This Podcast Host Has Advice For Setting Realistic Work-Life Boundaries
In xoNecole's series Mother/Hustler, we sit down with influential mom bosses who open up about the ups and downs of motherhood, as well as how they kill it in their respective industries, all while keeping their sanity and being intentional about self-care.
Real hustlers know that building an empire isn't a day job, issa lifestyle—one that doesn't stop for snack time and self-care Sundays. But Atlanta-based Mother/Hustler Mia Jaye has the secret to balancing your work and home life at the same damn time.
As a stay-at-home mom turned serial entrepreneur and longtime partner of recording artist Young Dolph, this mother-of-two knows that being a mommy mogul is a full-time job and according to Mia, your first duty as boss is to set effective boundaries.
In an exclusive interview with xoNecole she explained, "I think that there should be boundaries defined within your personal and professional life where the two overlap. If they overlap, then you can blend the two. For example, my romantic relationship has a very thin space that overlaps with my professional life. My partner and I safeguard the privacy of our relationship––there are only some parts that I may want to share that are acceptable. Setting boundaries has proven to be very healthy for us."
Mia explained that while having a partner who is also a hustler can be beneficial to her as an entrepreneur, these circumstances present their own set of challenges. "Sometimes I give my business less attention than I should. This happens because my partner is extremely busy in his career as a recording artist and I don't want my children to experience both parents being too busy in their careers than at home."
We sat down with Mia to talk finances, productivity, and self-care. Here's what we learned:
xoNecole: How do you handle moments when you feel overwhelmed?
Mia Jaye: I use CBD (laughs). Just kidding, but I try to make myself laugh or smile by saying or doing silly stuff like that, which is my attempt to try to make light of the source of my anxiety. Honestly, I only use cannabis during a high anxiety moment where I completely unplug for a moment and get into solitude to meditate, think and de-stress. I also take a moment to step away and get precious alone time with myself. I also take steam showers, listen to something uplifting and positive to my ears, and just focus on eliminating that overwhelming feeling.
What’s the hardest part of your day?
MJ: Waking up and getting started! I am not a morning person. I've found that waking 5:45am is the most appropriate time for me to get up, allowing me time to get everything for everyone in my family (most importantly, myself) accomplished. If not, I'm on the struggle bus every single morning and the person who suffers most is me.
How (and how often) do you practice self-care?
MJ: Self-care is super important to me and I've learned ways to reduce stress and anxiety and feel empowered from my therapist and life coach. Self-care has become a part of my daily routine.
When do you feel most productive?
MJ: I feel most productive a few times throughout the day. I feel most productive when my children are at school, when they are occupied with anyone other than me and when they are asleep which typically falls anytime between midnight to 3am!
What is your favorite way to spend “me time”?
MJ: Alone with aromatherapy, a steam shower, or bath time with candles. During quarantine, driving alone in the car and going to the grocery store has been lit (laughs).
What is your advice for dealing with mom guilt?
MJ: I think guilt for any person is a huge burden and plays a major part in causing stress, creating a major imbalance within the body. So, I would advise a mom or anyone else to forgive yourself often so that you will not be weighed down with stress. Accept that we are all learning, growing, and a work in progress so mistakes will happen, and being imperfect is perfectly OK!
What’s the most important lesson you’ve learned as an entrepreneur?
MJ: That you have to be flexible and resilient, quick to adjust to change and be able to delegate tasks in order to get more things accomplished.
What is the most important lesson you want your kid(s) to learn from you?
MJ: I want my kids to learn that possessing honorable character, humility, and taking pride in who they are and what they stand for are the greatest lessons they can learn––it is the essence of their being and being a good, solid human being is of prime importance.
Why was it important to you to be an entrepreneur even though some people may think that a 9-5 offers more stability?
MJ: I chose entrepreneurship because it fit my lifestyle better than being on someone else's time. Prior to launching my podcast, I traded my commercial real estate job in to become a stay-at-home mom. Since I have always been very ambitious––I sought out my first job when I was 12 at a hair salon––I knew that once I became a stay-home-mom I would find something of my own to create.
How has being a mother helped you become a better entrepreneur (or vice versa)?
MJ: Being a mother helps me because I am a more effective communicator. Understanding a "barely-talking" child is an art form and I have mastered it quite well. Entrepreneurship has helped me better delegate tasks, better quantify time (I use timers for everything), and I have become more virtuous and patient. Lastly, it has allowed me to have resilience when faced with circumstances that are outside my control, I adjust quickly and can remain calm in the process.
What advice do you have for moms who are looking to start their business but haven’t taken a step out on faith yet?
MJ: Get started. Take the smallest step forward. Celebrate your win for moving forward. Repeat those steps, and no matter how tired you get along the way, never stop and lose momentum. You will look up and those little steps will have transformed into giant steps from where you started.
What tips do you have for financial planning, both professionally and for your family?
MJ: I graduated with a B.S. in Finance with a concentration in Real Estate so it is extremely important to consult with a financial planner that you have interviewed, you have gained trust with and set goals with them. Begin investing in mutual funds, bonds, and other securities that you both decide on, invest in the purchase of a home and investment property and balance out your checkbook like your grandma used to, literally because these banks are making plenty of "mistakes" (laughs).
For more Mia, follow her on Instagram!
Featured image by Instagram/@iammiajaye.
Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Everything You Want In Life Is On The Other Side Of A Venusian Upgrade
If you're an Astro girly to even the slightest degree, you probably know that Venus is the planet of love. But that's not all it is! Venus is also the planet of beauty, pleasure, and harmony. Now, what if I told you there's a way to harness that energy to live your best life, level up, and then some? The process is referred to as a "Venusian upgrade," a term coined by celebrity Astrologer Jade last summer.
And, while it will lead to sugar, spice, and all things nice – the main ingredient in this "upgrade" cocktail is hurt, pain, and upset (whatever it is that you call it when you get burnt). It's the equivalent of when that old flame dogs you out, makes a fool out of you, and you turn your tears into a healthy gym habit to flex on them.
However, according to Jade, the difference lies in the motivation – though we all seek revenge, this outcome is not and won't be for the gaze of those who hurt you – instead of being motivated by revenge, you're essentially motivated by abundance.
What Is a Venusian Upgrade?
"When I created 'A Venusian Upgrade,' I had the intention that I would put all vengeful and negative feelings into a positive transformation for myself. I've seen so many people struggle with transmuting energy – people who don't know how precious their life force is. Giving negative energy to others is taking away potential positive energy from yourself, and nothing ever really comes from it," she explained.
And, when I think about my personal experience with getting a better body in the name of making an ex pay for hurting me, she's absolutely right in that nothing positive comes of it; the attention mostly always leads to a toxic reconnection, interactions that cheapen and devalue you and your time, such as ex-sex.
Alternatively, when you commit to upgrading your Venus, it can lead to upgrades regarding "all things Venus," including relationships (platonic and romantic), finances, and appearance. All things that notably shifted for Jade since beginning this journey.
"Whatever it is that's hurt you in the past, that's hurting you now, or may hurt you in the future — give it to Venus. Put all of your negative feelings into something positive for Venus. Let the ugliness of pain turn you into something even more beautiful. Venus is directly tied to the metamorphic process in Astrology. It is a very natural thing to upgrade via looks, money, and relationships after a Venusian Upgrade."
"Whatever it is that's hurt you in the past, that's hurting you now, or may hurt you in the future — give it to Venus."
Jade speaks about her personal experience with upgrading Venus. She speaks about not being stifled by fear, which is not the same as being unafraid. After all, fear and even doubt are healthy – indicators you have a little sense. But, that doesn't mean you bow out. Seeing it through despite the fear is the faith the universe is waiting to reward.
Since undergoing her Venusian upgrade, Jade says she's "seen 10 times a return on investment through the inspiration" she's gained and the people she's met – inspiration and connections that unlocked her new life.
Much like anything else, you will need to invest in yourself – and this doesn't always necessitate a financial investment so much as a time investment or knowledge (i.e., taking the time to read this article on upgrading your Venus). "The main thing is time. Nobody likes delayed gratification. But, according to Venus, this is the best form of [gratification]! Taurus, a Venus-ruled sign, is the sign of the slow and steady. It represents patience. The best parts of Venus come through a patient process."
Jade reminds us that in traditional Astrology, "Venus represents a woman and a wife. Your Venus is like that; she's like the wife who requires your dedication, and in return, she graces your life with ease and beauty."
In any case of the "happy wife, happy life" mantra, "the happy wife" requires consistency. When the husband or opposite partner throws money at them once every blue moon to compensate for their distance or lack of consistency, it rarely makes the wife happy. According to Jade, it's the same in this scenario.
"Venus is the planet of 1:1 commitments, including to one's self," she continues. "You have to commit to the upgrades you want your Venus to have. You want better romance and friendships? You have to commit to investing in and improving those things. You want your income to improve? You have to commit to a trial and error process that lets you find out what's gonna provide your Venus with the sweetest return. This process takes time and dedication."
According to Jade, upgrading your Venus can look like a combination of any of the following:
- Elevate your every day. Dress like you’ve got somewhere to be every day instead of saving clothes for “special.” occasions. Think, Carrie Bradshaw but less obnoxious. Or, any one of the ladies on Girlfriends. Ditch the sweatpants and athleisure wear.
- Stop spinning the block on your ex. Get comfortable with leaving stagnant energy behind. This is one form of clutter but Jade recommends removing all clutter.
- Figure out your aesthetic, and correct color palettes – invest in those things. Perfect them.
- Don’t skimp on your beauty investments!
Curiously, I wondered about the way our own Venus placement shows up when seeking out a Venusian upgrade. Because in the same way we have a sun sign and moon sign, we also have a sign that accounts for every other planet – including Venus. But, no need to worry or delay your work by getting bogged down. Ultimately, the process is the same as "Venus is naturally connected to the transformation process, so it will hold this ability to upgrade and transmute no matter what sign it's in."
However, I imagine that knowing what sign your Venus is in will tell you the way you enjoy Venusian qualities. For this knowledge, Jade recommends looking into Astrology further by "learning about the house, then the sign, and then Venus as a planet." She adds, "Once you're done, you put it all together and reflect on how these things have played out in [your] life."
lambada/Getty Images
Giving your life a Venusian upgrade is not a concept you hear of frequently; it's only been recently, through Jade's work, that I've heard of it. Since its inception, there have been a few people who have felt inspired to echo Jade's work. What's more, is that the timing of Jade's discovery seems to be perfectly aligned with the recent transit of Pluto moving into the sign of Aquarius – where it will stay for the next 20 years.
But, wait, what do Venus and Pluto have to do with one another? That's what I wondered, myself.
"In Astrology, we know that the 4th house is the anchor of the chart. It's the house (area of life) that holds everything together at the bottom. During Pluto in Aquarius, the sign of Taurus (ruled by Venus) will act as this anchor. We can see this through the lens of derivative Astrology, but that's a whole other convo. Taurus being the anchor means that all things related to Venus come into play."
In turn, the things that Venus stands for also become anchors – beauty, relationships, and harmony.
Etsy
"Money becomes an anchor more than ever. Beauty becomes a stronger anchor. One-on-one relationships, and how harmonious they are, become paramount. These are the things that will hold us down at the bottom of it all during Pluto in Aquarius."
She further explains that this transit will highlight the "haves and the have-nots" in ways that make upgrading our Venus essential to not only surviving but thriving through this transit. Holding no pouches, Jade points out that in the absence of an upgraded Venus during this time, "you'll experience the other side of what I mentioned. Broke, ugly, and lonely. We don't want that."
One thing I know is that being bombarded with this information can be a lot, but I implore everyone to take a deep dive into Jade's social handles. All of this information is readily available. By her own admission, she's provided a step-by-step guide on the Venusian upgrade process before you ever pay a penny for her e-course.
I don't know about you, but the concept of the Venusian upgrade really excites me because, unlike the broader approach of manifesting, this feels more familiar and attainable. From a young age, my mom always told me she was motivated by people telling her she wouldn't be successful, and I've always adopted that mindset. Thus, I've been motivated to create the life I want for myself by tapping into people's projections or fears.
I've always thought this way on some level. Breakup? Cool, watch me show you what you're missing. And I go hard until I forget the initial purpose and remember myself. So, when I say it feels more attainable, I'm aware that I haven't been doing it completely correctly. Still, it's rather simple to reframe the mindset from being motivated by vengeance to being motivated by self-actualization.
From where I’m sitting, the Venusian upgrade is the only love spell (not literally) you’ll ever need.
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Featured image by bashta/Getty Images