Chance The Rapper's Engagement Proves That Your Wife Can Change Your Life
The first time I heard Chance the Rapper was in the dorm room of a former classmate. My friend and fellow hip-hop head raved on and on about how Chance created the project that we were listening to while he was on a 10-day suspension in high school. I was extremely intrigued and continued to follow his work. When he released AcidRap in 2013, I realized that the young artist had reached a point of darkness in his life.
He talked about depression, substance abuse, and his continuous effort to make his family happy, all topics with which 20-something-year-old black girls are very familiar. It was then that I realized that he was destined to become one of the dopest entertainment professionals of our time, but it wasn't until he released Coloring Book that the world truly saw his full potential.
He was eloquently able to tell a story of addiction, love, and fatherhood on a hip-hop project with Gospel influences, which was something that no artist has effectively done before. My mind was blown by the fact that he had gotten T-Pain and Kirk Franklin on one song dedicated to giving God the glory for allowing him to overcome life's burdens and reach his ultimate pinnacle of success. I realized that something about Chano had changed, and now, we know that the change we saw came from his one-day fiance, Kirsten Corley.
Storytime. A thread on how I met my wife. pic.twitter.com/Qi0DWRZF0r
— Chance The Rapper (@chancetherapper) March 6, 2019
Yesterday, news broke that Chance the Rapper proposed to his longtime partner and mother of his 2-year-old daughter at a family cookout and the footage will give you all of the feels. While their baby daughter pranced around the yard living her best life in the cutest little swimsuit, Chance got down on one knee and said this:
"Make me a man and be my wife."
He later confirmed on Twitter that she said "yes," and now we're just waiting on a date and an invitation to the reception, sis. Chance and Kirsten are proof that your wife can determine the trajectory of your life, and Chance made sure to choose wisely and put a ring on it. He even dropped some hints before he popped the big question including this cryptic caption that he wrote in an Instagram post birthday post for Kirsten's birthday in May:
"From the beginning beginning to the end end. You are my oldest and best friend. You are responsible for everyone of the most wonderful things in my life. I'm forever grateful that God made me find you, and even more grateful that you made me find God. Forever and ever babe."
After reading that, it clicked for me. Coloring Book was released in 2016, nearly three years after meeting Kirsten and only months after the birth of his daughter. The dark, solemn place that Chance was in when he recorded Acid Rap was replaced by the faith and triumph that he felt when he found Kirsten and she encouraged him to find God.
By no means am I suggesting that any relationship is perfect, but if it doesn't help you grow, what's the point? Someone told me once that if you don't feel closer to God after being loved, they probably weren't doing it right.
With the help of his future wife, Chance manifested every one of his dreams.
Although I definitely wish I was the one walking down the aisle with the 25-year-old hip-hop star, I'm super happy that Kirsten and Chance found one another. It's not everyday you find a love that is productive and grows your spirit, but when you do, the harvest will be more than you can imagine.
Featured image by Rob Kim/Getty Images
Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Another season of Love Is Blind has come to a close, and almost two months later we’re still unpacking the drama that is Clay and AD. The finale, reunion, and post-interviews with Clay and AD after season six of Love Is Blind left millions of people wondering - why couldn’t AD see the signs? Clay told her he had a fear of marriage, his parents experienced infidelity, and he seemed to have many doubts about saying, "I do."
After changing his mind at the altar and hearing AD question why she feels like she’s never enough, I was finished watching. I didn’t need to hear anything else because, at that moment, I realized this wasn’t about Clay; this was about AD feeling inadequate before she ever met Clay.
If I’m honest, I don’t watch much dating television. TikTok keeps me updated with the clips that I need to see in order to be kept in the loop, but it’s difficult for me to watch an entire season of dating TV because seeing Black women settle for less and questioning their beauty is a trigger for me. In many ways, there were points in my life where I was AD, settling and ignoring red flags because I wanted to be loved.
Now, on the other side, it doesn’t feel good to see Black women lower their standards on national television. There have been many hot takes on this couple and who was in the wrong. Did Clay play in AD’s face or did she not listen to the truth of what he told her from day one? Was his reason for joining the show to promote his business and not to find the one?
We’ll never know the truth, but what we can do is learn tactics to better our self-worth. Founder and CEO of The Self Love Organization Denise Francis shared her expertise with xoNecole on what tangible steps to take to improve feelings of worthiness. “Self-love blooms in a garden where self-worth is planted, nourished, and whole. However, when your self-worth is challenged, displaced, or broken, it could be difficult to rebuild," Denise explains.
How To Rebuild Self-Worth
During her self-love coaching sessions, Denise likes to walk her clients through the cornerstones of rebuilding self-worth: grace and self-compassion. To her, self-worth is never lost, it's only displaced, so practicing self-compassion and giving yourself grace is a must. "We tend to place our self-worth in entities and people of ourselves such as relationship status, physical appearance, material possessions, social media followings, what others think of us, and more. Self-worth is not something to be measured by anyone or anything outside of ourselves because we all innately hold value and worth.
"Self-worth is not something to be measured by anyone or anything outside of ourselves because we all innately hold value and worth."
"When we place our value into people or things, we tend to feel that we are not enough, worth it, special, or important when relationship status, job titles, friendships, and physical appearances are lost or changed. We then tend to feel lost within ourselves because we’ve placed our value outside of ourselves. Using grace and compassion, you can rebuild your self-worth by returning home to who you are at your core," she concludes.
How To Return Home To Yourself
Denise advises taking a step back and using self-reflection through journaling by answering the following journaling prompts:
First, ask yourself, "What do you tend to attach your self-worth to and why?"
Is it your relationships, your job title, your finances, your appearance, etc.? Why do you think you place so much emphasis on external status? How does it make you feel when you are defining yourself through these entities and/or people outside of yourself?
Then, ask yourself, "Without these things, who am I?"
Once you have your answers, show yourself kindness, remove the shame, and, as Denise says, "Redefine yourself by detaching your value from the things and people you have no control over and no longer serve you. Challenge yourself to define yourself outside of titles and societal values."
"By returning home to your core, you find value in who you are as a person. You begin to find value in the way you love instead of your relationship status, your compassion instead of your popularity, your drive instead of your income/job title, and your heart instead of your physical appearance," she adds.
"By returning home to your core, you find value in who you are as a person."
"Be intentional with healing your self-worth by leaning into the people and things that nourish your core values. Surround yourself with the people who love and cherish you, they will always remind you just how valuable you truly are."
It all goes back to self-compassion and grace. As Denise explains, leading with those two things as you heal and rebuild your self-worth allows you to reduce negative self-talk that might come up for you. "This weakens thoughts like, 'I am not enough... why am I never enough?'" she shares, "And 'I don't deserve this while strengthening thoughts like 'I deserve better,' 'I am enough,' and 'I am worth it.'"
Denise continues, "Once you return home and remember the irreplaceable person you are, you can rebuild your self-worth by placing it back where it belongs. It belongs to you."
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Featured image by LaylaBird/Getty Images