

So, Here Are Some Teas That Will Make Your Sex Life So Much Better
Even though we’re officially exiting one season (winter) and entering another (spring), that doesn’t mean that your tea game has to slow down. Aside from the fact that springtime tends to still have some pretty chilly nights, there is nothing like a tall glass of herbal iced tea that’s been sweetened with honey and a bit of fresh fruit on the days when it’s warmer outdoors.
And while we’re on the topic of teas, why not consume some that will make things hotter in the bedroom? Yep, there are certain ones out here (12 in this article) that have some strong data to support the fact that they can do wonders for your libido — on a few different levels.
So, after reading this, commit to picking up some loose-leaf tea (oftentimes it’s best). Boil for 20 minutes, let it cool, put it in a mason jar and let it steep for 48 hours (with your favorite sweetener). Then add some ice and take it all in. You’ll have an all-natural concoction that will get you maximum herb intake and quite possibly some pretty intense orgasms too (whew-whee!).
1. Ashwagandha Tea
If there’s one artist who tickles me as much as he low-key terrifies me when it comes to the random ish that comes out of his mouth, it’s Kevin Gates. On the laughing tip, I literally cried as I was reading the comments under this particular Twitter post because it’s clear that either he doesn’t know how to pronounce maca (maa·kuh) or ashwagandha (aash·wuh·gaan·duh) or he was really going out of his way to make the cadence work in this song. LOL. Anyway, he does help to prove the point that this herb is that one when it comes to boosting libido levels.
Since ashwagandha has a solid reputation for reducing stress and anxiety, improving athletic performance, and even making depression-related symptoms easier to bear, it would make perfect sense that it’s known for being an aphrodisiac too.
There are studies that support that it can be helpful when it comes to strengthening women’s orgasms, in part, by reducing vaginal dryness and discomfort during intercourse. Some studies reveal that it can help to increase testosterone levels in both men and women as well.
A word of caution on this one, though. If you’re diabetic, breastfeeding, have an overactive thyroid, or take sedatives, run this one by your physician first. As with just about any herb, ashwagandha can be potent and come with unwanted side effects for certain types of individuals.
2. Green Tea
Okay, so from what I’ve read and researched, on average, a cup of brewed coffee is gonna have somewhere around 96 mg of caffeine per cup while that same cup of green tea is gonna land at around 28 mg. So, if you’re someone who wants to ease off of caffeine a bit this year or you want a pick-me-up that doesn’t pack as big of a punch as coffee does, green tea will do it. Some other benefits include the fact that it’s loaded with antioxidants, it can help to improve your brain function, it fights off the free radicals that are in your system and it can help you to lose weight.
On the sex tip, aside from the fact that the caffeine that’s in it can give you a boost of energy on the days/nights when the mind is willing but the flesh is weak, green tea also can improve and increase blood circulation which results in longer erections for him and better orgasms for you.
3. Saffron Tea
The brief backstory on saffron is it’s a spice that comes from a flower. It’s said to have originated in Greece and is one of the most popular spices when it comes to cooking. It ain’t cheap, I’ll just tell you that now. Still, it’s got some benefits that are worth noting.
Saffron reduces body inflammation, helps with weight loss, is effective at minimizing PMS-related symptoms, helps to put you into a better mood, and is said to lower blood sugar levels and heart disease risks too.
The reason why the tea form of it made it onto this particular list is that some studies say that saffron is beneficial in naturally treating men who deal with erectile dysfunction (ED) while also improving the libido of women who take antidepressants.
4. Vanilla Tea
Vanilla tea is dope on a few different levels. It’s slightly sweet even without anything like sugar or honey in it. It contains quite a few antioxidants. It’s got a way of increasing your metabolism while decreasing your stress levels at the same time. It also contains properties that help to soothe your nervous system and improve your quality of sleep.
Since I already know that vanilla is an aphrodisiac scent, I’m not surprised at all that it’s also a libido booster in tea form. Some studies say that it helps to heal erectile dysfunction while increasing arousal. Others say that it can enhance a man’s sexual performance over time.
And again, since the scent of vanilla alone can increase arousal in men by almost 10 percent, that sounds like a solid enough reason to have a sip — or two.
5. Damiana Tea
One day, I’m gonna share my journey with Damiens. I’ve had three in my lifetime and whew, chile. Anyway, when it comes to damiana tea, one of the things that it’s most known for is improving the quality of sex lives.
As a shrub that is quite popular in traditional Mexican medicine, damiana has been used for everything from bronchitis and fevers to fungal infections, anemia, and gastrointestinal issues.
What makes it a win in the sexual pleasure department is it contains a powerful amount of flavonoids (compounds that are found in fruits and vegetables) that can intensify your natural sex hormones. The stronger your hormones are, honey…I’m pretty sure that you already know the rest.
6. Cinnamon Tea
I can’t believe that it’s (almost) been four years since I’ve talked about how applying cinnamon essential oil on your partner’s genitalia can make for a really good time (hey, don’t knock it until you tried it; I talk about all-a-dat right here).
As far as cinnamon in tea form goes, it’s another one that’s filled with antioxidants. Cinnamon tea also helps to lower inflammation and blood sugar levels, contains powerful antibacterial and antifungal properties (which is great when it comes to treating tooth decay) and it can make period cramps less painful. As a serious bonus, it also helps to fight certain HIV-related strains (the more you know).
And what makes it great for your libido? For one thing, the lower your blood sugar levels are, the less stressed you’ll feel and the less constricted your blood flow will be; this means longer and more intense orgasms. Also, because cinnamon is spicy, the turn-up of heat in your body can also heighten your arousal levels.
7. Maca Tea
If you clicked on that Twitter link, you heard Kevin (attempt to) combine maca with ashwagandha — and honestly, that’s one hell of a combination, y’all. That’s because maca is well-known for being an aphrodisiac too.
Before getting into how/why, some other benefits of this herb are it helps to keep free radicals out of your system, improves your memory, and is also pretty good at reducing symptoms that are directly associated with menopause.
As far as coitus goes, it’s got all kinds of ways to improve it. Maca has been proven to increase a man’s sex drive, make sex more pleasant for postmenopausal women, improve a man’s sperm quality and put you and your partner into a better mood. So, if you’ve never had a good reason to try maca before, now you’ve got a few of ‘em.
8. Ginger Tea
Ginger is another popular spice that comes with some strong medicinal properties. That’s why a lot of people use it to treat motion sickness, keep their blood pressure in check, help keep cancer cells at bay, and to reduce bodily inflammation.
Since ginger is also seen as being a natural stimulant that increases blood circulation while reducing oxidative stress, it’s just one more tea that can help your sex life out. Oh, and if you’re trying to get pregnant, that’s another reason to add it to your diet. That’s because the properties of ginger can improve the quality of sperm while also strengthening ovarian follicles. How dope is that?
9. Rose Tea
If you’ve always wondered what rose tea is made from, you can literally create it yourself by steeping fresh rose petals. As far as the reasons why it can be good for your health, rose tea is high in vitamins C and E, it contains properties that help to lower your blood pressure, the polyphenols in it can help to reduce pain and discomfort, it can help to keep your skin radiant and your hair healthy and it’s a great immunity booster.
And why would your sex life appreciate it so much? Rosewater, period, helps to decrease stress and increase blood flow. The calmer you are and the more blood that’s flowing to your genital regions, the better your sexual experiences can be!
10. Spearmint Tea
Off the rip, one of the things that I like about any mint tea is it can help to make my breath smell fresher. When it comes to spearmint specifically, it gets applause for also treating motion sickness and nausea, lowering blood pressure levels and even improving your memory. Some other things worth noting are the fact that spearmint tea helps to fight bacterial infections and decrease the pain that’s related to arthritis.
Sex-wise, because spearmint tea is a stress reducer, it can also help you to feel calm and relaxed. And, since it also is known to be a hormone balancer, it can make getting in the mood easier when you’re PMS’ing or you’re going through menopause.
11. Ginseng Tea
If there’s any herb on this list that you probably already knew was good for your libido, ginseng would have to be it. We’ll get to why in just a moment. For now, let’s tackle some other reasons why you should consume it more (or more often).
Ginseng helps to do everything from reducing fatigue and fighting inflammation to improving brain function and strengthening your immune system. In fact, if you feel a cold coming on, a few cups of ginseng, very early on, can help to knock it right on out.
Your sex life will appreciate ginseng because it’s another tea that helps to treat erectile dysfunction by reducing oxidative stress that may be lurking around in a man’s blood vessels (especially in the ones down below). Ginseng is also a winner because it can give women more energy to even want to have sex. Definitely something to keep in mind on the days after work when you want some, but you need a pick-me-up to get the engines started (if you know what I mean).
12. Horny Goat Weed Tea
I mean, for real, though, anything that has the word “horny” in it must work…at least a lil’ bit, right? Believe it or not, horny goat weed (also known as Epimedium) is popular in the traditional Chinese medicine world and has been linked to helping people who deal with asthma, osteoporosis, PMS and Alzheimer’s, and Parkinson’s Diseases.
BY FAR (and yes, I am yelling it), what it’s best known for is getting bedrooms in check. It’s got a great reputation for naturally treating ED (which is why it has the nickname “natural Viagra”). It contains phytoestrogens which is a plant-based form of estrogen (which can help with natural vaginal lubrication, for starters). It can also balance out your cortisol levels (your natural stress hormone) and strengthen your libido. So, if feeling horny is what you want to do, horny goat weed can make that happen — and then some, chile.
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- 10 "Uncommon" Teas You Should Add To Your Stash (& Why) ›
- Here's How To Increase Vaginal Lubrication. Naturally. ›
- 8 Teas That Are Really Good For Your Vaginal Health ›
Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
Exclusive: Gabrielle Union On Radical Transparency, Being Diagnosed With Perimenopause And Embracing What’s Next
Whenever Gabrielle Union graces the movie screen, she immediately commands attention. From her unforgettable scenes in films like Bring It On and Two Can Play That Game to her most recent film, in which she stars and produces Netflix’s The Perfect Find, there’s no denying that she is that girl.
Off-screen, she uses that power for good by sharing her trials and tribulations with other women in hopes of helping those who may be going through the same things or preventing them from experiencing them altogether. Recently, the Flawless by Gabrielle Union founder partnered with Clearblue to speak at the launch of their Menopause Stage Indicator, where she also shared her experience with being perimenopausal.
In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
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A dead bedroom can kill any relationship. In all long-term, committed relationships, couples experience various phases, from the initial passion to a more complex and enduring connection. Yet, as time passes, sex may decrease, which introduces an issue often referred to as "bed death."
According to Advance Psychology Partners, 'bed death' occurs when individuals in a committed relationship experience a decline in the frequency of sexual activity and fall short of the desires of both or either partner. It is sometimes labeled a "sexless relationship" due to the infrequency of sex. In the U.S., an estimated 20 million people find themselves in such relationships.
This shift is a significant change for couples. Let’s face it: no one wants to be in a sexless marriage or relationship. But how can couples effectively confront the impact of fading physical intimacy on the overall health of their enduring partnership?
"I have found that many factors influence one's desire to dive, and it is often not a majority of just one thing. Most people assume that if they don't desire [sex], they are no longer physically attracted, but in my experience, that has little to do with it most of the time," explained Brittanni Young, LMFT, CST.
"Some of the heavy contributors that I see most often include excessive goal orientation towards orgasm, people not prioritizing their own sexuality, and the landfill of ‘should’s’ that develop from toxic sexual scripts created long ago in upbringing," she added.
Furthermore, these issues are not exclusive to any particular orientation, but it does manifest differently.
Young is a licensed marriage and family therapist, sexologist, and board-certified sex therapist who practices in Georgia and Florida. She has worked in the sexology field for over a decade. Young helps couples and individuals looking to get through challenges of all facets facing sexuality and intimacy, such as desire mismatch, over-compulsion, and dysfunctions. She recently launched a deck of intimacy connection cards called "Show Me Your Cards." Young is working on another product that helps teach children to consent and negotiate appropriate touch. She sat down with xoNecole to discuss what causes the decline in the bedroom, the myth of 'lesbian bed death,' and recommendations on overcoming "bed death."
The Decline In Intimacy
Intimacy often dwindles within relationships, a phenomenon triggered by various factors such as stress, the insidious monotony of routine, and the toxicity of unresolved conflicts, to name a few. While couples manage daily life, exchanging intimate desires and concerns may take a backseat. Sadly, this gradually erodes the closeness once shared in the relationship.
"Typically, the first thing I do when working with a couple on desire challenges is rule out medical causes by referring them to their primary care physician or other provider they are working with," Young shared. "There are times when unmanaged or mismanaged conditions factor into low desire levels. Also, many medications can wreak havoc on keeping desire levels up, such as antidepressants, SSRIs, anti-anxiety, and blood pressure medications, to name a few."
Jeff Bergen/ Getty Images
"Next, I look at the state of the relationship. If there is dissatisfaction in the relationship, then it definitely affects how close and intimate one wants to be to another. There are also plenty of individual factors one can bring into the equation, such as low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, feelings of shame or guilt around one's own sexuality, and external life stressors that can get in the way. I find that life stressors can be a big one for folks, as once you get in the habit of not prioritizing sex, it tends to stick," she added.
Fortunately, there are ways to prevent "bed death." It can involve prioritizing your wants and open communication about sexual needs.
"What tends to be effective for all couples is taking an inventory of how satisfied they are with their sexual behaviors and engagement. Being truthful in this vein can be the start of unlocking inhibitions that can keep you from seeking out and being genuinely vulnerable in intimate spaces," Young explained. "Next, I suggest opening up lines of communication around these truths. When people assume that nothing can be done, hope is lost."
The Myth Of 'Lesbian Bed Death'
The notion of "lesbian bed death" perpetuates a simplistic and inaccurate stereotype about the sexual dynamics within lesbian relationships. Contrary to the myth, the experience of a decline in intimacy is not universal among lesbian couples. The diverse spectrum of relationships among women challenges this oversimplified narrative, emphasizing that the complexities of sexual dynamics extend beyond stereotypical assumptions.
"The notion of 'lesbian bed death' is based on a research study done by Pepper Schwartz in 1983 that found that lesbian couplings fell behind in sexual frequency compared to heterosexual and gay male couplings," Young revealed.
"Several other studies [after] have replicated these findings but give very little information about sexual satisfaction. Despite there being more research needed overall in the sexuality field, more recent research did find that when it comes to the length of sexual encounters, lesbian couples had the longest duration of encounters. To that end, sexual quality over quantity is a better marker of satisfaction, and that is what I pay most attention to in my work. With that said, dissatisfaction can happen in all couplings over time," the sexologist continued.
Factors influencing reduced intimacy among lesbian couples may include communication challenges, societal pressures, and individual variations in libido. Menstruation can also play a role, with some couples navigating discomfort or hormonal changes during this period.
"There are certainly some nuances that come into play with lesbian couples that differ from heterosexual or other-oriented couples. As I stated earlier, physiological factors can factor into the rise and fall of libido. The hormone fluctuations that come from menstruation and menopause can impact desire levels, and it is double present in lesbian couples. Another nuance is the lack of a sexual script from society on lesbian sexual behavior. There are patriarchal roots to sexual research, which have created our societal norms that tend to leave out anyone who isn't heterosexual," Young stated.
Overcoming The Challenges
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While 'bed death' challenges couples, solutions are within reach. By identifying and addressing the underlying causes, couples can rekindle the flame of intimacy and ensure a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.
"In the words of Esther Perel, another sexual professional in the field, 'love enjoys knowing everything about you; desire needs mystery.' I recommend keeping it in the front of your mind, prioritizing, and keeping it interesting. Be open to learning more about your own sexuality every day, as well as your partner. You are always growing; what worked for you 20 years ago may not be the same today. Stay curious with one another and be open to exploring new ways to pleasure. You deserve it," Young said.
For instance, Young advised that couples should "keep sexual encounters light and playful." And not be afraid to introduce new elements, such as toys.
"Touch often in ways that are consensual and feel safe! I made 'Show Me Your Cards' to serve this purpose specifically. Just because you do not feel in the mood to go all the way does not mean you aren't in the mood to hold hands, exchange body massages, or dance together. Connecting often in any physical form, as long as it feels pleasurable, still counts as 'being in the mood,'" she said.
Overcoming the hurdles of "bed death" and debunking myths surrounding 'lesbian bed death' offers a unique perspective for couples grappling with the difficulties of sustaining a connection. Learning the proper ways to work through a sexless relationship can help foster a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.
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