Black Women's Equal Pay Day: 5 Real Solutions To Change The Game And Empower Ourselves
We all know that Black women, as educated, talented, and amazing as we are, have been paid and treated unequally in traditional workplaces for decades, especially when it comes to our pay.
To bring attention to the gender pay gap, the U.S. has recognized Equal Pay Day yearly, on March 15, since the mid-'90s, an effort sparked by the National Committee on Pay Equity. Then a shift happened where there was a vital need to specifically highlight pay disparities by ethnicity.
Recent research has found that, on average, Black women make 58 cents for every dollar their white male counterparts make, while white women make 73 cents for every dollar made by white men. (In other words, according to the AAUW, Black women make 42% less than white men and 21% less than white women.)
Black Women’s Equal Pay Day is commemorated on Sept. 21 to bring to light how much longer it takes for us to catch up to the earnings of her white counterparts.
While the overarching key to destroying the pay gap, especially for Black women, lies in the hands of the U.S. government and corporate leaders and requires major systemic shifts in how women are recruited, how their salaries are budgeted and negotiated, how companies are legally held responsible for breaches in pay equity, and other vital systemic changes related to bias and discrimination, there are ways we can empower ourselves, advocating for equal pay and ensuring that we get what we deserve. Here are five ways to do so in your workplace:
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1. Always, always, always negotiate your salary, and get advisement if needed.
It might seem intimidating to push back after getting a great job offer, especially if the offer seems amazing. Research has shown that women are less likely to negotiate when it comes to salary, and they're leaving millions of dollars on that table. That notion alone is enough reason for you to speak up to at least see whether there's more that you should be getting for your talent and time.
No matter what job you're up for or the field you're in, always do your research on what a reasonable salary and benefits package should be and consider your lifestyle, unique talents, and credentials before accepting an offer.
You can look up salaries via sites like Glassdoor or Salary.com or follow IG pages like Salary Transparent Street to get a gauge of how much people make at their respective jobs. It's also a good idea to do a bit of informal comparative research in your real-life network and ask others about their salary negotiation and pay experiences.
Talking with a lawyer, leadership coach, trusted friend, family member, or someone who has sustained a successful and lucrative career is a good idea as well, especially if you're up for a management, director, or executive position. My best career decisions related to salary negotiations and advocating for what I deserve have been made with advisement from mentors (several of whom were men) and my own mom, who handles budgets and has experience in hiring decisions, and who has, unfortunately, often been one of the only Black people in leadership in her workplace.
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2. Once in a leadership position, use your voice, actions, and influence to push for fair compensation practices.
If you're a manager, a leader in the C-suite, or a business owner (whether a small or mid-sized company), find ways to advocate for equal pay for employees, especially when recruiting new talent. Look into the way in which you set salaries and how you perceive "value" when it comes to an employee. Hire a consultant, do your research, and talk with teams to see what is feasible, what expectations exist, and what biases you might be holding as they relate to gender and pay.
Sometimes it's as simple as just offering women fair salaries, especially if you're the one handling budgets or one of the decision-makers for budgets and approvals.
Speak up when you see issues of inequity in pay. (In some cases, there are legal issues associated with this, as well as your possible role as an accomplice to wrongdoing.) Help create an environment where pay is talked about openly and honestly and where there's a sense of fairness exhibited via actual policies (on paper and enforceable). Offer options to compensate women that are also complimentary to salary in ways that accommodate women's needs that, while outside of work, affect the work that they do (ie. childcare, PTO, healthcare, and performance incentives).
When all else fails, withdraw your talents (via resignation) or support from companies that have historically been known for not paying women equally or who have supported, in action, policies that don't make equity a priority. Take legal action when applicable.
There are indeed women who see equal pay as a major factor in their leadership values. I'll never forget the time when a Black woman CEO upped my employment offer by several thousand dollars (on top of the negotiated salary I'd already asked for). It was profound to me because it showed that, while words are encouraging and offering opportunities is awesome, she put money where her advocacy was. It also reminded me to continue doing the same when I'm in the position to negotiate with freelancers and team members I've been privileged to lead and hire.
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3. Build community and rally fellow women professionals, entrepreneurs, and leaders to change policies and culture around pay.
While there's a disparity when it comes to Black women CEOs at major Fortune 500 companies, businesses are significantly impacted by women (and we represent more than 56% of the workforce) so it's a good idea to build community with fellow women at your company and others. When it comes to systemic change, there's power in numbers. Set precedents and rally for changes that urge companies to follow suit. Being strategic about partnering with other women to ensure that compensation offers are not only equal but actually match the time and talent investment of the employee is just good business.
While we often talk about challenges related to white women being allies, there's also a crabs-in-a-barrel sense that Black women do not support one another, especially when in leadership positions, and thus do not actively advocate for one another, via action, when it comes to advancement and pay. This is something that can change.
If we all seek to walk in our purpose, look out for one another (when fair and appropriate), and think of the bigger picture, we can help to close the gap. For example, early in my career, I was told that I was getting market value for a job. After researching, I found that notion to be true and accepted the offer. However, I later found out that a peer—with similar experience and credentials, working in the same industry—was making much more than me at a company of the same size and stature.
While she, a fellow Black media professional, definitely earned less than her male counterparts at her company, it taught me two important lessons: Just because one company is offering a "reasonable" salary, doesn't mean it's fair or equitable, and it would have been a smart move to gain a new friend and support system by authentically connecting with this particular person instead of thinking of her as competition.
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In another situation, I got the chance to advocate for a young woman who was a former coworker. I had about a decade more experience than she did and had gained managerial experience by then, so I knew how salary negotiations worked. She was up for a position at another major global brand and was about to take an offer that not only was a case of low-balling, but it also would have made it difficult for her to sustain a decent lifestyle in that market. And based on the nature of the job, she certainly deserved more.
She felt uncomfortable asking for more money due to the brand and its popularity. There was a fear she'd lose out and end up with no job. I advised her to increase the salary ask and to be kind but assertive in refusing to take the offer until they gave in. I even told her exactly what to say and troubleshot scenarios with her.
She ended up getting $20,000 more than they'd initially offered, accepted the position, got the experience she needed to upgrade her skills and resume, and ended up, later, finding success as a self-employed consultant. She expressed to me that she was grateful for my words of encouragement and guidance. As Black women, we must do our part, small or large to ensure that our sisters are confident, respected, and able to shift the narrative on what people can get away with when it comes to paying us.
4. Support organizations, influencers, and activists shedding light on the issue and/or fighting for equal pay.
You might not feel you're called to activism or fights of a legal nature, and that's okay. You can still do your part by donating to a reputable organization that advocates for pay equity and actively fights against efforts that do not accommodate fair pay for Black women in particular. Like, share, and comment on social posts that offer truthful, research-based, and authentic content about pay for women. (Need a few to start with? Check out the accounts like Ladies Get Paid, The Broke Black Girl, Influencer Pay Gap, or Your Corporate Black Girl.)
Organizations like UN Women, the AAUW, the ACLU, the National Coalition of Black Women, and others work to not only advocate for gender equity but to provide resources for women to take action, advance, and succeed. Do your research and find ways to get involved through volunteering or donating.
When we get real about what people are getting paid, it opens up an honest dialogue about the pay gap. Also, you can't really negotiate or change things from a place of ignorance or naivete. While you can gain a general sense of an average salary via certain online platforms and articles, the reality is, well, reality, and different companies have their respective barriers, biases, company cultures, challenges, and bottom lines.
Behind stats, research reports and statistics are actual people and situations that provide context and true understanding. Knowing the real deal about real-life issues associated with pay is more than helpful and getting real-life knowledge on these things is key.
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5. Use social media, conferences, and events as opportunities to keep the conversation going and spread awareness about the pay gap all year round.
We all like reposting and sharing funny and entertaining content on our social accounts, and it's a great idea to add a few facts about the inequity affecting Black women, how people can fight against it, or, at the very least, how we, as Black women, can stand up for ourselves. Also, information is power, so sharing facts about salary negotiation, how much people actually make in certain positions or at certain companies, and calling out companies that accommodate or actively participate in adding to the problem are great ways to positively add to the narrative.
When hosting conferences and events, adding the topic of pay, especially to the agendas of those targeted to young Black professionals and entrepreneurs, is a good idea. Also, as attendees of popular conferences and events, speaking up about the content that you're paying for and requesting the inclusion of conversations around salary and pay is key.
If you're paying for an experience that is marketed to enrich you or support your success (and you're, in turn, offering a chance for profit for event producers and organizations) shouldn't you have a say in what you're getting in return? Otherwise, why support or go? Even if there are sponsors, what's an event without its attendees? Using our voices via social and at events can help build up infrastructures of solutions-oriented conversations and ultimately, accountability. While it is not the overall solution, it is part of helping to forge the change we need to see.
We face tremendous challenges as Black women in the workplace, however, we can do our part in empowering ourselves by boldly speaking up, supporting one another beyond performative rhetoric, shedding archaic stereotypes, and truly unifying to close the gap through one deliberate act of strategy and defiance at a time.
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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These 11 Married Couples Share Their Keys To Long-Term Marital Success
The late actor Audrey Hepburn once said something that I think a lot of married couples who have at least 10 years under their belt will agree with: “If I get married, I want to be very married.” In my mind, this means very committed, very complementary, and very willing to go the distance — otherwise, what’s the point?
Really, what’s the point?
Thing is, with the divorce rate still being higher than it ever should be (for the record, a husband is not a boyfriend, and a wife is not a girlfriend; a marriage is serious business, y’all) and acting married being praised (or at least acknowledged) more than actually being married seems to be — folks who 1) are married and are looking for some hacks that will help with relational longevity or 2) want to be married someday and want insight on how to make their future marriage last are constantly seeking truly beneficial material.
Can you Google articles with random bullet points? Sure. And I’m not discouraging it. Every little bit of wisdom that you can pull, I fully support. However, the reason why I like to do articles like this one from time to time is there is something to be said from hearing real talk from multiple sources on the same topic who have some solid wisdom and knowledge on a particular topic.
Today? 11 married couples who were willing to talk about how they’ve been able to make it to several wedding anniversaries with a smile on their face and no regrets for choosing who they chose. Let’s all sit at their feet for just a moment.
*Middle names are always used in my content that’s like this so that people can speak freely*
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1. Kyle and Adrienne. Married 12 Years.
Kyle: “Some of your readers aren’t going to want to hear this but it’s worked for my marriage: people need to lower their expectations sometimes; I mean, men and women. We go into marriage with stuff that movies told us, social media told us, friends who are always single told us about what we should expect from someone, and then want to fault the person when they’re not what we made up in our head. Everyone should have standards but if you’re expecting your spouse to be some living version of a fairy tale character, you’re going to be disappointed almost every day of your life. Drop those expectations some and watch your relationship be a lot less stressful.”
Adrienne: “Talk to people who respect your man about your marriage. I’ve never believed that you shouldn’t ever go to anyone when you need some support. Even the Bible says that there is safety in wise counsel [Proverbs 11:4]. Too many women talk to women who don’t respect men, in general, let alone their husbands, and so that’s where things go left. Sometimes, you need an ‘outside in’ perspective. But if that woman is always taking shots at men, doesn’t respect marriage, or isn’t someone who holds your man in high regard, don’t ask her for advice. Really, you should ask yourself why you’re friends with her at all.”
Shellie here: I’m big on engaged and married couples having a “village” of sorts for their relationship, too. Check out “Why Every Engaged Couple Needs A 'Marriage Registry'” to get a good idea of what I mean.
2. Levi and Paulette. Married for 15 Years.
Levi: “Some of you have probably heard of the 7-7-7 rule. It’s where couples go on a date every seven days, have a weekend getaway every seven weeks, and go on a romantic trip of some sort every seven months. My wife and I do the 2-2-2 rule instead because sometimes our schedule and budget make ‘7’ difficult. It has gotten easier since Shellie told us about the sex jar. Bottom line, if you’re waiting for time to just open up to be with your spouse, that ain’t gonna happen. Schedule intimacy, including sex. Prioritizing it is better than saying you’re gonna be spontaneous and…never are.”
Paulette: “Initiate sex, dammit. When Shellie told us that men initiate sex most of the time, and then I thought about how often I used to push my husband away whenever he did it — I never really thought about how that made him feel until I put myself in his shoes. We’ve got to stop having all of this understanding for why women cheat when it comes to them not feeling desired or not getting attention when we’re the same way to our husbands. Your marriage isn’t ‘Young and the Restless’, where you’re just supposed to wait for your man to make the move. If you want to feel wanted, do the same thing for him.”
Shellie here: What’s a sex jar, you ask? You can read more about it via “5 Reasons Why Every Married Couple Needs A Sex Jar.”
3. Matthew and Gaia. Married for 17 Years.
Matthew: “Reenact some of your favorite times together. My wife and I do that semi-often. We’ll go back to where we had our first date, or we’ll go back to the hotel where we had some of the best sex before. Bringing back memories of when you felt the best together can give you the motivation to stay together to create some new memories to ‘play out’ later on.”
Gaia: “If you want to ‘mom your husband,’ you need to have kids — or at least get a dog! I didn’t realize how bossy I was until I got married. It’s because I saw my mom be that way with my dad. In my eyes, I thought that’s what love looked like until I watched how my in-laws were. They don’t try to change each other, and they definitely don’t make any demands. They’re very polite. I think a lot of married people are rude to their partner. Don’t be that.”
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4. Joseph and Carletta. Married for 10 Years.
Joseph: “Go to therapy for your childhood. I’m dead serious. No one is going to show you yourself like your wife will, and I realized that a lot of my hang-ups came from unhealed childhood stuff. It’s hard to be an adult in your marriage when you’re still emotionally a kid in a lot of ways. If you’re at the point where you think therapy is needed, go alone and deal with your childhood first. It did miracles for me and mine.”
"No one is going to show you yourself like your wife will, and I realized that a lot of my hang-ups came from unhealed childhood stuff. It’s hard to be an adult in your marriage when you’re still emotionally a kid in a lot of ways."
Carletta: “Meditate together once a day. Even if it’s just for 5-10 minutes, you need to carve out a moment to be mindful, focus on each other, and slow the world down. [Joseph and I] have been doing it for a couple of years now; it’s totally changed the way we communicate. Meditation reminds us to put each other first; that if we’re focused on each other, we can take on…whatever.”
5. Zeke and Rachelle. Married for 12 Years.
Zeke: “An argument is not a fight and a debate is not an argument. Learn that and you’re home-free. That’s all I got.”
Rachelle: “That advice that you just got? That sums up what it’s like to live with my husband. He’s very cut-and-dry, direct, and not wordy. That used to bug the hell out of me until I realized how wordy I was and then accepted that I wouldn’t want ‘two of me’ in the house [LOL]. He’s right. You can have a difference of opinion, and it be a debate. You can not find a middle ground on something and it turns into an argument. Neither of those is a red flag. It just comes with being with someone who is as much of an individual as you are.”
6. Taurus and Madison. Married for 22 Years.
Taurus: “Be prepared for your partner to change — not a couple of times, quite a bit. And when they change, that alters the relationship because now it’s not the person you stood with on your wedding day; it’s someone else. People get divorced so much because they are inflexible; they expect their spouse to never switch up and that’s just not how life is. If you’re rigid, controlling, or don’t know how to adjust, you don’t need to marry anybody. You’re gonna be miserable, and so will they.”
Madison: “Pray before sex. Before my husband and I got married, we had quite a bit of sexual history that caused us to do some comparing, and that led to resentment. In marriage, we had to adjust to how it’s more than just what we’re getting from another person. Married sex comes with so much more spirituality and responsibility. Prayer before sex reminds us to see it from a spiritual lens — and that makes the experience more intense and sacred. It might sound weird at first. Just try it. I don’t think you’ll regret it at all.”
"Married sex comes with so much more spirituality and responsibility. Prayer before sex reminds us to see it from a spiritual lens — and that makes the experience more intense and sacred."
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7. Karl and LaTasha. Married for 9 Years.
Karl: “Check in with your partner twice a day. In the morning before leaving the house and at night before going to sleep. If you work outside of the home, a lot can happen during the course of one day, so you shouldn’t assume that the person you left in the morning is who you are coming home to. I don’t mean sharing each other’s schedules or to-do lists. I mean, asking your spouse, ‘How are you doing? How are you really doing?’. It’s a smart way to take note of their mood and needs so that you are never blindsided.”
LaTasha: “Give each other some privacy. I have never been the kind of woman to go through a man’s phone, and I won’t start. If you think that you have to be a detective in your relationship, why are you in it in the first place? I know that Karl would give me codes and passwords if I wanted them because we’ve talked about it all before. Knowing that he would is enough for me. Marriage is an institution, but damn, it shouldn’t feel like jail.”
8. Thomas and Wynter. Married for 15 Years.
Thomas: “Ask your partner what their sexual needs are. Never assume that they haven’t changed because if we all agree that we are constantly growing and evolving as people, why would sex be exempt? Don’t personalize what they say about it either. All of us have sexual fantasies and interests that we keep to ourselves because we don’t know what our partner will think or ‘cause we think that they will create stories in their head about what made us think that way. I’ve learned that intimacy is feeling okay with sharing the deep stuff. The more comfortable a man, especially, is with doing that, the better the sex will be for everyone because talking about stuff like that is like taking down some walls.”
Wynter: “It’s okay to take one vacation a year with your girls and one by yourself. Just don’t go with people who don’t have the same standards as you, and as far as your solo venture, it doesn’t need to be longer than a long weekend. One thing that they don’t tell you about marriage is how there are times when you will feel like it is monotonous because of the routine of everything. A girls’ trip reminds you to get back to you outside of being someone’s wife or mom, and the trip alone is when you can sit around and do whatever you have to negotiate most of them. And yes, your man should be given the same courtesy.”
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9. Allen and Yvette. Married for 11 Years.
Allen: “STOP. BRINGING. UP. OLD. SH-T. SH-T. Nothing creates walls in a marriage more than you telling someone that you forgave them, and then the minute something else happens, here you go with the rap sheet of wrongs. Forgiving someone means that you are pardoning them, and that’s not what you’re doing if you’re constantly holding stuff over their head. One thing that marriage will show you is how bad of a forgiver you are. Most people suck at it, if we’re gonna be real about it.”
Yvette: “I already know that some women are going to assume that my man must’ve done something to say all of that (LOL). He’s a much better forgiver than I am, believe it or not. The real plot twist is, what gets on his nerves more than anything, is when I bring up stuff that he’s forgiven me for. Allen is the kind of man [who] hates to live in the past. I’ve grown a lot because of that. I think my advice would be to stay focused on solutions and tomorrow instead of problems and yesterday.”
Allen: “Sh- t, that’s bars, babe!”
Shellie here: INDEED.
10. Brennton and Danyelle. Married for 16 Years.
Brennton: “Why anyone who is trash at forgiving would get married is beyond me. It’s delusional to the nth degree to think that you are worthy of forgiveness and others aren’t — or that what you do isn’t ‘as bad,’ and that’s why you deserve forgiveness and others don’t. My wife and I have a lot of time under our belts. I’m here to tell you that there will be something, daily, that you will need to forgive your partner for on some level. If you can’t see yourself being open to that, marriage simply isn’t for you.”
Danyelle: “I don’t know who taught so many of us that being passive-aggressive will get us what we want, but it’s a damn lie. If something is wrong, stop saying ‘nothing’ when your man asks you what’s up because, if you’ve got a man like mine, he’s gonna say ‘Okay’ and go on about his day. Brennton often says that my refusing to speak isn’t his responsibility, it’s mine. That used to piss me off because, deep down, I knew that he was right. Oh, and chill on the grudge-holding too. With guys, that’s not going to get you anywhere either.”
11. Christopher and Yvonne. Married for 26 Years.
Christopher: “Have more loyalty for your spouse than you do your closest friend. Too many people don’t think like that. If you’ve got a friend since college, you’ve been through some things and you’ve learned to forgive and move past it. If you can’t see your wife or husband in this way, why did you get married? You should never have more grace for someone who you didn’t take vows with; that’s ludicrous. Before anyone else, I’m going to prioritize reconciling with my wife. It’s because I value her more than anyone. That’s what marriage is.”
"Before anyone else, I'm going to prioritize reconciling with my wife. It's because I value her more than anyone. That's what marriage is."
Yvonne: “Even if you’re not about ‘traditional gender roles,’ discuss what the expectations are for the home. People don’t divorce over cheating as much as getting sick of beard clippings in the bathroom sink or cars that look like pocketbooks. When you sign up for marriage, you are doing daily life with another person. Articulate your expectations. Listen to theirs. Be flexible until you both can make it work. Do that, and you’ll look up, and it’s been 20 years already.”
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Gems. Pure gems, y’all.
You know, popular consultant Barbara De Angelis once said, “Marriage is not a noun; it’s a verb. It isn’t something you get. It’s something you do. It’s the way you love your partner every day.” And love? Love is a choice.
And so, whether you’re married, engaged, or simply desire marriage in the future, hopefully, these tips will help you to choose how you love your spouse (or future spouse)…better.
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