Being happy for another woman's major moves doesn't take away from your own accomplishments.
In fact, showing appreciation for your fellow girl boss can actually boost your own confidence and push you to go even harder. You can't go wrong with saluting another woman, but I know that this is easier said than done. I'm an introvert, so even saying the nicest things to someone I don't know can feel super awkward.
Related: 7 Ways Women Can Empower One Another
The reality is, you never know what a woman needs to hear to keep going, even from a perfect stranger. Your positivity toward her has the ability to turn her entire day around, and that's a great feeling. Ultimately, there are more positive side effects to clapping it up for another woman than there are for tearing her down, or not saying anything at all. Here's why celebrating other women is actually a win for you, too.
1.It Will Kill Your Own Insecurities
Cheering on another woman can make you feel so much better about yourself. I'll never forget when Gabrielle Union explained her struggle with this concept on Jada Pinkett Smith's Red Table Talkseries. She told the story of when she was at a Hollywood party, and made it a point to come for for almost every woman in the room in attempt to make herself feel bigger. Her jealous comments included everything from wondering how they got on the list to criticizing their attire. It was then that her life coach, actress AJ Johnson, stepped in and asked Gabi if blasting these other women made her feel any better about herself. It didn't. It's safe to say she isn't the only woman dealing with deeply rooted insecurities. But, one thing I noticed that Gabrielle has done lately is intentionally celebrate other women with the #WCW feature on her Instagram.
She explained how she's been able to change her inner hate for other women into love and celebration, which has slowly but surely helped to erase her own insecurities. It's just something about celebrating another woman that makes you feel good about yourself. Instead of coming down on a woman because deep down she's your desired body shape, or is living the career of your dreams, celebrate her. The more you do that, the more you'll see your own strength and positive attributes because they're definitely there. They just have to stop hiding behind those insecurities.
2.It Can Build Your Own Network of Positive Women
It's the law of attraction. When you celebrate other women, other women will celebrate you. By this logic, sooner than later, you'll have a network of boss women who clap it up for each other on the regular. There's definitely more positivity and power in cheering on another woman than attempting to tear her down in hopes of feeling better about yourself, even if this jealousy is subconscious. Both options bring attention, but it's not all good.
When you build up another woman, whether it's complimenting her earrings, or acknowledging a major move, you attract the same type of love. When you tear her down, you attract negativity. Celebrating a woman that you look up to can lead to her becoming your mentor in real life, or just a good friend that you can trust. On the flip side, the friendships that start with a common dislike for someone don't last, and can turn toxic with a quickness. It's important that you're clear about what type of friend and network you want to have.
3.You'll Be Happier With Your Own Life
Sounds a little ironic, doesn't it? But when you decide to recognize the positive that lies within another woman, you'll start to see the good things in your own life. To be clear, it's not the same as cheering her on and wishing you had the same thing. Instead, it's realizing that you have your own lane to rock, and that only you can do it well. Doing it for the culture sometimes creates competition among women, but the most challenging competition is the one that exists within yourself. Having this mindset can motivate you to go down the path that's meant for you, all while you cheer on the women around you who are doing their own thing.
Celebrating other women and sincerely being happy for them can also cancel out jealousy. A good rule of thumb might even be to genuinely compliment a woman on something you've had issues with, or felt jealous about in the past or present. You'll soon discover that you're pretty amazing too. The whole "kill them with kindness" vibe doesn't just benefit them. This state of mind helps you find happiness internally as well.
4.You'll Become Your Best Cheerleader
Celebrating other women is a reminder to celebrate your damn self every once in a while. You deserve a good pat on the back too, and you should never be afraid to tell yourself that. Being a celebrator of all things women can make you feel more comfortable with doing the same for yourself. Like I said before, saluting another woman will in no way stifle your own power. As you make it a goal to say something nice to another woman, create those same objectives for yourself. Whether it's reciting positive affirmations in the morning, or leaving sticky notes around the house that are riddled with encouraging messages, you don't have to feel like you're missing out on any love when you use your energy to cheer on another shero.
Encouraging other women will give you the boost you need to get out of your comfort zone and try new things. This new sense of adventure will offer you even more of a reason to celebrate yourself, along with all the other women you happen to meet on your journey.
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This can seem a bit intimidating since you really want the job, and these are key people you have to impress. Well, just remember, they need you, too. You're talented, skilled, and trained to do the job, so they aren't doing you a favor. It's business. And in that vein, you have to put on your business cap and start asking a few important money questions before even considering accepting a job offer.
I was once gaslit by a company to simply accept less money for more work, and I learned this lesson the hard way: Don't ever just accept a job simply because it's a power move. The money needs to be right, too, and you deserve it. Here are a few questions you should ask during your next job interview process to be sure you and your potential employer are on the same page:
1. "What final compensation range are you all offering for this position?"
First, please don't jump to answer this question if an interviewer asks this at the start of the interview. Kindly state that you'd like to know more about what the position entails and their expectations of you in order to give a sound and fair answer about compensation. When you do ask, be sure to use the words "range of compensation" when talking about salary versus saying, "What's the pay for this position?" There's tact needed and you want to be careful of the tone.
Get them to reiterate the salary range throughout the process so that you can be sure what they're offering is the same as the first round or other conversations you might have had with recruiters or managers along the way. And when reading the offer letter, make sure what was agreed upon (down to specifics about the hours and work that compensation covers) is clearly indicated and aligned.
If you're a newbie to the industry, just graduated college, or you're transitioning into a new career, this is still important because, again, you're still the prize. You'll need to be realistic and reasonable when it comes to your starting pay, but speak up and advocate for yourself in order to be more strategic about what you accept. This could affect your salary potential, quality of life, and work-life balance down the line. Sometimes, when you accept too low of a salary at the onset, it can be hard to get more from that same company later, even when promoted.
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2. "How are raises calculated, and when are they typically given?"
This is a very important question because you don't want to be stuck at a company that doesn't actually compensate their employees for growth and good work. Again, it's business. If the company is thriving and you've had a hand in that, you should be compensated. Find out details on their policies in order to make sure they align with your long-term goals as the ambitious, talented leader that you are.
Companies have various ways of rewarding their employees, so if that particular company's way is okay with you, move forward. If not, ask about incorporating accommodations for you in your hiring contract if your work experience and resume reflect a need for that.
3. "What are the guidelines related to bonuses and how are those given?"
This question can be very industry-specific (i.e., sales, retail, manufacturing, finance, IT), so if it doesn't apply to the industry you're in, you can skip this one. If it does, you definitely need to get the details on when, how, and how much. What factors affect quarterly, bi-annual, or annual bonuses?
The difference between a bonus and a raise is that bonuses, in some cases, are offered based on overall company performance, not an employee's.
There are performance-based bonuses as well, which work a bit differently from raises. A raise would be a long-term increase in your salary, while a bonus is a one-time incentive or addition to those funds. So, someone might, for example, get a 10% raise and a yearly bonus on top of that.
Just be sure you know what's what when it comes to this and consider how this factor might make or break meeting your financial goals, the type of work you do (and how), or the nature of the work you do (and how you're compensated for it.)
4. "What retirement fund options are available and does the company match any contributions?
If you're in your late 20s or early 30s, you might be thinking, "I'm too young to be worried about retirement savings," but take it from a so-called "geriatric millennial," you're not. Saving up for retirement is a must, and trust me, my 401K saved me in a clutch 10 years after I'd been mindlessly putting money away in it and had forgotten my company still had it. (And yes, there was a penalty for withdrawing from it early, but that's not the point. It truly was an emergency at the time.)
Some companies stopped matching contributions to 401Ks when recessions hit, but today, many have gone back to normal, offering matches on the funds that you put away via your paycheck.
Sometimes, companies won't match because they can't financially afford to, especially when it's a startup or a company that just isn't doing well financially. Keep this in mind when you're listening to their answer to this question.
Don't wait until the offer is signed to ask about this. Get the information you need now and be empowered to save up for your future. Even if the salary and other benefits are great and you want to take the job simply for those factors, at least you'll know what you need to do if the company doesn't offer retirement savings options.
5. "What is the process for compensation for overtime or work done outside the contracted work hours?"
Y'all, this one is key. Some company leaders will try to hit you with the okey-doke on this one, so stay vigilant and aware. I don't care what industry you're in or what position you're applying for. Get a clear understanding of their overtime policy before accepting the job. There's a lot written and talked about when it comes to burnout, and while we love being superwomen who can do multiple things well, we need to have a balanced approach to boundaries in the workplace.
You might not want to ask for money for every little extra task you do to get your job done. But you certainly don't want to be in the awkward position of coming back to your manager, after the fact, asking to be paid overtime for 20 hours of extra work you've done, only to find out the company does not offer it.
You also don't want to be taken advantage of simply because you don't know that your manager has you working extra hours, illegally or against company policy, without compensation (or even without the correct amount of compensation.)
And there's little to no guilt, at least for me, to say "No, respectfully, I cannot," when I know extra hours are being requested (or when a project requires a substantial number of additional hours) but I'm not going to be paid for it. It's against my contract or against policy. So, no, thank you.
I've made this mistake myself, many times, especially as a self-employed professional who did not initially set boundaries on this at the onset. I now have a sense of mental sanity and peace---as well as financial freedom not laced with resentment, burnout, and check-to-check drama--knowing I'm a stickler on asking this question at the onset before signing any contracts.
6. "What are the details of your standard benefits package?"
This is tied to money because it impacts your out-of-pocket expenses after you've been paid. So, it's vital to ask this one. The benefits that the company offers save you money, time, and stress in the long run, so be sure to consider all factors before saying yes to an offer. Do you need childcare? Do you need to work remote to do your best work or have time flexibility? Do you need more prescription drug coverage for a long-term illness you're managing? Are you caring for an elderly parent?
Are the insurance providers accessible and applicable to your healthcare providers? Is there a technology stipend to cover the technology or wifi you're using to do your work from home? Do they offer coverage, programs, partnerships, or discounts for wellness, counseling, or reproductive health?
Don't explicitly ask the potential employer the above questions, but keep them in mind for yourself when taking in all the information they're giving you about benefits. These are all things to consider when it comes to benefits, your money, and the quality of life you'd like to have when taking on a new professional role. Be sure you're advocating for yourself by asking the money questions that will provide answers for protecting your well-being and your future.
And if an interviewer seems a bit rude, off, vague, uninformed, or dismissive in answering the above, very standard, inquiries, consider interviewing elsewhere or accepting offers at companies that value the above and are equipped to handle a qualified, innovative, magnificent creature such as yourself.
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