In xoNecole's Dope Abodes, we tour the living spaces of millennial women, where they dwell, how they live, and the things they choose to adorn and share their spaces with.
The best things in life are simple and sometimes the most exciting part of waking up is knowing that you're at home. While jet-setting the world and securing a bag may be a whole mood, you also need a peaceful landing strip to recollect and recharge. According to Atlanta native and professional wellness savage, Ashley Marietta, your home should be a place that heals you from the inside out.
The work-from-home creative and her boyfriend, Forte, who is a producer, share a two-bedroom apartment in the Lindbergh area of Atlanta that is abundant with foliage, crystals, and a whole lot of zen. While one room of the house acts as Forte's in-house studio, the rest is adorned with plant life and vintage finds found at thrift stores and estate sales.
The creative says that she inherited a love of plants from her mother, who Ashley hails as a "master gardener", and is now working to cultivate a mini-conservatory of her own while she pursues an education in herbalism. She told xoNecole, "I'm just really in the wellness field. I'm an herbalism student. I love anything that has to do with herbs and nature, natural remedies."
To Ashley, her plants are not only a hub of medicinal properties, but they also hold a great deal of sentimental value. Aside from her aloe vera, majesty palm, and bamboo plants, Ashley says that there is one very special piece of greenery that will forever hold a place in her heart. She shared that when she was fired from the last 9 to 5 she ever had, she left with nothing but a shrub and a dream. She explained, "I love this plant because I got fired from this job and that's the last job I ever had. And when I left I had a piece that was [very small] and I took it with me. And I grew it from there, so that's my baby. We came up out the mud together, literally."
We got a glimpse into this herbal hottie's simple sanctuary on an exclusive tour, where Ashley gives us the details on what she looks for in a home and how to make minimalist magic on a budget:
Manifest & Chill
Photo by Sanniyah Sloan for xoNecole
"I'm not playing about my energy, I sage once a week," she told xoNecole sternly. "I don't even know if the whole crystal vibe is real, but mentally, it makes me feel better, so I keep my crystals on deck. I have crystals everywhere, in the bathroom, on the bookshelf. At the very least, they claim that they deflect cell phone waves, allegedly."
Frugal Finds
Photo by Sanniyah Sloan for xoNecole
"I try to treasure hunt because I'm just now starting to make stable money. So before this point, I had to really hunt for things that were nice but affordable. Even Ross for me was expensive. So I would say thrift stores and estate sales are really cool. Because it's stuff you can't find anywhere else or people are just basically trying to get rid of it."
Vanity Fit For A Queen
Photo by Sanniyah Sloan for xoNecole
"I'm not gonna lie, this is why we even ended up here. This is what sold us on [our home] because we were like, 'Eh, it's okay, whatever.' Then we saw the bathroom, we were like, 'Okay cool.' 'Cause he and I, we used to fight to get ready in the morning to get ready. So it definitely was a selling point," Ashley laughed. "I could stay in here forever. I really take pride in it. When I get ready to go, it's my time to kind of pause and meditate and just take a breather. And then I start getting ready and just zen out instead of rushing like I used to."
Comfy Corner
Photo by Sanniyah Sloan for xoNecole
"My boyfriend and I are both antisocial and we both like to just chill and relax. So even though we're like together in one space, it's not invasive because we're able to do our thing. We'll kind of congregate here which is is why I love this couch."
Vision Boards & Views
Photo by Sanniyah Sloan for xoNecole
In regards to her vision board and its very bold writing of the word "no", Ashley shares a sentiment a lot of us feel about the powerful boundary-setting word. "I just felt like I need to say 'no' more and not out of like negativity, but just out of respect for myself. This is like the year of me focusing on me. I think I was like really considerate of everyone else and helping other people build their brand. So I said, this the year I want to focus on my health, my wealth, be more of an entrepreneur. Just feeling like I don't have to be tethered to people, family and doing what I gotta do for myself and knowing that my wealth will overflow into them. I know that's like complicated but that's literally what I'm thinking when I did this."
Click through the gallery below to tour her dope abode, as well as some of the intimate details that make her apartment feel like home:
Photo by Sanniyah Sloan for xoNecole
Keep up with Ashley by following her on Instagram @AshleyMarietta!
Featured image by Sanniyah Sloan for xoNecole
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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