From Immigrant To Entrepreneur: How Rosa Acosta Hustled Her Way To Being Her Own Boss

It's July 2009 and the official video of Drake's “Best I Ever Had" has just hit the Internet.
A group of beautiful and voluptuous girls run out on the basketball court (bra-less, of course) in low-cut pink wrestling singlets and matching sweatbands repping team Drake. The beardless, baby-faced rapper is making each of his “players" feel special as they sensually stretch and bounce in attempt to get coach's attention.
But there's one girl who throughout the video doesn't appear to be vying for the title of MVP. She stays mostly in the background, occasionally caught on camera gracefully stretching, but otherwise relatively hidden. Despite the lack of visibility, it's 25-year-old Rosa Acosta's big debut. Not the one she expected when she moved from the Dominican Republic just three years before, but the one that would earn her a spot in the video girl hall of fame—whether she wanted it or not.
“I never wanted to be a model and be in music videos, this is not something that I dreamed about. This is not something that I thought would ever happen to me," she says.
Video vixen. Urban model. Four words that when paired together distastefully roll off the tongue as they come with their own set of connotations that the entrepreneur believes are neither accurate nor representative of who she is as a woman. Despite retiring from the game a few years prior, Acosta still finds herself shedding the labels of her past. “I still get a lot of calls to continue to do music videos. They will still have me doing music videos at the tender age of 45 if I was still looking good."
Like most immigrants, Rosa Acosta came to America looking for opportunity, though, in her hometown of Santo Domingo, she was arguably already a burgeoning star. As a classically-trained ballet dancer who studied since the age of four, she would graduate with honors from the Instituto de Cultura y Arte (ICA) and become the youngest soloist member of the Ballet Nacional Dominicana—performing around the country in notable shows such as The Nutcracker, Swan Lake, and Carmen. But her battle with anorexia and bulimia took a toll on her 100-pound frame, forcing her to decide between living her dream or staying alive.
At home, her circumstances weren't much better. Her mom left for America years prior, but as a single parent that didn't meet the required income level for immigration laws, she couldn't afford to bring over Acosta and her brother for the first ten years. So Acosta grew up with old-school grandparents who would place more value on virginity than education for the girls of the house.
“From an early age, I experienced this gender thing where they would try to make me feel like because I was a woman, I was less or I was just supposed to marry somebody and cook and clean. When my brother talked, they would ask him what he wanted to be when he grew older, but for me it was just she's going to marry somebody, and that's it."
Becoming a rebel, she chose to trade in her culinary skills for business school and attended the local community college against her grandparent's will. The decision caused a rift back home, so when the paperwork for coming to America was finally approved, she made moves to the land of opportunity with hopes of going back to college. But when she arrived she was unable to transfer her credits, and due to high tuition costs decided that dishing out $15,000 to go to school for massage therapy was more reasonable. By this time she had relocated from her mom's home in Pennsylvania to New York, where she picked up a job as a bartender while finishing school.
In May 2009, she received a message on MySpace from a guy who owned a website featuring videos of ex-dancers, contortionists, and strippers doing their stretching and dance routines. The former dancer didn't hesitate to put on a tank top and a pair of shorts and get back to her glory days. The video was picked up by entertainment gossip site MediaTakeOut, raking in millions of views and attracting the eyeballs of artists and magazine editors who suddenly wanted to know the new girl on the block. In a matter of months, Acosta's life went from zero to one hundred as she started picking up hosting gigs, features in KING and XXL, and a number of music video appearances for artists such as Chris Brown, Lil' Wayne, and Diddy. Even though the dollars were making sense, she didn't have the intention of staying in the business long. "I never thought of it as a career; I was just going with the flow and making some money. I always felt like it wasn't going to be something that would last for a year and then I'd try to make all the money that I can because I wanted to own a spa," she says.
She made it three years before calling it quits in 2012.
“I just realized that I was in the wrong thing when people judge you based on the fact that you are not spending $5,000 on a pair of shoes. When I saw the kind of people that I was working with and surrounding myself with every day, I said I don't even want to do this anymore. I don't want to be around people that are that dumb. I want to be around people that inspire me, that I can learn something from, that are making moves towards building true wealth."
She's partially referring to an incident in 2010 when rapper Maino commented on her “cheap" shoe game, which Acosta kindly gave the fiery response in her own interview, “I wasn't aware they could give you lessons about women's shoes in prison" before adding that she's still the same girl from the Dominican Republic and won't buy a $2,000 pair of shoes when she can't afford it. Her money goes to helping her family back in DR or her own education.
While people were checking for her bank account, Acosta was busy building it. In addition to becoming a regular on Nick Cannon's Wild 'n Out and launching her fitness apparel line Body by Acosta, she was also running her online business CossaMia, a one-stop shop for clothing designers and brands that is run and self-funded by the entrepreneur. When Acosta first came up with the idea, she reached out to fellow friends and designers Geebin Flores and Angel Brinks about the opportunity. “I just wanted to offer people the opportunity to order all the brands that they like in one place," she says. “If you like two or three of the brands that we have, instead of going to their websites and paying separate shipping, you could just pay no shipping or just one shipping for everything."
Acosta began posting the designs on Instagram, attracting more designers, and to date has almost 20 brands featured on the site. “There isn't anything wrong with capitalizing off of Instagram or any social media period. It takes a lot of time and dedication; it is not cheap to have an Instagram "boutique."
After hustling hashtags for four years, Acosta opened her flagship store on Melrose Ave. in Los Angeles this past October, and is looking to expand to other locations in the near future. “No rich mom and dad backing me up, no boyfriend, sugar daddy, investor, friend, drug dealer money, none of that stuff."

"This is me doing the same thing I've been doing since the beginning—not spending my money on shoes and bags, but putting it into my work and investing in my business."
Having multiple streams of income has definitely afforded Acosta a taste of the lifestyle of the rich and famous. While on our call she was shopping for her new home (she tells me it's big), which she hoped to move into within a month. She has already purchased a home for her brother (a DJ) and her mother, who she says no longer works.
As for who will be living with her in this new, big house? That's to be determined. During most of her career, she was dating a low-key guy not in the industry who she purposefully kept out of the public eye, but they recently broke up, and according to the 31-year-old, she's not interested in young men. “I just don't have anything to talk about with a guy that is 22. I mean, I can have a casual conversation, but I doubt that I can actually be enlightened and I can learn…I just don't see myself totally connecting and clicking with people 10 years younger than me."

So does she want kids?
“Yes, definitely. I know I'm going to be a mom, I just don't know under which circumstances. Me and my best friend think about this all the time, about what if we get to the time where we feel like physically we are reaching that point but there's no men around. We have contemplated the idea of doing something where she will have my babies or I will have her babies or something like that, and the idea of getting married and doing it ourselves, but I'm not sure yet."
Now I'm curious. Is this a sexual relationship between you and your best friend? Or…
“More so in a partnership for both of us. I mean, we love each other very much in a way that is not selfish, and I don't own her and she doesn't own me. I think I have more intimacy with her than some people that are sleeping together. There's so much more to somebody's dreams and wishes and personality, and I think that I have those things with some of my friends, we know each other so well and we love each other in a way that is really amazing."
She goes on to explain that finding someone who actually cares to help you grow and who won't just slide in your DMs (which she doesn't check by the way) thinking that's all it takes to establish a connection is a dime a dozen. I'm not sure if she's talking out of frustration with her dating experience, or if she's starting to become at peace with the idea that maybe marrying a man isn't in the cards for her. The idea of intimacy versus a sexual relationship where you really understand and have a deeper connection with someone, even if it's a female friend, is an interesting conversation that challenges the traditional idea of marriage and relationships—one that isn't defined by the physical, but the mental and emotional connection with a partner.
When I ask her if she thinks growing up in a household that placed so much emphasis on her vagina had an impact on her sexuality, she says, “I always had common sense to understand that my worth goes beyond my pussy. If for some reason I could never use it again, there is somebody out there at would love me regardless. Don't get me wrong, I have a very sexual sense of humor, and I realize that a lot of people's lives are ruled off of sex and I was able to capitalize off of that and make a lot of money, but sex is very minimal in my life."
And she's certainly used her assets to create assets. With each lip-pucker, back arch, and look-back-at-it pose she padded her bank account. It's easy to confine and define her by the profession that she gracefully stretched her way into, but in an era of social media booty beauties showing less for no paychecks, Rosa Acosta has played the game smart by expanding her brand beyond her three years of fame.

“I feel like I come from a place where Rosa Acosta's are very common. Girls that look like me, there are really hundreds of them everywhere. When I came to America, people used to compliment me on things I didn't like. I think that seeing other opinions, I realized that beauty is really in the eye of the beholder. There are many opinions, but the only opinion that truly matters is yours."
I ask her how, then, did she become so confident in her sexuality. After all, posing for men's magazines and constantly being on display takes some level of guts.
“I mean, hey look, there's Photoshop, you don't need to be that confident. They're going to make sure that you look good," she says matter-of-factly. “I had my moments where I haven't been sexually confident or just confident in myself period, but I have realized that being the baddest bitch was not my priority. And being the bitch with the best body or the baddest head game, these things have never been one of my goals. I still work to make sure I look good, and that I'm happy with the way I look, but I have also tried to put as much effort on spiritually growing."
One thing you won't catch Rosa doing is being a hater. She believes in building up and not tearing down women who may look better or are doing better than her. “When I look at a woman, I try to say a couple of things that she's better at than me. I think it's healthy to realize that there are people more beautiful than you, more successful than you. I just acknowledge that people can look better, can be doing better, can be better, and then I use that as fuel and try to continue with my journey."
Just as she may be admiring other women, Rosa has her own admirable characteristics, such as her dedication to her community. She's often seen feeding the homeless on Wednesdays with My Friends House in LA, teaching dance classes to kids, and volunteering in Tanzania. And no, she's not just doing it for the 'gram, growing up in the Dominican Republic she was volunteering at home for kids with Down syndrome and also working with the animals that she so dearly loves (she recently went back to being vegetarian—ten years after being advised by her doctor to eat meat due to her eating disorders).
One thing I can say about Rosa Acosta is that she's unapologetically open, and in an industry where people put on personalities like a costume, she's managed to humbly stay true to who she is—a woman who would rather rock a pair of Forever 21 shoes and be about her business than put up a façade. Her next mission? Changing how the world views her.
And this time, the ball is in her court.
Your December 2025 Monthly Horoscopes Are All About Surrender & Alignment
December is about letting go. We end the year with the need for more peace, reflection, and rejuvenation, and that is exactly what December is providing for us. The Sun is in Sagittarius, and anything is possible. This is the month to believe in that and to know that the universe is supporting you. With a Supermoon in Gemini as we begin the month as well, we have an opportunity to gain the closure we have been looking for this year and to wrap up old projects, ideas, and communication breakthroughs.
This is the month to make your peace the priority and let go of trying to control the way the tides are turning. Trust in your new beginning, and give yourself time to prepare for it this month.
A big part of the clarity that is coming through this month is due to Neptune going direct in Pisces on December 10, after being retrograde here since July. With Neptune now direct, we are able to see our inspiration and creativity a little more clearly, providing the perfect energy for dreams and manifestation to be built upon. The smoke is clearing, and it’s up to you to decide what you want to do with this newfound clarity that this transit is bringing. Mercury also moves back into Sagittarius on December 11, which is great for communication and clarity, and the adventures you were trying to see through at the beginning of November come around for you again with greater purpose and support.
On December 15, Mars enters Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and this is the extra push we need to make important changes and to be on the path towards greater abundance, stability, and prosperity. Mars in Capricorn takes care of business, and we have extra energy at our disposal during this time to do so. This transit is an ideal time to focus on your career or financial goals for next year and to start putting some of these plans into motion now. A few days later, we have the New Moon of the month, which will be in Sagittarius on December 19, and this is the perfect New Moon to manifest.
The energy is high, magic is in the air, and it’s all about moving forward with the new beginnings that are inspiring you and bringing you joy to think about right now.
Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21, and this earth sign energy is how we heal, gain closure, and build new foundations in our world. With Venus also moving into a Capricorn a few days later, there is something about peace, prosperity, and security that we are gaining in life and in love as we close out the year, and this is what we need right now. This month is about reflecting on what was, letting go of old hurt, and renewing. December is an ending and a new beginning in one, and there is magic in this space to be created.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what December 2025 has in store for you.
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
December is a full-circle moment for you, Aries. You are seeing the gifts in your world and have a lot of gratitude for the way things have come about for you as of late. There are culminations in your world that are providing you with more abundance, stability, and community, and you are exactly where you are meant to be this month. With the Sun in a fellow fire sign and in your 9th house of travel for most of the month, December is a good time to get out of your comfort zone, explore the world around you, and get your body moving.
Mars, your ruling planet, also makes a change and moves into Capricorn on December 15, which will fuel your inspiration and power in your career space. You are making a lot of professional progress as we close out the year; however, make sure to be more mindful of your competitive drive right now. The New Moon on December 19 is the perfect opportunity for you to create some new plans and goals when it comes to traveling, education, and where you want to gain some new inspiration in your world. Overall, this is a month of things coming together for you serendipitously.
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
December is about trusting your intuition, Taurus. You have a lot on your mind this month, and it’s best to delegate, communicate, and allow yourself some relief by opening up to someone and not feeling like you have to hold everything in. As we begin the month, we have a Supermoon in Gemini happening in your house of income, and the plans and projects you have been building here come to fruition for you now. This is the time to gain clarity on your financial world and to take a look at what spending habits you want to let go of here as well.
With Venus in your 8th house of shared resources for most of the month, you are doing a cleanse on your commitments, partnerships, and business ventures. You are taking a look at what you want to dedicate yourself to in the future, and what commitments you may need to let go of now in order to be in the space you truly want to be, both financially and within some of your relationship dynamics. Before we end the month, we have a New Moon in this same area of your chart, and it’s time to look at the opportunities that are presenting themselves and to trust your internal guidance system to lead you forward.
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
You are moving forward fearlessly this month, Gemini. December is your month of love, passion, and dignity, and you are owning the light that you shine. We begin the month with the last Supermoon of the year, happening in your sign, and you are stepping up to the plate. You are showing up, owning how much you have grown this year, and allowing yourself to heal while also acknowledging that you have done your best and you deserve to have fun in the midst of the changes you are creating.
Mercury, your ruling planet, is officially out of retrograde, and you can use this energy to the fullest potential now. With Mercury in your 7th house of love, it’s time to speak from the heart and to talk about the things that matter and that are inspiring you right now to your loved ones. You never know what kind of epiphanies you may have when you open up the conversation to others. Before the month ends, you have a New Moon in this same love area of your chart, and this New Moon is all about manifesting romance, commitment, and abundance in your world.
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
December is an opening for more love, more joy, and more freedom in your life, Cancer. You have come to a place where you hold so much gratitude in your heart for where you are today and where your heart is shining, and things come together for you with more ease right now. With the Sun in your 6th house of health, work, and daily routines for most of the month, you are getting your ducks in a row while also putting more energy and effort into taking care of yourself, your priorities, and your well-being. This month surprises you in many ways, and it’s because you are showing up.
Mars and Venus both move into your house of love, relationships, marriage, and abundance this month, and you are making strides in your love life. You have both of these opposing forces on your side and are being recognized for the love you are while also receiving the love you want. This month, overall, is about focusing more on the positives in your world and letting your heart have its joy. Before December comes to an end, there is a New Moon in Sagittarius, and this is the perfect opportunity to create the plans you want to see through next year, especially when it comes to your work life, colleagues, business ventures, and health.
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
The scales of karma are balancing, and they are balancing in your favor this month, Leo. December is your month of truth, and of seeing it clearly in your world. The Sun is in your house of romance, pleasure, and happiness for most of the month, and it’s time to relax, be in the present moment, and allow what is meant to be, to be. With a Supermoon in your 11th house of manifestation as December begins, this is a powerful month for seeing your dreams come to fruition, and for feeling like the intentions you have set this year are finally here for you now.
Mars also moves into your 6th house mid-month, and this is the perfect energy to have to move into the new year. You have extra energy at your disposal right now and are feeling fearless with what is possible for you and your daily routine. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in a fellow fire sign, Sagittarius, and this is a breakthrough moment for you and your heart. December, overall, wants to show you how loved and supported you are and will be doing so in magical, unexpected, and concrete ways.
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
December is a month of victory, Virgo. You are showing up and experiencing some new successes in your world that move you forward on your path in life. With a Supermoon in your 10th house of career as we begin the month, the effort and intentions you have made this year come into full bloom, and you are being recognized for who you are and the good work you have done. This month is all about showing up and allowing yourself to be seen and loved, knowing that you deserve the support and opportunities you are receiving.
Mars moves into Capricorn on December 15, which brings the passion and excitement into your love life, hobbies, and little pleasures in life that light you up. You want to have fun this month and are going to be walking into the new year with this fearless, happy, and spontaneous energy within you. Before the month ends, Venus also enters Capricorn, and in this same area of your chart, you have a lot to look forward to and believe in right now. Overall, December wants you to be happy and will be doing everything possible to make that happen for you. This is your month to shine, Virgo.
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
December is a month of opportunity for you, Libra. New doors open, and you are financially making breakthroughs this month because of it. December begins with a Supermoon in your 9th house, and you are getting a clearer view of where you have been making strides in your life and how it has all brought you here to this present moment of freedom. This month is showing you what happens when you are fearless with your purpose and when you believe in yourself and what you are worthy of.
Moving further into December, Mars moves into your 4th house of home and family mid-month, and you are closing out the year in your safe spaces. You are spending more time with your loved ones and taking the time to quiet your mind and listen to what your heart has been telling you. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, happening in an area of your life that deals with communication. This is a great time for getting the answers you have been looking for and for feeling more clear-headed and confident about the decisions you are making as you move into the new year.
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
Patience is a virtue this month, Scorpio. December is all about remaining patient and vigilant with what you are creating in your world, and knowing that the universe has your back. It’s time to be reminded of the power of hope, and this month is an opening to greater clarity in your life. There is a lot of energy in your financial zones right now, and this is providing you with new opportunities and new insight; however, the speed at which things come about for you may feel daunting. Keep your head up and eyes focused on what you want and know that you are more than worthy of receiving it.
With Mercury in your 2nd house of income this month, December is a good time to plant new seeds and to think about where you want to be financially a month from now or even a year. This month is asking you to think bigger and to think more long-term so that you can set the appropriate plans into motion now. We also have a New Moon in your house of income before the month ends, and this is when you will see more of your dreams come to fruition in this area of your life, and have more opportunities to build. Overall, December will be teaching you a lot, Scorpio.
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
Sagittarius Season is here, and there is a lot in store for you this month, Sag. December is all about what you are dedicating yourself to. It’s about setting your intentions and putting the work in to back up your dreams, and about getting things in order so that when the new beginnings come, you are ready for them. The Sun and Venus are in your sign for most of this month, and there are a lot of eyes on you right now. You have the potential to create a new beginning for yourself, and it’s time to invest in yourself, your love life, and your dreams.
Mercury moves into Sagittarius on December 11, and this is giving you another opportunity to see through some of the plans that you had initiated in November. Mercury was retrograde in your sign last month, and there may have been some disruptions to your vision and plans for the future, and now this energy is turning around for you. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in Sagittarius, and you are walking through new doors fearlessly. You are catching others by surprise by your growth this month, and you are thinking a lot about your purpose, future, and plans for the new year.
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
December is all about the vision, Capricorn. You are moving through a lot of changes and transformations this month, yet they are giving you a chance at a new beginning in the process. You are focused more on the future and what goals you want to manifest for yourself right now, and are ready to let go of what hasn’t been working for you. With the Sun in your 12th house of closure for most of December, this is your time for healing, but remember, healing doesn’t have to be isolating or boring; you can thrive while you renew, and you are this month.
Mid-month, the excitement picks up for you, and you are feeling more energized than you have in a while. Mars moves into Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and you are being proactive with your goals, intentions, and passions. You are a force to be reckoned with this month, and you are making things happen for yourself with confidence. Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21 this year, and this is definitely speeding up your healing process. You are breaking free from what was, and with Venus also moving into Capricorn before the month ends, you are leaving this year in high spirits and with love opening a new door for you.
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
December is all about community, creativity, and manifestation, Aquarius. This is the month to work together with others to help bring your dreams to life. You are in a space of inspiration, empowerment, and beauty, and are creating more of this energy around you and in your world. Look out for what support comes your way this month and know that you don’t have to do everything alone to succeed. With the Sun in your 11th house of manifestation and friendship, your intentions are coming to fruition, and it’s time to celebrate with the people you love and to own how far you have come this year.
On December 19, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, lighting up your life in all of the best ways possible. This is your New Moon of freedom, victory, and magic, and you are seeing new beginnings appear that you were once just hoping for. Before the month comes to an end, Venus moves into your 12th house of closure, and after an active and successful month, you are ready to relax, heal, and give your heart some of the attention it has been asking for. You are moving into the new year with the need to release and renew what hasn’t been working in your relationships, and you are finally ready to.
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePISCES
December is a big month for you, Pisces. You are making some huge accomplishments this month, and are feeling like everything you have been through this year has been worth it for these moments that are coming to fruition for you now. The Sun is in your 10th house of career and reputation for most of the month, and this is where a lot of your focus is right now. You are claiming your successes and putting yourself out there in ways that not only serve you, but that inspire others as well.
Neptune officially goes direct on December 10, after being retrograde in your sign since July, and you are finally seeing things a little more clearly. You are feeling renewed inspiration and passion in your life, and your intuition is your strongest asset right now. Before December comes to an end, we also have a New Moon in your 10th house of career, and what happens now not only changes things for you in the present, but it also opens new doors and what is possible for you in the new year as well. Overall, you are on top of your game this month and are owning the joy and empowerment you feel.
Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
Do You Expect Others To Read Your Mind? Here's The Problem With That.
Omniscience. If someone were to offer you $100 right this second for the definition of that word, could you immediately provide it? If you’re not sure, basically omniscience is about being able to know everything — and to those who believe in God, only he is given that honor. For those who believe in Satan? Not even he is omniscient (as much as he would like people to think otherwise).
Sometimes, it might feel that otherwise because some beings and even people are truly masterful when it comes to reading body language, observing patterns, and picking up on cues. Still, no matter how much it might seem like someone can read someone else’s mind, they can’t. It is literally impossible — and I will briefly expound on that in just a moment.
Oh, but there are plenty of people whose egos have them thinking that they can read someone else’s mind. Then there are others who have fantasies, which create unrealistic expectations that others in their lives actually should read their mind. And you know what — both of these things can cause unnecessary stress, drama, and trauma, if folks aren’t careful.
And that’s why I think it’s important that we unpack this a bit more. Because if you’re someone who thinks that if another person truly cares for you, they should be able to read your mind, it’s time to let that ridiculous yet semi-popular notion absolutely and completely go.
Here’s why.
It’s Scientifically Impossible for Someone to Read Your Mind
There are a couple of reasons why I am starting this off with R&B singer Avant. For one thing, I don’t think that he gets nearly enough flowers and secondly, clearly, this is a more-than-fitting song for today’s topic, wouldn’t you say? Because, lawd, there really is something that makes some of us feel all warm ‘n fuzzy about the mere thought of a man telling us that he is so in tuned with us that he can basically read our mind.
Hmph. Problem with that is, as I said in the intro, it is scientifically impossible (for us and for AI to do, praise the Lord!). And yet the fact that so many individuals think that they defy scientific data and research is oftentimes why there are so many breakdowns in communication — because if you run on assumption (that you can read someone’s mind) without clarification and confirmation, you can create issues that didn’t exist before you decided to fall for your own mind-reading theories.
Now to be fair, while science is still trying to figure out why we can’t read minds, what is sure is that we do have the capability to perceive the thoughts and actions of others if we’re willing to pay really close attention. However, do keep in mind that reading and perceiving are different. Reading? It’s about being able "to apprehend or interpret the meaning of" and "to anticipate, expect, or calculate by observation." Perceiving? It’s all about “to become aware of, know, or identify by means of the senses” and “to recognize, discern, envision, or understand.”
And already, do you see the differences? So much certainty comes with reading while perceiving is about humbling oneself (bookmark that) to not try to know everything but instead to try and understand what is transpiring. And since no one person (or their mind) is ever truly static, that is a huge part of the reason why believing that you can read someone’s mind — no matter how close you may be to them — is futile. You can change your mind on a dime. Others can do the same. Learning to perceive what is going on instead of assuming that you can “read” folks is far more beneficial.
Besides, you might be surprised by a particular demo who thinks that if you are truly who they need you to be, you will read their minds — and boy, once you know who they are, that may cure you of the whole “read your mind” ish…quick, fast and in a hurry.
The Expectation Is Oftentimes Rooted in Egomania
GiphyWhile doing a bit of research on this topic, I thought it was interesting that a particular type of person kept coming up. Can you guess which one? A NARCISSIST. What I kept noticing is a telling sign of a narcissistic individual is they expect others to read their mind.
I must admit that I was caught off guard by that at first because narcissists and their damn egos are so out of control (bookmark that) that it would seem like they would be more focused on acting like they know the thoughts of other people. Here’s the thing, though — the reason why narcissists want others to read their mind is because they want you to do things like guess what they want and need before they ask — and they want that to happen because they believe that they are so damn special that you should put in the extra blood, sweat and tears to figure it all out. Hmph. Now that tracks.
Another reason why narcissists want you to be able to read their mind is so they can manipulate and deflect. Meaning, if you say and do things based on what you thought they wanted you to, should everything crash and burn, they can dodge accountability and blame you for it. Hmm, does reading someone’s mind seem romantic and beautiful now? SMDH.
And again, all of this is tied to ego because, at the end of the day, mind-reading is a form of control and narcissists are definitely very controlling people. And honestly, mind-reading is as well because why do you even want to know someone’s private thoughts before they share them and, at the same time, why would you want someone to have that kind of power in your life either? “Eww” is what immediately comes to my mind. “Yuck” is what follows.
So, why is it that so many people think that it’s a good thing to have someone read their mind — I mean, the ones who don’t show narcissistic tendencies, that is? Good question.
5 Reasons Why Some People Wish Someone Would/Could Read Their Mind
GiphyOkay, so ego and pridefulness aside, what would be some other reasons why people think that it’s such a wonderful thing if someone who they are in some sort of intimate relationship with can read their mind.
1. They are caught up in Disney and rom-coms. One day, I am going to do an article on all of the ways that Disney and rom-coms have destroyed the reality of relationships. For now, I’ll just say that the scripted tales of both have caused a lot of people to think that if someone loves them, they should be able to read their mind. Nooo…if someone loves you, they should care to know what is on your mind. And that brings me to the second point.
2. They aren’t as good at communicating as they think. Are you a good communicator? One way to know if you are is you’re able to clearly articulate your wants and needs — because really, if you are able to do that, why should anyone even need to read your mind? Feel me? Let’s move on.
3. They want someone else to work harder at their relationships than they do. I say it in my sessions often — it’s beyond crazy to think that someone should work harder at figuring out what your wants, needs and expectations are than you are willing to express them. Hmph. It makes me think of a friend of mine who says that “should” is a dangerous word. What she means by that is saying that someone should do or not do something simply because YOU THINK that’s how it “should” go is a surefire way to stay disappointed and even be disillusioned. No, your man shouldn’t just know what you want every year for your birthday. Did you state it? If not, why aren’t you playing fair? Who has time for all of the guessing games and then getting penalized if they guess wrong? Stop it.
4. They think it’s the sign of a healthy relationship (it isn’t). Anyone who knows me knows that I am always and forever going to be Team Healthy over Team Happy and my reason why never changes. Only children expect to live in a world where they are happy all of the time — and yes, there are a lot of childish people out here. People who want their mind read? They tend to live in happy land. Meanwhile, a healthy relationship knows that clear communication, mutual respect, keen listening, patience and understanding that humans make mistakes are foundational to its success.
5. They are lazy. And yes y’all, some people want others to read their mind because they are lazy and it really is just as simple as that. Thing is, while they are being passive aggressive, dropping hints or giving the silent treatment so that you can figure out whatever it is that they…want you to figure out, that tends to take more effort than simply speaking up. Ridiculous, chile.
How to Let the Myth Go
GiphyGee, after reading all of this, suddenly reading minds just seems like a lot of silliness with a sprinkle of drama and potential trauma, doesn’t it? And it’s all because some people choose to treat something that is a myth like it’s a bona fide fact. SMDH.
And what if you happen to be one of those individuals? How do you break free? COMMUNICATE. Openly, clearly and maturely share what’s on your mind and heart because, the true tell of a solid relationship isn’t that someone can read your mind; it’s that they can retain what you’ve already stated.
Less reading. More perceiving. That’s the secret sauce.
And when you accept this for what it is, you will realize that it’s far better for you, your partner and your relationship to stop expecting the impossible and to accept what is actual: that learning your partner, as they strive to do the same thing with you, is better than you both assuming that you know what…maybe you do, maybe you don’t.
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Author Frank Sonnenberg once said, “People can’t hear what you don’t say. Thinking isn’t communicating” — and I think this is a perfect place to bring all of this to a close.
Find the kind of relationship(s) where intention is so strong that mind-reading isn’t even desired.
At the end of the day, it really is as simple as that.
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