I'll be 25 in two weeks and couldn't be more confused. As we age, women go through a metamorphosis of identity, mostly centered around society's standards of beauty and success. After a certain age, we stop being excited about birthdays and more concerned about life's more pressing philosophical questions:
Are these apples organic? Should I go vegan? Have I accomplished enough in my life? Am I happy with the state of my overall physical and mental health?
Coming of age soon seems to feel more like a death sentence than a milestone to be celebrated, and trailblazers like Demi Lovato are among the women of color seeking to change that. She recently opened up about how growing up for her meant finding balance between the spiritual, emotional, and physical aspects of her life.
Growing up a child star, Demi has had a sordid past in the media, but that didn't stop her quest to living her best life. Her history of bulimia and bipolar disorder led her to self-medicate and spiral into a dark hole of addiction. Now, after winning a battle with depression and substance abuse, the 25-year-old superstar is her own #LifeGoals. Demi is now 6 years sober and devoted to sharing her story in hopes that it will encourage others to live healthier lifestyles.
The actress and singer recently shared secrets about how she stays fully aligned and ready to slay despite her chaotic entertainment career and tumultuous history in the media. True wellness, according to Demi, is rooted in unconditional self-love.
Today, Demi has been successful on her road to recovery with 6 years sober under her belt, and a lifetime of wellness to pursue.
In an interview with Coveteur, Demi had a few words of advice for anyone seeking to live a healthier lifestyle, physically or mentally. Here are a few gems we got from Demi about keeping your body and mind in perfect shape:
Get a Hobby
"I love training [mixed martial arts]. A part of that is learning jujitsu. You can throw people and take people down. [It's] really cool. It just feels powerful when you do it.
"Because I've started training MMA and because now I feel like I'm able to protect myself, it's given me a confidence that I didn't have before and I didn't realize I was missing. I just feel safe and proud of myself that I know these skills. And that I might be able to take care of myself if something happens and, God forbid, security wasn't around. It also helps with my mental clarity—taking care of my body helps my mind."
Pick a hobby that gets you active and makes you feel good, and you'll look good in no time. If you're not a runner, you don't have to run to get your blood pumping. Try swimming or bicycling if you feel like they'll be a better fit to the skills you have, as long as you get that booty moving.
Break a Sweat
"Get in the gym. I think that breaking a sweat can make you feel so much better and release stress. Eating healthier helps a lot, too. What we're putting in our bodies affects our minds and our bodies. It's important that if we want to feel good, we treat ourselves good.
There's a direct correlation between exercise and mood, so if you want to get out of a funk, get in the gym! If there's a Planet Fitness in your area, you can get a membership for as low as $11 a month. If a membership isn't in your budget, just get outside! I have to remind myself how important it is to take care of my body, I mean, it is the only place I have to live.
Chill Out, Girl
When asked how she likes to relax, Demi said:
"I like to put on my sweats, take off my makeup, and watch some crime shows like 'Forensic Files', 'Dateline', and '48 Hours.'"
Are you taking time the unwind? Make sure you're not working at full power on a low battery because you'll certainly crash soon! Sometimes I'm so goal-focused that I forget to eat, or catch up on my favorite shows, or… breathe. Name the things that you like to do or make you feel alive and use your downtime to actually do those things and not feel guilty about it.
Lighten Up, Buttercup
"I don't put any rules for my diet [on] myself. When you start doing that, you start craving those things more. That's how it is for me. I say, 'I'm not going to eat carbs.' Well, I'm just going to crave carbs tomorrow, and then when I get carbs, I'm just going to eat a lot of them. I don't put rules on my food anymore."
Am I keto? Or paleo? Or vegan? Or just thicker than a snicker?
I have no clue what I'm doing, I just know I have to make sure that it feels good to me. Demi admitted to taking a dip in the candy bowl, as chocolate is her vice of choice, and that's what makes her so dope.
None of us are perfect, but Demi proves that it's up to us as women to seek and nurture our own perceptions of beauty and wellness so that they won't be defined for us.
Read her Coveteur feature in full by clicking here.
- 30-Minute Full-Body Toning Workout With Demi Lovato's Trainer ... ›
- Demi Lovato Fitness Routine and Workout Tips | Shape Magazine ›
- What I Eat In A Week By Demi Lovato - Women's Health ›
- I Tried Demi Lovato's Workout Routine And Here's How It Went ... ›
- Why Demi Lovato Doesn't Look to Instagram for Fitness Inspiration ... ›
- Demi Lovato Workout | Fitness Magazine ›
- Demi Lovato's Diet and Exercise | POPSUGAR Fitness ›
- How Demi Lovato Got Healthy - Fighting Bulimia and Bipolar ... ›
Why can’t (more) singles just be single and be okay with that? Good Lord. Why does there need to be some sort of relational play-on-words to make it sound like we’re with someone — even if we’re not?
Now masturdating? Even though it’s not even close to being a “real” word, it’s something that also brought a laugh outta me — although it was then followed by a genuine smile. The laugh because I almost immediately caught the play-on-words. The smile was due to the intention behind it all.
If you’re not familiar with what masturdating is and you’re curious about why you should even care, take a few moments to at least skim through what it’s about and why I think participating, as a single person, is a pretty cool (and effective) concept.
@knotlukas Masturdate: a date w oneself
What’s Masturdating All About?
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Masturdating. Okay, so let the word marinate for just a moment. What does it sound like? Yeah…exactly. And since a huge part of masturbation centers around self-pleasure, it’s cool to explore how “self-dating” could produce similar (as far as pleasure is concerned in a broader sense) results. Because masturdating is all about spending quality time with yourself, pampering yourself, treating yourself— and yes, taking yourself out on dates.
Any of you who may think that masturdating is a consolation prize — and a pitiful one at that — for not being able to go out with another human being or get that dream $200 first date that social media was all in a tizzy about last year (bookmark that) — personally, I think that you’re the demographic who needs to try out masturdating first and the most. Why? Off top, I’ll share my three good reasons.
3 Reasons To Strongly Consider Masturdating
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1. It’s an intimate way to get to know yourself better. I’ve been working with couples for a pretty long time at this point and if there’s a pattern that I see arise, OFTEN, it’s that two people are oftentimes so busy trying to “find their person” that they didn’t even know who they were. As a direct result, they found themselves in a relationship with someone who only complemented the “kiddie pool version” of who they were.
That’s why it can be so beneficial to spend time getting to know yourself on the “deep end” of things: what makes you tick, what your passions are, what you want most out of life, what are your interests beyond obvious things — and masturdating can help you to discover all of this. Whether it’s traveling alone or taking out a weekend to drink some wine and journal, the more you get to know yourself, the clearer you’ll be about who complements you on a romantic and friendship level.
2. It will definitely help to boost your confidence levels. I guess since I’m an ambivert, I don’t really get why people freak out at the mere thought of going to a restaurant or movie alone. Personally, I think it requires a helluva lot more energy and gumption to wait around and plan stuff with other people (#Elmoshrug). However, whether you’re an introvert, extrovert, or ambivert, there’s no way around the fact that the more comfortable you get with doing things alone, the more your confidence levels will increase — no, soar — because of it.
One article that I read on the topic said that doing things alone can make you more creative, improve your mental health, and help you to be totally okay with being alone (so that you’re not “needy” for other people’s attention). A psychotherapist from a New York Times article on the benefits of spending time alone said, “Getting better at identifying moments when we need solitude to recharge and reflect can help us better handle negative emotions and experiences, like stress and burnout.” And when you’re able to stare negativity in its face without flinching, how could that not make you bolder, more self-secure, and hopeful about your life?
3. It will teach you to value your time more effectively. In every facet of your world, you’re gonna operate from a healthier place if you’re operating from a “full cup” rather than an empty one. When it comes to this topic, think about it — if you’re constantly waiting on someone to call you to go out or wishing for a dream date with some guy, all you’re doing is wasting precious time that you could be spending taking a cooking class or hell, hiring a chef to make you dinner at your own home.
Indeed, waiting has two sides to it: when it’s in the form of patience, it is indeed a virtue, yet when it’s wrapped up in the notion that you’re not really living life unless you have an audience…it is totally working against you. Choose wisely.
10 Solo Date Ideas To Help You To “Master” Masturdating
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So, what if you’re someone who has either never considered actually masturdating before or you don’t really know what to do beyond dinner and the movies? Here are a few ideas to consider:
1. Attend a workshop or masterclass that you’re interested in. If there’s something that you’ve always wanted to learn, sign up for a workshop or masterclass. The cool thing about this option is there are probably some in your city, as well as some that you can find online (like here) that are convenient and affordable.
2. Binge-read at a local coffee shop. Aside from their coziness and oftentimes inviting scents, I once read that a lot of us gravitate to coffee shops because we can be around people without having to actually socialize with them. So, if you want to “hang out” while still being able to enjoy a bit of solitude, take a book that you’ve been trying to finish to a local coffee shop, order your favorite latte, and sit in a big-ass comfy chair. Usually, you can sit there for hours, and the staff will be just fine with it (another bonus).
3. Have a spa day in the next town. You can never go wrong with a spa day. And while going with a friend can be fun, sometimes there’s too much talking transpiring to be able to fully chill out and relax. So, go off of the grid, get a change of scenery, and hit up a spa in the next city (or town). There are lots of studies out here supporting that day trips or “daycations” can actually be really good for your long-term health and well-being.
4. See a community play. Some of the best solo dates that I’ve ever been on consisted of taking in some of the local arts in my city. What’s really cool about this particular option is, oftentimes, they are extremely inexpensive, if not totally free of charge (in exchange for making a donation or putting money into a tip jar).
5. Plan a trip. Whenever people say something along the lines of, “If you don’t expect anything, you won’t be disappointed,” I know that they low-key have some (additional) healing to do from past disappointments. There’s simply too much intel out here to support that anticipation (of good stuff) makes us more motivated and optimistic, keeps our dopamine levels up, and makes life more exciting overall.
Since traveling alone is more cost-effective, gives you the freedom to do whatever you want (when you want), and increases the possibility of meeting new people and having new experiences on your journey — why not devote a day this weekend to planning a solo trip? All the way around, it’s good for you.
6. Try your hand at your own “$200 date.” Uh-huh. Roll your eyes if you want to, but it’s real easy to talk left about how a man should be able to just drop $200 like it’s nothing…until you actually try to do it. So yes, while taking yourself out on this type of date could serve as a bit of a reality check, it can also “scratch the itch” of waiting on some dude to do it for you. It’s also way less emotionally draining because, at least when you’re taking your own self out, it’s guaranteed that you’ll enjoy the company…right?
7. DIY some pampering. When you get a chance, check out “5 Reasons You Should Unapologetically Pamper Yourself,” “Want To Love On Yourself? Try These 10 Things At Home.,” “I’ve Got Some Ways For You To Start Pampering Your Soul,” and “When's The Last Time You Actually Pampered Your Vagina?” The bottom line here is pampering is all about, not mere self-maintenance; it’s all about treating yourself to levels of EXTREME SELF-INDULGENCE. So, if nothing else tickles your fancy on this list, at least consider doing that, chile.
8. Feed your creativity. Something that I used to be really good at is art. That said, one of my goddaughters is insanely talented, so she has reminded me to tap back into it. Also, a big part of what got me into the writing world is poetry; I actually used to be a house poet at a local spot. Sometimes, my best quality time moments with myself have been revisiting these creative sides of me — and this is definitely easier to do (and enjoy) alone.
9. Try some stargazing. When’s the last time you took a blanket into your backyard, laid down on it, and just stared at the stars for hours on end? While some say that stargazing can teach you to be mindful, others say that being in that form of nature reduces stress, while others believe that looking up at the universe at night can increase your attention span. All solid reasons to give it a shot, if you ask me.
10. DO. ABSOLUTELY. NOTHING. Let me tell you something that nobody will ever be able to make me feel bad about: doing absolutely nothing. I’ve got data to back me up. Good Housekeeping shares that doing nothing can help you decide how you want to respond or react to certain things. I like howThe Guardian says that taking this approach helps you to regain control of what you give your attention to.
TIME magazine says that it can ultimately make you more productive.BBC offers up that it can help you tap into your ingenuity.Henry Ford Health says that it can make you kinder and a better problem-solver. So, if you want to invest in yourself, do nothing sometimes.
Closing Thoughts from the Lovely Javicia Leslie
While some of y'all may know Javicia Leslie from being the former Batwoman, I discovered her back in the day from the indie series Chef Julian (and yes, "Julian" was right to say that "Mo" looks like Tatyana Ali...the real ones know). Sometimes I'll hop on her IG to see what she's got going on and this story popped up within a few hours of me penning this...so, I took it as hella confirmation.
TREAT YO SELF. WAIT FOR NO ONE.
WAIT FOR NO ONE. TREAT YO SELF.
RINSE AND REPEAT.
_____
Sooo…what kind of masturdating plans do you have for this coming weekend? While going out with others has its perks, hanging out with yourself has a ton of ‘em too. Enjoy!
No…for real. ENJOY!
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