On behalf of all men, Terry Crews says--it's not us, it's them.
Ok, maybe not speaking for all men, but actor Terry Crews opened up about his epiphany on "intimacy" and guess what? It's not all about sex!
The actor who has been married to his wife, gospel singer Rebecca Crews, for over 25 years, explained why the couple went on a 90-Day sex fast, to which he came out loving his wife even more. According to Terry, the fast also included steering clear of all sexual and stimulating images (e.g. pornography), while taking it back to the basics of cuddling and courtship, with no intentions of sex thereafter. The parents of five and grandparents of one were able to talk more and relearn one another. He said:
"My wife and I, we did a 90-Day sex fast. 90 days, no sex. All relationship, all talk. All cuddle. And I found at the end of that 90 days, I was more in love, more turned on, more 'I Knew Who She Was.'
And it wasn't about, "let's go out because I know I'ma get some sex later." It was like, "No, let's go [out] because I want to talk to you. I want to know you."
Terry also revealed that he feels all men are looking for a level of intimacy that stretches far beyond sex. Only thing is, fear gets in the way of allowing most men to ever reach a place of letting their guard down:
"Let me tell you, what every man has a desire for is intimacy. Intimacy is what you're looking for. You're not looking for porn--you're looking for someone to know you and love you at the same time. That's all you want. Every man out there.
But [we're] scared sometimes; that's why men put up big fronts. It's all like, "Yeah, I'm the man, blah blah," but what happens is there is that moment when he's scared that if you find out who they really are, you won't want to be with him."
That's refreshing to hear. It's no surprise that absence--or in this case, abstinence--makes the heart grow fonder. Many adults, male and female, will give celibacy a shot at least once in their life. People often feel that sex, especially in a non-committed or unhealthy relationship, can cloud the mind, often getting in the way of one's productivity in both their personal ife and career.
Last year, Terry also revealed that he had a bad addiction to pornography that almost ruined his marriage. Starting at the age of 12, the actor said that his addiction was the result of growing up in unhealthy living conditions, to which he turned to pornography as a means of escape from his reality. The addiction grew from watching VHS tapes in his uncle's basement to viewing online porn from his own home, creating extreme desires within Terry that he'd later want to replicate with wife Rebecca, something that she was not always comfortable with. Terry told the Huffington Post that after seeking proper counseling, he realized pornography contributes to distorting one's perception of lovemaking, and that there is a difference between love and lust:
"I went to rehab. I was addicted to pornography.
When you believe in the wrong things, all of a sudden everything in your life ends up wrong. I realized pornography is using people. You're treating people like objects. You're looking at them wrong. You're not looking at them like human beings, you're looking at them as objects to be used. And that effects everything [in] every way. The way you talk to people, you think everyone can be used. You think everyone can be manipulated, everyone can be controlled. And that is what this whole thing is about.
Once you get into love, pornography can't stay in that. When you're talking about love, porn does not exist in the world of love. There is lust and there is love. They are two different things. So I had to go into rehab."
You've got to respect when anyone--man or woman--can be that honest about their sexual encounters for the sake of hopefully helping others avoid the same mistakes in their marriage and relationship. I can especially respect Terry's willingness to attend rehab for an addiction that many others may not even realize they have too. These days, sexual images are so accessible that there is no telling how many men and women are blindly affected by it.
Have you and your significant other ever gave up sex (or any other habit) and found yourselves growing closer afterwards?
You can watch Terry's interview on page 2!