Everything You Need To Know About ‘Ready To Love: The Last Resort'
Houston, we have a love problem. But luckily, powerhouse producer Will Packer is here to hopefully help you solve it. The ever-popular dating series Ready To Love is back in full force only this time, they're raising the stakes in a whole new way. Hosted by Thomas "Nephew Tommy" Miles, these Houston hopefuls will be tasked with finding love this season in a love bubble, aka a beautiful lush resort to wean off all distractions. Each week, the tables continue to turn as the men and women trade the power to eliminate those they deem not ready to love. In the end, only three couples will remain. Whew, chile.
Let's take a look at the eligible singles we met last night, starting with...
Courtesy of OWN
The Ladies of 'Ready To Love: Last Resort' (Season 3)
Joy, 38, Management Consultant:
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First of all: YESSS HAIR. Joy is the whole package, if she does say so herself. (And she did.) She's educated, good around the kitchen, and enterprising. She's not one to deal with dating games so whoever she matches with has to come all the way real and ready to secure her heart. Because it's abundantly clear that she's ready for something long-lasting. "I'm ready to love because the timing of my healing says so." OK, sis.
Adrianna, 31, Realtor:
This former Houston Texans cheerleader wants you to know that she's more than just a pretty face. And I for one don't blame her, that stigma is beyond old and outdated. She's ready to find someone who recognizes and values her as something special as well as an equal partner, not just a trophy wife. "I'm a hopeless romantic and I'm very ready to love. I'm past due." Same sis, same.
Alisha, 38, Clinic Manager:
Now Alisha is probably going to be one of my favorites and I'll tell you why. Sis' confidence is on 100 and I'm totally here for it. Admitting to dealing with low self-esteem stemming from her size, Alisha vows to never settle for less in a man ever again. She's also looking for some eye candy that can match her fly, aesthetically speaking. And while good looks never hurt, I hope she gets to go beyond the surface-level with these men. Because as a wise woman once told me, "You can dress up ugly, but you can't paint over stupid." Or narcissism or, disrespectfulness.
Danielle, 40, Oil & Gas Project Coordinator:
As a someone who grew up with a single mother, Danielle's story touched me for a myriad of reasons. Now that her daughter is older, she's finally ready to find love for herself. But she has to learn how to be brave and open up her heart to someone other than her own child.
Denice, 38, Track & Field Coach:
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This athletic, brown-skinned beauty has been single for four years and feels as if she's now ready to find true love. The only problem is she has to work on how she comes across to men, let her friends tell it. The real challenge, however, will come in learning how to open herself up enough in order to allow love in. Been there sis, been there.
Nyya, 42, Salon Owner:
Now whoever deals with Nyya needs to know that they're dealing with a woman who's ready for both marriage and a family. After previously suffering miscarriages in her past, her 'ticking clock' is calling all the shots now. So Mr. Right better come with all the good vibes and energy. "I want to be everything that he needs and he has to be everything that I need." I know that's right.
Shay, 40, Private Chef & Caterer:
This hard-working woman is looking for a man who's all soul food, eye candy be damned. She wants someone who will pursue her, make her feel special, and treat her right regardless of how he looks on the outside. We already know looks can be deceiving so I can't say I don't feel sis on this.
Symone, 37, Attorney:
This boss woman is finally ready to take off her lawyer heels and sink it to some sensitive slippers. She's looking for someone who will allow the space to be vulnerable, soft and taken care of. And seeing as how Black women aren't traditionally given that, her quest is one I can't wait to see unfold. (But first, she has to want to see you naked. Well, not really. But kinda.)
Wynter, 40, Small Biz Consultant:
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This fun-loving, entrepreneurial queen is ready to find her King. But first she'll have to deal with healing the emotional scars from her previous marriage in order to trust her intuition to steer her the right way. You got this girl, we're rooting for you.
The Men of 'Ready To Love: Last Resort' (Season 3)
Khalfani, 38, Personal Trainer:
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This chiseled bachelor is tired of "looking for love in all the wrong places." So hopefully he can find someone who matches his fly and is just as much a catch as he is. "For all you ladies that say I'm a snack--I'm not a snack, I'm a whole meal." OK, then sir.
Rasheed, 37, Luxury Car Broker/Concierge:
Having been married previously for 10 years, this divorced father is "ready for a new love of my life so we can go out and conquer the world." He's gonna have to work on his game a little bit but as long as he plays his gentleman card right, the chips should fall in favor of him. But we'll see.
Bryan, 35, Education Consultant:
"What makes me sexy is my confidence, when I walk into the room--I know who I am." C'mon then! Y'all know I love my brown-skinned, bearded men. This passionate man has a heart for the kids and a heart for loving his woman through her growth and positive evolution. He knows he's ready for love now, thanks in part to his three-year-old daughter. (Cue the awws and oohs.) We'll be keeping our eyes on him for sure.
David, 36, Chemical Operator:
As a proud southern girl, it's something about a country boy that's good with his hands that just does something to my spirit. But this handyman has to put some hands on his heart first before he can be open enough to trust and love hard again. I hope he's ready to do that internal work, but only time will tell.
Anthony, 38, Student Support Manager:
OWN
Listen, this former football professional has all the energy for everyone there at that resort and then some. After finally finding the balance of being career-driven for so long, he's now looking for someone who's full of self-love and someone with whom he can share all of his self-love with as well. Turn up then, Anthony.
Edwin, 39, Chef:
We love a good meal and this professional chef in the city looks like he has plenty to offer. He wants someone fun and spontaneous. But having only been in three serious relationships in his life, I'll be curious to see if a long-term commitment is something he's fully ready to entertain.
Jay, 43, Luxury Real Estate Broker:
Though this previously married bachelor had to learn the hard way concerning who he really wanted to be, he's now ready to share his newfound confidence with an equally yoked partner. But she'll have a lot to prove since his parents are the pinnacle of relationship goals for him. I hope you're ready, sis.
Kristoper, 41, Radio Personality:
This public figure and social activist has to learn how to decipher people's true intentions and let his guard down if he's truly dedicated to finding true love. But seeing as how he loves melanin-rich women, I don't think he'll have that hard of a time attracting the right sista to him. But it remains to be seen, so we can only hope.
Raymond, 52, Professional Guitarist:
Although he has five kids (yes, FIVE children), this brother is dedicated to finding and spending the rest of his life with the right woman. She has to be someone secure in herself and their relationship because anything less than that is liable to make him 'choke.'
Samuel, 36, Visual Artist:
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Though this artistic soul has been dealt and dished out his fair share of love turmoil, he's committed to being with one woman and showing up for her in every area. And while his time may be split between being there for his son and daughter, he knows that he'll have to be fully present in order to receive a love that's all-encompassing. "I deserve to be able to love and be loved wholly." Whew, say that!
We can't wait to see if and how these singles find true love at the end of it all.
Ready To Love: Last Resort airs every Friday at 9/8c only on the OWN network. And to keep up with the conversation, follow them on Instagram and Twitter @ownTv.
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Featured image courtesy of OWN
Writer. Empath. Escapist. Young, gifted, and Black. Shanelle Genai is a proud Southern girl in a serious relationship with celebrity interviews, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, and long walks down Sephora aisles. Keep up with her on IG @shanellegenai.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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You're Catching Feelings For Your Guy Friend. Now What?
Let me just start this all off by saying that I will never be the kind of person who thinks that men and women can’t be friends (or that single people and married people can’t be friends). Choosing friends is about looking into someone’s character and how they complement your life; it should never be about their gender or relational status. Don’t get it twisted, though — in order to properly navigate the dynamic between a man and a woman, there are some things that should be pondered and then discussed.
For instance, is the relationship truly platonic? Even though our culture has reduced that word to simply mean that two people are friends and nothing more, the actual definition is that BOTH individuals do not have any type of sexual interest or attraction at all; that only a spiritual kind of love exists. Is that possible? I have a few male friends where that word applies. I won’t lie, though — most of my (unmarried) male friends are more in the lane of, “You could get it. We just value the friendship too much to explore it”…and no, it hasn’t been “game” whenever they’ve brought it up.
Contrary to the notoriously toxic belief of so many folks out here, not every man has coochie on the brain 24/7 and/or lacks self-control and/or is willing to risk it all in order to get some. In fact, not one man in my life is even remotely that shallow.
Now, that doesn’t mean that I don’t get that the line between just friends and possibly more isn’t a tightrope for some friendships from time to time. Like, what happens if the person who ends up “with a little extra,” as far as emotions go for a friend, ends up being you? Even further, what if that question isn’t even close to being rhetorical because it’s something that you’re experiencing right at this very moment, and you’re not exactly sure what you should do about it?
If that’s the case, have no fear. I think I might be able to offer up a bit of insight that can get you through the (potential) internal stress of what happens when you look up one day and it really does seem like, out of nowhere, you suddenly want your guy friend to become something…more.
What Kind of Friendship Is It?
GiphySo before we talk about anything else, the first thing that you should get clear on is the type of friendship that you’re in. What I mean by that is, although we tend to use “friend” to cover all of the bases of someone who we’re not romantically involved with (or isn’t a relative or we can’t stand — and chile,don’t even get me started on frenemies), the reality is that friendships definitely have levels to them (check out “Always Remember That Friendships Have 'Levels' To Them”).
Like,is he a work friend? Is he a church friend? Is he someone you’ve recently gotten to know over the past couple of months? Is he an online friend? Or is it deeper, like a guy who you’ve been friends with for a couple of years now or someone who you used to have in the friend zone (check out “Before You 'Friend Zone' Someone, Read This.”)? Or — and lawd have mercy, if so — is he your best friend, and you’re starting to see him in a completely different light?
Do you see how, just breaking down some of these friendship dynamics, the situations are quite different? For instance, if you have feelings for a co-worker friend, you’ve got to take into consideration what your work environment will be like if the two of you date and it ultimately doesn’t work out. If he’s an online friend (especially if he’s in another city, state, or country), the risk of potential rejection probably won’t be as impactful as if you have to see him every weekend at church.
If he’s someone you already put into the friend zone, I’m gonna tell you right now that if he has any sort of self-esteem, you’re gonna have to eat a few slices of humble pie to get him to entertain being more than friends (because guys tend to move on once they find out that they fall into that space). And if he’s your best friend? Well, while it probably won’t cost you your friendship, it could make things awkward for a while at best or shift the relationship a bit at worst.
That’s why I definitely think that getting real about the kind of friendship you have with the guy is what you should get mentally cleared up first. Then, we can move on to the next thing.
What Do You Want to Come from the Matter?
GiphyAnyway, because I do have a nice circle of male friends, many of whom are single or divorced, I get asked often if it’s hard to be just friends with them. It’s not because I really like what we have as being friends only. There is a type of intimacy and balance of energies that come from a male-female friendship that you can never get from same-sex ones. I value it all too much to risk it. What I want from my male friends — a certain level of protection (because I’m single), insight from a male perspective, doing things that my female friends may not want to do, etc. — I get…and that’s worth more than seeing if the sex would be bomb or if we should try something more and it end up being a bad decision that we can’t come back from.
That’s me, though. That doesn’t have to be you and your guy friend. For example, what if what you want is to explore a sexual relationship (check out “5 Things You Should Ask Yourself Before Having Sex with A Friend”) because you can’t seem to get sex with him out of your head? For better or for worse, chile, back when I was out in these sex streets, that was pretty much my pattern: sex with close friends (check out “14 Lessons I've Learned From 14 Sex Partners”), and it’s not an impossible feat.
You’ve just got to be real with yourself about whether that’s truly all that you want and if you can handle it gracefully if things don’t go as planned (check out “How To Preserve Your Friendship After BAD Casual Sex”) or the sex is so good that now you can’t decide if you’re into him or just into…it. Oh, and don’t even get me started on if he’s seeing other people (because all you wanted was sex…right?). Yeah, a movie that I like calledSleeping with Other People has a scene where a woman is mad that her casual sex partner is sleeping around. His response was on-point: “Keeping our arrangement doesn’t make me an as-hole, but it does make you a liar.” #checkmate
That’s just one example to emphasize the point that, yes, you need to figure out what you want to come from your more-than-just-friends feelings. Do you just want to get it off of your chest and you’re not sure if you want or need to do anything more than that? Do you want just sex? Would you like to go on a few dates to see ifthe chemistry is mutual? Are you “deeply in” and you’re hoping that he feels the same way so that you two can have a full-blown relationship?
Listen, I have watched enough relationships in my lifetime to know that when it comes to something that needs to be as thoughtfully approached as this, it’s not fair to share your feelings with someone and then expect them to know what you want to come from doing so. You need to know…first. So before bringing it to him, figure it out on your own.
Tell Him the Deal. No Hinting Around.
GiphyAlthough timing and delivery matter, I don’t know one man who isn’t a “straight no-chaser” type of individual. This means no hinting around. No guessing games. No 50 million questions to try and see if he likes you first. I promise you that all of these approaches are off-putting to guys and will get them to mentally and emotionally tap out before you get around to making your point. Besides, if he’s a FRIEND friend, you should be able to express your genuine feelings — and honestly, this is a huge plus to telling him: you will be able to see how mature he is when it comes to handling matters of the heart.
Can there be a reason to not tell your guy friend how you feel? I mean, honestly, if you’re avoiding it, I’m assuming that it’s mostly due to fear, and trying to maintain anything with fear as your “fuel,” ultimately, isn’t going to get you anywhere. Plus, the more that you suppress what is going on inside of you, the more it’s going to alter the energy between the two of you, and that could cause unnecessary stress and strain to where either you start unnecessarily projecting things onto him, or he wants to spend less time around you because you’re making him feel as uncomfortable as you are.
Are there any exceptions to this? Eh. If you’re more like good acquaintances than actual friends, perhaps. Personally, though, I think that solid friendships are rooted in honesty — and how can you claim that you’ve got a healthy friendship with someone if you’re holding something as big back as having feelings for them away from them? Logically, it just doesn’t make much sense.
Prepare Yourself for His Response. And Don’t Penalize the Friendship If He Doesn’t Feel the Same Way.
GiphyOnce you tell him, for the most part, there are three ways that telling him can go: he can like you back, he can want some time and space to consider the possibilities, or he can not be interested. Let’s briefly unpack all three.
Liking you back...
So, what if you tell him how you feel, and he feels the same way (or something close)? My two cents would be for the two of you to still go slowly. Where I’ve seen many mess up is they think that they can go from friend to more-than-friends in two days or less, and that’s super unrealistic. Meaning, someone having feelings for you, too doesn't mean that they can, should, or will automatically stop seeing other people or that you two can or should immediately start becoming intimate.
Take some time to really discuss each other’s feelings, thoughts, and expectations — and what you guys should do trying to move into a different relational space ultimately proves to not be the best thing for one or both of you. If anything should take the “ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure” approach, it’s friends who are transitioning into something more — or else.
Wanting time and space...
Going from friends to potentially something different is a lot like shifting gears in a car — and if you move too fast, you can strip them. That said, just because you’ve been sitting with your feelings for a while, it’s not fair to want to rush him after he finds out. Whether he wants time and space to figure out how he feels about your feelings or time and space from you altogether — both are warranted.
Should it be for weeks with no contact? Not if he’s a good friend. On the other hand, should you pressure him into making you feel at ease about what he’s just now learning? Eh. You might want to go to another friend to help you out with that. I mean, how would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot? Right…exactly.
He's not interested...
No one likes rejection; that’s real. At the same time, though, it’s not fair to penalize him if he doesn’t feel the same way that you do. Clearly, if he’s your friend (especially a close friend), he adores and values you on some level. However, if that’s not romantically, try and be emotionally mature enough to know and then accept that not wanting all of what you desire from the relationship doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want you in his life at all.
At the end of the day, if it’s too hard to be his friend when you want something else, you’ve got to do what’s best for you. Just make sure that you’re not going to lose a great person in your life because your ego got bruised or your pride couldn’t handle him not reciprocating what you were offering. It’s not fair, and it could end up costing you…A LOT. Take the kind of space you need to redirect your focus. If he loves you, he’ll be there when you get…back.
___
I’ve developed feelings for a friend before; more than once. Was it always easy to work through? Not always. My friendships always survived it, though — whether the feelings were reciprocated or not. And it was because we valued the friendship too much to lose it.
And honestly, I think that is one of the best things to come out of having feelings for a friend: you end up finding out just how solid the bond actually is. And in a world where really good friends are hard to come by…that can never not be a good thing.
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