10 Books To Motivate & Inspire Your Career Glow-Up
As much as we all love a good Netflix binge, diving into a great book never gets old. Many of us are stuck dealing with the unique issues that come with managing a remote team, trying to virtually impress a boss who holds the keys to your job's future, conducting meetings while needy kids, pets, (and even hubbies) play the background, and doing magic with bank accounts that are literally on their last legs.
Sis, we all need to take a moment of silence and get our read on. Here are 10 career advancement, job hunting, leadership and motivational books to help you tap into a bit of calm and upgrade your boss moves, one step at a time.
The Negotiation Workbook: Don't Leave Money on the Table by Jacqueline Twillie
The Negotiation Workbook: Don't Leave Money on the Table by Jacqueline Twillie
This is the perfect companion to the Twillie's best-selling guide, Don't Leave Money on The Table: Negotiation Strategies for Women Leaders in Male-Dominated Industries. It's one thing to just read something that offers strategy and what-you-need-to-be-doing directives, but being able to put words into action is the key to real growth.
Spiritual Leadership: Principles of Excellence for Every Believer by J. Oswald Sanders
Spiritual Leadership: Principles of Excellence for Every Believer by J. Oswald Sanders
Whether you're a person of Christian faith or not, the insights in this book on servant leadership are amazing and can apply to any industry. This read breaks down the foundational aspects of leadership that many successful people embody---faith-based or not---and it's an easy read where you can reflect via questions at the end of each chapter.
Little Black Book: A Toolkit for Working Women by Otegha Uwagba
Little Black Book: A Toolkit for Working Women by Otegha Uwagba
The great thing about this book is it includes direct, no-nonsense tone of advice on subjects including productivity, time management, creativity processes, and entrepreneurship. It's basic, foundational insights packaged very conveniently in a read that can easily be completed on a road trip or while waiting for your last load of laundry to finish.
After the Rain: Gentle Reminders for Healing, Courage, and Self-Love by Alexandra Elle
Amazon
After the Rain: Gentle Reminders for Healing, Courage, and Self-Love by Alexandra Elle
This book is clearly a manifestation of the peaceful yet definitively impactful self-care vibe of her online platform. (Sis has more than 900,000 followers on IG who are blessed with a healthy daily dose of hope and positivity.) Alex Elle shares super-relatable stories from both her personal and professional life---all eloquently illustrating how to overcome issues that challenge self-confidence, abundance and self-love.
The Leader You Want to Be: Five Principles for Bringing Out Your Best Self -- Every Day by Amy Jen Su
The Leader You Want to Be: Five Principles for Bringing Out Your Best Self -- Every Day by Amy Jen Su
It's never a bad idea to strengthen your foundational thinking on what dynamic leadership actually entails. Su, a successful executive coach and business leader in her own right, shares insider tips from her work with high-earning and high-achievement investment industry professionals. She also includes specific leadership scenarios, case examples and processes you can analyze and learn from.
From the Corner of the Oval by Beck Dorey-Stein
Amazon
From the Corner of the Oval by Beck Dorey-Stein
Dorey-Stein's story of her time as a millennial stenographer working at the White House during the Obama administration continues with more intrigue: She got the gig after answering a Craigslist ad. She further writes about traveling on Air Force One, recording and transcribing the former president's speeches, and navigating the culture on the Hill. It's a humorous, inspiring ride that will remind you that anything is possible.
The Memo: What Black Women Need to Know to Secure a Seat at the Table by Minda Harts
Amazon
The Memo: What Black Women Need to Know to Secure a Seat at the Table by Minda Harts
Harts offers a roadmap to success that does not glaze over challenges black women continue to face in corporate America---the microaggressions, workplace snafus and disrespect and the complications of office politics. It's strategy you can actually use and take to the bank from someone who has the experience and maturity to back up her words.
How to Lead: Wisdom From the World's Greatest CEOs, Founders and Game Changers by David M. Rubenstein
Goodreads
How to Lead: Wisdom From the World's Greatest CEOs, Founders and Game Changers by David M. Rubenstein
This book includes Q&A interviews with people who have reached the top of their industries and have impacted generations across the globe. The conversations go beyond the usual encyclopedia vibes of some leadership books that profile successful CEOs, and there are takeaways for budding bosses who have diverse interests and leadership styles.
From Ball Girl to CMO by Melissa M. Proctor
Proctor,
From Ball Girl to CMO by Melissa M. Proctor
Proctor's journey from being a team attendant AKA "ball girl" for the Miami Heat to chief marketing officer for the Atlanta Hawks was creative and out of the box. She provides yet another started-from-the-bottom-now-we're-here success story to remind anyone that progress is inevitable when you throw comparison to the wind, embrace your uniqueness, work hard, and enjoy the ride.
Slay in Your Lane: The Black Girl Bible by Yomi Adegoke and Elizabeth Uviebinene
Slay in Your Lane: The Black Girl Bible by Yomi Adegoke and Elizabeth Uviebinene
The authors---best friends of Nigerian descent who grew up in the UK---include interviews with dozens of female powerhouses, offering insights that will ensure you won't play small in whatever you choose to do. Adegoke and Uviebinene press a few buttons with this one, highlighting the relationship between culture, education, upward mobility, and discrimination that might trigger a few sighs, side-eyes, mmm-hmmms, or grimaces, but if you need a swift kick in the butt to elevate and push harder---or at least a great book for your next debate on leadership and career advancement---give this read a try.
Are you a member of our insiders squad? Join us in the xoTribe Members Community today!
Featured image by Shutterstock
- 10 Podcasts All Aspiring Girl Bosses Need To Listen To - xoNecole ... ›
- Here's Motivation To Complete Any Goals - xoNecole: Women's ... ›
- 6 Ways To Escape When Your Dream Job Becomes A Nightmare ... ›
- 12 Must-Listen Podcasts For Women Who Want To Glow Up ... ›
- Know Your Career Through Astrology - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Feeling Unmotivated? Motivation Tips - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- How To Change Your Career - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Top Books To Boost Your Career Confidence And Success - xoNecole: Lifestyle, Culture, Love, & Wellness ›
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
A Therapist Breaks Down The Internet's Fixation On The Black Cat-Golden Retriever Dynamic
In the realm of love and relationships, there's a growing interest in the idea of opposites attracting. This concept is gaining traction on platforms like TikTok, where users explore how different personality types interact in romantic partnerships. One popular comparison is between the "golden retriever" and "black cat" archetypes.
According to Urban Dictionary, the golden retriever, typically portrayed by men, embodies a relaxed and friendly demeanor, making relationship maintenance seem effortless. These individuals are described as easygoing, patient, loyal, socially adept, and optimistic. On TikTok, many women are intrigued by the prospect of finding partners with these qualities.
In contrast, the black cat, often represented by women, leans towards introversion and independence. They're mysterious, quiet, and introspective, preferring to be pursued rather than doing "the chasing" in relationships.
@annakrstna Replying to @BeckyAmi part II coming soon❤️ #femmefatale #blackcat #blackcatenergy #dating #marriage #datingadvice #princesstreatment #feminine #feminineenergy #relationship #sprinklesprinkle #celebrity #femininenergy #love
This dichotomy reflects the anxious-avoidant attachment dynamics in psychology (pursuer-distancer cycle), where one partner seeks closeness (golden retriever) while the other values autonomy (black cat).
The Black Cat Golden Retriever Archetypes & Attachment Styles
Attachment theory suggests that early caregiving experiences shape our attachment styles, influencing how we relate to others. Anxious individuals seek reassurance, while avoidant individuals prioritize independence. However, not every instance of the black cat/golden retriever dynamic indicates underlying insecurities. Individuals can embody these personas without necessarily being insecure or exhibiting unhealthy attachment patterns.
For instance, a golden retriever's desire for closeness may come from a secure attachment style, rooted in self-worth and trust in others. Conversely, a black cat's preference for autonomy doesn't always indicate avoidance; they may simply value their independence, and it's relatively easy for them to connect and disconnect when needed. Understanding these dynamics requires personalized individual/couples assessment, ideally with a licensed therapist.
The Black Cat Golden Retriever Roles in Relationship Success
A prevailing notion in this discussion that's sparked a lot of conversation is the idea that when a woman takes on the role of the golden retriever in a relationship with a black cat partner, the dynamic is more likely to fail. (I've experienced this firsthand, even in my own past relationships, and I've seen it play out in my own life.) Conversely, when the roles are reversed, the relationship tends to thrive. But why does this happen?
Historically, men have been socialized to take on the role of the pursuer, while women are expected to be more passive recipients of romantic advances. From a biological standpoint, some researchers argue that evolutionary instincts may play a role in shaping mating behaviors. Evolutionary psychology suggests that men may be inclined to pursue potential mates to maximize their reproductive success. This perspective suggests that men may have evolved to seek out partners and compete for their attention and affection.
@annakrstna Replying to @Tina Kaur #love #dreamgirl #beauty #relationship #dating #datingadvice #femmefatale #feminineenergy #desire #obsession #darkpsychology #sprinklesprinkle #femininity #psychology #selflove
Additionally, societal expectations and cultural norms can heavily influence gender roles and relationship dynamics. From a young age, boys may be socialized to take initiative, assert themselves, and pursue their romantic interests actively. On the other hand, girls may be encouraged to adopt more passive roles, waiting for suitors to express interest or make romantic gestures.
As much as there's a lot of conversation about gendered expectations and societal norms, it's crucial to recognize that these expectations aren't universally applicable. Not all individuals adhere to traditional gender norms, and people express a wide array of behaviors and preferences in romantic relationships. Research indicates that attitudes towards pursuit and courtship have evolved over time and differ across cultures.
In today's society, there's a growing recognition of the significance of mutual consent, communication, and reciprocity in romantic relationships. Many individuals, irrespective of gender, prioritize egalitarian principles and seek partnerships founded on mutual respect, understanding, and collaborative decision-making.
The Black Cat & The Problem With 'Acting' Secure in Dating
Delving deeper, there's a growing conversation surrounding the distinction between acting secure and authentically embodying security in relationships. True security stems from a deep-rooted sense of self-assurance and a healthy understanding of one's needs and boundaries. Secure individuals don't feel compelled to mask their vulnerabilities or play games to attract a partner; they attract healthy relationships by being genuine and self-assured.
Contrastingly, attempting to mimic secure behavior without addressing underlying insecurities can lead to relational pitfalls. Pretending to be nonchalant or aloof may initially attract a partner, but it ultimately creates a façade that crumbles under the weight of emotional triggers and unresolved attachment wounds.
Authenticity and vulnerability form the bedrock of secure relationships, fostering trust and mutual understanding.
Most importantly, whether you identify as a black cat or a golden retriever in relationships, it's best to find someone who genuinely loves you for who you are. Connect with people who appreciate you instead of engaging in games or "acting secure," because even secure individuals have vulnerabilities and weaknesses. People need to see the real you to truly connect with you.
Transitioning from acting secure to being secure requires introspection and self-awareness. Here are some tangible tips to cultivate genuine security in relationships:
1. Reframe Your Beliefs About Love and Relationships:
Challenge any negative beliefs or misconceptions you may hold about love and relationships. Recognize that healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, trust, and compatibility, rather than scarcity or desperation.
Cultivate a mindset of abundance, believing that there are plenty of opportunities for meaningful connections and fulfilling partnerships; you just have to be the person you want to attract and refrain from entertaining anything less.
2. Develop Self-Confidence:
Invest in building your self-confidence and self-worth independent of external validation or romantic relationships. Foster a sense of independence and autonomy in your life. Develop interests, goals, and aspirations that are separate from your romantic relationships, and invest in your personal growth and development. Engage in activities and hobbies that bring you joy and fulfillment, and don’t abandon those hobbies just because you met someone new or you’re in a new relationship.
3. Set Realistic Expectations:
Avoid placing unrealistic expectations on yourself or your partner in relationships. Recognize that no relationship is perfect, and both partners will inevitably experience challenges and setbacks. Instead of striving for perfection, focus on building a strong foundation of mutual respect, understanding, and communication. Embrace the ups and downs of relationships as opportunities for growth and learning.
4. Emotional Regulation:
Develop healthy coping mechanisms for managing emotions and navigating conflict constructively. Prioritize self-care and cultivate resilience in the face of challenges.
5. Practice Patience and Acceptance:
Understand that finding a compatible partner and building a fulfilling relationship takes time and patience. Avoid rushing into relationships out of desperation or fear of being alone. Trust in the process and have faith that the right person will come into your life at the right time. Practice acceptance of yourself and others, recognizing that everyone has their own journey and timeline when it comes to love and relationships.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Amber N Ford/Getty Images