Grammy-Nominated Singer Syleena Johnson On When She Feels Most Like A Woman
Syleena Johnson's greatest instrument is her voice and has recognized her passion for music since her earliest childhood memories. With a father who was in the entertainment industry as a singer, music was part of her life from an early age and eventually blossomed into her participating in talent shows and showing the world what she was meant to do. "I just finished filming my UNSUNG episode which will premiere on TVOne early 2021 and that will tell the readers a lot about my story and how I began. I am excited for you to see it. It will show you how I got my start in the industry and how I got to where I am now," she spilled to xoNecole about her upcoming project.
As a singer, she has used her voice and songs to uplift women and Black people, but now as a talk show host on Cocktails and Queens on Fox Soul, Syleena is using her voice to empower Black women to demand respect and equality on the other side of the couch. "I am still and will always be a part of music," the former Sister Circle host told me about her transition into being a talk show host, "However, opportunities and God have allowed me to become a talk show host and share my opinions and thoughts as a woman in this world and in entertainment."
Nowadays in her career, Syleena can apply the multitude of lenses to her craft from the talent side to research and development as the interviewer. When she's not on the couch interviewing talent or in the booth making new empowerment anthems, the "Guess What" singer has been working on her latest docuseries project, The Making of a Woman, which was heavily inspired by her recently released Woman album.
Courtesy of Tony Tyus Photography
"This docuseries will show what my experience as a Black woman has been in this industry for over 20 years as well as being a working-class woman, a wife and a mother raising two sons. It will inspire people to see the challenges Black women face on a day-to-day basis and how we overcome it," she explained. "I wanted to show a message and present that in a body of work to create more of a conversation and a call-to-action. I've realized in order to make change, we must create content or use our voice to make a shift in change in our society."
xoNecole had the opportunity to catch up with the Grammy-nominated singer herself about using her voice to uplift women, her new docuseries The Making of a Woman, and being a Black woman in 2020 demanding equal rights in our current racial climate. Check out our conversation below.
xoNecole: Tell me about your docuseries, 'The Making Of A Woman', the messaging and the inspiration behind it.
Syleena Johnson: The docuseries The Making of a Woman is heavily inspired by my recent album, Woman. Each of my albums as a solo artist have been titled after chapters, however with today's racial climate I decided to create the album and docuseries to speak on the struggles and experiences of everyday Black women and what we go through in life in 2020. I created this docuseries to vocally create a body of work that documented the journey of what it took to create this album, mentally, internally and spiritually while sharing the experiences of what women go through like demanding equality and respect, having a voice to even having to work twice as hard as our male counterparts even through pain and adversity.
How does your new studio album, ‘Woman’, directly correlate with the story that you're telling us in the docuseries?
It's my journey, my thoughts and what I and many women endure as a Black woman in society as well as this industry. You'll see me on my journey of completing my album and shooting the video to my lead single off my new album. You'll see the vision that I had to want to highlight how beautiful and special women are. The docuseries speaks on dishonesty, respect and the many examples of inequality Black women face while showing the process of creating a body of work that shares the same message.
How are both releases timely considering our current racial climate?
Right now, we are in the year of the WOMAN. We have a Black woman that is working tirelessly to be the next Vice President of the United States. Black women are on the front lines organizing, protesting and leading the forefront of creating change for our economy and the futures of our next generation. Considering our current climate, both releases vocally tells a story that we still have work to do and are still fighting for respect in 2020. With both releases of my album and docuseries, I wanted to use what I've been seeing in situations like the #MeToo and Time's Up movement, and use my voice and passion in music to be a vessel for other women's stories and journeys.
What do you define as the makings of a woman?
The makings of a woman is the willingness of a woman to grow despite her flaws, despite her mistakes, despite her circumstances and her setbacks in life. The ingredients of the makings of a woman is built up of all the little experiences that you had and how you've handled them and most importantly learned from them. These are the certain experiences you must endure in life to come into your womanhood while helping you grow as a woman.
Courtesy of Tony Tyus Photography
"The makings of a woman is the willingness of a woman to grow despite her flaws, despite her mistakes, despite her circumstances and her setbacks in life. The ingredients of the makings of a woman is built up of all the little experiences that you had and how you've handled them and most importantly learned from them."
When do you feel the most "womanly" or the most beautiful as a woman?
I feel the most womanly when I am being a mother to my sons, when I am being a wife. Always working or in business mode does not make me feel like a woman, it makes me tired. I feel more womanly when I can have peace, when I can have "girl time" for myself. I feel the "womanliest" when I can be appreciated and when I am treated like a woman. I feel womanly when I can be heard and valued. More than anything, I feel the "womanliest" when I can operate as a mom and wife without having to be the authoritative figure. When you are a CEO and an entrepreneur you are the authoritative figure but when I come into my household I can relax without having to be the authoritative figure all the time because I have support.
"I feel the most womanly when I am being a mother to my sons, when I am being a wife. Always working or in business mode does not make me feel like a woman, it makes me tired. I feel more womanly when I can have peace, when I can have 'girl time' for myself. I feel the 'womanliest' when I can be appreciated and when I am treated like a woman. I feel womanly when I can be heard and valued."
What is the moment in your life when you believed that you were coming into your own as a woman?
That moment for me was when I got the diagnosis that my youngest son had autism. I developed a level of selflessness that had to take place mentally and emotionally in order for me to grow as a woman. Something like that is supposed to take me out of here and it did, however what that diagnosis did was made me come into my womanhood, turn up my senses as a mother, as a provider. I had to turn up those senses and it made me develop my own personal internal growth spurt. This has allowed me to grow into my womanhood and has taught me to be more patient overall in life. That moment and many life lessons made me understand and be OK with me, unapologetically. It allowed me to love me for who I am and become appreciative of being OK with not being perfect.
There are a lot of conversations around gender and sex. What do you see is the difference between femininity and womanhood, if there is one at all?
What I've learned throughout my own experiences in life is that femininity is a characteristic. Womanhood is a state of mind. Whereas a woman doesn't have to be any of those feminine qualities, and still be a boss, knowing who she is, having a voice, understanding her worth - those are the things that encompass womanhood. Femininity is a characteristic, an accessory. Anyone can be feminine, however it is a characteristic that is interchangeable, whereas womanhood is a growth process, state of mind. A state of being.
Courtesy of Tony Tyus Photography
"What I've learned throughout my own experiences in life is that femininity is a characteristic. Womanhood is a state of mind. Femininity is a characteristic, an accessory. Anyone can be feminine, however it is a characteristic that is interchangeable, whereas womanhood is a growth process, state of mind. A state of being."
For Black womanhood, what do you believe makes Black women the most powerful and most majestic?
Resilience, our humility, our hearts have made us majestic. The fact that we've endured so much from the test of times has made us extremely powerful and majestic. We are resilient, durable, sustainable. We are smart, we are vociferous, brilliant, studious, meticulous, but we are kind, careful, and multi-layered.
How would you say that you've grown as a singer-songwriter since you first started in the music industry?
I have grown tremendously since coming into the industry and my writing has grown and evolved. I have a different and new sound. I've grown as a woman so I can't stay in the same frame of mind as my other albums. When you're saying different things, you have to stretch out and grow. And that's where I've improved as an artist and singer since first being introduced in the industry.
Being a Black woman in the industry is tough, especially when you're in the spotlight as an artist. How do you manage your mental health and how can the music industry do a better job at protecting Black women?
I manage my mental health by working out and doing stress reduction activities. I am really into fitness and bodybuilding. It allows me to be focused and gain mental clarity. I am also an advocate and use therapy as an outlet to manage my mental health. I have recently embarked on a fitness journey where I competed in a fitness bodybuilding competition which totally improved and helped with my mental health. I was able to not only transform physically losing over 55 pounds but was also able to grow internally within the process.
The music industry can do a better job protecting Black women. The most important thing they can do is listen to Black women. We are not objects. We are not possessions. Listen to Black women and see how they feel, ask are you being heard and valued? Are you being treated fairly? That is how you can protect Black women by listening and valuing us.
If you listen, you learn.
For more of Syleena, follow her on Instagram.
Featured image courtesy of Tony Tyus Photography
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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A Therapist Breaks Down The Internet's Fixation On The Black Cat-Golden Retriever Dynamic
In the realm of love and relationships, there's a growing interest in the idea of opposites attracting. This concept is gaining traction on platforms like TikTok, where users explore how different personality types interact in romantic partnerships. One popular comparison is between the "golden retriever" and "black cat" archetypes.
According to Urban Dictionary, the golden retriever, typically portrayed by men, embodies a relaxed and friendly demeanor, making relationship maintenance seem effortless. These individuals are described as easygoing, patient, loyal, socially adept, and optimistic. On TikTok, many women are intrigued by the prospect of finding partners with these qualities.
In contrast, the black cat, often represented by women, leans towards introversion and independence. They're mysterious, quiet, and introspective, preferring to be pursued rather than doing "the chasing" in relationships.
@annakrstna Replying to @BeckyAmi part II coming soon❤️ #femmefatale #blackcat #blackcatenergy #dating #marriage #datingadvice #princesstreatment #feminine #feminineenergy #relationship #sprinklesprinkle #celebrity #femininenergy #love
This dichotomy reflects the anxious-avoidant attachment dynamics in psychology (pursuer-distancer cycle), where one partner seeks closeness (golden retriever) while the other values autonomy (black cat).
The Black Cat Golden Retriever Archetypes & Attachment Styles
Attachment theory suggests that early caregiving experiences shape our attachment styles, influencing how we relate to others. Anxious individuals seek reassurance, while avoidant individuals prioritize independence. However, not every instance of the black cat/golden retriever dynamic indicates underlying insecurities. Individuals can embody these personas without necessarily being insecure or exhibiting unhealthy attachment patterns.
For instance, a golden retriever's desire for closeness may come from a secure attachment style, rooted in self-worth and trust in others. Conversely, a black cat's preference for autonomy doesn't always indicate avoidance; they may simply value their independence, and it's relatively easy for them to connect and disconnect when needed. Understanding these dynamics requires personalized individual/couples assessment, ideally with a licensed therapist.
The Black Cat Golden Retriever Roles in Relationship Success
A prevailing notion in this discussion that's sparked a lot of conversation is the idea that when a woman takes on the role of the golden retriever in a relationship with a black cat partner, the dynamic is more likely to fail. (I've experienced this firsthand, even in my own past relationships, and I've seen it play out in my own life.) Conversely, when the roles are reversed, the relationship tends to thrive. But why does this happen?
Historically, men have been socialized to take on the role of the pursuer, while women are expected to be more passive recipients of romantic advances. From a biological standpoint, some researchers argue that evolutionary instincts may play a role in shaping mating behaviors. Evolutionary psychology suggests that men may be inclined to pursue potential mates to maximize their reproductive success. This perspective suggests that men may have evolved to seek out partners and compete for their attention and affection.
@annakrstna Replying to @Tina Kaur #love #dreamgirl #beauty #relationship #dating #datingadvice #femmefatale #feminineenergy #desire #obsession #darkpsychology #sprinklesprinkle #femininity #psychology #selflove
Additionally, societal expectations and cultural norms can heavily influence gender roles and relationship dynamics. From a young age, boys may be socialized to take initiative, assert themselves, and pursue their romantic interests actively. On the other hand, girls may be encouraged to adopt more passive roles, waiting for suitors to express interest or make romantic gestures.
As much as there's a lot of conversation about gendered expectations and societal norms, it's crucial to recognize that these expectations aren't universally applicable. Not all individuals adhere to traditional gender norms, and people express a wide array of behaviors and preferences in romantic relationships. Research indicates that attitudes towards pursuit and courtship have evolved over time and differ across cultures.
In today's society, there's a growing recognition of the significance of mutual consent, communication, and reciprocity in romantic relationships. Many individuals, irrespective of gender, prioritize egalitarian principles and seek partnerships founded on mutual respect, understanding, and collaborative decision-making.
The Black Cat & The Problem With 'Acting' Secure in Dating
Delving deeper, there's a growing conversation surrounding the distinction between acting secure and authentically embodying security in relationships. True security stems from a deep-rooted sense of self-assurance and a healthy understanding of one's needs and boundaries. Secure individuals don't feel compelled to mask their vulnerabilities or play games to attract a partner; they attract healthy relationships by being genuine and self-assured.
Contrastingly, attempting to mimic secure behavior without addressing underlying insecurities can lead to relational pitfalls. Pretending to be nonchalant or aloof may initially attract a partner, but it ultimately creates a façade that crumbles under the weight of emotional triggers and unresolved attachment wounds.
Authenticity and vulnerability form the bedrock of secure relationships, fostering trust and mutual understanding.
Most importantly, whether you identify as a black cat or a golden retriever in relationships, it's best to find someone who genuinely loves you for who you are. Connect with people who appreciate you instead of engaging in games or "acting secure," because even secure individuals have vulnerabilities and weaknesses. People need to see the real you to truly connect with you.
Transitioning from acting secure to being secure requires introspection and self-awareness. Here are some tangible tips to cultivate genuine security in relationships:
1. Reframe Your Beliefs About Love and Relationships:
Challenge any negative beliefs or misconceptions you may hold about love and relationships. Recognize that healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, trust, and compatibility, rather than scarcity or desperation.
Cultivate a mindset of abundance, believing that there are plenty of opportunities for meaningful connections and fulfilling partnerships; you just have to be the person you want to attract and refrain from entertaining anything less.
2. Develop Self-Confidence:
Invest in building your self-confidence and self-worth independent of external validation or romantic relationships. Foster a sense of independence and autonomy in your life. Develop interests, goals, and aspirations that are separate from your romantic relationships, and invest in your personal growth and development. Engage in activities and hobbies that bring you joy and fulfillment, and don’t abandon those hobbies just because you met someone new or you’re in a new relationship.
3. Set Realistic Expectations:
Avoid placing unrealistic expectations on yourself or your partner in relationships. Recognize that no relationship is perfect, and both partners will inevitably experience challenges and setbacks. Instead of striving for perfection, focus on building a strong foundation of mutual respect, understanding, and communication. Embrace the ups and downs of relationships as opportunities for growth and learning.
4. Emotional Regulation:
Develop healthy coping mechanisms for managing emotions and navigating conflict constructively. Prioritize self-care and cultivate resilience in the face of challenges.
5. Practice Patience and Acceptance:
Understand that finding a compatible partner and building a fulfilling relationship takes time and patience. Avoid rushing into relationships out of desperation or fear of being alone. Trust in the process and have faith that the right person will come into your life at the right time. Practice acceptance of yourself and others, recognizing that everyone has their own journey and timeline when it comes to love and relationships.
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Featured image by Amber N Ford/Getty Images