Perfection (noun): the state of being complete and correct in every way
As a writer, I like the challenge of picking words that best describe something. And the word I would use to name the thing I dislike the most at this stage of my life and career is "perfection."
Let me explain.
I started brainstorming on what my dream career would be like during the first days of April 2018. At the time, my job as an Executive Assistant wasn't giving me the fulfilment I was looking for. I knew something had to change. I mind-mapped my ideas and have been lucky enough to quickly figure out who I wanted to be, what I wanted to do, and why. Especially why. From there, I knew I had found my purpose.
It took about five months before I was able to completely assemble the puzzle of my dream career and finally see what the big picture looked like.
In doing so, I understood that the impact I was trying to have on the world would require a lot of work, consistency, and determination. I also had to accept the fact that my 9 to 5 was still going to be in sight for quite some time. Not as a dream killer as I had always viewed it as, but as a dream supporter, helping me fund the life I saw for myself. I mean, if I don't fund my dream, who will?
My plan was simple: I was going to work my way to the top and become a public figure using my voice and my writing to inspire people to go after their dream life (writing it down makes it even sexier). Of course, the journey wasn't going to be easy. It is a well-known fact that with every new level comes a new devil, and here is where perfection got in the way and almost defeated me.
The Perfect Moment Doesn't Exist, You Have To Create It.
The next steps I needed to take to make my project come to life were clear; get a logo for my brand, create both my website and YouTube Channel, and most importantly, create good content. The deadline to launch the whole concept was initially set for September 2018. Initially, yes. Almost immediately, I failed.
So, I set another deadline later that year, which I haven't been able to meet either. In fact, the closer launch day was, the less I felt ready to unveil myself to the world. Of course, it's no wonder fear was the reason I was delaying the birth of my imprint on the world.
Fear of not being good enough.
Fear of not having what it takes.
Fear of not matching my ambitions.
Fear of not being perfect for the job.
While I was trying so hard to find strength and courage within myself to do what I was supposed to, the book I'd finished writing a few months earlier has been published on Amazon. My childhood dream had become reality: I was now a published author!
However, no matter how big this achievement is to me, it, too, took months before I felt ready to publicly announce that I had written a book. One, because I didn't want to make an announcement without my brand being launched for marketing reasons. And two, as a French-speaking author who decided to write her first book in English, I feared it would be mediocre.
Perfection reared its ugly head yet again.
I decided I had enough. The need to achieve perfection had to go. Perfection was holding me back from living in my purpose. And it had been like that for too long. It was time for me to embrace my flaws and let the world know that Savannah Was Here. Finally, after having failed the first two times, I eventually managed to publish my brand's Facebook page, announce the publication of my first book, film my first video, and finally click the post button on YouTube. I must mention that besides my brand's story and its visual image, nothing was ready for publication. I'll be honest, perfection was fighting me. I had the hardest time letting go and I definitely had to count to three and hold my breath before I took the big jump. But at least, I jumped.
And guess what? Nobody even complained that what I created wasn't perfect. In fact, people have been asking why it took me so long to show off. I was even told that I make doing the things I love look magical. The process to creating and building my brand taught me an important thing: The perfect moment doesn't exist, you create it. If you wait for it, you're wasting your time. It's in your power to decide to make a moment perfect and to define what exactly makes it perfect. Also, I believe that one way to ensure that nothing happens is to want to achieve perfection; so don't be too hard on yourself.
Zig Ziglar once said, "You don't have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great."
Being A Work In Progress Still Makes You Relevant
All this time, I thought I needed to be a fully accomplished woman in order to inspire people. I used to wonder who is going to listen and take lessons from a 23-year-old who doesn't even have one third of Oprah's knowledge of life? Well, Oprah wasn't built in a day, they said. And here's even more good news: I doubt any of the most inspiring people on earth were.
No matter your age or your personal story, you owe yourself and the world to start somewhere and start using your gift in a meaningful way. Because the truth is, you never know who you are inspiring. When you walk in your purpose as a work in progress, it's magical to see because you become someone who's not better than anyone. You take the world by the hand and show it that it's possible. That we are all possible.
When you make the decision to truly walk in your purpose and use your gift, you eventually win people over to your cause and change the world, whether you want to become a dentist, an attorney, or a TV host. Give yourself the right to celebrate your small wins because they will be the stepping-stones to your purposeful life.
Give Perfection A New Meaning
Even if you don't eliminate perfection altogether, I'm finding there's a chance to make peace with perfection. Instead of letting society's standards define perfection for me, I'm redefining it by giving the word a meaning that reflects me and where I am at the moment:
Perfection (noun): the state of one's mind acknowledging how magical his or her flaws are, which procures a feeling of freedom of being
Featured image by Getty Images.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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