Houston, we have a love problem. But luckily, powerhouse producer Will Packer is here to hopefully help you solve it. The ever-popular dating series Ready To Love is back in full force only this time, they're raising the stakes in a whole new way. Hosted by Thomas "Nephew Tommy" Miles, these Houston hopefuls will be tasked with finding love this season in a love bubble, aka a beautiful lush resort to wean off all distractions. Each week, the tables continue to turn as the men and women trade the power to eliminate those they deem not ready to love. In the end, only three couples will remain. Whew, chile.
Let's take a look at the eligible singles we met last night, starting with...
Courtesy of OWN
The Ladies of 'Ready To Love: Last Resort' (Season 3)
Joy, 38, Management Consultant:
First of all: YESSS HAIR. Joy is the whole package, if she does say so herself. (And she did.) She's educated, good around the kitchen, and enterprising. She's not one to deal with dating games so whoever she matches with has to come all the way real and ready to secure her heart. Because it's abundantly clear that she's ready for something long-lasting. "I'm ready to love because the timing of my healing says so." OK, sis.
Adrianna, 31, Realtor:
This former Houston Texans cheerleader wants you to know that she's more than just a pretty face. And I for one don't blame her, that stigma is beyond old and outdated. She's ready to find someone who recognizes and values her as something special as well as an equal partner, not just a trophy wife. "I'm a hopeless romantic and I'm very ready to love. I'm past due." Same sis, same.
Alisha, 38, Clinic Manager:
Now Alisha is probably going to be one of my favorites and I'll tell you why. Sis' confidence is on 100 and I'm totally here for it. Admitting to dealing with low self-esteem stemming from her size, Alisha vows to never settle for less in a man ever again. She's also looking for some eye candy that can match her fly, aesthetically speaking. And while good looks never hurt, I hope she gets to go beyond the surface-level with these men. Because as a wise woman once told me, "You can dress up ugly, but you can't paint over stupid." Or narcissism or, disrespectfulness.
Danielle, 40, Oil & Gas Project Coordinator:
As a someone who grew up with a single mother, Danielle's story touched me for a myriad of reasons. Now that her daughter is older, she's finally ready to find love for herself. But she has to learn how to be brave and open up her heart to someone other than her own child.
Denice, 38, Track & Field Coach:
This athletic, brown-skinned beauty has been single for four years and feels as if she's now ready to find true love. The only problem is she has to work on how she comes across to men, let her friends tell it. The real challenge, however, will come in learning how to open herself up enough in order to allow love in. Been there sis, been there.
Nyya, 42, Salon Owner:
Now whoever deals with Nyya needs to know that they're dealing with a woman who's ready for both marriage and a family. After previously suffering miscarriages in her past, her 'ticking clock' is calling all the shots now. So Mr. Right better come with all the good vibes and energy. "I want to be everything that he needs and he has to be everything that I need." I know that's right.
Shay, 40, Private Chef & Caterer:
This hard-working woman is looking for a man who's all soul food, eye candy be damned. She wants someone who will pursue her, make her feel special, and treat her right regardless of how he looks on the outside. We already know looks can be deceiving so I can't say I don't feel sis on this.
Symone, 37, Attorney:
This boss woman is finally ready to take off her lawyer heels and sink it to some sensitive slippers. She's looking for someone who will allow the space to be vulnerable, soft and taken care of. And seeing as how Black women aren't traditionally given that, her quest is one I can't wait to see unfold. (But first, she has to want to see you naked. Well, not really. But kinda.)
Wynter, 40, Small Biz Consultant:
This fun-loving, entrepreneurial queen is ready to find her King. But first she'll have to deal with healing the emotional scars from her previous marriage in order to trust her intuition to steer her the right way. You got this girl, we're rooting for you.
The Men of 'Ready To Love: Last Resort' (Season 3)
Khalfani, 38, Personal Trainer:
This chiseled bachelor is tired of "looking for love in all the wrong places." So hopefully he can find someone who matches his fly and is just as much a catch as he is. "For all you ladies that say I'm a snack--I'm not a snack, I'm a whole meal." OK, then sir.
Rasheed, 37, Luxury Car Broker/Concierge:
Having been married previously for 10 years, this divorced father is "ready for a new love of my life so we can go out and conquer the world." He's gonna have to work on his game a little bit but as long as he plays his gentleman card right, the chips should fall in favor of him. But we'll see.
Bryan, 35, Education Consultant:
"What makes me sexy is my confidence, when I walk into the room--I know who I am." C'mon then! Y'all know I love my brown-skinned, bearded men. This passionate man has a heart for the kids and a heart for loving his woman through her growth and positive evolution. He knows he's ready for love now, thanks in part to his three-year-old daughter. (Cue the awws and oohs.) We'll be keeping our eyes on him for sure.
David, 36, Chemical Operator:
As a proud southern girl, it's something about a country boy that's good with his hands that just does something to my spirit. But this handyman has to put some hands on his heart first before he can be open enough to trust and love hard again. I hope he's ready to do that internal work, but only time will tell.
Anthony, 38, Student Support Manager:
Listen, this former football professional has all the energy for everyone there at that resort and then some. After finally finding the balance of being career-driven for so long, he's now looking for someone who's full of self-love and someone with whom he can share all of his self-love with as well. Turn up then, Anthony.
Edwin, 39, Chef:
We love a good meal and this professional chef in the city looks like he has plenty to offer. He wants someone fun and spontaneous. But having only been in three serious relationships in his life, I'll be curious to see if a long-term commitment is something he's fully ready to entertain.
Jay, 43, Luxury Real Estate Broker:
Though this previously married bachelor had to learn the hard way concerning who he really wanted to be, he's now ready to share his newfound confidence with an equally yoked partner. But she'll have a lot to prove since his parents are the pinnacle of relationship goals for him. I hope you're ready, sis.
Kristoper, 41, Radio Personality:
This public figure and social activist has to learn how to decipher people's true intentions and let his guard down if he's truly dedicated to finding true love. But seeing as how he loves melanin-rich women, I don't think he'll have that hard of a time attracting the right sista to him. But it remains to be seen, so we can only hope.
Raymond, 52, Professional Guitarist:
Although he has five kids (yes, FIVE children), this brother is dedicated to finding and spending the rest of his life with the right woman. She has to be someone secure in herself and their relationship because anything less than that is liable to make him 'choke.'
Samuel, 36, Visual Artist:
Though this artistic soul has been dealt and dished out his fair share of love turmoil, he's committed to being with one woman and showing up for her in every area. And while his time may be split between being there for his son and daughter, he knows that he'll have to be fully present in order to receive a love that's all-encompassing. "I deserve to be able to love and be loved wholly." Whew, say that!
We can't wait to see if and how these singles find true love at the end of it all.
Ready To Love: Last Resort airs every Friday at 9/8c only on the OWN network. And to keep up with the conversation, follow them on Instagram and Twitter @ownTv.
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Featured image courtesy of OWN
Exclusive: Gabrielle Union On Radical Transparency, Being Diagnosed With Perimenopause And Embracing What’s Next
Whenever Gabrielle Union graces the movie screen, she immediately commands attention. From her unforgettable scenes in films like Bring It On and Two Can Play That Game to her most recent film, in which she stars and produces Netflix’s The Perfect Find, there’s no denying that she is that girl.
Off-screen, she uses that power for good by sharing her trials and tribulations with other women in hopes of helping those who may be going through the same things or preventing them from experiencing them altogether. Recently, the Flawless by Gabrielle Union founder partnered with Clearblue to speak at the launch of their Menopause Stage Indicator, where she also shared her experience with being perimenopausal.
In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
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Feature image by Mike Lawrie/Getty Images
How We Met is a series where xoNecole talks love and relationships with real-life couples. We learn how they met, how like turned into love, and how they make their love work.
Have you ever heard the saying, “You can't have it all?” Do you think there’s any truth to it? The more I resonate with the thought, I realize it just depends on what one considers “all.” In this “How We Met” story, I chatted with two individuals who have reached an unusual level of success but, for years, celebrated it alone. Now, they have a beautiful marriage centered around faith, family, and legacy.
But the journey to getting there required them to be uniquely intentional, submit fully to God, and practice an amount of vulnerability that I think most people would find uncomfortable – especially on the first date.
Santia Barnes, known more commonly as @Trackbaby001 on Instagram, earned the highest-paid contract ever for a woman in American football. Also, she is the first female athlete to have her own shoe company. With a combined social audience of 3 million followers, she’s established herself as a mega-influencer in the health/fitness and lifestyle space. But surprisingly, in our 48-minute phone call, we only discussed this for roughly 60 seconds. Instead, I had a beautiful conversation with Santia and her husband Isaac, a successful tech entrepreneur, about their dream-like partnership.
His company was one of the fastest growing in his county for two years, and he is the only Black entrepreneur to win a federal aviation award for being a government contractor. Plus, he previously won a $13.4 billion contract with the Air Force and Space Force (cues, "he got money" in my best Quinta Brunson voice). But seriously, both of them have such an amazing story alone – yet they made it even better by finding each other. It almost sounds too good to be true, right? Well, Santia felt the same way. In fact, on their first date, they actually tried to disqualify each other. Here’s how it went.
Let’s start from the beginning. How did you two meet?
Isaac: Well, firstly, we connected through the divine grace of God. But we met on Bumble and talked there, and she gave me such a hard time (laughs). But we built a connection online and then took it offline to the phone and eventually in person. Since that meeting, we’ve been stuck like glue.
Santia: Yes, we met on Bumble. But I’ve gotta add to that. I was pretty much done with love, relationships, and especially online dating. But it was right around Valentine's Day, and I felt like God was telling me to try just one more time. So, I created my profile and made it very blunt; I was super clear about what I wanted. I started swiping for a few days and eventually came across his profile, and I noticed our profiles were very similar.
I felt like it was rare for a man to be that intentional. Also, I like that he was attractive and an entrepreneur. I felt like he could understand my life. It took him a couple of days to swipe back, though, and I was little in my feelings. I was literally going to delete the app when he DM’d me. So, it was really the grace of God.
Tell me about your first date. What was the chemistry like?
Isaac: She was late (laughs). But we went to Seasons 52, which made sense because I’m vegan, and she likes to eat healthy. So I made reservations, but again, she was late. Eventually, she got there, and when she did, I saw the entire room shift. It was the weirdest thing. I’ve never seen that in real life. It was like the whole restaurant was looking at us. So we got a table, and immediately, it felt like our energy flowed together so smoothly.
You know how first dates can be awkward? This was exactly the opposite. She grilled me, and I grilled her. We asked some of the deepest questions ever. It was like we were trying to disqualify each other. After dinner, I walked her back to her car because she was recently injured. And in that moment, God talked to me. I knew that this is what it is.
Santia: We talked for like three hours on that date. I remember in the conversation, I said, “Not to be weird, but your energy makes me feel very calm.” That was a big green flag for me. I also remember him walking me back to my car and not trying anything but genuinely just caring for my leg. I was like, this is different. It was an A+ date.
"We asked some of the deepest questions ever. It was like we were trying to disqualify each other. After dinner, I walked her back to her car because she was recently injured. And in that moment, God talked to me. I knew that this is what it is."
Photo courtesy of Santia and Issac Barnes
So, what are some of these intense disqualifying questions y’all asked?
Isaac: We asked everything. We talked about our thoughts on kids, marriage, church, gender roles, family, past relationships, and trauma.
Santia: Yeah, we asked everything they tell you not to. But that’s how I knew he was the one; he didn’t get uncomfortable.
Okay, so if you were still dating, walk me through that next step. What was that conversation like when you two decided to take it to the next level?
Isaac: I had a business trip I had to go to in Orlando, and because of my connection with the Creator I knew she needed to go on this trip with me. She was overcoming tearing her ACL and just needed a break. So we took a road trip together. We drove from Atlanta to Orlando in the car for 8 hours, and we just did the work. We got into childhood trauma and aspirations. It got deep –
Santia: Like, I cried. I discovered stuff about myself I haven’t talked about with anyone else.
Isaac: In that moment, I developed a deeper sense of trust in her because of her vulnerability. And after that trip, I just knew. She still had some concerns, but I was good (laughs).
Santia: Yeah, because I felt like something had to be wrong. Like, I remember calling my mom and she tried to help me just embrace it. Eventually, I actually asked him, “What are we?” And he literally said, “You’re going to be my wife.” And I still was like, are you going to ask me to be your girlfriend though, and he did – and I said yeah. (laughs). But that was only like a month in. It was very quick.
It seems like communication has been a core part of your relationship. What are some important lessons you’ve learned about yourselves individually through loving each other?
Isaac: That’s hard to answer just for this week. A lot of our stuff is self-discovery. But I’ll say, I learned how skeptical I was that this is possible. Also, I learned that all of what I went through is crafting me to be who I am today. Through this relationship, I’ve learned to embrace my 100% authentic self. Her love matters more to me than anything else, and that’s my #1 priority.
So if she accepts me how I am, who is the world to tell me I can’t be this way? She has allowed me to see myself more than any other human, and because of that, I have to shower her with as much love as possible.
Santia: I don’t even know where to start. He’s taught me a lot since day one. He made me more confident in who I am. As an influencer, you don’t always know who is there for the right reasons. But he’s made me feel 100% more confident in standing on who I am. He’s also taught me so much about business. He taught me how to open up more, not feel shame in who I am, and how to set boundaries and stick to them.
And Issac has melted every fear, doubt, and insecurity I’ve had about relationships. I could keep going, but overall, he has a really amazing way of teaching me in a loving way. Having someone that sees and understands me – and not just the social media me – but Santia Barnes, the individual, has been beautiful, and I’ve never experienced it until now.
"Issac has melted every fear, doubt, and insecurity I’ve had about relationships. Having someone that sees and understands me – and not just the social media me – but Santia Barnes, the individual, has been beautiful, and I’ve never experienced it until now."
Photo courtesy of Santia and Issac Barnes
How do you guys navigate past struggles, baggage to work toward your relationships?
Issac: On our honeymoon, I vowed that I would come into this relationship with a clear understanding of what’s holding me back so I can be my best self going through our marriage. For example, on our first day over there, we both wrote down all of the negative anchor thoughts we had around money and finances, and we literally went through every thought.
I found 50 financial aspirations, and every time I read something that I didn’t agree with, I wrote it down. And we talked about where these negative thoughts came from, going back to childhood.
Santia: We do that all the time. If anything comes up, we talk about it, try to get to the core of it, dissect it, and we solve it.
Okay, seriously do ya’ll argue at all (laughs)?
Santia: I mean, if we feel something, we say it.
Isaac: The way we got there is that we established early on that if we’re going to do this we have to be on the same team. We have a championship we’re trying to win, and that’s a family legacy. If something is going on, I’m gonna treat it like my teammate is going through it, and we’ll work through it. But it’s impossible not to have any challenges.
Santia: We don’t have to yell, scream, or be disrespectful though. We can talk in a calm voice and disagree. As long as we know that we’re on the same team, we’re good. I always know we’re not purposely trying to hurt each other, and I know that he's my partner. Looking at it from that lens changes things. We’ve only had two real arguments. It was early on, and when we dissected those too, we realized that back then, we didn’t know each other the way we do now. We weren’t sure we were on the same team (laughs).
Do you guys have any rituals or daily practices that help keep your relationship strong?
Isaac: To cement our process, we listen to our spiritual practice. We practice Sabbath every Friday evening until Saturday evening. So that means no work, no outside communication, we’re just in each other’s skin for 24 hours and experience the world together. Then we recap our week, things we’re grateful for from each other and from God, things that bother us, and then we process it right there. We do that every week.
Santia: We also go over a Bible verse and dissect it together. We have a lot of processes because when you have a plan, you can’t really fail.
Isaac: And the Bible verse always relates. It’s crazy. (laughs)
Photo courtesy of Santia and Issac Barnes
What are your love languages?
Santia: Mine is acts of service, gifts, and words of affirmation
Isaac: Mine is physical touch, acts of service, and words of affirmation.
Are there any challenges you guys had to work through?
Santia: This is my first time living with a man. So things that guys do – like not flushing the toilet, putting dishes in the sink when I’m washing the dishes, and stuff. Honestly. I was really scared about that because I love my space. But surprisingly, I adjusted very quickly. We both work from home and have our own offices, too. So it just kinda works out.
Isaac: For me, it was going from being a single man to adjusting to her needs. For example, she likes flowers. To me, that meant I occasionally bought her flowers. But to her, that means, nah, I want them multiple times a month. Date nights meant occasionally to me; she wants them weekly. It’s just about making sure our needs and expectations are articulated correctly. We come from different worlds, so it’s important to do that.
Finally, I’ll close with how did you know it was love?
Santia: We took a trip to NOLA – another road trip. I cried again and just remembered thinking there’s no one like him. I was like, God, if he’s not my person, this is a cruel joke. But more blatantly, like three months into us dating, I was so conflicted because I was like, I’m falling, and I don’t want to be hurt again.
I remember I had a dream where I was in this dark room and there was this figure there, and I knew it was God, and in that dream, I feel like he told me clear as day that Isaac was my person. Plus, my Mom hates everyone I’ve ever dated, but she was like he’s gonna be my son-in-law. I had so many confirmations that I eventually just let go.
Isaac: It was multiple moments. I really got confirmation on the first date, but I became sure in one moment. I was sitting in my office, and she came in, and we were talking about her making history. So I started showing her some of my awards, too, and at that point, she still didn’t know what I did. And she was like, why don’t people know about this, and I showed her my Facebook page – where I had made a small post with a few likes (laughs). And she was like, do you know how many young Black children don’t know this is possible? It was different.
I felt like a hypocrite because I do everything for the next generation. So, she allowed me to see myself in that totality and still hold me accountable. The only person who had done that for me was my Dad and [he] passed away a few days before my 18th birthday. So after that, that did it for me. Then we went to the DR for my brother's anniversary, and she met my family and I saw how well she blended with my family, and I just knew.
Santia and Isaac are continuing to grow their individual businesses and love journey. Through that process, they have created an intentional dating platform on Instagram called @dateintentional1.
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Featured image courtesy of Santia and Issac Barnes