Sis, you gotta match your words with your actions. If you say it's all about you, then you need to be living in that truth and not just yapping off. We know you walk around with the "S" on your chest because you're a badass superwoman but after you're done taking care of everyone else, how are you personally feeling?
As amazing as it is to be a woman who can multitask and help aid others, we also have to learn how to not deplete ourselves and pour just as much into the development of self as we do others. It's OK to be a little selfish at times when it comes to prioritizing the things that make you happy. We only have one life to live and if we aren't putting ourselves first and making strides to keep a cooler head, then are we really living our best lives?
4 Ways To Make Yourself A Priority
1.Learn to Say “NO”
Say it loud and say it proud: "NO". You're not obligated to give your time and energy to everyone and everything. It's okay to turn down a night on the town or to tell your friends or family that they can't borrow money from you. Regardless of whatever reason applies to why you have to say "NO", if it has to do with giving yourself peace of mind, then go for it.
We are not robots and although we all have a number of roles we play in life, the role of being your happiest self comes above all. So next time your feeling overwhelmed, used, or just plain-out tired, tell those bug-a-boos "NO", you can't do whatever it is that they need or want you to do.
2.Self-Care Routine
Oh, you fancy huh? Nails done, hair done, everything did! Something magical happens to us ladies when we are looking and feeling our best. We literally transform into the best version of ourselves when we take look in the mirror and start feeling ourselves. Knowing just how bomb it makes us feel, we should always set aside time each month to treat ourselves to a moment of bliss.
It's not about keeping up with the Joneses but more so about keeping high morale about self. Rather you indulge in spa time, make hair, nail care, and a fitness routines, or change the batteries in that cucumber-shaped device in your nightstand, we've all gotta commit to doing something that keeps us feeling like a brand new woman. You are fine and divine so treat yourself boo!
3.Set Goals
We've gotta pave the way for ourselves because nothing in this life is guaranteed unless we go out and get it. It's all about having a plan and sticking to it, nothing more and, for certain, nothing less. We've all heard the phrase "grab life by the horns" and well, in this case, that's exactly what we need to do to get what we desire out of this crazy thing called life. Being realistic about our time, money and life circumstances is where you first need to begin. If you want something, you have to put the work in. Start by setting a start and end date and write down the steps that it's gonna take you to get to that goal you're trying to reach.
Say, for instance, you want to pay down debt to buy a condo, car, or house. Figure out what you owe, how much monthly you can afford to pay towards lowering the debt and implement a timeline. When you have a vision, a plan, and are taking action towards whatever goal it is your trying to meet, it empowers you and gives you a feeling of comfort that you can do whatever you set your mind to, even if it takes you some time to get there. Once you start something, stick to it. You've got this girl!
4.Find A Hobby
Simply put, do what makes you happy. It can feel like there isn't enough time in the day to balance the kids, catch up with piping hot tea your friends need to spill, and find a healthy balance between work and play. But if I'm keeping it all the way 100 with you, we find time for who and what we deem important, and our sanity should be at the top of that list.
Having a hobby is so much more than just occupying your free time, it's a time where you truly are enjoying the things that you are passionate about and bringing out the best in you. Having a hobby allows you to tap into that inner-child that you may have lost touch with and nurtures the hell out of it. It's all about foundation when it comes to being our best selves; and when we make time for the things that are the core of who and what we stand for, it keeps us feeling fully aligned.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
The Art Of Saying "No" To Things You Don't Want To Do
In Case You Didn't Know, Self-Care Is For Men Too
Self-Care Isn't Supposed To Be Pretty
How 4 Professional Millennial Women Navigate Career And Self-Care
Did you know that xoNecole has a new podcast? Join founder Necole Kane, and co-hosts Sheriden Chanel and Amer Woods, for conversations over cocktails each and every week by subscribing to xoNecole Happy Hour podcast on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.
Featured image by Shutterstock.
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RELATED
Now, I’ll be honest: as an avid TV-lover, I was well-prepared to hop on Zoom and jump into all the chatter around Bel-Air and her characters’ decisions. But after listening to her new EP Identity Crisis, I knew there was a lot more to talk about as well. During this exclusive conversation with xoNecole, Jazlyn Martin delved into the challenging journey she’s faced surrounding her identity, newfound fame, and family influence, and how it all plays a part in her art. Check it out!
xoNecole: So I know that your father is in the entertainment world, but when did you realize you shared the same passion?
Jazlyn Martin: I think it was very early on. I was a child who was full of attitude and fearlessness that would go after anything I wanted. I believe seeing my dad pursue music made me realize it was possible. I just had this hunger and fire, and my parents consciously fed and nurtured that - they are always all super supportive of whatever I do. So very, very early on, I was like, I'm meant to do this. And I just was like, I'm a star, and I know I'm a star.
xoN: Actually, let's talk about your family. What are some of your most important values, and how have your family and heritage played a part in shaping those values?
Jazlyn: I mean, my mom is like an angel; she's so graceful and kind, and I've had to work hard to get there. When I was young, I was very abrasive, headstrong, and stubborn. Whereas my mom gives an immense amount of grace in the way she carries herself. I had to learn that.
I think being strong is something I’ve always had. My parents always joke that they don't know where my personality came from. Because my dad is shy and timid and my mom is kind, and I'm a fireball. But my Dad always asked the important industry questions like, “Why do you want to do this?” And that instilled some purpose into me. It really carried me to keep going because it's so easy to be discouraged in this field, but that drive has helped me push through all of the challenges.
xoN: I bet. I have such a respect for actors and the way you all navigate the industry. Speaking of, let’s dig into “Bel-Air.” Were you a fan of the show? Did you have to go back and watch the episodes?
Jazlyn: So I actually did watch the show which is crazy because sometimes I don’t. I saw it was a reboot and was like, ‘Oh no, not another one.’ But I watched the first three episodes, realized how good it was, and ended up watching the whole season. I became a fan, and then a few months later, I booked the role!
I think the imagination is such a beautiful and powerful tool, and I feel like if you create something in your mind, it happens. It's a crazy thing, but I really just created Jackie's world - the house she grew up in, her parents leaving her, and everything. I created why she fell in love with dance. I really came at it from a human approach. If I see it, then the audience can see it.
xoN: Yeah, background plays into so much of how we deal with things, how we interact with people, and everything. And I feel like Jackie gets a lot of backlash. Like, we’ve all had a “Jackie Moment” to be real.
Jazlyn: She gets so much backlash! I just encourage people to give her grace and see the God in her because I do think she tells a lot of Black and brown girls' stories. People project on her, saying she’s too ratchet or hood, and I’m like does that mean she’s not loveable?
We have to be careful of what’s said and put out because Jackie has gone through things that I've never had to go through. The fact that she's alive and still highly functioning is a blessing. So what if she gets a little messy? I love her. Because she’s helped me extend empathy to people I don't necessarily want to or don't think deserve to have it. But she's 17, she's figuring it out, and she doesn't have parents. Like, that's such a huge factor.
"We have to be careful of what’s said and put out because Jackie has gone through things that I've never had to go through. The fact that she's alive and still highly functioning is a blessing. So what if she gets a little messy? I love her."
xoN: You mentioned how your character is viewed, which digs a bit into identity. So I want to talk a little bit about some of the emotional songs on your EP “Identity Crisis.” What inspired the track “Perfect?”
Jazlyn: When I was creating “Perfect,” I already had the EP title. So I kind of mapped out, like, the different conflicts I had in my head and categorized them into seven songs, and so one of my identity crises was being perfect. Because I feel like a lot of men tend to put women on pedestals. They're expected to be perfect - especially when you’re in the limelight. You know, you can't slip up. You can't say the wrong thing. Cancel culture is such a huge thing. And I just wanted to encourage people to give people grace to be themselves because that's not an easy thing to do.
I just wanted to take down this facade that I’m perfect because I never pretended to be. I never wanted to be. I think that's something people have placed on me, that I have it all figured out, I think I just carry it well, but that doesn't mean it's not heavy. I just wanted to be very vulnerable and honest. I think people think “perfect” is a compliment, but I think it's a cage because it doesn't allow room for error. It doesn't allow for you to be human and mess up and fail and take risks. So I just wanted to encourage grace.
xoN: Do you ever feel like you went through an identity crisis?
Jazlyn: I go through one constantly. Growing up, I didn't really have one. But I think as you get older and more aware and cognitive, you know how the world goes, and the world starts telling you who you are, instead of you deciding who you are. And I feel like being mixed played a big role in that, not feeling Black or Mexican enough. I wanted to belong to both worlds but didn’t so I was just “other.” That was an identity crisis in itself.
Also, being introduced to a level of fame has been interesting, too. I think we all go through identity crises all the time because we’re evolving and changing. It’s beautiful, but it’s also scary; you see yourself this one way, and then something happens, and there’s a shift. So yeah, I think it’s something we all go through but no one talks about.
"I think as you get older and more aware and cognitive, you know how the world goes, and the world starts telling you who you are, instead of you deciding who you are. And I feel like being mixed played a big role in that, not feeling Black or Mexican enough. I wanted to belong to both worlds but didn’t so I was just 'other.'"
xoN: I love that. And I know Hispanic Heritage Month is coming up, and you'll be speaking at the New York Latino Film Festival. Talk to me about what that moment means to you and what you hope to bring to the event. *Editor’s note: The interview was conducted before Hispanic Heritage Month began.
Jazlyn: I’m bringing some Afro-Latino-ness! I always grew up seeing Latinos being represented in a very specific way—very Spanish, not very Indigenous looking. So I'm really excited to bring the Black experience, with the Latino experience, to the stage because that's something a lot of people don't know exists.
People are always like, “Are you Black or Latina?” Well, I'm both! We were just dropped off in different parts. I’m excited to speak on that and highlight how prevalent anti-Blackness is within Latino communities. A lot of Afro-Latinos have faced an identity crisis because of it, including myself. It sometimes feels like you’re supposed to hate the other half of who you are.
For me, I held onto that little Black girl inside. I refused to let her go. And that’s what I want to represent when I speak—resilience and acceptance of our full selves. I’m also looking forward to meeting fellow Latino people, especially Afro-Latinos, and sharing our stories. It’s not a narrative that gets much attention, and I’m excited to represent.
xoN: I’m excited for you! Finally, with all the praise and recognition you’re receiving now, what has it been like to transition from working in music, dance, and acting to now being in the spotlight? How have you embraced this new level of fame?
Jazlyn: Um, it's overwhelming. I think that's the best word. Sometimes, I'm joyful, because I'm giving back to the community. People resonate with Jackie's stories and see themselves in her, which I think is the biggest compliment to me. But then sometimes, you know, I feel sad because I'm like, ‘Damn, I'm not doing enough,’ like I should be doing more. It's crazy, the industry is so fast-paced that you don't really try to celebrate wins. It's just a transition, an identity crisis of the like.
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