

So, let's get real about quarantine hair. For many of us, most days have NOT been pretty. Between dealing with job uncertainties, making sure you're "staying safe" and not catching the Rona, or dealing with the 24-hour news cycle of horror: taking care of one's hair is typically last on the list of things to worry about during a pandemic. However, when dealing with black women's hair (especially natural hair), quarantine or no quarantine, our hair requires serious maintenance. Otherwise, cue the matting, tangling and looking a hot MESS!
Before
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And if you had hair length goals, kiss that goodbye because dry, unkept, breaking-all-the-time hair is NOT growing. Period. Thankfully, I've found that the upkeep of my hair is a form of self-care and that has allowed me to feel some sense of normalcy. Plus, if you stay ready, you don't ever have to get ready.
After
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Here is the easiest way to take care of your natural hair:
Annisa LiMara/xoNecole
First things first, get your entire arsenal of hair products from shampoos to masques, and gels to serums because if you've gone days or weeks without doing anything under your bonnet or scarf, buckle up. It's gonna be a long middle of the night (for those of us that have no sense of time currently).
All of the products I use are water-based which means it's going to provide the extra hydration I need after neglecting my hair for the first weeks of self-quarantining. Find what works for you and stick with it. Buying new products right now isn't necessary unless you're in dire need and thankfully most, if not all, hair companies are still thriving because they know WE NEED OUR HAIR TO LOOK RIGHT and we will pay to do so (some are even risking their lives)!
During a time like this, twists (a twist out) are the best style for natural hair that I've found. Twists are protective, low-maintenance and versatile. From mini twists to chunky twists to even marley twists, they are easy on the hands and even though they take some time to install, they can last for weeks or even months. In order to achieve this style, first you must pre-poo, wash, deep condition and then, detangle and style.
After letting my hair sit for weeks, detangling required a little more patience so here are the steps to easily detangle and twist:
Annisa LiMara/xoNecole
Annisa LiMara/xoNecole
Annisa LiMara/xoNecole
Annisa LiMara/xoNecole
Annisa LiMara/xoNecole
- Section off damp hair, starting from the back, and rewet hair with water bottle.
- Spray hair with leave-in conditioner, apply an anti-breakage serum and then apply your styler (cream or gel). Tip: I personally used a cream so that when I'm ready to take my twists down, it's more pliable.
- Next, use a denman or detangle brush to thoroughly detangle section and prep for twists.
- Twist hair into 1- or 2-inch sections. Twist your hair all the way down and finger curl at the ends.
- Once all of your hair is twisted, sit under the hair dryer to decrease shrinkage.
Annisa LiMara/xoNecole
Annisa LiMara/xoNecole
Annisa LiMara/xoNecole
After your twists are thoroughly dry (do not play yourself with damp twists, sis) and apply your favorite edge control, style your hair however you see fit. I typically wear my twists in a bun (or two space buns) with a few hanging in the front. Remember, the smaller the twists, the longer they last, and medium twists are perfect for a twist out after a few weeks. Again, we are looking for versatility, folks!
For additional styling, I'll leave the front out and throw on a cute scarf and leave it as is which can usually last up to two weeks. It's low-maintenance, zero commitment, versatile and still cute enough for any Zoom meeting or virtual "girls' night". It's also practical if you have to go out for essentials; just throw your mask on and leave your hair out or throw a wig on or hat to protect it if you're out in public.
Annisa LiMara/xoNecole
For daily maintenance. just spray with a conditioning hair refresher spray, seal with a light oil and touch up your edges from time to time...that's it. Right now, it is all about convenience and leaving your hair ALONE. That's the best way to keep your hair from looking crazy and taking care of it at the same time, plus it makes length retention even easier if that's your goal.
Bottom line, as we move into a more digital world, we still have to face ourselves and others, so I'd rather do it without the hassle of "doing my hair" everyday. Because in the words of Sweet Brown, ain't nobody got time for that!
Do you have a beauty, wellness or self-care find that you've tried recently and want to share your experience? Join the xoTribe members community to connect with other beauty lovers and share your wins with the tribe.
Featured image by Annisa LiMara/xoNecole
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'He Said, She Said': Love Stories Put To The Test At A Weekend For Love
At the A Weekend For Love retreat, we sat down with four couples to explore their love stories in a playful but revealing way with #HeSaidSheSaid. From first encounters to life-changing moments, we tested their memories to see if their versions of events aligned—because, as they say, every story has three sides: his, hers, and the truth.
Do these couples remember their love stories the same way? Press play to find out.
Episode 1: Indira & Desmond – Love Across the Miles
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but for Indira & Desmond, love made it stronger. Every mile apart deepened their bond, reinforcing the unshakable foundation of their relationship. From their first "I love you" to the moment they knew they had found home in each other, their journey is a beautiful testament to the endurance of true love.
Episode 2: Jay & Tia – A Love Story Straight Out of a Rom-Com
If Hollywood is looking for its next Black love story, they need to take notes from Jay & Tia. Their journey—from an awkward first date to navigating careers, parenthood, and personal growth—proves that love is not just about romance but also resilience. Their story is full of laughter, challenges, and, most importantly, a love that stands the test of time.
Episode 3: Larencia & Mykel – Through the Highs and Lows
A date night with police helicopters overhead? Now that’s a story! Larencia & Mykel have faced unexpected surprises, major life changes, and 14 years of choosing each other every single day. But after all this time, do they actually remember things the same way? Their episode is sure to bring some eye-opening revelations and a lot of laughs.
Episode 4: Soy & Osei – A Love Aligned in Purpose
From a chance meeting at the front door to 15 years of unwavering love, faith, and growth, Soy & Osei prove that when two souls are aligned in love and purpose, nothing can shake their foundation. Their journey is a powerful reminder that true love is built on mutual support, shared values, and a deep connection that only strengthens with time.
Each of these couples has a unique and inspiring story to tell, but do their memories match up? Watch #HeSaidSheSaid to find out!
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I’ve gotta say that, for the most part, my friends are pretty damn chill. There is one (major) exception, though — and it’s an odd one. Even after all these years and countless times of me giving them the same answer, if there is a time when they think they are my mama, it’s when they see an email come through at an odd hour of the night. Then, all of a sudden, here they come asking me when do I get sleep if I’m emailing at (say) three in the morning.
Again, the answer never changes because, if there is one thing that Shellie Reneé Warren is gonna get, it’s 6-8 (sometimes nine) hours of sleep. However, since my chronotype (check out “Ever Wonder What Personality Traits Make Someone A 'Morning Person'?”) means that I like/prefer to write in the wee hours of the morning, sometimes I will sleep for the night for five hours and take a nap in the day. And y’all, that is just fine with me because I am well aware of the fact that napping does everything from give me more energy, heighten my alertness and even make me more creative to decrease stress levels, strengthen immunity, and reduce my chances of experiencing a heart attack or stroke.
My problem is I will oftentimes go “overboard” with my daytime zzz’s. What I mean by that is, in order to get the most out of a nap, they say thatyou shouldn’t sleep for longer than 25 minutes or so; otherwise, you could wake up feeling sluggish (I don’t but…). Also, it can make resting, soundly, at night a bit of a struggle.
So, what are you saying, Shellie? We should get quickies in? Yeah. And it’s funny that the word “quickie” would come up because just like a sex quickie can do wonders for you (and it can — check out “12 Super Solid Reasons To Have A Quickie Every Single Day”), it’s a full-circle moment when I say that something that can improve the quality of your sex life is to have a power nap (a nap that lasts between 10-30 minutes).
Wanna know how the two things correlate? Honestly, it’s no secret that sleep and sex work together to optimize both (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”). Today, though, we’re going to tap into how a nap, specifically, can have you partaking in some of the best sex that you’ve experienced in a minute. I’ll explain.
Naps Reduce Stress
If you’re feeling super stressed out right now, you are not alone. There is plenty of data out here that says that most of us are stressed for at least a couple of reasons at a time — and that can impact your sexual health on a few levels. For one thing, it can bring about feelings of depression and/or anxiety. Stress can also throw your hormone levels off (including your cycle) which can weaken your libido. Stress can make you want to put distance between you and your partner (yes, literally).
Stress can also make it challenging to get aroused or to have an orgasm. And just what can help to decrease stress? Taking a nap. Since sleep has a way of helping you to “get off of the clock” and relax a bit, that can lower your stress levels and “reset” your body so that you are calmer — and that, in turn, can do wonders for your sex drive and ultimately your sex life.
Naps Improve Your Mood
There is one person in my life, and fairly 80 percent of the time, she’s in a super good mood. Oh, but let that girl go without sleep, and…who is this woman? LOL. There’s research behind why this happens. When a person is sleep-deprived, it messes with their brain chemicals, and that can amplify emotions like anger, restlessness and sadness. In fact, one study revealed that people who had their sleep disrupted throughout the night, they ended up having their positive outlook on life reduced by about 30 percent.
And geeze, who wants to have sex when they’re not feeling very good? Anyway, since serotonin is a neurotransmitter that helps to regulate your moods, your sleep patterns, and your libido and sleep is what helps to keep it in balance — by taking a nap, not only can it help you to feel better, it can also increase your desire for sex (it can also build up your endurance which is also…sexually beneficial).
Naps Increase Your Focus and Concentration
Something that some of my clients bring up is how, when it comes to having sex, sometimes the flesh is willing while the spirit is weak because, although the desire for intimacy is there, so much is going on that they aren’t able to get still enough to focus on experiencing copulation with their partner. This also tracks because, when you don’t have enough rest, your brain finds itself not working in harmony and that can make it hard to do everything from approaching life with a sense of flexibility to making necessary decisions.
Certain data also reveal that a lack of rest can cause you to have a really poor attention span and not process things in context (the more you know). So, if you really want to get some yet it’s hard for you to focus long enough to make it happen, ask your bae to lie down with you and take a nap. Between the sleep and the snuggling (check out “Fall's Coming: 8 Wonderful Health Benefits Of Cuddling”) — you may wake up with your mind and body totally on the same page. #wink
Naps Can Make You Feel Better About Your Body
Even if, overall, you feel really good about your body, I think that we all have moments when we feel less attractive than others — and who wants to have sex when they don’t really feel…very sexy? Well, something else that sleep, in general, can do is increase your confidence in your body.
For one thing, if you want to lose a few pounds, sleep can actually make that happen by helping your body metabolize the glucose (sugar) that’s in it so that you can better manage your appetite. Other studies go on to share that since sleep deprivation can impact one’s mental health and emotional stability in a negative way, of course, getting enough rest would increase body positivity.
Shoot, science even goes so far as to say that insomnia can cause people to have an elevated level of dissatisfaction when it comes to their body image. Don’t take their word for it, though. Look in the mirror before a nap. Then look in a mirror after waking up from me. Do you feel better? I’d be surprised if you don’t.
Makes Your Brain Bigger…Which Could Make Your Orgasms Better
I saved the best for last by design. Now if you’re wondering how in the world a nap can improve (and possibly increase) your orgasms — oh, there is a method to the madness…trust. For starters, the saying that your biggest sex organ is your brain? That isn’t a myth. Long story less long, the brain is what houses your central nervous system and that is what controls how men and women sexually function (yes, literally).
And since the brain also releases feel-good chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin during sex and brain activity significantly increases in women during sexual activity (especially right before she orgasms) — well, would it trip you out to know that when you take a nap, your brain actually expands? A bigger brain (that’s healthy) can potentially intensify your sexual experiences (and your climaxes) — and who doesn’t want that to go down?
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Like I said earlier, I never have to be convinced to get a nap in. However, if your sex life has been a bit stagnant lately, you’ve been feeling a little sluggish and you’re not sure what to do — I’m hoping that a nap can get you right.
There’s enough science to prove that it can. All you need to do is give it a shot.
Now where’s your pillow and sleep mask, chile?
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