The Important Lessons We Learned From 2018's Most Influential Women

2018 was deemed "The Year of the Woman" but it's high-key been the year of the BLACK woman.
From being elected to congress to making million-dollar money moves, the amount of Black girl magic was overflowing this year. We continue to create seats at tables, make our own damn tables, and break barriers to hold space for one another. Our resilience, beauty, and power has never reigned more supreme than right now.
There are some women who have taught me life lessons this year through their own experiences. I have rounded up some of them to share how they have made my 2018 more magical than ever.
Michelle Obama
Michelle LaVaughn Robinson Obama has broken records this year. Her memoir, Becoming, had the biggest first-week sales of 2018. And now, word on the street is that Michelle has sold more than three million copies in the U.S. and Canada alone.
What She Taught Me:
Growing up is NOT finite. We all have an idea and plan for what our lives should look like as if there's a deadline or expiration date for what we "should" be. My forever First Lady released her book, Becoming, in the hopes of telling her story of the many chapters of becoming. She told Oprah, "You grow up and you are many different things — as you have been many different things. And I don't know what the next step will be. I tell young people that all the time. You know, all young women probably have some magic number of what age you'll be when you'll feel like a grown-up. Generally, when you think your mother will stop telling you what to do."
Michelle continued to say, "But the truth is, for me, each decade has offered something amazing that I would never have imagined. And if I had stopped looking, I would have missed out on so much. So I'm still becoming, and this is the story of my journey. Hopefully, it will spark conversations, especially among young people, about their journeys."
Meghan Markle
The world has never been so interested in the royal family until Meghan Markle and Prince Harry's engagement. Mostly because for us melanated folks, we saw it as our culture leveling up with our first Black princess.
What She Taught Me:
My fairy tale is possible; I create the story. Meghan's marriage to Prince Harry transcended all lines – race, nationality and tradition. The newly minted Duchess of Sussex broke so many barriers and she did it her way. I mean, she walked herself down the aisle! But in the end, it was better than a fairy tale, it was her life.
Supa Cent
Supa Cent aka Raynell Steward went from a Louisiana waitress to CEO of her own cosmetics company, The Crayon Case. She is wildly known for her raw but real Instagram videos by her large audience of 1 million followers. This year on Cyber Monday, her cosmetics brand generated $1 million in sales in less than two hours.
What She Taught Me:
There's no truth to the term "over-saturated market." If God says it's for you, there ain't a devil in hell that can stop it from coming into fruition. No shade, but the phrase is dumb. Every market has its creators and there is no way that you will be a lone pioneer. The key is to use your gift because someone somewhere is waiting to be inspired by you.
Jada Pinkett Smith
First of all, thank you Jada Pinkett Smith for creating a place where we can have tough conversations. In May of this year, Jada started a Facebook talk show titled, Red Table Talk, where she and the two most important women in her life - her daughter Willow Smith and her mom Adrienne Banfield-Jones congregate. The three generations came together to graciously tackle some tough topics around the red table and garnered millions of viewers in the process.
What She Taught Me:
Whew chile, where do I start? Jada's Red Table Talk has taught me SO much. Recently, I watched the episode on forgiveness and when she talked about gaining emotional independence, I started crying like a baby. I am guilty of giving others the power to make me happy or sad and I now know that I hold that power.
Gabrielle Union
During a Red Table Talk with Jada Pinkett Smith, Gabrielle Union sat down and spoke candidly about her beef with Jada and how her perceived self-worth played a huge role in their relationship. These two prominent women had been feuding for 17 years and they finally put everything to the side to hash things out in front of the world. After their talk, Gabrielle told Jada, "I told you on the phone it was like a gorilla hopped off my back that I didn't even know was there and I needed that. I needed you, so thank you."
What She Taught Me:
To reclaim my self-worth because I am worthy and I bring an extreme value to the table. There's no need to compete with others because my only competition is with who I was yesterday. This has been a process for the Being Mary Jane actress as she continues to speak openly about it. Gabby told Shine, "I fell down the rabbit hole of hanging my self-worth on being chosen by the right guy, having the right friends, making the best grades, getting the right parts for a long time."
She went on to say, "Eventually, I got on board with how much value that I brought to the table myself. Once I stopped looking at other people and external events for validation, I started to appreciate what and who I was. The thing is friends, guys, jobs all come and go. You are stuck with yourself — better to learn to love who and what you are."
Ava DuVernay
This year, Ava DuVernay became the first Black female director to receive a $100 million budget on A Wrinkle in Time. The movie was based on Madeleine L'Engle's children's classic, which was extremely white. So in DuVernay fashion, she brought some color to the film by casting the likes of Oprah Winfrey, Mindy Kaling, and up-and-comer Storm Reid. Ava essentially switched up the heroine, Meg Murry, from a white 14-year-old from Connecticut to an African American teenager from South Central L.A. played by Storm.
What She Taught Me:
It's great to learn and know what you DON'T want. This amazing filmmaker didn't pick up a camera until she was 32, after realizing journalism wasn't for her. During her internship at CBS News, she had a startling revelation. She told Elle Magazine, "I was working on the O. J. Simpson case — a turning point in the way hard news integrated celebrity news. I wasn't interested in that. It's valuable to have those early experiences to learn what you don't want."
That awareness led her to being the first African-American woman to direct a film with an unforeseen budget.
'Black Panther' Cast
We have been saying "Wakanda Forever" since the release of Black Panther in February because of its powerful plot and representation of the culture. According to Vanity Fair, the Marvel superhero movie is the third highest-grossing film of all time in the US box office. Best of all, there was a significant place and purpose for the women in Black Panther; they weren't just placeholders.
What They Taught Me:
There is power when women unite. The film highlighted what it means to be a powerful Black woman and how important it is to have a tribe supporting you. Each and every woman in the blockbuster, including Angela Bassett, Lupita N'yongo, Danai Gurira, and Letitia Wright, were integral in telling the story and they weren't a facade of empowerment. The best thing is that they are continuing the work off the screen by awarding The Black Panther Scholarship, which rewards one student from The Hollywood Reporter's Women in Entertainment Mentorship Program with a $250,000 full-ride scholarship to the prestigious Loyola Marymount University.
During the 2018 Women in Entertainment gala, Danai shared, "We know that if we want to live in a world that looks more like Wakanda, the first step is you invest in women and girls."
Cardi B
Bardi is everything society tells us not to be and that's why we adore her. Not to mention, she is always breaking records. For example, the Bronx rapper is the first solo female rapper to reach number one on the Billboard Hot 100 in nearly 20 years.
What She Taught Me:
Well, her entire Instagram feed is inspiration but for the most part she has taught me these three things:
- Stay humble but remain hungry.
- Don't let society define who you are.
- Switch it up on 'em and show them that you cannot be defined.
Stacey Abrams
Stacey Abrams became the first Black woman nominee for governor in the history of the United States. Need I say more?
What She Taught Me:
DO NOT CONCEDE. Before the obstacle presents itself, choose to never give up by fighting until the very end. There's something remarkably beautiful about appreciating the opposition and maintaining humility no matter the outcome.
On Election Day, Abrams refused to concede to her opponent, Brian Kemp, who maintained the lead. She demanded that all votes be counted before she conceded. According to CNN, Stacey told supporters in Atlanta, "I'm here tonight to tell you votes remain to be counted. There's voices that are waiting to be heard."
Janet Mock
Janet Mock made her debut in FX's new series, Pose, as a writer, producer, and director. This made her the first ever trans woman of color to write for a television show. The series is all about the New York trans community in the '80s. The hit series hosts five trans women of color as series regulars and over 100 trans actors and crew members.
What She Taught Me:
Use your own experiences to create authenticity in your work. Janet is the first trans woman of color hired as a writer of a television show. Through her position as a writer, director, and producer for the show, she has brought her life experiences to FX's Pose. She took to Instagram to say, "Don't let the smile fool you: I was nervous AF about doing something I had never done before; a job that seemed to be reserved for white men, a position in the industry that rarely invited women and/or people of color to sit in the director's chair."
Her mentor, Ryan Murphy, helped her gain perspective about her experiences. She had a moment with herself where she said, "'You wrote this script. You know these characters. You helped shape them, make them, move them. You got this, and your whole life as a Black trans girl with all your experiences have prepared you for so many unknowns — from being the first in your family to go to college, to get a Master's, to work as a journalist, to leave the safety of telling others stories to actually tell your own story, to write two memoirs that centered #girlslikeus, to be the first trans woman of color to be hired in a writer's room...and yes, the first to write and direct an episode of television. You can do this, will do this and are deserving.'"
Serena Williams
During this year's 2018 Grand Slam, our favorite tennis player-slash-goddess proved how women are held to unrealistic standards compared to men no matter the status or arena. She also made this year her comeback season after a near-death experience giving birth to her most esteemed title yet, that of a mother.
What She Taught Me:
The power of compassionate anger. She showed an immense amount of power through compassion and anger when the umpire gave her a code violation for allegedly receiving coaching. Serena not only advocated for herself by addressing the umpire but she also wrapped her arm around her opponent, Naomi Osaka, who ultimately defeated her when the crowd began booing. That takes some unthinkable strength to be able to empower your opponent despite your ego and feelings of vanquish. I have struggled with controlling my anger in fear of being labeled an "angry Black woman" when in actuality, I have hella reasons to be angry. She showed me it's okay to be real.
Rihanna
Rihanna created Savage x Fenty to promote body positivity. She dropped this new project in May of this year and shook the world once again with her business endeavors. Her ultimate goal is to empower women to own their beauty.
What She Taught Me:
To embrace the skin I am in. RiRi is such a boss and she exudes an enviable confidence. Her confidence and drive to empower women of all shapes, shades, and sizes is so inspiring. This year, when she took over the Brooklyn Navy Yard during NYFW, she made it her business to represent all types of goddesses – from pregnant to plus size women. Through her representation of the variety of beauty, she helped me validate my own beauty.
Sarah Jakes Roberts
Sarah Jakes Roberts has always been a vessel of faith and truth. She has managed to suspend the negative connotation of "being in the church" by keeping it real while being a worship leader. This year, I believe the world saw her willingness to help women evolve.
What She Taught Me:
Evolving and transforming is beautiful but it may cause you to lose things. SJR is more than a celebrity because she's also my pastor and first lady at The Potter's House Denver. Since she's become my pastor, she has taught me so much about the word of God and through her ministry, I have strengthened my relationship with God. After attending her Woman Evolve conference this summer, I grew to appreciate the beauty and brawn of evolution. Her transparency and willingness to use her story to encourage others has been transformative in my life.
Did these women teach you anything this year? Sound off on the comments!
Because We Are Still IT, Girl: It Girl 100 Returns
Last year, when our xoNecole team dropped our inaugural It Girl 100 honoree list, the world felt, ahem, a bit brighter.
It was March 2024, and we still had a Black woman as the Vice President of the United States. DEI rollbacks weren’t being tossed around like confetti. And more than 300,000 Black women were still gainfully employed in the workforce.
Though that was just nineteen months ago, things were different. Perhaps the world then felt more receptive to our light as Black women.
At the time, we launched It Girl 100 to spotlight the huge motion we were making as dope, GenZennial Black women leaving our mark on culture. The girls were on the rise, flourishing, drinking their water, minding their business, leading companies, and learning to do it all softly, in rest. We wanted to celebrate that momentum—because we love that for us.
So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.

In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.

In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.

And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.

We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.

So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.

That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.

This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
Someone's Trying To Hook You Up? Ask These 6 Questions First
As we all know, it’s cuffing season. We’re also on the cusp of the holiday season, and that happens to be the time of year when a lot of people get engaged. And that’s why the fall and winter seasons are the times of the year when folks wanna play matchmaker.
And so, sis, if at least one person in your life is currently trying to set you up with someone they know right now — charge it to it being “tis the season” more than anything else. Because let’s be real — folks tend to be more lovey-dovey than ever right about now, and that is usually what inspires them to try to get as many people boo/bae’d up as possible. Chile…CHILE.
It’s not like it has to be a bad thing. In fact, studies say that somewhere around 15 percent of engaged couples actually met through a friend. All I’m saying is, before you entertain someone’s “I’ve got someone I want you to meet” invitation, it would benefit you to interview them first — for the sake of all parties involved.
The questions that I recommend asking? The following six are what I think can get everyone on the same page, so that there is more pleasure than regret from the hook-up attempt.
1. Why Are They So Invested?
GiphyTwo things that I recently watched over again are the series Survivor’s Remorse (the writing is so damn good) and a movie called Trapped in Temptation (both are currently on Tubi). Something that both of them made me think about is the fact that motive reveals a lot when it comes to why people say and do the things that they do.
When it comes to the movie, specifically, without giving the film away — let me just say that, if you are in a relationship, be really careful about listening to individuals who try to talk you out of maintaining it. More times than not, the motive is shady as hell. And honestly, sometimes people who are close to obsessed with you being in one deserve a bit of side-eye too.
Now, if it’s someone who loves all things love, they are in love and they want you to experience something similar — that’s sweet. Just make sure that they are approaching the set up from a healthy space. What I mean by that is they don’t see singleness as some sort of relational handicap or they aren’t trying to override what you want for your life as if they somehow know better (there are so many ways to be a control freak, y’all).
Hmph. Now that I think about it — make sure that the set-up crew isn’t trying to use you to “save” some male friend or relative of theirs. I say that because I once knew a mother whose son had — count ‘em — 10 kids and she was FOREVER trying to get me to date him. Girl, that wasn’t for me. She was looking for a Holy Ghost Jr. for that child of hers. I’ll pass. HARD PASS.
Bottom line with this one — if someone wants to set you up with someone else, the first thing to ask is why? Make sure to really listen to what their answer is. Then pay attention to if your mind, body and spirit are at peace with their answer(s).
2. Do They Know What You Want?
GiphyI don’t know about y’all, but the people (and let’s be honest, by far, it’s usually women) who have tried to set me up with someone? They didn’t even know what my preferences or type was. Hell, they didn’t even know my thoughts or timeline as it relates to being in a serious relationship were either. And what that boils down to is they were trying to hook me up based on their agenda, not mine — and that usually meant that the guys who they came up with? Yeah…I was good on them. LOL.
Yeah, if someone wants to hook you up, you definitely should ask them if they know what you are looking for in a guy when it comes to his looks, personality, passions, spirituality, relational desires and goals, location, etc. Because, indeed, what is the point in going out with someone who is fine as hell and yet, you want kids and he doesn’t (or vice versa) or who has a great personality yet he isn’t even in the same ballpark of your spiritual beliefs?
If your friend really wants to help you out, valuing your time should come with that — and that means bringing someone into your life who complements your lifestyle. No wiggle room here.
3. Are They Aware of Your Deal-Breakers?
GiphyLast year, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “Should Bad Sex Actually Be A Relationship Deal-Breaker?” The thing that I think needs to go on record about deal-breakers is they aren’t exactly standards that you have. No, a deal-breaker is something that can’t be worked out even after trying to negotiate or compromise. When it comes to relationships, a deal-breaker might be how long two people should date before becoming exclusive or getting engaged. Another deal-breaker might be if being religious is more important than being spiritual and how that manifests itself (church or no church, etc.). And yes, another deal-breaker may be what each other’s sexual needs and expectations are.
When someone is setting you up, it is imperative that they know about your standards. For instance, for me, I am not interested in dating a divorced person, pretty much ever (I Corinthians 7:10-11). I’ve had friends who have tried to hook me up with that demographic before and it has always been a moot effort. The fact that some of them have gotten frustrated with my convictions has absolutely nothing to do with me. Some have tried to get me to compromise my deal-breakers too — like a long-distance relationship. Is it a firm “naw”? No. However, it’s not really something that I am interested in, so why not just…recommend someone local?
Yeah, if someone thinks that they know you well enough to hook you up, they absolutely should be well-versed in what your deal-breakers are before they do. And if they’ve never asked, all they are doing is assuming — and we know what that typically means. LOL.
4. What Is Their Track Record?
GiphyIt’s kind of wild that we now live in a time when more couples meet online than they do through “old-fashioned ways” like via their friends (although some reports say that Gen Z is getting back to that) — and yet, here we are. Still, if you are willing to let someone play pseudo matchmaker in your life, you are well within your rights to inquire about their track record in that department. Have they hooked others up, successfully, before? Has any of their “Cupid work” caused both people to get exactly what they wanted out of the situation? If/when things went awry, why was that?
I know someone who is constantly trying to hook people up. Thing is, maybe 10-15 percent (no joke) of their efforts have proven to be positive and fruitful — and we’re talking about close to close to two decades of them doing it. Listen, time is too precious to be out here doing stuff ONLY to please other people. That said, if someone wants you to devote some time to one of their grand ideas, you are well within your rights to ask about their past and current success score when it comes to it.
5. Can They Keep Their Own Feelings Out of It?
GiphyWanna know if someone who is offering to do something for you is actually doing it more for themselves? If they try to make it be about them when things don’t go the way they would like, that is a dead ringer. An example? They post a message about you on social media and then question you about why you didn’t do the same thing in return. Another example? They do something for you and then throw it in your face during an argument. Still another example? They set you up with someone, it doesn’t work out, and suddenly you’ve put them in a weird spot. No dear — you put your own self in that position by trying to hook two people up in the first place.
I promise you, it will spare everyone unnecessary energy spent (or even drama experienced) if, before you agree to be hooked up, you get the matchmaker on record stating that they will keep their emotions out of it as much as possible. MEANING — they will do the introductions and then let the chips fall where they may. If they can’t do this, my two cents (save it or spend it) would be to decline the offer. Because all you need is someone texting you about why you haven’t called their cousin back or having an attitude with you when you break up with some guy at their church who they thought was the perfect catch (P.S. These aren’t hypothetical examples — LOL).
6. Will They Respect Your Boundaries? Start to Finish?
GiphyYeah, this final one is a biggie. Just because someone sets you up with another person, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily mean that they should have the right to the details of the dynamic. I don’t care if it’s the first date or the 10th date. I don’t care if you decide to just be sex buddies or to have a full-blown relationship. I don’t care if you stay together or break-up — it’s your relationship which makes it your business. Whatever you share is privileged data.
Yeah, I would say that probably the most challenging thing about being hooked up by someone you know is they have a tendency to think that they are a part of the relationship too — and that is a lie. If things go well beyond a couple of dates, you and the guy should discuss what you will both share with the person who introduced you and then agree to stick to that boundary, no matter what. It’s a great way to protect the dynamic, to keep “outside voices” from influencing the growth and to navigate how you want to move, moving forward.
Someone who hooked you up for the right reasons and knows how to honor limits? They will understand. Will they ask questions? Absolutely. Will they pry? Nah.
___
Should you sit and let someone hook you up? I mean, you never know how your blessing will come. Just make sure that they are prepared for you to do some digging into their mindset before they start sweetly meddling into your love life.
It’s only fair. Hell, and right. LOL.
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Featured image by PeopleImages/Shutterstock









