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[Exclusive] Justine Skye On How She's Taken Her Journey To Self-Love By The Reins
Some of you know Justine Skye for the groundbreaking artist she is today and for guest appearances on Nick Cannon's Wild N' Out and BET's Tales with Romeo Miller, but I remember the OG Justine Skye. That's right - 14-year-old Tumblr famous, chocolate queen with dark purple tresses and an incomparable swag. From the gate, the "Build" singer has successfully stood out in the music industry for all the right reasons including undeniable talent, effervescent beauty and unconquerable strength.
She's always been a force to be reckoned with, no doubt about that. However, the ULTRAVIOLET artist has demonstrated impeccable growth as an artist and a woman since her Skye High debut mixtape release back in 2012. Now, Justine Skye is ready to "build" her career moving forward as an independent artist who is taking complete control of the creative execution of her vision.
Courtesy of Justine Skye
When the call first connected, Justine sounded chill and relaxed, as one would expect with her cool, calm and collected demeanor. As we exchanged introductions, the conversation that was initially scheduled to be an interview propelled into an intimate, candid discussion between two 24-year-old Black women about the importance of self-love, praising yourself and the bad habit of apologizing when unnecessary. Honestly, the entire time I felt like I was catching up with a homegirl that I hadn't heard from since high school. She truly is a genuine one-of-a-kind spirit.
I had the chance to catch up with my fellow New York native about her latest project Bare With Me, The Album, her growth as an artist from start to finish and remaining creative amidst the current state of the culture within the Black community.
xoNecole: How’s your mental health? I like to ask everybody how their spirit is doing before I proceed with any interview, especially during these times.
Justine Skye: Thank you, I appreciate that. I guess I'm doing a lot better than I once was when it all started, but I'm trying to take a step back from looking at all the things on social media right now and kind of clear my head.
That’s real, especially as a creative and as someone who’s always expected to post and let people know how they’re doing, it can be a bit pressuring, so I appreciate your transparency.
Of course, thank you for even asking.
Jumping right into it, I’m from Brooklyn as well - Brooklyn born and bred just like you, right in Sumner Projects off the J train. You and I know that there’s so much culture in that one borough alone. How has Brooklyn made you the artist and the fashionista that you are today?
Aye! I guess being from Brooklyn, there's so many different types of cultures there surrounding it. Whether it's Caribbean culture or African culture, or even Italian culture too, New York period is such a melting pot and I feel like it just played a lot into my personality. I would say that New York is very - well, not me - most people are like, "New York is kind of grimey." Well, I don't think "grimey" is the word, but I feel like it's just "real". I'm very thankful every day that that's where I'm from because I guess being an artist and traveling the world, you can sort out the real from the fake. I wouldn't want to be from anywhere else.
What about your Caribbean roots? You’re Jamaican, right?
Yeah.
How has that influenced your upbringing and your music?
It's something that I just grew up around, [it's] kind of embedded into me. I love dancehall and I love reggae, so any chance that I get when I hear the beat, it inspires me. I just try to tap into it.
Going back to young Justine, when did you know that music was for you and what spoke to you specifically about music that made you realize this was your life’s calling?
I always knew that I wanted to be a singer from the moment I probably opened my mouth, and my grandfather always inspired me to do so. I was very shy when I was younger, so when someone would ask me to sing, I would just ball up and want to run away (laughs). But one day, I guess I kind of got peer pressured into singing on a platform in front of a bunch of people on a panel. After that moment, my mom's friend was like, "This is it and if you don't do this now, no one's ever gonna take you seriously." For some reason, at the small age of fourteen, that kicked in for me and I was like, "I can't be scared to sing. This is something that God gave me and something I enjoy doing, so why am I hiding this?" I kind of just had to get over that fear and go for it.
Out of all of the things that you’ve done from 14 years old to now, what would you say has been one of - or some of - your biggest accomplishments in your career to date?
(Pauses) Damn, I should probably sit there and write a list down. I'm probably gonna do that today (laughs). I guess, off the top of my head, during these times of quarantine and everything that's happening in the world, I've been talking a lot more to my friends and sometimes we forget all that we've done. I've kind of just been reminding my friends, "I know right now is a rough time, but acknowledge all of the things that you've done in the world and be proud of yourself."
I kind of was thinking about, "Hmm, what am I proud of that I've done in my career?" And it's kind of like backtracking on the things that I have put in because I still feel like I'm in the beginning of my career. I mean, I'm only 24 and I have so much more left to go, but [something] I can say that I'm most proud of [is] being able to sing a Janet Jackson song to Janet Jackson. That was probably a huge - not probably, it was a huge moment for me. Being able to be independent, too. It's definitely not easy, but it's extremely revelating. I am thankful for the label experiences, but now I know this is something that I can do with a strong team around me. For some reason, I can't think of one off the top of my head.
I definitely feel that as women, especially as Black women, I feel like we don’t praise ourselves enough. I was just saying to one of my mentees yesterday that we do two things wrong: we apologize too much and we don’t give ourselves enough praise. You and I being the same age, we’re both 24, there are moments where we really have to look back on what we’ve done with our platform and how many lives we’ve touched because even though we may feel like something we’ve done may not be that big of a deal because we’re just so used to being that badass, know that what we did could’ve possibly changed - or saved - somebody’s life. Just by saying “hello” is impactful in itself. Thank yourself for doing the seemingly microcosmic things because you don’t know how that may have affected somebody. Always praise yourself because no one’s gonna reward you like you reward you.
Thank you - wow, I needed that today.
I just like to be honest with people because I’m a firm believer in mental health and I feel that you are in charge of how you talk to yourself. You’re the first voice that you hear in the morning and you’re the last voice you hear at night. You can be your own best friend or your own worst enemy; I would like to be my best friend because I’ve talked to myself horribly sometimes and I know how nasty I can get.
Same. I one million percent believe in that. Sometimes when I was younger and I would go to shows, I didn't really truly understand the impact that I had on other people. I think that's the most beautiful thing about being an artist is that we feel alone, but then when you make music and other people listen to it, you're touching so many people around the world that you literally don't even know. Whenever I would go on tours and do shows, beautiful brown girls would come up to me and say, "Thank you for just being you, living up there, being brave, getting on stage and speaking your truth," and I didn't really realize the impact it had until I went into the world and people told me.
"I think that's the most beautiful thing about being an artist is that we feel alone, but then when you make music and other people listen to it, you're touching so many people around the world that you literally don't even know."
Your gift is something that a lot of people can’t say that they have. You have the power of influence through your talents and your artistry. Your music has even touched me as someone who has been in toxic relationships and someone who has been that Black girl from the projects of Brooklyn and didn’t feel like she was gonna make it out. Your influence is powerful and always remember that. I will never let anyone, especially someone as young and talented as you, ever doubt their ability to touch people. That’s just not gonna happen in my book.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I love this phone call (laughs)!
No problem, and it really makes me sad because one day I was listening to one of your interviews on HYPEBEAST Radio about a time where you nearly wanted to quit music. What was going through your mind and what kept you going?
I guess it was just a moment of self-doubt. You kind of get confused because I've been doing this since I was signed professionally at 17 and I'm 24 now, so I guess I was in a place where I was like, "What am I doing? Why hasn't this gone anywhere yet?" Those are the moments where I had to sit back and realize [that] I have accomplished so many things and it doesn't just end here - there's so much left to go.
If SZA said, "Alright, well what's going on?" and just quit, she wouldn't be the huge star she is today. There's so many artists today that have the same story. [Where would they be] if they just let their self-doubt get in the way of who they are today? With the pressure that we now receive from social media and all that stuff, it's just so in-your-face and you see it. It's easier said than done to be like, "Oh, don't look at it," and it kind of just eats at you. In that moment, I felt like I was having a little bit of a breakdown as to what I was doing with my life and what I was doing wrong, but then, I had to sit there and think about all of the things I've done right and keep moving forward.
"In that moment, I felt like I was having a little bit of a breakdown as to what I was doing with my life and what I was doing wrong, but then, I had to sit there and think about all of the things I've done right and keep moving forward."
Obviously, you’ve grown a lot as an artist, but I can only imagine because I’ve never been in the public eye, and you are someone that everybody recognizes. As such a beautiful, talented, down-to-earth, vibrant Black woman, I’m sure even you have your days where you, as you mentioned, doubt yourself. When was the moment when you started to love yourself for who you are and how do you practice self-love?
I'm not gonna lie, it probably was about two years ago - maybe about a year and a half. I'm still practicing self-love and learning how to love me, every part of me and I think that the first step is acknowledging your flaws and ending with the great parts of you, you know? Just wanting to be a better person every single day when you wake up.
It's not that complicated, but it is complicated because of all of the other elements in the world. It's just tuning out that part out and surrounding yourself with people who believe in you [and] encourage you. I feel like that was a big issue for me too that I didn't really have that strong of a team, and now I have such great people around me that support me and encourage me to believe in myself.
"I'm still practicing self-love and learning how to love me, every part of me and I think that the first step is acknowledging your flaws and ending with the great parts of you, you know? Just wanting to be a better person every single day when you wake up.It's not that complicated, but it is complicated because of all of the other elements in the world."
What advice do you have for any creative who’s currently struggling to manage their mental health and practice self-love?
It's not easy at all (laughs). I don't know if I even have the best advice, but nothing great in life and nothing that you value in life is going to be easy. I feel like I just said that to someone the other day, but once you go through those hardships and those obstacles and you do what you've wanted, you feel so much better.
Speaking of obstacles, there’s a lot happening in our community in a time during COVID-19, the death of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery, and a countless list of names that have been transformed from hashtags to movements. How have you utilized your platform in the music industry to uplift the Black agenda, Black people, brown girls, and raise awareness about current events in the Black community?
As this is going on, I'm also educating myself on the situations that have been happening that I may not have been aware of myself. It's just completely and utterly disgusting and devastating. What I've been doing is protesting, I've been with the people, I've been donating, [and] even talking to my wealthy friends to see what we can do, how we can donate, how we can make a change. I had a meeting with about 40 people the other day where we just discussed, "Alright cool, we can march, we can do this and do that, but how are we gonna make real change to something so close [to] even the people we hang around?"
We just sat down, told our stories and why we were there, and came up with a list of what we can do and the first step was creating a union where the first question was, "Have we experienced racism or white privilege, or [have] been witness to it?," so we had an open discussion about that especially with a lot of people being in the industry.
[Second], we made a promise to each other that we'd be there to support speaking out against that in the industry because that's where it starts. If you're in a meeting with a brand and they're like, "We don't want to use [that] Black person because they're too Black," it's just [about] speaking up because a lot of people admitted they were scared to do so because they'd lose their jobs. If we are here and know we have this foundation that will support us whenever we see something going on, that's just one step closer to ending this racism within our industry.
On top of that, we’re also in a quarantine and COVID-19 has impacted so much for Black people and people of color because of unemployment, lack of healthcare opportunities that already weren’t there, and being turned away from hospitals and facilities for testing. How has COVID-19 stifled your creativity or your creative process, or has being in social isolation actually helped you?
Honestly, it has helped and it has hurt because I'm the type of person that needs adventures and we've been kind of locked away, so not much has been happening in order to write about [it], but I have been tapping into emotions and other feelings that I've felt before in the past, but it might not necessarily be new stories. Some of them are new stories, but it's been strange for me creatively, good because I've been working on my writing and I feel like I've been getting better and better each time.
A dream of mine has, also, been to work with Timbaland and that's been happening, too, to the point where we're just consistently on the phone talking about new beats, new sounds, and I'm just learning so much. I haven't even met him in person yet; we just literally go on FaceTime and work remotely. It's so crazy that this came out of that.
It’s funny because I was just about to ask you about the collaboration you two have been doing, Space and Time Sessions. Timbaland is such a powerhouse in music and production, to say the least. How did that come about and what has your relationship with him been like?
He saw a video of "Recover" that I did with my friend and he's known about me - it's been in talks, but he saw the video on my Instagram and he DM'd me and was like, "Hey, I wanna do one." I was like, "What? What do you mean?" (laughs) and he just started sending me beats and I started writing to them.
Then, we created something with my management team who is also very good friends with [Timbaland] as well - Space and Time Sessions. There's gonna be another one this Friday, but we kind of put a halt to it as many artists during this time out of respect for what's going on in the world. It just doesn't feel right.
Switching gears a bit, I want to talk to you about 'Bare With Me'. Super excited about that - how is that a reflection of your growth as an artist since your Tumblr days, the release of 'Skye High', and dropping YouTube covers?
I wrote a lot more on this project, and it's been more personal than any of my other music. It was my first project that I released independently, so that was a huge milestone for me and - well, I don't want to say risk because I feel like it was the best thing that I've ever done so far. It's definitely my favorite project that I've ever put out and I feel like every time I get into the studio, I'm consistently evolving. That's what music is really about for me: beating the last thing that you did.
"I feel like every time I get into the studio, I'm consistently evolving. That's what music is really about for me: beating the last thing that you did."
Amen to that. What was the primary inspiration behind 'Bare With Me' and the title?
Basically, it was a double entendre - kind of like bear with me while I work on the album because it was the Bare With Me EP. Then, as I was recording and working on my next project, I came across some songs that were still tied to the emotions that I had while I was working on the Bare With Me EP. I just wanted to repackage it with those new songs and finish that cycle of emotions that I don't feel anymore.
Without giving away too much, what’re some of your favorite songs and what can we expect?
My favorite song is definitely "Million Days" which is one of the new songs that you'll hear on the project, because it's super personal. I don't know if everyone else will love it as much as I will, but for me, it's just very cinematic. Every time I hear it, it's like a movie playing out of that exact moment and point in time in my life where I felt that vulnerable.
What advice do you have for anyone that’s looking to break into the music industry, or is already in the music industry and looking to grow, but they’re also in their own way?
I would say that there's a lot of people who are gonna try to tell you what they think you should do and there's a point that I hit in my life when I was just trying to listen to everyone else instead of myself. I kind of lost who I was in that process and in the past year and a half, two years, I've gotten out of that and been whole again with me and on this journey of figuring out exactly who Justine Skye is and what her sound is. Really listen to yourself (laughs) and I know it sounds super cliche, but if you feel strongly about not doing something or strongly about doing something, then definitely follow your instincts because 90% of the time, you're right.
For more of Justine, follow her on Instagram. Bare With Me, The Album is out now, stream it on Spotify and Apple Music.
Featured image courtesy of Justine Skye
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
These Tips Will Keep Foreplay From Becoming Boring AF (No Pun Intended)
As a writer, I happen to like quotes A LOT. When it comes to the topic of sex, specifically, there used to be a page on Twitter (it’s always gonna be Twitter to me, chile) calledKinky Quotes that I would enjoy checking out from time to time. The reason why is it was good forshowcasing content like “Foreplay. Don’t rush it. Enjoy it.”
INDEED.
Okay, but what if you’ve been in a relationship for a while now, and although the foreplay is still pretty good, the real issue is that it’s also become a bit, well, boring? What do you do? First, don’t overthink it; you’re not in a position that is strange, rare, or anything to be overly concerned about. Second, there are a few things that you and your partner can do to bring a bit more spice back into the foreplay aspect of your sex life.
1. Build Up Anticipation
I’ve been working with long-term couples for a really long time now — and if there’s one thing that can tank the sex life of people who’ve been having sex for years, it’s not doing what builds up anticipation. At the end of the day, anticipation is all about giving your partner something to look forward to. Sexting does this. Sending your partner an email with a hotel reservation or some out-of-the-blue sexcation plans does this. Calling them to share something that you want to check off of your sex-themed bucket list does this.
Pretty much doing anything that lets them know that you want them to get into the headspace of getting super excited about what you have in store for them, on the sexual tip — that is some of the best foreplay that there is, y’all. So, when’s the last time that you gave your man a preview of what is to come? Hmm…
2. Get Creative with Your Nudity
Unfortunately, our culture can be so…imbalanced (let’s go with that word) when it comes to sex that many people think it’s impossible to engage in intimacy with someone for years (even decades) on end and still find it to be an absolutely wonderful and fulfilling experience. Meanwhile, there areplenty of studies to support that sex actually gets better, the longer that you are with someone (one study says that it’s around the 15-year mark when things really start to soar!). The thing that you should avoid is falling into a rut — being lazy about intimacy, looking crazy while going to bed (y’all know what I am talking about), and not “dressing up” the gift sometimes.
I can’t tell you how many husbands I have worked with who have told me that they never get tired of their wife’s body (like…ever); what they do get sick of is no lingerie or creativity when it comes to her “sexual presentation.” Date night with no drawers on. Watching television in a sheer baby doll get-up. Celebrating a goal that he’s reached with nothing but a bow on when you come to bed. You get what I mean, right? He chose you. He wants you. Get creative with your body when it comes to intimacy sometimes, though. That way, he’ll never see you coming (well…until…you know. LOL!).
3. Leave Touch Out of It (Initially)
While once reading an article on Bustle’s site about where the term “blow job” came from (it’s a semi-long explanation; you can check it outhere), there’s a sentence that says, “The roots of the term ‘blow job’ began a bit earlier than this, however — in the 17th century, to be exact, when to ‘blow’ meant to bring someone to orgasm.” One definition of blow speaks to what we do with our breath whether it’s whistling, breathing hard, or creating a steady stream of air out of our mouth.
If you do this on your partner’s erogenous zones, it can provide a very flirty yet arousing level of stimulation to where they will want you to touch them as soon as possible. Oh, and if you add some dirty words into the mix, they will damn near be ready to climax the moment even your finger touches their body. Hey, try it. I’m absolutely not exaggerating.
4. Kiss Everywhere…BUT the Mouth (Again, Initially)
Even though some people don’t like to kiss (check out “Umm, What's Up With These People Who Hate Kissing?”), the rest of us? We want it as much as possible! There isa scientific reason for why that is the case too. When you kiss someone (especially in the mouth), it releases feel-good and bonding hormones and chemicals including dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin; not to mention the fact that it can also help to reduce stress. And while kissing does feel absolutely amazing, remember that the focus here is to “pregame” stimulation.
So, if you really want to get your man riled up, avoid his mouth (at first) and even his penis and opt for turn-on spots instead.The wetness of your mouth, the softness of your lips, and the texture of your tongue along his neck, around his ears or gently grazing his back? Girl, I’m getting a little hot ‘n bothered just talking — well, writing — about it.
5. Stay Out of the Bed
If there are two things that couples can find themselves getting really lazy about (if they’re not careful), it’s when they have sex and where. As far as the “when” goes,although reportedly, guys tend to prefer it in the morning (I mean, morning wood…makes sense) and women do late at night, most couples will admit that there is usually a time when they have it the most (especially if they’ve got young children — check out “How To Make Sex Easier (& More Fun) When You've Got Kids”) as a way of “meeting in the middle.” For example, if for you and your man,that’s 10 p.m. and it’s pretty much that way, every time, that can get to become boring, simply because no anticipation is necessary; you know what’s coming.
Same thing goes for always having sex in the bed. Even though it’s comfortable and accommodating to most sex positions, trying other places (at least for foreplay) can cultivate a feeling of newness and excitement. Whether it’s on the kitchen floor, in your car (when it’s in the garage), in the shower (check out “So, This Is How To Make Shower Sex So Much Better”), in your closet (some people really like the closeness of it) or, what appears to be most folks’ favorite spot,the living room sofa (go figure, chile) — get out of the bed sometimes. The bed is comfy, no doubt. It’s also predictable as hell.
6. Have a Foreplay Staycation
It honestly floors me, just how many married couples I know who either haven’t taken a romantic vacation in years or (what in the world?!) haven’t done it since their honeymoon. To that, I’ll just say this: there was once a study conducted of 2,000 couples. It was revealed that of those who felt like their relationship had lost its spark, 42 percent of them were able to get it back by spending some quality time together while taking a leisure trip (without the kids). To me, this makes all of the sense in the world because romantic vacations are designed to “get off of the grid” and focus, solely, on you and your partner’s needs.
So, if you are one of those couples who doesn’t have a trip, just for you and your man, on the docket for some time this year, here’s your sign that you need to figure something out — ASAP. And what if your money is tight? What should you do in the meantime? How about a foreplay staycation? Plan 24-48 hours where you and your man do nothing but kiss, lick, and touch without any penetration involved. Play sex games. Dance naked. Come up with (new) safe words. After a day or two of nothing but this, you will be ready to explode once it’s time to actually have sex with each other!
7. Play Your Own Version of “Hot, Warm, Cold”
Temperature play plays a solid role in sexual pleasure; that’s why I’ve written articles like “Hot Sex: 10 Super Sultry Reasons To Bring Wax Play Into Your Bedroom” for the platform. Anyway, aside from the fact thatit’s pretty damn hilarious that 69 degrees is the ideal room temperature for intimacy (umm, if you catch my drift), a big part of the reason why playing around with hot, warm, and cold temps is so effective is because your nerves respond,sometimes drastically so, to variations in them.
I mean, when you stop to consider that there are8,000 nerves in a clitoris and 4,000 in a penis, imagine what some ice would do during oral sex. Or, how about heating up a sex toy that’s made out of glass or metal in some boiling water, letting it cool just a bit, and running that up and down each other’s erogenous zones? If you do this while being blindfolded, there really is no telling where the peak levels of stimulation could take you!
8. Focus on Upping the Ante on Your Partner’s Stimulation (As They Do the Same for You)
I’ve already referenced the word “stimulation” a few times. To stimulate is “to rouse to action or effort, as by encouragement or pressure; incite.” Some synonyms include arouse, inspire, spark, activate, energize, enflame, support, urge — and motivate (cue Kelly Rowland’s song, "Motivation"). And so, keeping all of this in mind, when it comes to foreplay with your partner, how much effort do you put into stimulating him — into inspiring him, energizing him, motivating him…yes, sexually?
Something that I am a big-time believer of is, it’s hard to fall into a sexual rut, if the goal that BOTH PEOPLE have is to always outdo themselves, damn near every time that they come together. That said, how can you “out-inspire” him with your compliments? How can you “out-energize” him with a creative meal that’sfilled with aphrodisiacs? How can you “out-motivate” him with some new ideas that you’ve researched while you were at work?
When it comes to both foreplay and sex, “applying pressure” can be a ton of fun — when you see yourself as your own competition as far as taking your partner to new heights in the stimulation department.
9. Be Unpredictable
Unpredictable can go a lot of ways. In the context of what I’m referring to, I’m not talking about being fickle, erratic, and unreliable. Nah, what I mean is, be intentional about having a few tricks up your sleeve that your partner would never see coming.
An example of this comes from a song from a local legend here, Shannon Sanders (if you know, you know). He once wrote a song entitled “Interstate” and the intro starts off with him saying, “What you doin’? Not you. Didn’t think you were the type.” Yeah, you can read between the lines (or click on the hyperlink to the title) to get what he’s talking about yet I’m pretty sure that what made the experience, 50 times greater, is she did something that was outside of the norm. When it comes to foreplay and sex — that is typically the case. #wink
10. Switch the Energy Up
Foreplay can — and should — have different themes from time to time. One time, focus on being romantic (rose petals and toasting each other). Another time, lean into being kinky (where are your handcuffs and bondage rope?). Still, another time, discuss a fantasy that you each want to fulfill. Then play dress-up as you role play. Record (the audio) of yourselves having sex one day; then play it another day — during foreplay.
Spoon naked and talk about all of the things that you adore about each other’s bodies. Get some oral sex dice (like thesehere) and see where throwing the dice will take you. Y’all, energy is such a big part of foreplay and sex, and the more you master switching it up, the more you and your partner will look forward to coming — and cumming — together for years to come. No doubt about it, sis.
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