Ever Wonder If Your Vagina Is Stressed TF Out?
When it comes to a year like this one (has it been a year, a decade or a century? It's hard to tell at this point), you've gotta do your best to look for the silver linings. For me, one of them has been learning how to implement even better boundaries while also learning how to be extremely proactive about staying as stress-free as possible. What's a trip about that second point is, when you really decide to get still and "tune in" to your mind, body and spirit, it can be a plum trip what is revealed.
Take our vaginas, for example. In the midst of all that's happening in your life right now, have you ever wondered how "she's" doing. How she's really doing? If, in the midst of everything, if she might be feeling a little stress, strain and/or anxiety too? If the thought hasn't really crossed your mind, but now that I asked, you're like, "How would I know if my vagina is stressed, sis?", I'm so glad that you asked. Take a moment, breathe in deeply (exhale deeply too) and check out some very telling indicators that your vagina might actually be stressed out AF right about now.
Are You Getting More Yeast Infections?
I don't know about y'all, but I honestly can't think of too many things that are worse than a yeast infection. The incessant itching alone is enough to literally make you feel like you're losing your damn mind! So, where exactly do they come from? Our vaginas naturally produce a certain amount of bacteria and yeast. But when either of those are thrown out of balance, the yeast (also known as candida) can grow out of control and—bam! An infection is oftentimes the result. As far as what triggers the overgrowth—medications (including birth control), pregnancy, hormonal levels being thrown out of wack, diabetes, sex (if your natural bacteria doesn't initially "gel" with your partner's) and a compromised immune system. Three things that can weaken your immunity are sickness, too much sugar and yes, stress. So, if a yeast infection has popped up as of late and you can't attribute it to any of the other causes that I shared, it very well could be a clear sign that you need to get your stress under control.
Stress remedy: One of the main ways to prevent a yeast infection that is triggered by stress is to up your probiotic intake and lower the amount of sugar that you consume. The probiotics (make sure that the brand you get has lactobacillus acidophilus, lactobacillus rhamnosus and lactobacillus reuteri in it; they're all good for vaginal health) are great because they will help to keep "good bacteria" in your gut and vagina. Less sugar is good because sugar is an enemy of your immunity; the less you consume, the healthier your body—including your vagina—will ultimately be.
Are Your Periods All Over the Place?
Something that I'm thankful for is the fact that my period is pretty regular. But something that I've noticed is if I've had a particularly stress-filled month, sometimes my cycle is thrown off by a few days. Although everything from birth control and pregnancy to thyroid issues, fibroids, hormonal shifts, excessive exercise and endometriosis can all cause your period to be semi-unpredictable, if you can typically set your watch (or app) by yours but the past couple of months, that hasn't exactly been the case, think back to how anxious, worried or stressed you've been. Believe it or not, when we're stressed out, that can affect the part of our brain that alerts our body to where our period should actually start. So, if yours seems to be shorter or longer than usual, don't underestimate that stress could most definitely be the cause.
Stress remedy: The main thing to keep in mind if your period is fluctuating due to stress is you need to get your cortisol levels down. You can do this by meditating, participating in yoga, drinking ginger tea (especially a week prior to when you expect your cycle to start) and taking a multi-vitamin. As far as vitamins go, make sure yours has a good dose of Vitamin D in it because studies show that a Vitamin D deficiency actually plays a role in irregular cycles.
Are Period Cramps Suddenly Totally Off of the Charts?
When it's time for our period to start, a chemical known as prostaglandins sends a signal to our uterus, letting it know that it's time to contract so that the lining of our uterus can shed (by the way, did you know that slightly upping your dose of ibuprofen, the moment your period starts, can actually delay it by a day or two? You can read more about that here). Pretty much all of us have some level of discomfort during this process (especially on day one); but if you basically are in so much pain that you're out for the count for the first 48 hours or so, you may have what is known as dysmenorrhea, which is just another word for a painful cycle. But what if you only feel this way, during your period, every once in a while? This is another thing that you may be able to attribute directly to stress.
Some research that I did revealed that women who are more stressed during the first half of their cycle tend to have harder time dealing with abdominal discomfort once their period actually came on. While medical professionals are still trying to get down to the root of why this is the case, a big theory is the stress hormone cortisol is elevated during stressful moments and that can alter our ovarian hormones to the point where we feel worse instead of better, once our cycle actually starts.
Stress remedy: While ibuprofen can definitely help to calm the period cramping and discomfort, if you know that your pain is brought on by stress more than anything else, consider taking a more holistic approach. Drinking more water will relieve bloating which decreases period cramps. Eating anti-inflammatory foods like berries, salmon, broccoli, grapes, tomatoes, dark chocolate and green tea can make the cramps less intense. Sipping on chamomile tea will inhibit the production of prostaglandins. Adding Vitamin B1 to your diet regimen will help to lessen the pain. And, getting more magnesium into your system—either via a supplement or by eating foods like cashews, almonds, spinach, whole grains and bananas—will help to relax your nerves and promote better quality sleep.
Is There a Ton (or Hardly Any) Discharge Happening?
Vaginal discharge is totally normal. That's why douching is an absolute no-no because, when you do that, you alter the pH level in your vagina and doing that can trigger an infection. And just how much discharge is considered to be normal? Eh. Normal is kind of relative in this case, but many health professionals say that a little under a teaspoon a day is the average amount. So long as your discharge is either clear, white or off-white and it's not irritating you (like itching or burning) in any way, you should be all good. But if you do happen to notice that either you're producing a ton of discharge or even hardly any, it could mean that you've got some type of infection or that you're stressed out. If your discharge is accompanied by extreme fatigue, a fever, abdominal pain, increased urination or unexplainable weight loss, make an appointment to see your doctor ASAP. If not, chalk it up to stress—at least for now.
Stress remedy: Again, if your discharge is normal but you've just got a higher amount, if you make sure to relax and get more rest, the amount should shift after a few days. Besides, extra (healthy) discharge is typically nothing to be concerned about. Just make sure that you're wearing cotton panties (be sure to check out "These Common Habits Are Actually BAD For Your Vagina" too), so that the extra moisture doesn't eventually turn into a yeast infection up the road.
Did You Just Get an STD?
I believe that I shared before that one time, I got chlamydia, mono and strep—all at the same time. The really tripped out part is I didn't go to the doctor for the STD; I went for the strep, but when the tests came back, they told me that I had chlamydia, that it has probably been lying dormant in my system for at least a year (hence, no symptoms), and the other illnesses are probably what triggered it. Moral to this icky lil' tale?
One, GET TESTED. Don't assume that since you don't feel anything, that you don't have anything. Secondly, don't assume that participating in "stress sex" will automatically make life better. What I mean by that is, if you're stressed out and you go looking for someone to relieve your stress with, your anxiety levels could actually compromise your immune system and that could have you out here far more vulnerable to catching a sexually transmitted infection (or disease).
Stress remedy: An STD is nothing to be ashamed of (over half of all Americans will get one at some point in their lifetime); however, it is something to be proactive about avoiding. If you're not in a long-term exclusive relationship (even if you are, you should still get tested every six months or so), to keep yourself from getting one (and to protect your partner), make sure to wear a condom. If you already do have one, make sure to complete whatever round of antibiotics that your doctor prescribed. Also, consider adding some garlic, goldenseal and olive leaf extract to your health regimen. All are naturally powerful and potent ways to detox your system while giving your immunity an extra boost.
Is Your Vagina or Lower Back Inexplicably Tender?
Did you know that, when you're stressed, it affects your breathing patterns? This, in turn, affects the amount of oxygen that your body receives which can actually put unnecessary strain on your mid-to-lower back? Plus, stress can make your vaginal walls extra dry which can result in your vagina feeling pretty tender.
Stress remedy: As far as your back goes, doing some stretches, both in the morning and before turning in at night can help to relieve some of the tension that you might be experiencing. When it comes to vaginal dryness, an awesome all-natural lubricant is virgin olive oil. That's because it's got all kinds of antioxidants, anti-inflammatory properties and a good amount of Vitamin E that will moisturize, soothe and even help to heal your vaginal and vulvar dryness. That said, make sure that you only use it as a personal lubricant and not for sex (with a condom) purposes. Oils tend to break down latex which means they can compromise your protection from STDs and pregnancy if you use them along with a rubber (if you wanna learn more about the best lubricants for sex, check out "If You've Always Wanted A 'Lubricant Cheat Sheet,' Here Ya Go").
Are You Absolutely NOT in the Mood?
I don't know about you, but one of my favorite things about my vagina is I'm able to have sex with it. Still, when you're stressed out, another sign can be that nothing about you (including your va-jay-jay) is in the mood. That's because stress has the ability to drain our energy, inhibit our testosterone and estrogen levels, intensify our anxiety levels and totally tank our libido. So, if sex is something that your typically down for, but lately, it's the absolute last thing that you want to do—ask yourself if anything is stressing you out. If so, that very well could be why you and your vagina are not having as much fun as y'all usually do.
Stress remedy: If you're not having sex—and your vagina is mad at you for it—due to stress, sex journaling can help you to narrow down what is triggering your worry and anxiety so that you can find a solution to what troubles you. You know what else can help you out? HAVING SEX. Whenever you engage in the act, it actually triggers endorphins and hormones like dopamine and oxytocin so that you feel happier and more relaxed. So, if sex isn't on your to-do list right now, add it. It could be just what your vagina ordered for her stress levels. Literally.
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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According To This Power Couple, Real Estate Remains The Best Way To Build Wealth
Money Talks is an xoNecole series where we talk candidly to real women about how they spend money, their relationship with money, and how they get it.
Douglas and Dr. Atiya “Blondie” Parson are a celebrity realtor power couple with a notable client list that features some of the industry’s biggest heavy hitters, such as rapper T.I., restaurant entrepreneur Pinky Cole, Love and Hip Hop Atlanta reality star Sierra Gates, and more. The couple has made as much as $200,000 from one sale as real estate agents and consistently make over six figures by flipping homes. While their success is groundbreaking, their thought process is pretty standard. They believe real estate breeds wealth, budgeting is essential, and you should keep your goals major and top of mind.
Now, the duo have made it their mission to share their knowledge. Through "We Nailed It! The Blueprint for Real Estate and Relationships, available on Amazon and everywhere books are sold, and their YouTube channel, they’re determined to share their learnings with the culture. “The richest person is always going to invest in real estate, but you don’t have to be rich to invest in real estate,” says Doug. Check out our transparent convo below.
Tell me a little bit about yourself.
Blondie: Well, I’m one of six kids from Indianapolis, Indiana. I went to a private school, but I still grew up below-middle class. Actually, my mom cleaned up after hours to help cover my tuition – so I knew the importance of education early. Later, I went to an HBCU in Ohio, and it just so happened my mom moved to the Virgin Islands right after my senior year of high school. So I decided to get an apartment, but it was too much, and I had to go home. Around that time is when I met Doug; we dated for like a year before things occurred that caused him to do a lifestyle change, and he moved to Kentucky. I ended up following him there, getting married, finishing school in Kentucky, and I’ve been in education for almost 25 years. But along with education, I’ve been helping my husband; I’ve been licensed for a little over three years. Now, we’re in partnership doing all things real estate.
Doug: I’m also from Indianapolis, Indiana. My first love was football, and I’ve always loved shiny things. So it’s a terrible thing to say, but I was in the drug trade for years. I had a child at 15 and had become huge in that industry. But I knew I wanted to do something different with my life, and I changed everything in 1996. So Blondie and I kept pushing on. We came to Atlanta after being in Kentucky for four years. And I met a young lady who really inspired me in real estate. That’s really how I got started. I got in the flipping game years ago, and now we’ve got a #1 best seller.
Let’s go back. Can you tell me about how you were spending before becoming responsible with money?
Doug: I definitely had to learn the hard way about spending. Being an ex-hustler, I always had excess money. Even in real estate, you stop thinking about spending because it’s coming back so fast. But at the end of the year, when you look at everything, it makes you want to cut back and change your ways. Even though we have a lot of luxury things, we had to learn how to write things off and save. I’ve learned what things you can cut off (do without) – because it’s a necessity in our business.
Blondie: It’s funny that Doug said he had to work on the spending because when he decided to change his life, we had times where we really didn’t have money. We had to learn how to budget. But even while we’re in a different space, I still like to live under my means. People say you should live within your means, but if you’re working on a certain goal you have to live under your means.
"We had to learn how to budget. But even while we’re in a different space, I still like to live under my means. People say you should live within your means, but if you’re working on a certain goal you have to live under your means."
Dr. Atiya “Blondie” (L) and Douglas Parson (R)
@iamrealestate1/Instagram
If you don’t mind me asking, how much do you make annually, or what’s a typical month look like for you?
Doug: Me and Blondie are real estate agents, but we’re also master flippers. In a month, I’ve made close to $200,000 just off sales. Then, in regards to flipping, we make six figures all the time. One of our goals is to show the culture how to do this. Also, we’ve been together for like 28 years, we want to show people how to stick together and make money.
Wow. Okay, so you have to tell me more about how this actually works. In layman's terms, how would you explain the difference between a real estate agent and flipping homes?
Blondie: The big difference is that a real estate agent helps people if they want to buy or sell a home. But if you’re only a flipper, you’re only an investor; you don’t have to be licensed. But we try to educate people on the importance of getting your license. Once we find the property, we make sales as an agent and an investor.
Talk to me more about your multiple streams. How does it play a part in your financial journey?
Doug: We try to maximize the whole real estate game. We’re real estate agents, flippers, and we have a property management company. Plus, we’re working on a show and have our book. So it’s all real estate. I’m in love with real estate - so that helps.
That can be a lot coming in and out. Do you guys budget? How have you made it part of your routine?
Blondie: I’m the budget queen. I write it all down. Now, I use Google Docs, but when we first got together, I had our “infamous notebook.” I get anxious when I see money going out, and I don’t know where it’s going or how I’m getting it back. And you have to do that when you have multiple streams, and you’re trying to reach a goal.
Doug: Yeah, you’ve gotta cut the fat off. Only spend what’s needed.
Are there any budget must-haves you recommend? What tangible tips or advice can you offer for people who are creating or revising theirs?
Doug: We like fine dining. You know how TikTok is in Atlanta. But you’ve got to cut that down on how much you’re eating out, also be aware of your entertainment – especially in Atlanta. You have to have a realistic budget for food and entertainment.
But do you two have any splurges? What’s your thing you just have to buy?
Doug: My splurge has been designer shoes since I was a child. That is one of the things I have to plan for – I can’t just go to designers whenever there’s a sale. But I write some stuff off, too, because it’s part of my “costume.”
Blondie: I’m the coupon queen, but I splurge on my nails. But my nails are over the price of the usual nails. I’m going to get designs and everything, but that’s my thing. I have to have it.
Dr. Atiya “Blondie” (L) and Douglas Parson (R)
Paras Griffin/Getty Images for BET
I get it. Now, let’s go in the other direction. What are your current savings goals?
Doug: One of my goals is to have one million dollars sitting. A lot of people think I have it already, but that’s just in assets. I’m going to get there, though. I’m well on my way.
Blondie: I want to condense and have less bills. I don’t like a lot of debt. Like credit cards, when I use them, I pay it off, and I recommend paying off what you can. For example, if you can pay off your car insurance for the year – do it. If you have it, get it out the way.
"I want to condense and have less bills. I don’t like a lot of debt. Like credit cards, when I use them, I pay it off, and I recommend paying off what you can. For example, if you can pay off your car insurance for the year – do it. If you have it, get it out the way."
Let’s get into unhealthy habits. Were there any practices you had to unlearn before getting to this point?
Doug: We have a small fleet of cars. So, every Sunday, the mobile guy would come and wash the cars. But after a while, we noticed how it added up. Now, I’ve made that part of my workout to wash my car every week. It saves money and keeps me active.
Blondie: For me, it’s my nails again. I don’t get them done all the time. I let them last. I’ll ride that design out a little longer and do what I have to. Also, there’s been times I’ve gotten my nails done and not really liked them, not said anything, and had to get them done again in a couple of weeks. That’s not good. It’s just about making better decisions.
What are your money mantras/affirmations that could keep you motivated?
Doug: If I’m not in the mode, I say, "Let's get it.” You’ll notice that’s on a lot of my social media posts. That’s my thing!
Blondie: Part of my daily prayer is to use my tools to not only help people but allow them to be lucrative to me. Like for our book, I hope it helps other people and it makes money.
Speaking of, what inspired you to create We Nailed It! The Blueprint for Real Estate and Relationships?
Doug: We wanted to inspire the culture. I see so many kids coming from my background being hustlers or never really having anything. But then someone passes away, and they come up on money and don’t know what to do with it. So we’re trying to show them it’s not hard to sell homes and flip houses. And we’re changing lives in real life. We’ve made millionaires. So, our goal in writing books is to show that you can get money together, and I want it to be a blessing to others.
Blondie: Also, I wanted to talk about building a strong relationship in business and two people working together. Two is better than one.
Finally, is there any advice you can give to readers who want to improve their finances or get into real estate?
Doug: CUT OFF ALL THE FAT! Get rid of everything that’s not essential for you right now – put that money in an account now. Next, get your credit together – keep it at like 30%. What we try to teach is if you can save $30K or $40K and leverage your credit, you can do it. So now you can go to Home Depot and use that for credit cards, now you’ve created your business. You have your down payment for a small flip, and when you have materials and stuff, you use your credit card. Now go pay it all off. Just by limiting your spending and saving, you can do it – that’s a quick way to get money. It’s not going to happen overnight, but it definitely can happen.
Blondie: I’m very visual, so I have a whiteboard where I visualize our goals. I recommend that. That way, you can reassess your goals. Don’t wait months, and don’t be afraid to make changes.
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