New York Fashion Week is like no other fashion event in the world. The semi-inaugural event that takes place in February and September sets the stage for a myriad of fashion trends you are sure to see everywhere come fall and spring, as the February collections show off F/W fashion and the September collections highlight S/S fashion.
This season, we are excited to see some of the 110 confirmed designers, including a few of our favorite Black designers like returning brands LaQuan Smith, Sergio Hudson, Theophilio, Victor Glemaud, and newcomers like Tia Adeola. Not to mention, the Council of Fashion Designers of America (CFDA) and Vogue Fashion Fund finalists are Fe Noel and No Sesso, two fashion brands led by Black women.
While it’s a well-known event that has been taking place since 1943, it exudes a mysterious ambiance. Questions like, “How do I get into the shows?” and “Do I have to pay to attend fashion week?” take over the minds of those who love fashion but don’t quite understand the perplexing game of NYFW. Thanks to a number of style influencers, we have been able to get a sneak peek of what it means to attend fashion week through their riveting content.
That’s why we tapped a few of our favorite fashion girlies to spill the tea on how they get ready for NYFW, a common misconception about the shows, and what advice they have for folks that want to learn more about the process. Ahead, find some fashion week gems from some fashion week pros.
Host/Beauty & Fashion Expert
Courtesy of Blake Newby
How long she has been attending NYFW:
"Five years."
Her favorite part about fashion week:
"I love that I get to see so many people who I wouldn't normally see. In some ways, it really feels like an industry family reunion."
How she gets ready for NYFW:
"Boy, how long do you have? Well, as a huge beauty girl, it's a must that my glam is in place — that means hair is done, facials are had, nails are done, and of course, the fashions. So I go about many avenues to get my outfits together. That includes fashion pulls from designers, running around the city doing buys, and ordering from online.
"The thing about NYFW is you can change three to four times in a day, so you have to be prepared. In addition, I also ensure that my schedule is as organized as possible — there's so much going on and often overlapping, so pre-planning your days is an absolute must."
A common misconception about attending fashion week:
"That there is any ounce of leisure. Fashion week is nonstop and can certainly be exhausting. While it's such a great time, make no mistake, it's a job."
Her advice for fashion lovers who want to join in on the fun:
"Look into open-to-the-public brand activations happening! There are actually so many. Additionally, it's such a fantastic opportunity to get some great content. Visit some of the areas where shows are happening, and there are always great street-style photographers looking to capture great outfits."
Founder/CEO
Courtesy of Ah-Niyah Gold
How long she has been attending NYFW:
"Eight years."
Her favorite part about fashion week:
"Fashion week always feels like a creative reunion. I love seeing my friends who travel in for the shows."
How she gets ready for NYFW:
" Working in PR, I'm required to begin planning for fashion week months out with clients, especially if we are doing a runway show. It requires intense prep and strategy sessions with the teams to get things in place. It's always a beat-the-clock for me."
A common misconception about attending fashion week:
"That it's just fun. While I do enjoy myself when time allows, it's an extremely intense period."
Her advice for fashion lovers looking to join in on the fun:
"Fashion week is a lot more inclusive than it has been. Designers are even hitting the streets of the city to do public shows which is always fun."
Style Expert & Founder of HighLowLuxxe
Courtesy of Jenee Naylor
How long she has been attending NYFW:
"I’ve been attending NYFW for a couple of years at this point; however, the experience still feels new every time! This will be my fifth NYFW, and it’s always an exciting, inspiring, and event-filled experience."
Her favorite part about fashion week:
"There are so many reasons why I absolutely love fashion month in general! As someone who considers themselves an expert, I really appreciate the opportunity to celebrate the creativity and art form of fashion itself. The entire experience is full of personal expression and is the best opportunity to learn about new designers and upcoming trends. In my opinion, NYFW is the most exciting US-based fashion week and features some of my favorite designers."
How she gets ready for NYFW:
"When it comes to preparing and curating my wardrobe for fashion month, I usually create a mood board to help pinpoint the looks, theme, and overall aesthetic for each city. Then I’ll really take my time finding specific pieces and unique items until I have entire looks put together. It's really important to try on your outfits beforehand and get an indication of how it feels on your body and to imagine how the outfit may look photographed. Oftentimes I’ll take a mirror pic of me in the outfit to have a quick reference in helping plan my outfits and itinerary."
A common misconception about attending fashion week:
"I think a big misconception about attending fashion week is that you need to have an action-packed, 100% confirmed itinerary to show up. Although there should be intentionality in attending fashion week and thoughtfulness in terms of the financial commitment, it's such a wonderful thing to experience. I’d definitely recommend that fashion enthusiasts and creators attend even if there’s uncertainty around whether you’ll get into certain shows or go to the hottest events. Just being in the mix offers so much inspiration and opportunity to network and grow."
Her advice for fashion lovers looking to join in on the fun:
"For those looking to attend fashion week, it’s really important to understand your 'why.' What is it that you’re looking to gain from the experience? Do you want to network; is it a goal to attend certain fashion shows; are you aiming to get your picture taken by a particular outlet? Attending fashion week can be a costly investment, so having concrete goals is really important. Check out my Fashion Month Recap Newsletter from last October, where I talk about my top 3 tips for attending fashion month."
Content Creator & Writer
Courtesy of Simi
How long she has been attending NYFW:
"This will be my second full year!"
Her favorite part about fashion week:
"Seeing all the beautiful fashion!"
How she gets ready for NYFW:
"It starts off with really hydrating and relaxing skincare and body care. I get my nails done. I get waxed, the whole nine. Then I organize my outfits either via show or per day and REST a lot the weeks prior!"
A common misconception about attending fashion week:
"That the purpose is to be seen. It's not. It's to take in the art of the designers and connect with like-minded people. If you're not intending to drool over exquisite looks and sing your praises to some of your idols, it's not really worth it!"
Her advice for fashion lovers looking to join in on the fun:
"Come! And let the city take you. Dress your best, in a way that is uniquely and totally you. You never know who you might bump into! Don't feel pressured by others' expectations. Have FUN! Be you. Let your style speak for you. And always, always, always, be kind to those around you!”
Blogger/Content Creator & Founder of A Styled Mind
Courtesy of Ashley Weddington
How long she has been attending NYFW:
"Since 2016."
Her favorite part about fashion week:
" Reconnecting with other creators I only get to see during this time of year."
How she gets ready for NYFW:
"As far as styling goes, I usually scroll through my IG and see what pieces were some of my standout favorites and that I wouldn't mind recreating a look around. From there I'll review my fashion wishlists and see if there are any pieces I have yet to purchase that would be fitting for the occasion. After I place my orders, I create a list in my Notes of full outfits, including accessories and shoes, to make sure I have everything I need. And sometimes, even with all of that 'preparation,' I'll still pull last-minute outfits together during the week in the midst of the chaos.
"Regarding shows/events, I've been going for so many years that I have a basic email template that I use to send to all of the brands whose presentations I'm interested in attending for that season. Once the official schedule drops (3-4 weeks prior), I'll go through and send out all of my emails which usually end up being anywhere from 30-40. From there, I'll follow up one more time the week before if I still have not received a response and create a final schedule in my notes of all of the events I've been confirmed for broken out by day and time."
A common misconception about attending fashion week:
"It's all fun and no work. As glamorous as it looks, it is extremely tiring and there is an immense pressure to attend every show/event, capture content, and post in the moment... all while remembering to eat."
Her advice to give fashion lovers looking to join in on the fun:
"Networking is key, so be sure to work on building authentic relationships with PR agencies and always follow up with any brand contacts you've worked with in the past or would love to partner with in the future! Don't feel pressured to buy an entire new wardrobe for every season or feel pressured to keep up with every single trend. Wear what makes you feel the most confident and is authentic to you!”
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Featured image courtesy of Ashley Weddington
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While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Thinking about them kinda-sorta inspired this piece because they caused me to reflect on the times when some of my clients have come to me, semi-freaking out, and it was because their thoughts about someone had gone beyond “Hey, she’s pretty” or “Hey, he looks good.” Instead, they were starting to fantasize about certain folks, and they weren’t sure what to do about it, especially when some of those fantasies were transpiring while they were engaging in sex with someone else.
You know, it’s been reported that somewhere around 50 percent of people do indeed have fantasies about other people while having sex with another person. And that is definitely a high enough number to tackle some things about the topic here.
If you’re someone who fantasizes about other individuals, especially sexually, here’s some intel into why that could be the case, along with when it gets to the point and place where you might want to consider actually doing something about it.
What’s a Fantasy and What Exactly Causes Them?
GiphyWhenever you think of the word “fantasy,” what immediately comes to your mind?
Personally, what I find to be interesting is the fact that the dictionary says that there are actually a lot of things that can be considered a fantasy: your imagination, hallucinations, visions, ingenious inventions, illusions — I mean, there is even a genre of fiction that falls into the fantasy category. However, when it comes to what we’re going to discuss today, a psychological term for fantasy is “an imagined or conjured up sequence fulfilling a psychological need; daydream.”
And yes, before we get to the end of all of this, that definition is going to answer quite a few questions as it pertains to the topic of this particular piece. But first, more about the origin story of fantasies.
Apparently famed neurologist, Sigmund Freud spent some time analyzing fantasies and came to the conclusion that, more than anything else, a fantasy represents something that is either a suppressed urge or desire and when you stop to think about what you imagine, what your visions are, what you may long to invent — that certainly tracks. However, something that you should also keep in mind about fantasies is that, oftentimes, they are rooted in few boundaries and can even go well beyond what is considered to be reality (which is something that is based on facts and truth).
Oh, something else that needs to be kept in mind about fantasies is that they are typically relied on as a mental form of escape from something or someone (bookmark that).
And now that fantasies are more clearly defined, if your immediate question is, “Is it wrong to fantasize?” — no, I certainly don’t think that. What I do believe, based on what a fantasy is, though, is if you are fantasizing a lot about a particular person, place, thing or idea, it would be a good idea to ponder why that is the case — why is that a suppressed desire for you, why are you using that as a mental escape and perhaps, the most important question of all, does your fantasy come with any limits?
Now let’s build on top of this…
Now What Causes Folks to Fantasize About Other People?
GiphyAs I was doing more research on the topic of fantasies, I came across an article entitled, “What Happens In Our Brains When We Fantasize About Someone.” The author of it started the piece out by talking about a cool connection that she made with someone on a plane, only for her to find herself fantasizing about him once they parted ways. As she went deeper into her story, she mentioned a word that definitely needs to be shared here: heuristics.
If you’re not familiar with it, heuristics is simply a mental shortcut. For instance, if you find yourself needing to make a quick decision (check out “Before You Make A Life-Altering Decision, Read This.”), you may rely on heuristics to do it (even if it’s subconsciously). The challenge with that is oftentimes heuristics will only provide you with a limited amount of data and information, and relying only on that could cause you to not make the best choice, if you’re not careful. And boy, when heuristics jump into your fantasy space — well, something that immediately comes to my mind is celebrity culture.
Ain’t it wild how people will be on social media, speaking so confidently, about someone—or someone’s relationship—as if they personally know them (when they absolutely don’t)? I mean, just because someone is attractive or you’ve seen them carry themselves well in an interview or two, that doesn’t automatically mean that they are the ideal person or that they are someone to set your own dating standards by. If you’re not careful, though, heuristics and fantasies may encourage you to think otherwise.
That’s because the combo will try and get your brain to jump to all sorts of conclusions and, if you don’t keep that in check, it could result in you making premature, counterproductive, or even straight-up reckless decisions — because remember, a fantasy tends to be about suppressing an urge or desire.
Honestly, whether you are in a relationship or not, if you are fantasizing about a particular individual, understanding why you are doing that should definitely be explored.
However, if you are with someone and you’re fantasizing about someone else, you really shouldn’t ignore what is transpiring because, although by definition, there’s a good chance that whatever and whomever you are fantasizing about will never come to pass, the fact that it’s taking up some of your mental and emotional space, that needs to be acknowledged. Because if there is something that you want or need, and you seem to believe that your fantasies are better at supplying that for you than the reality of your relationship, why is that?
Let’s keep going…
What Does (or Could) It Mean If You Fantasize About Someone Else During Sex?
GiphyIt’s pretty common that a random song will come to mind whenever I’m writing an article. Today? It was Guy’s “My Fantasy.” Then a sitcom did — King of Queens, and the episode when Doug and Carrie were talking about his sexual fantasies. The song is about images that the fellas randomly have about beautiful women. The episode was about Carrie wanting to dictate to Doug what and whom he could fantasize about because some of his sexual fantasies made her feel uncomfortable or intimidated.
And both of these are a pretty solid intro into whether there is something wrong with sexually fantasizing about someone, especially while having sex with someone else. Well, before getting into all of that, I think another article that I read on the topic brings up a pretty good point — that it’s important to think about where your fantasies are coming from: your imagination, things you see on social media, porn that you may have watched, people who you actually know…and if it’s the latter, is it someone from your past or someone from your present?
Yeah, knowing the source of your fantasies can definitely help you to understand how “deep” into your fantasies you might be.
What I mean by that is, seeing a beautiful man one time and randomly thinking about what it would be like to have sex with him on some beach vacation is quite different than constantly thinking about your ex, the sex you used to have with him and then fantasizing about it For one thing, the beautiful guy, you will probably never have access to. That ex, though? Well, at the very least, that is a bit more realistic, right?
Then there’s the fact that, again, a fantasy is a suppressed urge or desire. When it comes to the beautiful man, is it his looks that you long for, or is it something deeper? And that ex of yours? Lawd, now why, when you have your own man in your own bed, is your ex “scratching some sort of itch”? Because we all know what they say — “he’s your ex for a reason,” so why is he creeping up into your intimacy space now that the relationship is over? Is something unresolved?
Are there sexual needs that he met that your current partner isn’t (check out “You Love Him. You Prefer Sex With Your Ex. What Should You Do?”)? Is something currently transpiring in your current relationship that you are using fantasies about your ex to escape from?
You see, although when it comes to the topic of fantasizing about others when you’re having sex with someone else might seem like the a cut-and-dried, “Don’t do it, end of discussion” — as someone who works with couples for a living, I think the bigger concern isn’t if another guy comes into your mind during sex with your partner…it’s more about WHY is that happening to begin with. Because if you need to escape from where you are, if you can’t be present with your partner, something is definitely up.
When Should You Be Concerned About the Fantasies You Are Having?
GiphyDuring the last several months of breaking up (because we all know that sometimes breaking up is a process) with the last boyfriend whom I will have in this lifetime, I recall fantasizing about other people while having sex with him. It’s because I really wasn’t attracted to or interested in him, sexually, anymore — but I was a bit fearful of what it would mean to let the entire relationship go.
And boy, is that a huge red flag because I wasn’t fantasizing about some random famous person one time during sex — I was relying on images, my imagination, and previous experiences with other people to literally get me through the act. NOT. GOOD.
Y’all, one of the greatest and most profound forms of communication and connection between two people is sexual intimacy, and so, when it transpires, it really should only be about the two of them. That said, should you freak out over a thought about someone who creeps up into your mind every once in a while? Chile, more people have that happen than they will ever admit out loud.
On the other hand, should you worry if you’re like I was? I’ll put it this way — you should definitely be concerned because the last thing that you should be feeling during sex with someone is like you are suppressing what you need and/or that you want to escape from the moments that you are experiencing with them.
And yet, if that is indeed the case, though, what should you do?
Start with doing some sex journaling. Write down your fantasies, the sources of them, and why you are leaning on them in this season (check out “The Art Of Sex Journaling (And Why You Should Do It)”). If they are tied to unrealistic situations, be real with yourself about that. If they are rooted in potential possibilities, do some journaling about how much you are “feeding into” that reality and what you think would be the wisest way to move forward, both for your sake as well as your relationship.
Talk to your partner. Each relationship is different, and so, while I’m not going to recommend that everyone just blurt out that they’ve been thinking about having sex with their co-worker or college sweetheart while having sex with their partner, I do think that the suppressed urges and desires (in general) should be mentioned. Sometimes, fantasies are birthed out of boredom (check out “If You're Not Having Great Sex, This Is (Probably) Why” and “Common Sex Problems Couples Have (& How To Fix 'Em)”) and doing something like creating a sex bucket list (check out “This Is How To Create The Best Kind Of ‘Sex Bucket List’”) can breathe new life into your bedroom.
Plus, sharing some of your deepest thoughts, feelings, and needs (in a kind, thoughtful, and mature way) can cultivate more emotional intimacy with your partner, and that can definitely be a good thing.
Consider seeing a sex therapist. If, after doing both of these things, the fantasies seem to be getting stronger and louder, you might need to make an appointment with a reputable sex therapist (check out “Have You Ever Wondered If You Should See A Sex Therapist?”). They may be able to help you to “connect some dots” about what’s going on that you wouldn’t have considered without their help, because sex therapists are trained in helping individuals sort out the mental and emotional sides of intimacy, not just the physical ones.
____
Are fantasies bad? They aren’t. However, when it comes to sexual ones, a quote by Benjamin Franklin absolutely comes to mind: “If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.”
And that, right there, should be a guiding message for how you should process the fantasies that you do have.
Amen? Sho’ you right.
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Featured image by Giphy