

The 2016 presidential election was utterly exhausting to both myself and my husband. While my husband does a far better job than I at keeping up with politics and the history behind each political issue - mostly because he never ever wants to be "that Hotep guy" - I tend to lag behind a little. But we do what we can to keep each other informed.
For us, the most draining political issue is abortion. While I've never had an abortion, my mother has, and her abortion impacted everyone in my family, including herself.
It happened several years ago when my mother discovered that she was pregnant at 51 years old.
I was 30.
About the time my mom got pregnant, she started to have a deeper appreciation and love for herself. After years of low self-esteem and self-worth because of her brown skin, she suddenly changed. She told herself every day how "fine" she was because she was brown-skinned. She started dressing more nicely than what I remember and sashaying her hips to the tune of rhythmic drums that only she could hear.
Mom was so excited to be feeling good after more than 20 years of drug and alcohol abuse, that she started to have some adventure in her life, like she was in her 20s again. She found a boyfriend who was two years older than I was, and "had a little fun with him," as she often joked.
Then one day she went to the hospital, and they wouldn't release her.
When I got to her hospital room, she laughed a little before she told me that she was pregnant. I thought she was joking until she started describing her symptoms to me. Like hard boobs and nausea.
After grossing me out a little more, she finally broke down what the doctor told her: because of her prior medical history, she was going to have to choose whether she wanted to carry the babies full term and risk dying, or if she wanted to proceed with an abortion.
In the back of my mind, I just knew my mother had already scheduled an abortion. After all, there will never be another woman like my mom walking this Earth. Also, she was older and I knew she didn't have the patience to raise twins. Nope.
But she didn't schedule it. My mom said that she wanted to go home and think it over.
For the next few days, my mother thought it over by being a mom again. She started to celebrate the slight changes in her body. She enjoyed saying that she "ate for three." But I had to draw the line when she started talking about my 3-year-old son playing with her twins. I just wasn't ready to think about the possibility of raising twins if my mother died during childbirth, and it scared me.
I didn't like my mother's pregnancy because it meant that I could possibly lose her. My son was getting bigger and smarter before her eyes. My husband started hanging out with her more, forming a closer friendship that she cherished dearly. And most of all, my mother became my best friend. After years of fighting, arguing, and hating the woman drugs and alcohol made her, she found a way to give me more love than what she could when I was a young girl. I knew that I wasn't ready to give that away.
Then one day, she went to the hospital and refused to see me for a few weeks. Perhaps she thought that I wouldn't forgive her because she had an abortion. All I know is that I wanted her to live, but I was fine with whatever choice she made. After all, it was hers to make.
Looking back, my mom had a tough time reconciling with her abortion. She talks about how old her kids would have been all the time, and sometimes when she prays, she asks for forgiveness. This situation also forced me to rethink my ideas about late-term pregnancies.
Just like many other people, I was under the impression that a woman having a baby over 40 is repugnant, because the older she gets, the more she puts her child at risk for illnesses. The truth is that as long as you take care of yourself, you can have a baby until your body decides to stop preparing you for one.
Halle Berry proved this idea to be true when she recently walked the red carpet of the 16th Annual Chrysalis Butterfly Ball with what the internet is calling a baby bump. Just shy of her 51st birthday, she looks amazing!
Frazer Harrison/Getty Images
Last year, 50-year-old Janet Jackson shocked the world with her pregnancy announcement. She told PEOPLE, “We thank God for our blessing."
The good news is that my mother had a choice, to begin with. I'm happy that I have her walking this life with me every day. For that, I am thankful. The bad news is that every election year, I have to be reminded of why abortion, which shouldn't even be an issue, is one to begin with.
Although it pained me to see my mother go through this, I wish all women out there happiness and successful births.
Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
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Colman Domingo’s Career Advice Is A Reminder That Our Words Shape Our Reality
When it comes to life, we are always here for a good reminder to shift our mindsets, and Colman Domingo just gave us one we didn't know we needed.
In a resurfaced clip from an appearance at NewFest shared as a repost via Micheaux Film Festival, the Emmy award winner dropped a gem on how he has navigated his decades-spanning career in Hollywood. The gem in question? Well, Colman has never identified with "struggle" in his career. Let that sit.
Colman Domingo On Not Claiming Struggle
"I’ve never said that this career was tough. I’ve never said it was difficult. I’ve never said it was hard," Colman said. "Other people would say that—‘oh, you're in a very difficult industry. It's very hard to get work and book work.’ I’m like, I’ve never believed that."
Instead of allowing himself to be defined by other people's projections about their perceptions of what the industry is or was, Colman dared to believe differently even if his reality was playing catch up with his dreams:
"Like Maya Angelou said words are things. And if you believe that, then that's actually what it is. Actually I've just never believed it. Someone told me some years ago, they said, 'I remember you were, you're a struggling actor.' I'm like, 'I don't.'"
"I wasn't attached to a struggle. I was attached to living..."
He continued:
"Even when I was bartending and hustling and not having opportunities or anything, I never believed that I was struggling because I wasn't attached to a struggle. I was attached to living and creating and being curious."
Colman’s philosophy of attaching to living instead of struggle has blossomed into an enduring career. He first made his mark on stage in acclaimed Broadway productions before transitioning to the screen, where his star began to rise in the 2010s following his role as Victor Strand in Fear The Walking Dead. From there, his presence only grew, landing memorable supporting roles in If Beale Street Could Talk, Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom, and the hit series Euphoria.
In more recent years, Colman has stepped fully into the spotlight with standout leading performances in Rustin and Sing Sing, both of which earned him widespread critical acclaim and Academy Award nominations for Best Actor.
With all that said, Colman's advice is no doubt powerful, especially for those who are chasing their dreams, building something from the ground up, or have question marks about what's next in their careers. Words shape our realities, and how we speak about our journeys even in passing matters.
Words Create Our Reality & Colman Is Living Proof
"I tell young people that. To remember the words that you say about yourself and your career are true. So, I choose to make it full of light and love and it's interesting and every day I'm going to learn something new even if it looks like I don't have what I want but it's important to be in the moment... you really build on the moments moment to moment.
"And you're looking back at your career as I've been in it for what 33 years and you're like, 'Wow, that's what I've been doing.' And I've stayed strong to that so I think that is truly my advice."
Let this be your sign to give your path a reframe. When the path you're on feels uncertain, the journey is still unfolding. Like Colman said: "I wasn't attached to a struggle. I was attached to living."
That's a Black king right there.
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