Kehlani Shares What It Really Means To Be Pansexual & Pregnant
The beautiful, sexy, and talented Kehlani has been one of the queens of bouncing back lately with her music more popular than ever, and her glow more radiant. Little did we know, for months she has been pregnant with her first child to the shock of most of us.
The break of her exciting news was met with much confusion from the public, mainly because in songs like "Honey" and in her cameo during Demi Lovato's performance (where the pair spent some sensual and sexy moments on stage), she had many of us thinking she was putting men on the back burner.
However, Kehlani is not a lesbian or bisexual, but pansexual, which means her sexual preference is as fluid as water. Kehlani recounts the reactions she received from fans and critics alike in her interview withNylon:
"I've gotten everything from, 'I thought she was a lesbian,' to 'she was using queerness to promote her career, then went and betrayed us with a man,' to 'her baby father is just a sperm donor.' One, I never identified as a lesbian. I've always been pansexual."
Pansexuality could refer to someone who is sexually and/or romantically attracted to a person regardless of that person's biological sex — it's not their biological equipment that is most critical. It is not equivalent to bisexuality, because it's broader in scope and more along the lines of: If I love you, and want to be with you, I will.
Though Kehlani wants the world to know that she is proudly fluid, she does not want to be the poster child for the rights of queer people, or queer expression:
"I never woke up and decided to be the 'queer icon' of the century. Having so much attention on me outside my art already gives me enough anxiety. I have always said, and will always say, there are people out there in this community fighting for equality in more real ways than making songs about it and performing at events like I am, and those are the 'queeroes.' Those are the ones who deserve to be awarded and constantly highlighted."
In fact, aside from her music and the arrival of her daughter, Kehlani has diverted her attention to the launch of her new free wellness app, Flora, which focuses on bringing wellness into the hands of anyone curious about ways to make their everyday life more abundant.
This is particularly heartfelt as the songstress often shares her struggleswith mental health:
"Flora's main focus is curating and grouping the most helpful and convenient tips, advice, and routines to make our contributions to sustainability more enjoyable and easy on the mind and heart. I think the most important aspect of the app is that we offer a lively, completely inclusive community that's geared toward forming positive life patterns and habits, totally free of judgment."
When it comes to people who are struggling to find their identity with solid terms, Kehlani advises you to do you, boo:
"Whatever makes you feel your safest, in your truest identity, you should identify as such without being policed by the same community you are supposed to feel most safe with. A lot of queer youth I know feel extremely validated by the term 'queer.' You deserve to be believed, taken for what you say you are, and not shamed for it. Always open to learning though."
I look forward to the healing of members of our communities struggling with mental health, some new bomb music, and a beautiful new life on Earth Kehlani!
To read Kehlani's full cover story, head over to Nylon.
Featured image by Gabriel Olsen/WireImage
New Jersey native creating a life that she loves while living in gratitude. She loves using beauty, and fashion to create a balanced lifestyle while prioritizing wellness. A devoted fur mom, and a full-time lover of laughter. She is out for revenge against the darkness by being light, taking her own advice, traveling the world, and letting you know that you are so lit! Connect with her via IG @iamzaniah and please visit Zaniahsworld.com
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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I Took Three Months Off From Work In The Name Of Radical Self-Preservation
In the fourth quarter of 2023, I finally did it. I pulled the plug! To be honest, it was a long time coming. I spent years juggling all of the balls in my life, and on October 2, 2023, I dropped every one of them and fell into surrender mode.
I couldn’t take it anymore - work, family, relationships, politics, death, the ramifications of COVID-19, and my fears creeping in. I had either put off dealing with these things, or I simply didn’t want to acknowledge them. Instead, my time, energy, and focus were on everyone and everything beside me. I pushed myself to the limit; then everything started to consume me. Burnout was swallowing me whole, you feel me?
All of this forced me to do some much-needed introspection which I turned into my self-proclaimed, "Fade to Black Season."
What is a “Fade to Black Season,” you may ask?
It’s a call to rest.
It’s a call to reset.
It’s a call to retreat into a deep, quiet space.
It’s radical self-preservation.
Deciding to step back from everything was not an easy decision for me. I contemplated taking a break from everything for many years until I couldn’t put it off anymore. If I didn’t take this time off, I knew I wouldn’t be able to truly show up for the life that I claimed that I wanted for myself.
I know I’m not the only one who has felt this immense weight on their shoulders. Why? Because I’m a Black woman. According to Every Level Leadership, 88% of Black women sometimes often, or always have experienced burnout. And let’s be honest here - Black women work harder than any other group. We are the backbone of our jobs, families, and community. Because of this, we must incorporate rest as an integral part of our well-being. In case there’s some pushback, I’ll leave this quote here for you to marinate on:
“If you are silent about your pain, they’ll kill you and say you enjoyed it.” - Zora Neale Hurston
The reality is that with piles of work and life obligations, many of us are walking time bombs. And, for me, two weeks of PTO/vacation wasn’t enough time needed to balance myself, so I took three months off. If you feel called to do so, let this be your inspiration to take your own “Fade to Black Season.”
Here’s what I did.
- Shadow Work: I became best friends with my journal and illuminated the things I hid from myself to heal. Shadow work consists of the things you don’t like about yourself, your conscious and unconscious fears, and other negative emotions that exist due to past experiences and trauma.
- Trigger Warning: During this time, I let my triggers become my wisest teacher. I asked myself why various experiences, news, or communications resulted in negativity. I observed them, listened, and learned why they took up so much space in my life. Then, I allowed myself to choose to be open to a different outcome or feeling moving forward.
- Get Back To Pleasure: I re-centered my pleasure. I had to remind myself of what turned me on. I allowed myself to take life slowly, engage my senses, and play. I signed up for every tantra workshop, went to art museums in the middle of the day, took movement classes, and went to dance parties. I moved all the stagnant energy out of my body.
- Let Others Lift You Up: I let my people love on me. I let my loved ones take care of me. This wasn’t easy. I was used to being everyone’s support system and soft space to land. However, in my time of need, I finally let my tribe show up and show out for me. My only regret is not letting them do this sooner.
- Social Media Break: I broke up with social media during this time. Reclaiming my time and attention was an integral factor in calming my nervous system. I put blockers on my phone, and when I felt the urge to swipe and scroll, I took a walk or picked up a book.
- Redefine Your Life: After doing this type of work, I knew that I would never be the same. In this new space, boundaries and balance are prioritized, and everything else has to fall in line. I now have the mental/emotional space and capacity to do my best work!
Best of all, during this time, I found God in myself, and I loved her, fiercely.
My “Fade To Black" Season allowed me to grieve in peace, rest, tap into unrelenting joy, and simply be. At this point, me and peace got a good thing going on. Nothing else will be tolerated!
For those of you who are nervous about taking the first step, use The Dufree Foundation’s DIY Sabbatical Guide to help you plan, prep, and prepare yourself for your sabbatical - this is something I wish I had done before I leaped. Consider going on a Divine Pause Retreat to learn tips and tricks to avoid mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual burnout.
For those who work in social impact, apply for The Durfee Sabbatical program, which offers $60,000 and a three-month sabbatical, so nonprofit leaders can be a lever for whole systems change.
The choice to take a sabbatical is up to you! Just remember to prioritize yourself and never pour from an empty cup.
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Featured image by Maskot/Getty Images