 - May 24
David Lee/Netflix
Nola Darling is back to give us all of the polyamorous drama we've missed so much of over the past two years. This 1986 Spike Lee remake took the internet by storm in 2017 when the series was released, and it was renewed for a second season last January. Last season ended with a mildly uncomfortable dinner party featuring a few of Nola's beaus at the same dinner party and a case of butt injections gone wrong, so I can only imagine what chaos will ensure May 24th.
When They See Us - May 31
Get your tissues and black power fists ready ladies and gentleman because this Netflix original limited series will make you want to take it to the streets and fight the man your damn self. Created and co-written by Ava Duverney, this show tells the story of five teens from Harlem who were wrongfully accused and convicted for a crime that they did not commit. The series paints an emotional portrait of what life was like for these men from the year 1989, when they were initially accused, all the way up until 2014 when all five men were exonerated.
Featured image by Getty Images.
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There is quite a bit of science to back this up too. For instance, physical touch can lower stress and boost immunity. Physical touch makes us calmer and more compassionate. Physical touch reduces pain and anxiety. Physical touch helps to cultivate emotional intimacy with other people. Physical touch creates comfort and pleasure. Bottom line, physical touch does so much for us which is why we should learn as much about it as we possibly can.
That’s not to say that all of us desire to be touched in the same fashion, though. For example, did you know that there is quite a bit of research to support the fact that men and women (overall) long to be touched in different ways?
In the effort that we all become more “fluently effective” when it comes to how we “speak” the language of physical touch to those around us (especially when it comes to our partner), let’s explore how a man wants to be touched vs. how a woman prefers to be.
Men and Women Are Different. Even When It Comes to Touch. Why, Though?
GiphyBefore I get into some things that I discovered about men and women when it comes to where they prefer to be touched and how those places differ from one another, first let’s — pardon the pun — touch on why there is even a difference in the first place. Apparently, because women’s fingers are naturally softer, they are better when it comes to touch discrimination. What is that? Touch discrimination is basically having the ability to tell the difference between different types of touch sensations. And this is probably a big part of the reason why research also says that when compassion, anger, or happiness is conveyed through touch, men and women tend to respond/react a bit differently as well.
Case in point: One study stated that when two men try to convey compassion through touch, it doesn’t really resonate well, although men can detect anger, even through the slightest touch, extraordinarily well. And happiness? Well, when two women are sharing that feeling through touch, it is clearly conveyed — meanwhile, between a man and a woman or two men? Yeah, not so much.
The thought process for these three emotions is, when it comes to compassion because women have been the prominent caregivers throughout history, they have “mastered” the ability to express it. Anger? Remember, men are good at detecting it — studies say that it’s because they tend to feel and express anger more often; I’d venture to say that being protectors and providers requires being aware of that emotion far more often as well. Happiness? Reportedly, women tend to be happier more often than men are and they also convey their emotions, openly, more than men do too.
How Men Feel About Physical Touch (Overall)
GiphyOkay, so when it comes to unique things about men and women as it relates to touch, let’s start with the fellas, out the gate. I wanna do that because, when I was doing my research on all of this, I immediately came across something that proved what I just said in the intro. What part in particular? Did you know that, even when it comes to truly platonic friendships, men still wish that their female friends would engage in physical touch more than women do (via their male friends)?
That’s because, even when it comes to intimacy among friends, physical touch displays trust and a feeling of closeness — and research says that men find that to be valuable. And so yes, this does amplify the point that physical touch and the need for it go well beyond sexual intimacy.
Still, I’m sure that it comes as absolutely no surprise that if you were to ask a group of men and women who prefer the love language of physical touch more, it’s going to be men (especially if they are over the age of 45). And while there are many theories for why this is the case, mine is that, since men are traditionally known and expected to be providers and protectors and that is hard work, I think they feel safe, reassured, seen, validated and deeply cared for through physical touch. It’s a way for them to get “off of the clock” from using touch to take care of others to being touched in a nurturing way.
Some other interesting things about men and touch is, although women seem to be more at ease with being touched overall, guys are more comfortable with being touched by strangers, especially in a flirty way (in part, because they process it as a potential for “opportunity” — read between the lines there), they prefer women touching them over being touched by men and they are known to initiate touch more if who they are touching is a woman.
And what about touch as it relates to sexual intimacy? Well, according to science, while both men and women enjoy their genital region, lips, ears, shoulders, and inner thighs to be caressed, men also respond to the back of their legs to be touched while women barely even acknowledge that part of their body (in this way). Men also consider their hands to be an erogenous zone far more than women do. It should also be noted that men are more aroused by touching their partner than being touched by them.
How Women Feel About Physical Touch (Overall)
GiphySo, what about women and touch? Well, something that is associated with women quite a bit is affective touch. If you’re not familiar with what that is, affective touch is all about having the ability to touch in a way that cultivates feeling and emotion. Not only do women tend to be better at doing it, but they also find it to be a more pleasurable experience than men do. Research says that this is because of the fact that, overall, women have had more positive experiences, as it related to touch than men.
Something else that is interesting about affective touch is women who express themselves through touch are typically considered to be more affectionate and trusting as opposed to men who touch a lot. And so, since women like to give affective touch, they are also highly responsive to it — and that could explain why women like to touch and be touched (like reaching out to touch someone’s hand) when someone is sharing their thoughts and feelings with them.
Another thing to note about women and touch is because their pain perception is a lot more sensitive than men’s, even slight adjustments in touch (pressure, temperature shifts in body parts, etc.) will affect them in a way that won’t affect men. When it comes to sexual intimacy, specifically, this could explain why even a slight shift in touch can bring a woman into or take a woman out of the mood far easier and quicker than it would a guy’s.
Something else that should go on record here is how women respond to touch based on their menstrual cycle. For instance, when a woman is ovulating, she tends to be more sensitive to touch; plus, she also finds kissing to be more of a priority. Meanwhile, the drastic shifts in hormones during menopause and postmenopause can make women less sensitive to touch.
As far as sex and sexual stimulation go, women reportedly like to be touched more than to touch. Also, when a man looks into a woman’s eyes while touching her, that increases her arousal levels significantly (men prefer women to gaze at their genitalia; not sure if anyone is shocked there — LOL). Places where they prefer to be touched include their breasts, neck, and butt; some even say that they can orgasm just from being stimulated in those spots (along with their lips and ears). As far as the type of touch that is most effective for women during copulation, oral reigns.
And what about how men feel about oral sex? Well, I once read an article that said that 27 percent of the male participants in their study would rather get some fellatio tonight than receive a raise, so…you do the math. LOL (while we’re on the topic of oral sex, a little over 50 percent of men and women find it to be more intimate than intercourse and consider refusal to engage to be a relationship deal-breaker. Agreed).
GiphyOkay, so with all of this intel on how men and women differ in the touch department, what does all of this even mean? To me, it’s a blaring reminder that even something as simple as touching has billions of layers to it — that even though touch is something that we all need, the art of it is something that must be studied and mastered; especially when it comes to interacting with the opposite sex and even more so when that person is our partner.
And yet, we shouldn’t take this information lightly because, when you (again) factor in all of the ways that touch is holistically beneficial…just imagine how much better intimacy would be, on all levels, if we respected how people prefer to be touched more often.
A poet by the name of John Keats once said, “Touch has a memory.” Think about that the next time you reach out to touch someone — and they reach out to touch you. Then ask yourself: what memories do you want them to have? What memories do you want to keep?
How can all of this data help to make that happen?
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Featured image by Giphy