Houston, we have a love problem. But luckily, powerhouse producer Will Packer is here to hopefully help you solve it. The ever-popular dating series Ready To Love is back in full force only this time, they're raising the stakes in a whole new way. Hosted by Thomas "Nephew Tommy" Miles, these Houston hopefuls will be tasked with finding love this season in a love bubble, aka a beautiful lush resort to wean off all distractions. Each week, the tables continue to turn as the men and women trade the power to eliminate those they deem not ready to love. In the end, only three couples will remain. Whew, chile.
Let's take a look at the eligible singles we met last night, starting with...
Courtesy of OWN
The Ladies of 'Ready To Love: Last Resort' (Season 3)
Joy, 38, Management Consultant:
OWN
First of all: YESSS HAIR. Joy is the whole package, if she does say so herself. (And she did.) She's educated, good around the kitchen, and enterprising. She's not one to deal with dating games so whoever she matches with has to come all the way real and ready to secure her heart. Because it's abundantly clear that she's ready for something long-lasting. "I'm ready to love because the timing of my healing says so." OK, sis.
Adrianna, 31, Realtor:
This former Houston Texans cheerleader wants you to know that she's more than just a pretty face. And I for one don't blame her, that stigma is beyond old and outdated. She's ready to find someone who recognizes and values her as something special as well as an equal partner, not just a trophy wife. "I'm a hopeless romantic and I'm very ready to love. I'm past due." Same sis, same.
Alisha, 38, Clinic Manager:
Now Alisha is probably going to be one of my favorites and I'll tell you why. Sis' confidence is on 100 and I'm totally here for it. Admitting to dealing with low self-esteem stemming from her size, Alisha vows to never settle for less in a man ever again. She's also looking for some eye candy that can match her fly, aesthetically speaking. And while good looks never hurt, I hope she gets to go beyond the surface-level with these men. Because as a wise woman once told me, "You can dress up ugly, but you can't paint over stupid." Or narcissism or, disrespectfulness.
Danielle, 40, Oil & Gas Project Coordinator:
As a someone who grew up with a single mother, Danielle's story touched me for a myriad of reasons. Now that her daughter is older, she's finally ready to find love for herself. But she has to learn how to be brave and open up her heart to someone other than her own child.
Denice, 38, Track & Field Coach:
OWN
This athletic, brown-skinned beauty has been single for four years and feels as if she's now ready to find true love. The only problem is she has to work on how she comes across to men, let her friends tell it. The real challenge, however, will come in learning how to open herself up enough in order to allow love in. Been there sis, been there.
Nyya, 42, Salon Owner:
Now whoever deals with Nyya needs to know that they're dealing with a woman who's ready for both marriage and a family. After previously suffering miscarriages in her past, her 'ticking clock' is calling all the shots now. So Mr. Right better come with all the good vibes and energy. "I want to be everything that he needs and he has to be everything that I need." I know that's right.
Shay, 40, Private Chef & Caterer:
This hard-working woman is looking for a man who's all soul food, eye candy be damned. She wants someone who will pursue her, make her feel special, and treat her right regardless of how he looks on the outside. We already know looks can be deceiving so I can't say I don't feel sis on this.
Symone, 37, Attorney:
This boss woman is finally ready to take off her lawyer heels and sink it to some sensitive slippers. She's looking for someone who will allow the space to be vulnerable, soft and taken care of. And seeing as how Black women aren't traditionally given that, her quest is one I can't wait to see unfold. (But first, she has to want to see you naked. Well, not really. But kinda.)
Wynter, 40, Small Biz Consultant:
OWN
This fun-loving, entrepreneurial queen is ready to find her King. But first she'll have to deal with healing the emotional scars from her previous marriage in order to trust her intuition to steer her the right way. You got this girl, we're rooting for you.
The Men of 'Ready To Love: Last Resort' (Season 3)
Khalfani, 38, Personal Trainer:
OWN
This chiseled bachelor is tired of "looking for love in all the wrong places." So hopefully he can find someone who matches his fly and is just as much a catch as he is. "For all you ladies that say I'm a snack--I'm not a snack, I'm a whole meal." OK, then sir.
Rasheed, 37, Luxury Car Broker/Concierge:
Having been married previously for 10 years, this divorced father is "ready for a new love of my life so we can go out and conquer the world." He's gonna have to work on his game a little bit but as long as he plays his gentleman card right, the chips should fall in favor of him. But we'll see.
Bryan, 35, Education Consultant:
"What makes me sexy is my confidence, when I walk into the room--I know who I am." C'mon then! Y'all know I love my brown-skinned, bearded men. This passionate man has a heart for the kids and a heart for loving his woman through her growth and positive evolution. He knows he's ready for love now, thanks in part to his three-year-old daughter. (Cue the awws and oohs.) We'll be keeping our eyes on him for sure.
David, 36, Chemical Operator:
As a proud southern girl, it's something about a country boy that's good with his hands that just does something to my spirit. But this handyman has to put some hands on his heart first before he can be open enough to trust and love hard again. I hope he's ready to do that internal work, but only time will tell.
Anthony, 38, Student Support Manager:
OWN
Listen, this former football professional has all the energy for everyone there at that resort and then some. After finally finding the balance of being career-driven for so long, he's now looking for someone who's full of self-love and someone with whom he can share all of his self-love with as well. Turn up then, Anthony.
Edwin, 39, Chef:
We love a good meal and this professional chef in the city looks like he has plenty to offer. He wants someone fun and spontaneous. But having only been in three serious relationships in his life, I'll be curious to see if a long-term commitment is something he's fully ready to entertain.
Jay, 43, Luxury Real Estate Broker:
Though this previously married bachelor had to learn the hard way concerning who he really wanted to be, he's now ready to share his newfound confidence with an equally yoked partner. But she'll have a lot to prove since his parents are the pinnacle of relationship goals for him. I hope you're ready, sis.
Kristoper, 41, Radio Personality:
This public figure and social activist has to learn how to decipher people's true intentions and let his guard down if he's truly dedicated to finding true love. But seeing as how he loves melanin-rich women, I don't think he'll have that hard of a time attracting the right sista to him. But it remains to be seen, so we can only hope.
Raymond, 52, Professional Guitarist:
Although he has five kids (yes, FIVE children), this brother is dedicated to finding and spending the rest of his life with the right woman. She has to be someone secure in herself and their relationship because anything less than that is liable to make him 'choke.'
Samuel, 36, Visual Artist:
OWN
Though this artistic soul has been dealt and dished out his fair share of love turmoil, he's committed to being with one woman and showing up for her in every area. And while his time may be split between being there for his son and daughter, he knows that he'll have to be fully present in order to receive a love that's all-encompassing. "I deserve to be able to love and be loved wholly." Whew, say that!
We can't wait to see if and how these singles find true love at the end of it all.
Ready To Love: Last Resort airs every Friday at 9/8c only on the OWN network. And to keep up with the conversation, follow them on Instagram and Twitter @ownTv.
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Featured image courtesy of OWN
RELATED
What’s interesting about boredom, though, is a variety of things can be the root cause of it: a lack of interest, no sense of purpose, stress or anxiety or having a short attention span are some of the popular reasons. And that’s why, whenever a couple presents boredom to me, especially sexual boredom, I encourage them to figure out what they mean when they use the word. Knowing that can help to point them in the direction of what they need to do next (seeing a sex therapist might be the way to go — check out “Have You Ever Wondered If You Should See A Sex Therapist?”).
Today? Today we’re gonna address another definition of boring: “monotonous or repetitive activities.” What should you do when, what you find to be boring is your partner’s body? It’s not because you don’t love them anymore or even that you don’t still enjoy intimacy with them — it’s just that you are in an exclusive (if you’re dating) or monogamous (if you’re married — check out “Why I Use The Word 'Monogamous' In Marriage And 'Exclusive' In Dating”) dynamic, what do you do when you kind of feel like the visuals are hella predictable which can make intimacy a bit…well, drab?
Listen, just because folks may not talk about it openly, that doesn’t mean that this isn’t a real issue. If it’s something that you’re currently experiencing right now — don’t feel bad or guilty. Sex has seasons just like almost everything in life. The key is to handle this season responsibly. These 10 tips are designed to help you to do that…so that you can get the excitement (of your partner’s body) back into your bedroom again.
1. Dress Up for Dates
GiphyGive pushback if you want to, yet it’s my personal opinion that the pandemic still has a chokehold on a lot of us when it comes to fashion — or the lack thereof. It’s like lockdown had us used to being in PJs and joggers for so long that far too many people are still struggling to actually dress up. That’s a shame too because if you wanna see our people show up and all the way out, put a woman in a little black dress and a man in a tailored suit. WHEW.
And just what does that have to do with today’s topic? Well, think about gifts that you’ve received in the past. What made them more appealing? When someone just handed them to you out of a shopping bag or when they made the time to “dress them up” in some fancy wrapping paper or a gift bag and some pretty tissue paper? Our bodies are similar because, well, just think about it — no matter how often you’ve seen your man with no clothes on, when he’s all dressed up, doesn’t he turn into a level of fine that makes him super sexy and hella appealing again?
That’s why my first tip would be for the two of you to not just go out on dates more than you currently are but to DRESS UP for them too. Seeing how good he looks in his clothes in public can motivate you to want to take them off in private.
2. Schedule a Professional Photoshoot and Post Them in Your Bedroom
GiphySince a fair amount of my friends are entertainment industry folks, they are good for taking professional pictures. No, I don’t mean asking someone to use their phone to capture them while they are on stage. I mean that they schedule a photoshoot with a reputable photographer — and you know what? As much as I see some of these people, I continue to be awed by what photographers can bring out of them…hell, just with the lighting alone.
The same thing can happen for how you see your man. Yep, book a photoshoot — one that consists of consulting with the photographer about what your partner would look best in. Once the shoot is done, go through the pictures, select 1-4 of your faves, blow them up a bit, and then mount or frame them in your bedroom. Walking into the space where you probably have the most sex and seeing him at his best is the type of visual turn-on that is absolutely underrated.
3. Go “All Out Sexy” in the Bedroom
GiphySometimes the truth hurts and if you and your partner have been going to bed looking like who-shot-what, chances are, you’re not bored, what you are is low-key irritated — and you absolutely should be. The reality is most of us spend at least 6-8 hours a night in bed and if someone is in there with us, we should stop acting like they don’t want something appealing to look at. So, this coming weekend, y’all should make some time to hop online and select some attractively seductive sleepwear. It doesn’t always have to be a lace teddy for you or expensive silk boxers for him but damn, at least a really cute tank and booty shorts for you and some boxer briefs that are in your favorite color for him. Sex or not…tease each other a lil’ bit. Visually.
4. Play Around with Lighting
GiphyPersonally, I find myself doing more online shopping and then altering whatever doesn’t fit the way that I like. A part of the reason why I prefer going this route is because the lighting that’s in a lot of stores? Oh, how they suck. Yeah, lighting can really alter our perception of so many things — which is why changing your lighting also makes the list of what you can do if you are in a season of being bored with your partner’s body. See how he looks under candlelight. See how he looks as a “red light special” (shout-out to TLC’s song and visual and how well actor Boris Kodjoe is aging — the real ones know).
LED lights that sync up to music? Those are bomb as well. I’m telling you, I don’t care how much of a “rerun” it might be, a Black man in some cool blue or warm gold lighting is sexy, sexy, sexy…and then some.
5. Use Blindfolds (More Often)
GiphyWhen you get a chance, check out “How To Incorporate All Five Senses To Have The Best Sex Ever.” Then afterwards, pick up a couple of (more) blindfolds. Part of the reason why blindfolds are such a staple for foreplay (especially) is because, when one of your five senses — sight, touch, hearing, taste, and sound — is subdued, that ends up amplifying the other four that remain (more on that in a bit). And chile, when you’re blindfolded during sex, not only does it increase anticipation about whatever is coming your way, but it can also help your imagination to run wild — and that can be quite the aphrodisiac.
6. Give Erotic Massages
GiphyWhen it comes to sex, specifically, something that I appreciate about the art of the massage is it encourages people to focus on not-so-common parts of the body (a common one? Check out “Blow Your Man's Mind By Giving Him This Tantalizing Massage”). For instance, sensual massages are all about slowing down and using your hands to not only focus on one part/area of someone else’s body but to do some exploring too.
And even though the main purpose of an erotic massage is to touch the parts of your partner that will turn them on, it’s still a massage that is all about touching lightly, using body parts other than your hands, and exploring new ways to turn your partner on. Since giving a massage is a way to encourage you to exercise a bit of restraint, that can “build you up” to have the desire to indulge in your partner’s body more — whether you’ve experienced it dozens of times before or not.
7. Explore Other Erogenous Zones
Giphy“If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” isn’t exactly a motto that I would recommend for the bedroom. The main reason why is because, if you’re not careful, it can cause you to become pretty lazy on the sexual tip — and that is never good. That being said if you’re at the point where you’re feeling a bit bored with your partner’s body, this (probably) means that you both have learned “which buttons to push” when it comes to sexually pleasing one another.
And that means it’s time to explore some new territory. If you already know their favorite erogenous zones, determine in your mind to learn some different ones — some “uncharted territory,” if you will. Healthline once published an article that said there are a little over 30 different ones out here. Can you honestly say that you’ve tested each and every one of those out? C’mon now.
8. Focus on Your Other Four Senses
GiphyLooking at your partner’s body only covers one of the five senses: sight. Okay, but what efforts are you putting into hearing, touching, tasting, and smelling? For hearing, how’s y’all’s dirty talk game been lately? Touch? Bring in different sex toys and fabrics to see what can cultivate new sensations. Tasting? Well, read “12 'Sex Condiments' That Can Make Coitus Even More...Delicious” and then try something new.
Smell? Scents that have been proven to be sexually arousing include jasmine, vanilla, rose, sandalwood, patchouli, cinnamon, and a blend of pumpkin and lavender (especially if they’re placed in erogenous-zoned spots). Honing in on the other senses can make you appreciate sight more. Try it. I think that you will like it.
9. Think of Their “Best” Body Part. Have Sex in That Position.
GiphyNo matter how often you’ve seen his body before, I’m willing to bet that you’ve got a favorite part. Think about it and then figure out which sex position will give you the best view of it. If it’s his chest, get on top. If it’s his legs, fellatio counts as sex because oral sex is sex. If it’s his torso, have him penetrate you while he’s standing up. I could expound yet y’all get my drift.
And if I didn’t mention your favorite part, check out SheKnows’s “69 Sex Positions to Put on Your Bucket List Immediately” to get some inspiration — because how can you not see his body as eye candy when you’re looking at the part of it you like the most as you’re receiving all kinds of pleasure. Whew.
10. Record a Session (or Two)
GiphyEver made a sex tape before? Although I will be the first to say that you need to exercise extreme discretion when it comes to this tip — if you’ve been having sex with someone long enough to experience bouts of boredom with their body, I’m assuming that you’ve built up some trust over time (right?). Anyway, something that’s sexy about a sex tape is it can help you to see you and your partner from another angle/perspective — and that also can be pretty damn appealing. So, if it’s something that the two of you have never tried…try it. Looking at the two of you enjoying each other can give you a greater appreciation for his body — and what it has the ability to do to you.
BONUS: Ask Yourself If You’re “Bored” or “Not Attracted”
GiphyIt’s kind of a full-circle moment with this one because, as I bring this to a close, I’ve got to put on record that it really is one thing to be bored — another entirely to not be attracted. Case in point — when it comes to one of my exes, the sex itself was actually pretty good. Still, I had to kind of “force myself” sometimes through it because I wasn’t very attracted to him…not ever really (you’d be amazed how much that can happen when you like the person’s personality and not so much their looks).
Although I will NEVER put myself in that position again, sometimes people are so invested in their relationship that they don’t just want to end it due to this alone. If that is what you are going through, please speak with a therapist/counselor/life coach. Depending on how deep the issues go, they may be able to provide you with some tips and tools to make things easier.
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One thing about boredom is that creativity can totally help it out. And what this means is a part of what creates boredom is laziness (ouch) or a lack of intention. And what this means is if you’re willing to do something about the current state of boredom that you are going through, there is a big chance that you can get rid of it. No matter what the cause of it may be.
Try the steps. Report back. Something tells me that you might feel better about things in your bedroom.
Just a hunch.
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Featured image by Giphy