2008 and 2009 were two years that hit Makeda Smith like a speeding train.
Again and again. The real estate market crashed, causing her to lose dozens of properties in the process. Due to financial setbacks, she had to file for bankruptcy. The IRS came knockin' and she was audited. Shortly after, her home was foreclosed and her car was repossessed. Her man wasn't man enough for her, and left her for good. She had to give up her dog, too. As her life turned completely upside down, Makeda found herself suffering through more losses than she thought she had the strength to bear.
Again and again. Loss after loss.
While others might have crumbled, never having fully realized the power of their strength, under this tremendous pressure, this woman was determined to rise up not only the ladder of success, but also the pole of success. In fact, it was the pole that ultimately led her up the proverbial ladder.
While enjoying some much needed reflection time, Makeda found herself strolling on the streets of Hollywood and Vine one day. She wasn't certain of what she was looking for, but she definitely found it. A lively 74-year-old woman provided the match to ignite the spark within her. The elderly woman went by the name Magda, but what intrigued Makeda about this lady was that there was nothing elderly about her at all. The woman was lively, known for taking pictures and performing limber splits. It was like nothing Makeda had ever seen. Magda was youthful despite what her age would suggest. Makeda looked at her in awe and wondered what was the secret to her eternal youth.
In her forties, Makeda began to attempt to tap into the “fountain" and acquire some of that youthfulness displayed by Magda by taking some yoga classes. “I was inspired to take a yoga class and did, but it didn't excite me. Soon after, I saw a deal on LivingSocial for pole dancing," Makeda shares. “I figured, 'What the heck!' So, I signed up. [I took] one class and I was hooked!"
As a successful publicist for more than 25 years, and working with well-known entertainers that include Mo'Nique, Jamie Foxx, and former Tonight Show band leader Kevin Eubanks, it wasn't too far fetched that the 55-year-old Makeda strutted her stuff into the world of entertainment – but she was not sure how others would react. Especially since pole dancing can be a bit taboo for some people, despite its mental and physical health benefits.
When Makeda first started, she was very conflicted about her choice to participate in pole dancing and sharing that hobby with her friends. “One part of my mind kept telling me I was too old and just crazy to be starting this regimen at my age," she reminisces. “But there are so many women pole dancing now over 40, over 50, and even over 60-- you would be amazed."
For some, pole dancing is how they make their money (stripping, go-go dancing), for others it has become a way to get in shape and live a healthy and happy life. Makeda definitely falls more into the category of the latter. Although Makeda Smith has made it rain in the club a time or two, it is purely something she does as a hobby, she doesn't undress, and she has not quit her day job!
“My first performance was in a bikini bar, Cheetahs, in Hollywood," she shares. “It was an Amateur Pole Night, specifically for pole dance students and amateur performers."
As she laced up her 8-inch heels, Makeda couldn't help but get the jitters. Though she was so confident about her body and her moves, fear has a way of creeping in wherever there's uncertainty. “I was a little nervous, but once I hit the stage, I was ready to entertain," Makeda remembers. “The fun part about the Amateur Pole Night is you get to invite your friends to come out and 'make it rain.' The place was packed and I felt amazing."
For Makeda, hanging upside down on a pole enhances her superwoman abilities. “It is more than exercising for me," she declares. “It is total rejuvenation of the mind, body, and soul. It pushes me to limits I never dreamed of and the effects of physically doing what may seem impossible."
Although pole dancing assisted in anchoring her life and getting back her mojo, in July 2016, Makeda went viral for her skills – but not in a good way. She became a victim of cyberbullying, ageism, and body-shaming by commenters on websites like Worldstar and Baller Alert. Even comedian Earthquake got in on the humor when he asked, “Whose Granny is this???"
“I was totally exhausted after three consecutive dance classes," she explains about the video that made millions of people click and tap into the hype, “I also felt very sad with all the news of the week. People were being murdered by police and police were being murdered, and I felt compelled to dance it out because that is what dancers do."
While many might have hung up their heels and headed back to their usually scheduled agenda in light of controversy, Makeda simply shrugged her shoulders and stated, “I wasn't fazed."
She is now affectionately known by some as a #polepriestess and she has laughingly accepted the hashtag #grannyonapole.
But don't get it twisted, not all of the comments were cruel. She has also gained a lot of new watchers that radiate and outpour positivity and support of her acts of self-love and empowerment. “I don't have all haters, now!" Makeda laughs. “The admiration from men is really a wonderful ego boost as well."
Yes, this #grannyonapole is flexing her skills!
And her love life?
“For the last several years I have not had a sex life, at all. Period," she claims. “Pole dancing kept me in touch and in tune with my sexuality. Dressing up and going to class, wearing high heels, and dancing to great music is a terrific adrenaline boost. I would say that pole dancing promotes self-love!"
Because love makes the world go round, Makeda says that she has recently gotten back into the “swing of things" now that she is dating a new guy. “All my exercising and poling is finally paying off," she says blushing from ear-to-ear. “Pole dancing definitely increases your libido, stamina, and flexibility."
So, if you're thinking of clicking your heels in the air, here are a few tips from the sexy granny that will get you ready to reach the height of that pole:
- Do some research. YouTube has tons of beginner pole lessons and demos where you can actually see classes in session. That way, you will know what to expect and what you are getting yourself into.
- Google and Yelp local pole dance studios to read reviews. Reading about the various studios and the personal experiences of students will help you locate the ideal studio for you.
- Start with a beginner level classes and work your way up to the different levels. Really take your time and learn the basics first. That is how you build your strength and stamina for more advanced tricks later. Don't rush to advanced level classes until you are ready.
Do you think that there is an age cap for pole dancing? Have you been inspired to pole dance too? Drop your comments below.
To learn more about Makeda Smith, visit her website, www.flyingover50.com and visit her Instagram at: @flyingover50makeda
Now masterdating? Even though it’s not even close to being a “real” word, it’s something that also brought a laugh outta me — although it was then followed by a genuine smile. The laugh because I almost immediately caught the play-on-words. The smile was due to the intention behind it all.
If you’re not familiar with what masterdating is and you’re curious about why you should even care, take a few moments to at least skim through what it’s about and why I think participating, as a single person, is a pretty cool (and effective) concept.
@knotlukas Masturdate: a date w oneself
What’s Masterdating All About?
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Masterdating. Okay, so let the word marinate for just a moment. What does it sound like? Yeah…exactly. And since a huge part of masturbation centers around self-pleasure, it’s cool to explore how “self-dating” could produce similar (as far as pleasure is concerned in a broader sense) results. Because masterdating is all about spending quality time with yourself, pampering yourself, treating yourself— and yes, taking yourself out on dates.
Any of you who may think that masterdating is a consolation prize — and a pitiful one at that — for not being able to go out with another human being or get that dream $200 first date that social media was all in a tizzy about last year (bookmark that) — personally, I think that you’re the demographic who needs to try out masterdating first and the most. Why? Off top, I’ll share my three good reasons.
3 Reasons To Strongly Consider Masterdating
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1. It’s an intimate way to get to know yourself better. I’ve been working with couples for a pretty long time at this point and if there’s a pattern that I see arise, OFTEN, it’s that two people are oftentimes so busy trying to “find their person” that they didn’t even know who they were. As a direct result, they found themselves in a relationship with someone who only complemented the “kiddie pool version” of who they were.
That’s why it can be so beneficial to spend time getting to know yourself on the “deep end” of things: what makes you tick, what your passions are, what you want most out of life, what are your interests beyond obvious things — and masterdating can help you to discover all of this. Whether it’s traveling alone or taking out a weekend to drink some wine and journal, the more you get to know yourself, the clearer you’ll be about who complements you on a romantic and friendship level.
2. It will definitely help to boost your confidence levels. I guess since I’m an ambivert, I don’t really get why people freak out at the mere thought of going to a restaurant or movie alone. Personally, I think it requires a helluva lot more energy and gumption to wait around and plan stuff with other people (#Elmoshrug). However, whether you’re an introvert, extrovert, or ambivert, there’s no way around the fact that the more comfortable you get with doing things alone, the more your confidence levels will increase — no, soar — because of it.
One article that I read on the topic said that doing things alone can make you more creative, improve your mental health, and help you to be totally okay with being alone (so that you’re not “needy” for other people’s attention). A psychotherapist from a New York Times article on the benefits of spending time alone said, “Getting better at identifying moments when we need solitude to recharge and reflect can help us better handle negative emotions and experiences, like stress and burnout.” And when you’re able to stare negativity in its face without flinching, how could that not make you bolder, more self-secure, and hopeful about your life?
3. It will teach you to value your time more effectively. In every facet of your world, you’re gonna operate from a healthier place if you’re operating from a “full cup” rather than an empty one. When it comes to this topic, think about it — if you’re constantly waiting on someone to call you to go out or wishing for a dream date with some guy, all you’re doing is wasting precious time that you could be spending taking a cooking class or hell, hiring a chef to make you dinner at your own home.
Indeed, waiting has two sides to it: when it’s in the form of patience, it is indeed a virtue, yet when it’s wrapped up in the notion that you’re not really living life unless you have an audience…it is totally working against you. Choose wisely.
10 Solo Date Ideas To Help You To “Master” Masterdating
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So, what if you’re someone who has either never considered actually masterdating before or you don’t really know what to do beyond dinner and the movies? Here are a few ideas to consider:
1. Attend a workshop or masterclass that you’re interested in. If there’s something that you’ve always wanted to learn, sign up for a workshop or masterclass. The cool thing about this option is there are probably some in your city, as well as some that you can find online (like here) that are convenient and affordable.
2. Binge-read at a local coffee shop. Aside from their coziness and oftentimes inviting scents, I once read that a lot of us gravitate to coffee shops because we can be around people without having to actually socialize with them. So, if you want to “hang out” while still being able to enjoy a bit of solitude, take a book that you’ve been trying to finish to a local coffee shop, order your favorite latte, and sit in a big-ass comfy chair. Usually, you can sit there for hours, and the staff will be just fine with it (another bonus).
3. Have a spa day in the next town. You can never go wrong with a spa day. And while going with a friend can be fun, sometimes there’s too much talking transpiring to be able to fully chill out and relax. So, go off of the grid, get a change of scenery, and hit up a spa in the next city (or town). There are lots of studies out here supporting that day trips or “daycations” can actually be really good for your long-term health and well-being.
4. See a community play. Some of the best solo dates that I’ve ever been on consisted of taking in some of the local arts in my city. What’s really cool about this particular option is, oftentimes, they are extremely inexpensive, if not totally free of charge (in exchange for making a donation or putting money into a tip jar).
5. Plan a trip. Whenever people say something along the lines of, “If you don’t expect anything, you won’t be disappointed,” I know that they low-key have some (additional) healing to do from past disappointments. There’s simply too much intel out here to support that anticipation (of good stuff) makes us more motivated and optimistic, keeps our dopamine levels up, and makes life more exciting overall.
Since traveling alone is more cost-effective, gives you the freedom to do whatever you want (when you want), and increases the possibility of meeting new people and having new experiences on your journey — why not devote a day this weekend to planning a solo trip? All the way around, it’s good for you.
6. Try your hand at your own “$200 date.” Uh-huh. Roll your eyes if you want to, but it’s real easy to talk left about how a man should be able to just drop $200 like it’s nothing…until you actually try to do it. So yes, while taking yourself out on this type of date could serve as a bit of a reality check, it can also “scratch the itch” of waiting on some dude to do it for you. It’s also way less emotionally draining because, at least when you’re taking your own self out, it’s guaranteed that you’ll enjoy the company…right?
7. DIY some pampering. When you get a chance, check out “5 Reasons You Should Unapologetically Pamper Yourself,” “Want To Love On Yourself? Try These 10 Things At Home.,” “I’ve Got Some Ways For You To Start Pampering Your Soul,” and “When's The Last Time You Actually Pampered Your Vagina?” The bottom line here is pampering is all about, not mere self-maintenance; it’s all about treating yourself to levels of EXTREME SELF-INDULGENCE. So, if nothing else tickles your fancy on this list, at least consider doing that, chile.
8. Feed your creativity. Something that I used to be really good at is art. That said, one of my goddaughters is insanely talented, so she has reminded me to tap back into it. Also, a big part of what got me into the writing world is poetry; I actually used to be a house poet at a local spot. Sometimes, my best quality time moments with myself have been revisiting these creative sides of me — and this is definitely easier to do (and enjoy) alone.
9. Try some stargazing. When’s the last time you took a blanket into your backyard, laid down on it, and just stared at the stars for hours on end? While some say that stargazing can teach you to be mindful, others say that being in that form of nature reduces stress, while others believe that looking up at the universe at night can increase your attention span. All solid reasons to give it a shot, if you ask me.
10. DO. ABSOLUTELY. NOTHING. Let me tell you something that nobody will ever be able to make me feel bad about: doing absolutely nothing. I’ve got data to back me up. Good Housekeeping shares that doing nothing can help you decide how you want to respond or react to certain things. I like howThe Guardian says that taking this approach helps you to regain control of what you give your attention to.
TIME magazine says that it can ultimately make you more productive.BBC offers up that it can help you tap into your ingenuity.Henry Ford Health says that it can make you kinder and a better problem-solver. So, if you want to invest in yourself, do nothing sometimes.
Closing Thoughts from the Lovely Javicia Leslie
While some of y'all may know Javicia Leslie from being the former Batwoman, I discovered her back in the day from the indie series Chef Julian (and yes, "Julian" was right to say that "Mo" looks like Tatyana Ali...the real ones know). Sometimes I'll hop on her IG to see what she's got going on and this story popped up within a few hours of me penning this...so, I took it as hella confirmation.
TREAT YO SELF. WAIT FOR NO ONE.
WAIT FOR NO ONE. TREAT YO SELF.
RINSE AND REPEAT.
_____
Sooo…what kind of masterdating plans do you have for this coming weekend? While going out with others has its perks, hanging out with yourself has a ton of ‘em too. Enjoy!
No…for real. ENJOY!
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