I had the best sex of my life when I was at my ideal weight, which is about 40 pounds lighter than I am right now.
I already have a high libido, but when I was confident in my physical appearance, I wanted to f*ck all the time, in every position, everywhere just because I felt good knowing how good I looked doing it. I didn't have to make sure my rolls weren't doing too much rolling around, or wonder if my muffin top looked more like a bagel from the back.
I was able to focus so much more of my attention on intimacy and my own sexual fulfillment that orgasms came quickly and easy for me. I understand now that the great sex I had was never really about how much I weighed, but more so how I felt about myself personally. When you have a positive self-image, it eliminates all the self-doubt and insecurity associated with intimacy and gives you the opportunity to focus on what's most important: your orgasm.
Loni love recently opened up on The Real about how her weight loss gave her confidence in the bedroom and improved her sex life. She said that before, she would be physically unable or unmotivated to experiment with new sex positions, leaving her feeling stifled sexually and unsatisfied.
"It was only one position I could do because of my um — breath was getting cut off, when I tried to like lay on my back, because my stomach was in the way."
One thing I appreciate about Loni is her candid way of saying things that we all, in one shape or form, have experienced.
I don't like being on top. There, I admit it. When I was younger, it wasn't my favorite position because I'm somewhat athletically uncoordinated, but now, it's something I refuse to do.
Riding d*ck is a vulnerable, intimate experience where your partner is left looking up at your naked body in all of its glory. My titties sag a little, I have a gut, and I can never quite find my rhythm. When I'm on top of a man, looking into his eyes, I know that he can see all of my insecurities.
This feeling of insecurity is so intense for me, that I refrain from having sex at all. At some point, I made the conscious decision to sacrifice my desires for intimacy for hollow insecurities that I feel could all melt away if I got serious about drafting and achieving my own personal body goals.
Loni said that after losing 30 pounds, she has a few new tricks up her sleeve in the bedroom and has developed a more positive self-image. You don't have to be a size two to feel good about your sexuality and femininity, but if you set some concrete and tangible goals that cater to your insecurities, I can guarantee that you'll see an improvement in your sex life.
It's difficult to be transparent with your partner if you're not comfortable with what that transparency looks like. Without transparency, can you really reach an optimal level of pleasure and intimacy?
Remember: when you feel sexy, you are sexy, and the sex is lit.
It may not be as easy as it looks, but Loni proves that it's always a good time for self-improvement, especially when it's in the name of good sex.
Featured image by Moses Robinson/Getty Images for BET