Sisterhood has always been an uplifting relationship to observe.
There is an unspoken language there, a bond like no other. In a sister, you find your best friend, your confidant, and the source of some of life's biggest frustrations all in one. And despite that, you wouldn't trade them for anyone else in the world.
Your sister shares something that is truly unique to your bond.
And even if you aren't born into the bond like so many other sisters, sisterhood can be a kinship that knows no bounds. In some cases, water is thicker than blood and you establish your roots in close friendship circles, adopting women who know you and helped grow you into a sisterhood all your own.
From content creators and influencers, to entrepreneurs and musicians, we spoke with sisters that find strength, empowerment, and success in sticking together, while embracing their differences. Here's what these sisters had to say about their crafts, and more importantly, their love for each other.
Coco & Breezy
Breezy & CocoCourtesy of cocoandbreezy via Leighton Pope
Entrepreneur twin sisters Coco and Breezy had to learn how to embrace their uniqueness along their journey as business partners. They own an eponymously named retail eyewear company and are an innovative DJ and producer duo. As twins, they know a thing about being two peas of a pod, while embracing their differences, and how it's transformed their productivity.
"Our sisterhood is unique because not only are we sisters, but we are twins. We are twins that shared a cell phone until we were 19 years old. When we first started our business, we didn't really embrace our differences. Once we figured out our own strengths, it helped us become a lot more productive. We also have a rule and say that there are no feelings in business. We don't allow our personal emotions with each other to affect our business decisions. Being an entrepreneur can also be an emotional rollercoaster," the twins shared with us in a statement. "There have been a lot of up and down times during our journey. Whenever we have any feelings of doubt, our sisterly love always takes over to spread the positive energy."
"Whenever we have any feelings of doubt, our sisterly love always takes over to spread the positive energy."
What They Love Most About Each Other
Coco and BreezyCourtesy of @cocoandbreezy
"I absolutely love and admire Breezy for owning her sexuality and outspokenness. When we were kids — Breezy was the tomboy. I remember the day she wanted to come out to our family and friends that she preferred to date women. I told Breezy, 'if no one accepts you, we can live our lives with each other.' Once she told everyone, she had the best support from our family and friends." - Coco
"Coco is such a very strong woman. She doesn't let anything stop her show, no matter what she is going through. It's been so amazing to see her growth and to be a part of it! I admire her sense for bullshit! Coco does not play, and she is an amazing observer. Whenever we are in meetings or just around new people, she is most likely more quiet than I am because she observes body language. She has saved us from a lot of BS people with that skill!" - Breezy
Thaina & Patrice
Patrice Madere & Thaina Madere BlotCourtesy of Secrets Des Souers
Social media bloggers and content creators Thaina and Patrice have a sisterly bond that has helped them grow as women and professionally as lifestyle influencers. Though Thaina is older than Patrice, their differences teach them about one another and has contributed to their growing success.
"The older sister is often the one that knows more because she's experienced more time on this earth by default. That isn't our experience. I learn from her as much as she learns from me, so we're friends as much as we're sisters. We share the same interests and share that with the world, together. I believe when people see us they can also see the respect and adoration we have for another, even through photos on the internet."
Patrice adds that their individuality enriches their experience as a team, and that their differences in opinions are distinguished in their style and helps keep their visuals consistent with their shared content. "[We've] learned to develop an understanding and respect for each other's individuality, while also recognizing that our combined attributes are what helps us stand out in a completely transparent way. This has helped us both personally and professionally."
What They Love Most About Each Other
Patrice Madere & Thaina Madere BlotCourtesy of Secrets Des Souers
"I think people see her pretty face, love for makeup, and zest for life and underrate her, but those that really know her also Know that she has so many rich and beautiful layers to her. If she lets you in, one thing you'll learn is that Patrice has resilience like no other! She has overcome the type of things that could make someone bitter, yet she always looks for the bright side, keeps it pushing, and actively searches for ways to turn her pain into ways to give. If I had to pick one thing about her that I love most, I think it would be that." - Thaina
"I admire my sister's ability to connect with others. Thaina has always been a woman of impact. Her genuine spirit allows others to feel comfortable and rely on her for personal advice. She advocates for others without the expectancy of anything in return. Since Thaina was a child she always looked for ways to give and it is most admirable that she was able to carry such beautiful trait throughout her adulthood. I love her for it." - Patrice
OSHUN
copper bras & jewelry by Uniquely Wired M (@uniquelywiredm) Makeup by Jessica Murdock (@jessica_masai)
A blood sister bond is a beautifully unique relationship, but having a best friend who might as well have come out of the same womb as you is inspiring too. Case in point, the divine feminine musical duo and soul "sistars" Thandi and Niambi. For OSHUN, sistarhood means to be connected by something that transcends a blood bond. It means that you are linked by the soul.
As a neo-soul hip hop group named after the Yoruba goddess, OSHUN douses the world in black girl magic, preaching a message of spirituality, love, and peace while doing so. Together OSHUN have birthed tracks such as 2014's "Stuck" and 2017's "Not My President." Most recently, they've released Bittersweet, Vol. 1. "Our sistarhood supports us as women and artists. It allows us to nurture ourselves, nourish ourselves, and nourish the world. It allows us to grow, to evolve, and to be supported in that evolution because we have each other's backs. We constantly affirm and reflect each other, which reminds us to respect ourselves and the divine feminine in every form. We're super blessed to have this bond."
When it comes to making professional decisions, OSHUN uses their differences and respect for one another to strengthen their bond in sisterhood and professionally. "Every decision we make, we make together. We move as a unit and it requires us to really master our communication as sistars. Because we're so close, we have to handle our professional choices with care because they impact both of us, not just one or the other. That's on a business tip, financial tip, and even sometimes emotionally. We make our decisions with a lot of respect for each other and we're constantly thinking about one another when making choices."
"We move as a unit and it requires us to really master our communication as sistars."
What They Love Most About Each Other
Photo by Alberto Vargas (@avargasphoto)
copper bras & jewelry by Uniquely Wired M (@uniquelywiredm) Makeup by Jessica Murdock (@jessica_masai)
"I love and admire how Niambi is able to visualize so far ahead in her path. She can see the future so well, and that allows her to plan in advance like a true boss. She knows what obstacles to avoid before they even present themselves. Her vision is so clear." - Thandi
"I love and admire Thandi's drive. Once she makes up her mind about something, she's motivated to make it happen. She wakes up each day with purpose, and she carries that energy into every space she enters. It's refreshing and reaffirming." - Niambi
*Featured Image by Leighton Pope
Who's the Solange to your Beyonce in life, and what do you love about her? Let us know in the comments down below.
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As a writer who really pays attention to word meanings, something that can be a bit frustrating about our culture is the fact that based on whatever is popular at the time, folks will just up and change the original definitions of words to suit a particular agenda or whim — and the word “platonic” 1000 percent fits into this category. And perhaps that’s why we seem to continue to go in circles about whether or not people of the opposite sex can (and should) be friends and what that even can (and should) look like.
Let’s talk about it for a bit. Because as a word-literal type of individual, while again, I absolutely believe that men and women can be friends, at the same time, I think it’s about as rare as a red diamond to truly find yourself in a friendship that is…platonic.
It’s Time (More) Folks Knew What ‘Platonic’ LITERALLY Means
GiphySo, let’s do first things first — let’s define what it literally means for something to be platonic. If you go to your favorite search engine and put something along the lines of “What does platonic mean?”, the first thing that you’re (probably) going to see is a ton of dictionary definitions that say something along the lines of “of, relating to, or being a relationship marked by the absence of romance or sex” (Merriam-Webster), “designating or of a relationship, or love, between a man and a woman that is purely spiritual or intellectual and without sexual activity” (Your Dictionary) and, my personal favorite, “purely spiritual; free from sensual desire, especially in a relationship between two persons of different sexes” (Dictionary). Yeah, bookmark that last one; I’ll be circling back.
Keeping this in mind (and please do), where does the word “platonic” actually come from? From what I’ve researched, the philosopher Plato once penned something entitled “Symposium.” In it, he addressed the topic of two people sharing the kind of love that is free of any type of sensual desire; one that is based on divine love alone. An author from the 1800s broke it down this way: “Platonic love meant ideal sympathy; it now means the love of a sentimental young gentleman for a woman he cannot or will not marry.” A write-up on Merriam-Webster’s site stated that, “The term platonic was initially used to mock non-sexual relationships, as it was considered ridiculous to separate love and sex, but eventually this connotation faded away leaving us with today's notion of close friendships.” Yeah, we used to live in a culture where love and sex were not separated. Hmph, that’s another article for another time, though (check out “We Should Really Rethink The Term 'Casual Sex'”).
Anyway, as with many things (especially in our culture), the word “platonic” is kind of used in “broad strokes” these days (bromances, female friendships, etc.). However, because there continues to be this forever discussion — and oftentimes debate — about whether or not men and women can be “just friends,” I’m going to tackle this topic strictly from that angle — from the place where platonic actually originated.
You ready?
Yes, Men and Women Can Be Just Friends. But…
GiphyAt this stage in my life, I’m pretty sure that I have more male friends than female ones. There are layers of reasons why, yet I think a huge one is because I like the balance that masculinity brings to my femininity (especially as I'm learning to embrace different aspects of my femininity, intentionally, even more). And while every single one of my male friends is respectful and is a super safe space in my world on every single level that I can imagine (and have been for years now), there are probably only a couple who I would say 100 percent qualify as being…trulyplatonic.
Why would I say that? Well, I’ll illustrate this point with something that one of my male friends once said to me. He’s super cute. He can sing his ass off (and definitely has one of my favorite speaking voices). People see us out together often and some have told us that they assume that we’ve had something going on at some point. Anyway, after hearing someone share their theory about us, I told it to him.
Me: “I told him, ‘He’s my brother. We would never mess around.'”
My Friend: “Correction, you are like a sister. You are not my sister, though. Under the right conditions, you could still get it.”
When I shared that exchange with another male friend of mine, he basically cosigned on the sentiment: “Shellie, I have never approached you like that because I really respect you. I want to be good for you for the rest of our lives.” (That reminds me: check out, “Question: Is The Man In Your Life Good 'TO' You? Good 'FOR' You? Or...Both?” when you get a chance.)
Then I went to one more guy homie and ran both statements by him: “Girl, yeah. If I didn’t want to keep you in my life long-term, I would’ve tried to holla a long time ago!” And he and I have been friends for almost 20 years at this point. When did he get around to telling me this? Eh, maybe two years ago. LOL.
So, my takeaway from all of these “for real?!” exchanges is, even though men and women can be just friends, there is a certain level of intention, self-control, and ability to see into the future (on some level) that must go into account — because, just because something more-than-friends-like may not have gone down, that doesn’t mean there isn’t a “dormant seed” lying around somewhere…whether it’s one-sided or on both sides of the friendship dynamic.
As you can see, I just provided you with three instances where the male friends in my life, we’ve had nothing sexual or even physically intimate beyond a hug when we greet each other in nature — although things aren’t exactly platonic if there is some sort of attraction or sexual/romantic curiosity that simply never got explored. Because again, according to Plato, a platonic relationship is free from all of that kind of…tension — or possibilities. Zero. Nada. Zilch.
And now you probably get why I entitled this article in the way that I did…right? I mean, just think about it — out of your male friendships, where is there NO sensual desire or dormant romantic interest…on your side and/or on his? If you’re not sure about “his”…have you ever asked him? Or them? Because again, once I really let the definition of platonic sink in, I think maybe two guys in my life totally fit the bill.
This brings me to my next point.
Are You Platonic? Or Are You Friend-Zoning?
GiphyNow that you know that probably 70 percent of the people you know (both online and off) have been using the true meaning of platonic all the way wrong, let’s go about deeper: when it comes to your friendships with men, are they genuinely platonic or…is it more like you’re friend-zoning them?
A few years ago, I penned an article on the topic entitled, “Before You 'Friend Zone' Someone, Read This.” If you’re skimming this on your lunch break, I’ll summarize friend-zoning as knowing that a guy has so-much-more-than-platonic feelings for you yet because you basically want to keep the benefits of the friendship or even his emotions around, you will string him along on some level.
Personally, I can’t stand friend-zoning. I think it’s selfish, with some sprinkles of manipulation and wasting someone’s time. Don’t agree? How would you feel if a guy was friend-zoning you? (Yeah…exactly.)
This all needs to go on record because, knowing that a guy wants to “take it there” with you (whether sexually or romantically), you not full-on addressing it and/or giving him just enough hope to take you out, listen to all of your stories about other men and give you the attention that you need knowing that he doesn’t have a shot in hell — that is NOT a platonic friendship and honestly, you’re not being a good friend at all. Friends protect each other’s hearts, not abuse them.
A platonic friendship means that you both have no interest in each other and, as Plato put it, while you may have a strong and solid bond, it’s spiritual love that connects you. And what exactly does that mean? Spiritual love also deserves its own article yet the gist would be that you recognize there is a purpose in your friendship yet it’s about wanting what’s best for one another and even helping each other to get there.
For instance, a platonic friend of yours may know that you desire to be married one day, so he has no problem setting you up with a good guy in his life. And if things go well, he would have no problem standing up as your own best man (without feeling like he’s dying inside) because he never saw you beyond anything but a friend. A guy in the friend zone doesn’t move like this; he likes you too much to help you move on with someone else. See the difference?
Why Relationships Should Start Off As NON-PLATONIC Friendships
GiphyBefore I end this with some tips on how to properly care for the few platonic friendships you may actually have, since the use of the word may require a bit of mental reprogramming, I do think we should also address that if you’ve got a good guy in your life, who right now is a friend and either you’ve never thought of him in that way or the topic has never come up — he’s someone that you may not want to brush off.
What I mean by that is, it’s one thing for there to be absolutely no interest in someone vs. never considering it before — and the reason why you might want to give it some thought is because, ask any healthy married couple who’s been together for more than five years and I’ll bet you my next rent check that they will say that the best relationships are birthed out of friendship (check out “Are You Sure You're Actually FRIENDS With Your Spouse?”).
Yeah, just because you’ve filed someone in the “I see him as a good guy” category, that doesn’t automatically mean that y’all’s friendship is platonic. For instance, I have a male friend who is fine and I adore on many levels yet the reason why it would never work on my end is because there are certain relational standards that I have that he does not meet. However, don’t get it twisted — I’ve considered him because, on so many levels, we “fit.” So, the mere fact that I ever seriously thought about him on that level means that we are “good friends” yet it’s not exactly platonic.
I’m not free of potential sensual desire…I just choose not to act on it. Yet because I get the value of having friendship as the foundation for my own future marriage (should life play out that way), I am wise enough to know that I would’ve been a fool to not at least…ponder him and the possibilities.
So yeah, if there is a male friend in your life that the thought of dating or having sex with him doesn’t make you want to throw up in your mouth, there’s a pretty good chance that it’s not a classic platonic dynamic — and you might want to consider if it could/should go to the next level — if not immediately, eventually. Because there’s a pretty good chance that if you are thinking that way, he probably is as well.
Protect Your Genuine Platonic Friendship(s) At All Costs
GiphyLet me end this with how one of my platonic friendships rolls. We both think that the other is attractive yet neither of us is attracted. We both give each other opposite-sex insights. We both have said that the mere thought of dating each other makes our noses turn up like there’s an odor in the air. And even when I try to imagine us together, my mind goes blank. I love, love, LOVE this man — oh, but it is absolutely nothing more than platonic — and he feels the same way. It’s as close to familial love without being blood relationships. It’s a rare dynamic and that is what makes it so special. There is definitely a spiritual type of love there; no more, no less.
If you’ve got someone in your life who you feel the same way about (again, it’s got to be mutual; he must feel that way too), you’ve got a gem of a situation going on because there is nothing like having the kind of friendship where you and a guy can hang out, exchange perspectives and thoroughly enjoy each other’s company, knowing that’s all it is and will ever be. Things will never get weird. No one’s feelings are gonna get hurt (from the whole friend-zoning thing). You don’t have to walk on eggshells. You can just be.
And that’s why I’m all for platonic friendships. And listen, if you’re blessed enough to have even one in your lifetime, be fiercely protective of it. Don’t take it for granted. Nurture it in a way that your male friend needs (because it probably won’t be the exact same as your female friendships). Y’all, platonic friendships are so bomb because, if it’s honored and protected correctly, it’s the one male friend that you can probably keep for life because even your romantic partner will not find it to be a (true) threat — hell, they honestly could probably end up becoming (some level of) friends with your platonic homie as well.
______
I hope that I broke this all down enough to where, when you decide to use a word to describe your opposite-sex friendships, perhaps you will pause and ask yourself, “Wait, is this a platonic friend or a good or close friend?” Because the clearer you are on the differences, the easier it will be to know how to maintain your friendship — and feel about your friend. Feel me? Cool.
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