Meet The Full List Of 2020 Presidential Candidates So Far
On the morning of November 5, 2016 when I discovered Donald J. Trump would now be the leader of the free world, I, like hundreds of thousands of other Americans, was hurt in real life.
Around midnight the previous night, I decided to turn off the news and go to sleep, hoping I would wake up to a nasty upset where Hilary would come through like the underdog that she is and hit the polls with a mean alley-oop. That never happened, and I wondered what type of world we would be living in moving forward. Despite winning the popular vote, Hilary lost and reminded us all that it's not important to win the battle as long as we expect victory in the war, and that war is far from over.
More than 50 years after the civil rights movement, racial and social disparity are still in full effect and from poverty to police brutality, we see that reflected on a daily basis. It was scary to imagine an America led by someone so intolerant, and I had no idea what the next four years would look like, but I now know exactly what I'm looking for in a 2020 president-elect.
I have a dream of a world where men and women can walk around without being profiled for their skin tone, religion or headwear, whether that be a hijab, durag, or bonnet. I want to live an America where our criminal justice system protects instead of does harm to people that look like me. I hope that one day I'll be able to send my kids to school without worrying about a terrorist with mental health issues shooting said school up. We are very far from this idealization of America, but it is not impossible to make this vision a reality. The thing is, that can't happen without choosing a qualified leader. Since lately, Barack and Michelle Obama are booked and busy, we'll have to evaluate our other options.
Voting season is sneaking up on us faster than we can research the candidates, but never fear, xoNecole is here with a guide to every single candidate running for President of the United States in 2020.
Cory Booker
Age: 49
Political Party: Democrat
Bio: Cory Booker attended a trifecta of highly ranked schools (Yale, Oxford, and Stanford) before he became the first Black U.S. Senator of New Jersey. He's currently dating actress Rosario Dawson and plans to reform the Democratic Party using love and unity. Sen. Booker believes in Medicare for all, legalization of marijuana, and also helped introduce the Keeping Families Together Act to Congress. He supports ending the pay gap and increasing nationwide minimum wage to $15/hour.
What He Said: "We have a choice in this election. To make it about one guy and one election and just get rid of him? I understand that call, but it's got to be about something bigger than that."
"We Democrats in this room, it can't just be about beating Republicans, no. This is a moral moment in our country where it's got to be about uniting Americans."
Pete Buttigieg
Age: 37
Political Party: Democrat
Bio: Pete Buttigieg will be making all kinds of history if elected in 2020. Not only will he be the youngest person to ever hold the title in history, he will also be the first openly gay president-elect. Buttigieg was actually one of the first candidates to spark the conversation about reparations in this election, and believes in universal background checks when it comes to gun control. As a U.S. veteran who served in Afganistan, the Harvard grad has even gotten love from President Obama.
What He Said: "One of the things that every person should think about in the run-up to 2020, especially because there are so many people, is that it is not only the outcome, but it is the conduct of campaigns that will make an impact on political life in our country. The world is changing, but it is not changing on its own. So, if by bringing forward good ideas I can be part of chipping away at that, that is one more reason to give this a look."
Julián Castro
Age: 44
Political Party: Democratic
Bio: Julian Castro, former mayor of San Antonio, served under President Obama as the Secretary of Housing and Urban Development and was considered as a viable VP during Hilary Clinton's campaign. As the grandson of an immigrant, this DC rookie is a supporter of Medicare for all, universal Pre-K, and reformed immigration policy.
What He Said: "I'm running for president because it's time for new leadership because it's time for new energy and it's time for a new commitment to make sure that the opportunities that I've had are available to every American. When my grandmother got here almost a hundred years ago, I'm sure she never could have imagined that just two generations later, one of her grandsons would be serving as a member of the United States Congress and the other would be standing with you here today to say these words: I am a candidate for President of the United States of America."
John Delaney
Age: 56
Political Party: Democratic
Bio: While most of the presidential hopefuls announced their bid earlier this year, this man has literally been running for president since 2017. Now that's dedication, people. The former banking CEO supports legal access to abortions, marijuana legalization, and universal Pre-K. I'm sure Delaney's an "OK" guy but I haven't seen any policies that particularly focus on people of color. Thank you, next.
What He Said: "I'm running on intentionally doing things to try to end the divisiveness. I think many other people are running on a more divisive approach and a more divisive agenda. The problem with that is it will leave us more divided and less prosperous because we won't do the things we need to do because we'll spend all our time fighting."
Tulsi Gabbard
Age: 38
Political Party: Democrat
Bio: This socially and economically progressive 37-year-old Iraqi war veteran did not come to play with Washington. Tulsi Gabbard was the first Hindu woman to join the United States congress and was endorsed by her Hawaiian hometown homie, Barack Obama. But here's the tea, as we all know, the internet doesn't let anything slide, including some homophobic comments Gabbard made in 2004 that she has since apologized for.
What She Said: "Our cause is to create a new and different path that reclaims our destiny and restores the uniquely American ideal: to seek a higher purpose greater than ourselves, to put service before self."
Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand
Age: 52
Political Party: Democrat
Bio: This former U.S. House Representative is an anti-Trump sexual assault advocate who wants your vote, even if that means ignoring the fact that she can sometimes switch when it comes to her political stance on issues like immigration and gun control.
What She Said: "I am going to run for president of the United States because as a young mom, I am going to fight for kids as hard as I would fight for my own. It is why I believe healthcare should be a right, not a privilege. It is why I believe we should have better public schools for our kids because it shouldn't matter what block you grow up on. And I believe that anybody who wants to work hard enough should be able to get whatever job training they need to earn their way to the middle class, but you are never going to accomplish any of these things if you don't take on the systems of power that make any of that possible."
Sen. Kamala Harris
Age: 54
Political Party: Democrat
Bio: Many people will say that I'm voting for Kamala simply because she's Black. And to that I say: You're damn skippy. Despite the multitude of criticism she's received about her political missteps as a prosecutor, this Oakland-born politician has been vocal about her beliefs in reforming gun control policy, Medicare for all, combatting the affordable housing crisis, and offering the middle class a tax credit if she's elected.
What She Said: "If I have the honor of being your president, I will tell you this: I am not perfect. Lord knows I am not perfect. But I will always speak with decency and moral clarity and treat all people with dignity and respect. I will lead with integrity. And I will speak the truth."
Sen. Amy Klobuchar
Age: 58
Political Party: Democrat
Bio: Yasss, Amy. Come through with the purple scarf! This Minnesota senator has a reputation as a difficult (and even demeaning) boss who believes in bipartisanship. In the past, she's fought to lower student debt and has plans to reform both immigration policy as well as the Immigration and Customs Enforcement department.
What She Said: "I'm running for every parent who wants a better world for their kids. I'm running for every student who wants a good education. For every senior who wants affordable prescription drugs. For every worker, farmer, dreamer, builder. For every American. I'm running for you. I don't have a political machine. I don't come from money. But what I do have is this: I have grit."
Sen. Bernie Sanders
Age: 77
Political Party: Democrat
Bio: Bernie's a leftist socialist who just won't quit. After losing to Hilary in the Democratic Primary in 2016, Bernie didn't give up his fight to turn America blue. He raised $6 million from donors in less than 24 hours and now, he's ready to make America feel the Bern. He was the lead sponsor on the Medicare For All bill in 2017, is a supporter of marijuana legalization, and wants to establish a path to citizenship for immigrants.
What He Said: "I'm running for president because, now more than ever, we need leadership that brings us together — not divides us up. Women and men, black, white, Latino, Native American, Asian American, gay and straight, young and old, native-born and immigrant. Now is the time for us to stand together."
Donald Trump
Um… Let's move on.
Gov. Jay Inslee
Age: 68
Political Party: Democrat
Bio: Jay Inslee is the current governor of Washington and plans to tackle climate change head-on if's he's elected. Haven't heard him say much about women or people of color though. *Kanye shrug*
What He Said: "I'm Jay Inslee and I'm running for president because I am the only candidate who will make defeating climate change our nation's number one priority. We're the first generation to feel the sting of climate change. And we're the last that can do something about it. We can do this. Join our movement. This is our moment."
Gov. John Hickenlooper
Age: 67
Political Party: Democrat
Bio: Hickenlooper is the former governor of Colorado and mayor of Denver. In the past, he was a geologist and business owner. Hickenlooper believes in expanding Medicaid and passing gun control legislation, but even if you don't vote for him, isn't his name just fun to say?
What He Said: "I'm running for president because we're facing a crisis that threatens everything we stand for. As a skinny kid with coke bottle glasses and a funny last name, I've stood up to my fair share of bullies. I'm running for president because we need dreamers in Washington but we also need to get things done. I've proven again and again I can bring people together to produce the progressive change Washington has failed to deliver."
Beto O'Rourke
Age: 46
Political Party: Democrat
Bio: When Beyonce has your back, you know it's real. Beto O'Rourke may just be the realest white guy on the ballot. In the past, he went viral with his amazing response to a voter who criticized Colin Kaepernick and other NFL players for taking a knee. The former El Paso congressman doesn't believe in a border wall, wants to improve immigration policy, and is in favor of abortion rights. But, on the other hand, homie gets a major side-eye for voting with Trump 30% of the time he was in office and nearly replacing a barrio in downtown El Paso with a big-box department store.
What He Said: "I am running to serve you as the next president. The challenges we face are the greatest in living memory. No one person can meet them on their own. Only this country can do that, and only if we build a movement that includes all of us."
Wayne Messam
Age: 44
Political Party: Democrat
Bio: Wayne Messam is a former Florida State University football player who later became the first Black the mayor of Mirimar, Florida.
What He Said: "When you have a senior citizen who can't afford her prescription medicine, Washington is broken. When our scientists are telling us if we don't make drastic changes today, the quality of our air will be in peril, Washington is broken."
"Everyday people are graduating from universities with crippling debt stifling their opportunity for financial mobility, that is what's broken with this country. America belongs to all of us. The promise of America belongs to all of us. That's why I'm going to be running for president. To be your champion."
Rep. Eric Swalwell
Age: 38
Political Party: Democrat
Bio: This California politician has represented his house seat for 40 years and supports Medicare for all (without eliminating private insurers), banning assault rifles, removing interest on federal student loans, and reforming Trump's immigration policy.
What He Said: "I've talked to people who are just like me who are the first in their family to go to college, got a lot of student debt, can't buy a home, can't start a business. I've talked to kids who sit in their classroom afraid that they'll be the next victim of gun violence and they see Washington do nothing about it after the moments of silence and they see lawmakers who love their guns more than they love our kids. None of that is going to change until we get a leader who is willing to go big on the issues we take on, be bold in the solutions we offer, and do good in the way that we govern. I'm ready to solve these problems. I'm running for the president of the United States."
Marianne Williamson
Age: 66
Political Party: Democrat
Bio: Best known as Auntie Oprah's spiritual advisor, best-selling author Marianne Williamson announced her bid for presidency at the end of January. Marianne stands behind reparations for Black Americans and fighting against the "spiritual and moral rot" that currently exists in DC.
What She Said: "Our national challenges are deep, but our political conversation is shallow. My campaign is for people who want to dig deeper into the questions we face as a nation and deeper into finding the answers.''
Rep. Tim Ryan
Age: 38
Political Party: Democratic
Bio: Tim Ryan is an Ohio congressman who supports tech manufacturing, fair trade policy, and investment in Midwest companies.
What He Said: "I'm running for president because we have a real shot at uniting again — to restore the dignity of work and the feasibility of the American Dream. We have a chance to once again unite this country under our core principles and ideals."
Rep. Seth Moulton
Age: 40
Political Party: Democratic
Bio: Seth Moulton is an anti-Trump war veteran who launched his campaign with a focus on national security.
What He Said: "I am running because I am a patriot, because I believe in this country and because I have never wanted to sit on the sidelines when it comes to serving it. I'm going to talk about patriotism, about security, about service. These are issues that for too long Democrats have ceded to Republicans, and we've got to stop that. Because this is actually where Donald Trump is weakest."
Gov. Bill Weld
Age: 73
Political Party: Republican
Bio: Is it me, or does this fella look like he's said the "n-word" a few times in his day? My bad, I know you can't judge a candidate by his cover so let's review the facts. In the past, this former Libertarian has supported LGBTQ and abortion rights and was a known whistleblower against corruption in the late 80s so I guess you aight wit me, Bill.
What He Said: "It is time for patriotic men and women across our great nation to stand and plant a flag. It is time to return to the principles of Lincoln — equality, dignity, and opportunity for all. There is no greater cause on earth than to preserve what truly makes America great. I am ready to lead that fight."
Andrew Yang
Age: 44
Political Party: Democratic
Bio: Andrew Yang is the name and Universal Basic Income is the game. This presidential hopeful wants to give you $1,000 a month just for being American.
What He Said: "I've got a wife and two kids and I'm running for president to solve the problems of this era. We have this sinking feeling that our government is way behind the curve, and I'm trying to catch us up. I'm a lot more of a normal American than I have a sense that most people believe just by looking at me from afar."
"The issues are real. And so when I talk about issues that matter to the American people and propose solutions that people are excited about, then I'll take any voter — within limits. If they have racist or bigoted ideas, then I don't want their votes. But the vast majority of Trump voters I believe are just looking for some path forward."
Elizabeth Warren
Age: 69
Political Party: Democratic
Bio: The original O.G., Lil' Liz is currently a Massachusetts senator and has been in the game for a minute. Her current platform is universal childcare, making college free and erasing student loan debt, affordable healthcare, and issuing a tax on the 1%.
What She Said: "So here is the promise I make to you today: I will fight my heart out so that every kid in America can have the same opportunity I had — a fighting chance to build something real. I will never give up on you and your future. I will never give up on your children and their future. I am in this fight all the way."
Featured image by Paras Griffin/Getty Images for NAACP
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Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Navigating Dating When Emotionally Unavailable & Detached: My Journey Back To Feeling
The last time I came with a dating story, I told you I got my little feelings hurt in 2021. I called myself trying to be out in these streets entertaining a man in a different area code, city, and state — only for homeboy to play in my damn face. So, I went and gave y’all "8 Rules To Casual Dating Every Woman Should Know This Summer." You’re welcome. Fast forward to 2024, and I am now coming to you from a more mature and intentional place. We’re not in summer yet, but I truly believe what blooms in spring, thrives in summer.
2023 was my year, and it was my turn. I had just completed an 8-month holistic detox. The glow-up was real and well-deserved. The way I have poured into myself is unmatched. Let me tell you, self-love is a love you have never known. After a five-year healing journey, I finally felt like myself again, and I was ready to play. My heart was open, my mind was clear, and my body hella transformed. I had told all my friends that I was ready to explore dating again, and at the height of summer, I did exactly just that.
This time I decided I wanted to take my time. I wanted to date the “right way” or the “healthy way.” You know, keep your options open, ask the right questions, believe actions and not words, observe patterns and pay attention to red, yellow, and green flags. I was never the dating app type of girl. I sincerely miss everything about human connection and dating from 2000 to 2012. Can we please bring all of that back into 2024? I prefer to feel a man’s energy and presence in real-time. Nonetheless, I still chose to dabble with a few dating apps. I was all the way outside and dating for practice.
Unfortunately, with today’s dating culture, social climate, and how some of these men move and/or behave, these dates were a dead end. Not one guy made it to my roster. What these men were was benched this season – not one of them could be my first-round select draft pick. It didn't seem like anyone I met was interested in a serious relationship. And it’s completely fine. Miss me with the ghosting, lack of effort, inconsistency, and poor communication. I continued to just do me because what is for me will not miss me.
Kelvin Murray/ Getty Images
The universe must have heard me talking because I had specifically told my closest girlfriends that I wanted to meet someone who lived in the vicinity, no more than twenty minutes away, and no more long distance. And I did meet him (it’s crazy how I manifest exactly what I want). As we started to get to know each other, I liked his energy and effort. I liked the direction it seemed to be going to the point my girlfriends had to tell me not to run from him. Because every part of me wanted to run from something that seemed normal.
I liked what he was coming with until I became uncomfortable with my own feelings, and I didn’t know how to communicate them to him.
With that said, I knew if I truly wanted to experience the truest of loves, a reciprocal, requited love, and be in a healthy relationship this story had to come to a pause. What I didn’t know was that he was going to show me things I didn’t know I needed to work on. I didn’t know he inadvertently was going to help me continue to heal parts of me that were hidden.
As someone who has learned to self-heal, I am no longer the type that runs from herself. I am here for the growth.
The truth is I am emotionally detached from myself, and I am not actively dating at the moment. I am the one that has to work on herself. My reiki healer called it, too – she told me this year would not be a year for a relationship, but a year of continuous growth. And now I see why. After all the healing work I have done thus far – I am an unemotional mess. How?
At my big age of 39, I struggle to communicate my wants and needs.
I still struggle to communicate and process uncomfortable feelings. I would rather give myself anxiety, act nonchalantly, emotionally react, and choose non-communication when I am bothered with someone than address the issue (I will later explain why). I have been ignoring my feelings for so long it has become a habit, a defense mechanism, and more so a trauma response.
If you are someone like me who grew up in a household that didn’t discuss feelings, your emotional needs were unmet, and you don’t feel safe to share your feelings – emotional detachment is quite common.
Oftentimes, we always talk about men being emotionally unavailable, but what if it’s a woman who is emotionally unavailable or emotionally detached? How does she navigate herself, dating, or being in a relationship? As I navigate my emotions this season, let’s explore what it means to be emotionally detached, the signs of detachment, and how to reconnect with yourself emotionally.
Emotional Unavailability vs. Emotional Detachment
When we look at the terminology emotional unavailability and emotional detachment, one might argue that the two terms are interchangeable and have the same meaning. One could also argue that both terms mean that some people are not in tune with their emotions or lack the emotional capacity to be responsive to someone else’s emotions. Fair enough. However, there is a big difference. The definition of emotional unavailability is described as people who have difficulty with sharing their emotions and being receptive to the emotions of those around them.
According to Verywell Mind, signs of emotional unavailability can look like being distant or cold, lack of closeness, and emotional intimacy in relationships, inability to understand and relate to others’ feelings, defensiveness when asked to change or let others in, tendency to shut down or avoid topics that require emotional openness, or withdrawal from people or situations that provoke emotional reactions.
Whereas emotional detachment is defined as the inability to or willingness to connect with others on an emotional level. Furthermore, Psychology Today states emotional detachment can also mean that people do not engage with their feelings. Exhibit A – me. Emotional detachment has various causes – past neglect, childhood or adult trauma, PTSD, depression, personality disorder, bipolar disorder, substance abuse, or, in some cases, medication (i.e. antidepressants). It is important to note emotional detachment is a complex issue. For someone like me, it’s a coping mechanism.
It is easier for me to ignore uncomfortable feelings to protect myself from stress or getting hurt. Hence, my nonchalant demeanor. It is also true for some people it is a reaction to trauma, abuse, and unprocessed emotions. Exhibit B – me. As it is difficult for me to open up about my feelings at the moment. On the contrary – emotional detachment can be helpful in navigating some situations like listening to people’s opinions and gossip.
Unfortunately, emotional detachment is not a behavior that can be turned on and off at will. Please note that emotional detachment is NOT a mental health diagnosis but can be a symptom of a mental health condition such as an attachment disorder. And if you know anything about attachment theory, it is related to the relationship we develop in our childhood with our primary caregivers.
Signs You're Emotionally Detached
Mavocado/ Getty Images
According to Psychology Today and Verywell Mind, general signs of emotional detachment can look like difficulty showing empathy to others, sharing emotions, committing to a relationship, feeling numb, poor listening skills, lack of self-esteem, preferring to be alone, struggling to feel positive emotions, inability to identify emotions, lack of physical, verbal, or sexual contact and losing touch with people or maintaining connections.
In a romantic relationship, emotional detachment shows up as you or your partner not being available for connection, poor communication, or reduced affection.
For me, my experience with emotional detachment is collective. I am an empath to my core. I don’t have a problem relating to other’s feelings or circumstances. I don’t have commitment issues, nor do I have an issue connecting with others or maintaining those connections. I struggle with sharing emotions, at least the negative ones.
Due to the emotional abuse from my childhood and a toxic relationship, I learned sharing emotions just wasn't the safe thing to do. As a survivor of trauma, I learned to suppress feeling negative emotions in general as a form of protection.
How To Reconnect To Your Emotions When You're Emotionally Unavailable
Serious Kid Cudi GIF by Apple MusicGiphyExploring my emotional side in-depth started late last year simply by noticing my reaction to something that he did. I didn’t know how to properly communicate to him how I was feeling or what he did bothered me in the moment. So, I swallowed my feelings and said absolutely nothing. I intentionally chose to avoid the issue. I chose to rationalize the situation instead of acknowledging that my feelings at the time were valid. I chose to act like everything was all good because it was all good.
“It wasn’t that deep to begin with” is what I told myself. And this is where the problem lies.
The saying is true, “What happens in your childhood shows up in your adult relationships.” I came to realize that because I was not able to express my feelings as a child, I struggled to process them. I either hold back my feelings, take a long time to say how I feel, or don’t say anything at all. This is because I fear people will walk away from me like my mother did if I share what I truly feel. I fear my feelings won’t be validated, or they will be rejected.
With that said, I was completely unaware that I was emotionally detached from myself until recently. So, here we are with this article. It all started by reading Instagram’s @theholisticpsychologist, Dr. Nicole LePera’s newest book How to Be the Love You Seek: Break Cycles, Find Peace, and Heal Your Relationships, which was released on November 28, 2023. As I read through the first chapter, I became triggered.
How Dr. LePera describes her childhood with her parents and experiences with her romantic partners somewhat mirrored my experiences with my own parents and relationships. As Dr. LaPera stated in her book, I have no issue showing up for others or meeting their needs and wants. But when it comes to expressing my own needs and wants – I cannot or I don’t. This is mainly due to my hyper-independence.
At an early age, I learned to show up for myself because the people I trusted to show up for me failed. Given my home environment, I had internalized it is not safe to talk about feelings. I never knew my emotional responses and behavior were abnormal. But because I am willing to continue to do my inner work, I know that I can reconnect to my emotions, and undo four decades of repressed emotions.
If you are someone like me who struggles with emotional connection with yourself and others, here is how you go about it:
Lighthouse Films/ Getty Images
1. Know Your Attachment Style
For me, the first step was to understand my attachment style. I asked my therapist if she could help me identify my attachment style to understand my triggers. She recommended The Attachment Theory Workbook by Annie Chen, LMFT. My therapist administered the associated online quiz – Attachment Quiz. If you haven’t figured out my attachment style yet by reading this article, I have an anxious attachment style.
This means I don’t do well with inconsistent behavior, especially from men (but I’m the type that holds men to standards too). People with an anxious attachment style have a need to feel close to their partner. It may come across as “clingy” or “needy.” However, this same need is often driven by fear of abandonment, mistrust, and low self-esteem. I would say knowing your attachment style is helpful because you can work towards having a secure attachment style (with practice) in your relationships – familial, business, work, platonic, or romantic.
2. Become Self-Aware
Most people who are not in the practice of self-care or self-healing are unaware of their triggers, patterns, and behaviors. We are so caught up in the daily minutiae of life that we forget to pay attention to the most important part of our days — ourselves. As Dr. LePera says, make it a conscious habit to pause throughout your day to check in with yourself. Ask yourself:
- How does my body feel?
- What am I doing right now?
- Am I present?
- Am I distracted and lost with other thoughts?
- What do I think or feel when I recall a specific experience with someone?
- What do I think or worry about?
- What would happen if I shared my authentic thoughts, perspective, feelings right now?”
This is what Dr. LePera refers to as exploring your embodied self or fulfilling your authentic needs in chapter two of her book. Consistent mindfulness and self-awareness are key to self-discovery and in any healing journey. Learning to focus on the present moment also includes paying attention to our emotional response to an event or how we think about emotions in general.
3. Practice Vulnerability
The idea of vulnerability is a tough one for me and so many other women for countless reasons. Whether it be toxic family, friendships, relationships, or trauma – trusting others with your thoughts and feelings is not easy. As much as I am open and transparent, I am not as vulnerable. And I believe there is so much power in the duality to be both. To trust someone, let alone a man with your authentic self is a delicate matter.
But it is emotional vulnerability that allows us humans to build authentic connections, create stronger relationships, and break down emotional walls. Emotional vulnerability is not something to be rushed – it takes time and practice from you and the people you choose to have in your life. Medical News Today suggests that we can learn to be vulnerable by opening up more to our closest friends, building our ability to become more trusting, and developing skills to regulate our emotions.
4. Seek Therapy
I have been in therapy for six years and counting. I would consider therapy one of my safe spaces. I am one of those individuals who recommend therapy to everyone as it has given me the tools and resources I need to navigate my life challenges. By choosing to get help, I was able to put my PTSD and depression in remission for four years now. I have also learned how to manage my anxiety.
I am fully aware that in this season of my life requires me to do the work to unlock new levels of self. And any time where I have consciously chosen growth – the universe or life has not failed me. I was able to heal my body, my heart, and my spirit. Now, it’s time to heal my inner child, this hurt little girl who lives in me.
I will say choosing a therapist is similar to dating; you might go through a few potentials until you find a therapist you connect with. Actually, one of my lifelong friends said to me the other day, “Your relationship with your therapist is one of the most important relationships in your life.” I needed her to say that, and I needed to hear it because it’s true. You are essentially trusting a licensed stranger to help you navigate your life on so many levels.
Be picky and ask the questions. Cut the cord at the first red flag given. Again, let me reiterate that emotional detachment is not a mental health diagnosis. It can be treated with the help of a therapist. Emotional detachment only becomes a problem when it starts to interfere with your daily life. Pay attention to changes in your daily behavior and make decisions to cope accordingly.
I am genuinely excited about reconnecting with my emotions. I want to feel all the feels – good, bad, and indifferent. I want to cry all the tears – especially the sad ones. I want to process and release negative emotions. I want to say how I feel in the moment with no fear.
If you are that girl who struggles with emotional connection or thinks you're emotionally detached, I hope that you become willing to face your inner child and show up for her. Don’t run – she has been waiting for you.
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