You know what they say—you tend to see things a heck of a lot clearer when you look at them in hindsight. After experiencing almost 12 years of abstinence (which I'll get into at another time—I promise), one thing that I recognize is I had a pattern of sleeping with my guy friends.
Back in my gettin-it-in days, I wasn't the kind of girl who met a guy in a club and went home with them. I also didn't get down with one-night stands. In fact, 90 percent of guys I've slept with, I've known for several years (the others, no less than a year). After time spent hanging out had passed, I would build a friendship with them. Since oftentimes there was a chemistry and attraction, I would tell myself that sex with them wasn't that much of a risk. I knew them, so it was emotionally safe. Or so I thought.
But here's the problem. Out of my 14 friends/sex partners, ask me how many I'm friends with now. Hmph. When it comes to several of those past friendships, it's really a shame that we're not friends because, ironically, they weren't homie-lover-friends; they were literally my boys.
For better or for worse, whether we choose to acknowledge it or not, sex changes things. Oftentimes, in ways we would never predict or imagine. That's something I had to learn the hard way.
So, before you decide to sleep with one of your own homeboys (either for the first time or again), please take a moment to consider the following five things first. Because trust me, when it comes to having sex with a friend, it's really hard to undo what's already been done.
Are You Both on the Same Page?
It might ruin the potential of romance at the moment, but whatever. If you and your male bestie can talk about your relationships with other people, your credit scores, and how much money you both make, you can discuss what you both are expecting out of a sexual relationship. Not just what you both want in the bedroom but how you want things to roll afterwards too.
If there's one thing you don't want, it's to wait until afterwards to find out if one of you wants something casual while the other wants to explore the potential of something serious.
He's not a bad friend if you sleep with him, you catch feelings and he's not interested. But it could wreck your friendship if you don't explore things playing out this way beforehand. He's a friend, not some random. Your body, heart, and friendship are worth making sure you're both on the same page.
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