Idris Elba Was 'Done With Love' Before Meeting Wife Sabrina: 'Here Was Someone Who Was Just So Genuine'
Since Idris Elba and Sabrina Dhwore Elba's debut as a couple in 2017, they have become the embodiment of relationship goals.
Aside from the pair displaying their love in various viral social media posts and their collaborative projects, such as their Coupledom podcast, genderless skincare brand S'Able Labs, and humanitarian efforts, Idris and Sabrina have showcased over the years how love with the right partner can transform one's perspective on life and empower an individual to achieve their desires.
Idris and Sabrina's love story began in early 2017 in Vancouver when the actor worked on Mountain Between Us. The pair would cross paths at a jazz bar one night, and as fate would have it, their lives would be forever changed for the better.
In a recent joint interview with Esquiremagazine, the now-married couple opened up about that fateful night and how their love has inspired them to become better versions of themselves.
Idris and Sabrina On The Night They Met
In the discussion, Sabrina, who was a student at the time and working at a bar, revealed that her chance encounter with Idris almost didn't happen because she was exhausted from working. Still, due to it being her friend's birthday, Sabrina decided to go out and "ended up meeting this perfect guy."
"I had been working long shifts all week and was exhausted, but it was my friend's birthday, so I went out and ended up meeting this perfect guy. It all felt a bit like fate," she said.
On the other hand, Idris shared that upon meeting Sabrina, he had just gotten out of a relationship and wasn't looking to be with anyone. But following their brief interaction, the Luther: Fallen Sun star knew she was different.
"When I met Sabrina, I was coming out of a relationship, and I was done with love. I was in a headspace where I was thinking: 'I was born alone, and I'll die alone,'" he stated. "But then I met this really intelligent, smart, beautiful, and funny person who was so unaffected by things—it was so refreshing. I come from an industry where people all too easily become self-important, and here was someone who was just so genuine and positive and…themselves. It was great for me."
Idris and Sabrina On How Their Lives Have Changed After Meeting
Further in the interview, Sabrina expressed that after meeting Idris, building a relationship with him, and ultimately getting married in 2019, her life has significantly changed because he has helped her feel invincible in anything she tackles personally and professionally.
"My life massively changed after that night too. With Idris, everything is so exciting and every day can bring something new. I still feel like I want to spend every waking minute with him. He made, and still makes, me feel like there is nothing I can't accomplish," she explained.
Idris would add that on the night they met, he asked Sabrina about her modeling pursuits for a skincare brand and why she hadn't thought about owning one in an attempt to expand her mind to the endless possibilities that her career could go.
Sabrina mentioned that Idris' way of thinking had inspired her to dream bigger and aspire for more, which she hasn't experienced with anyone else.
"It's always that way with Idris. He's such a blue sky thinker. He always dreams bigger and grander," she stated. "At first, I would roll my eyes, but now I have adopted that mentality, where I can see myself somewhere I never would have been able to before. It's one of my favorite things about him, and I tell him all the time. I've never met a dreamer like him. Idris could probably wake up one day and fly just because he willed himself to do it!"
Sabrina wrapped up the conversation by sharing that having Idris open her eyes to what she could accomplish as a Black woman in society has helped "empower" her and made her feel that she could use her voice.
"When someone opens your eyes to the possibilities, then you start to feel the waves. As a black woman, growing up, you often feel like your opinion can be squashed. 'Don't talk too loud, or too much'. It's not like anyone ever told me not to, but certainly, I have never been encouraged to," she expressed. "It was a big shift in my life when Idris' attitude started changing my way of thinking. It empowered me and made [me] realize that I can use my voice."
To this day, Idris and Sabrina continue to break down barriers in the industry and be an inspiration for those seeking to be the next power couple being honest about their journey.
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Feature image by Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images for The Met Museum/Vogue
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From Monogamy To Polyamory: 'I'm In An Asexual Poly Marriage With My Husband Of 7 Years'
Have you ever wondered what it's like to be asexual and in an open marriage? Relationship Coach Mikki Bey shared her first-hand experience with us as well as answered some of our burning questions.
Like a lot of people, Mikki met her now husband, Raheem Ali, online. As soon as they met, they instantly fell in love and got engaged on their first date. Just 90 days after they met, the couple tied the knot and have now been married for seven years. Raheem and Mikki aren’t your typical married couple, and despite being married for almost a decade, their marriage is anything but traditional. Mikki and Raheem have what she calls an "asexual polyamorous marriage."
Defining Her Sexuality
It wasn't until last summer that Mikki found the language to define her sexuality. "I didn't have the language for it until last summer," she explained to xoNecole. "Looking back, I just thought sex wasn't my thing. It was never enjoyable for me, and I'd go years without even noticing.”
Mikki always thought she was broken because she had no interest in sex. Mikki noticed after her friends came to visit and started discussing their sexual fantasies that she realized something was different about her. “At that point, I knew something was definitely different about me since I do not have sexual fantasies at all. It was truly news to me that people are at work thinking about sex! That was not my experience.” This led to Mikki researching asexuality, which she soon realized fit her to a T. “It felt like breathing new air when I was able to call it by name," said Mikki.
"Looking back, I just thought sex wasn't my thing. It was never enjoyable for me, and I'd go years without even noticing it."
Asexuality refers to people who experience little or no sexual attraction, experience attraction without acting on it sexually, or experience sexual attraction differently based on other factors. Like most things, asexuality falls on a spectrum and encompasses many other identities. It's important to remember, however, that attraction and action are not always synonymous: some asexuals may reject the idea of sexual contact, but others may be sex-neutral and engage in sexual activity.
It's possible that some asexuals will have sex with someone else despite not having a libido or masturbating, but others will have sex with a partner because it brings a sense of connection.
From a Traditional Marriage to Kitchen Table Polyamory
Although Mikki never really had a high sex drive, it wasn’t until after the birth of her son, that she noticed her sex drive took a real nosedive. “I never had a high sex drive, but about a year after my son was born, I realized I had zero desire. My husband has a high sex drive, and I knew that it would not be sustainable to not have sex in our marriage at that time.”
She was determined to find an alternative to divorce and stumbled upon a polyamory conversation on Clubhouse. Upon doing her own research, she brought up the idea to their husband, who was receptive. “It’s so interesting to me that people weigh sex so heavily in relationships when even if you are having a ton of sex, it’s still a very small percentage of the relationship activity," Mikki shared.
They chose polyamory because Mikki still wanted to be married, but she also wanted to make sure that Raheem was getting his individual needs and desires met, even if that meant meeting them with someone else. “I think that we have been programmed to think that our spouses need to be our 'everything.' We do not operate like that. There is no one way that fits all when it comes to relationships, despite what society may try to tell you. Their path to doing this thing called life together may be different from yours, but they found what works for them. We have chosen to design a marriage that works for us,” Mikki explained.
"We have chosen to design a marriage that works for us. We both consent to each of us having everything from casual sex partners to lifetime partners if it should go there. We believe love is abundant and do not limit ourselves or each other on how we express it."
She continued, “We both consent to each of us having everything from casual sexual partners to lifetime partners if it should get there. We believe love is abundant and do not limit ourselves or each other on how we express it. Our dynamic is parallel with kitchen table poly aspirations.”
Kitchen table polyamory (KTP) is a polyamorous relationship in which all participants are on friendly terms enough to share a meal at the kitchen table. Basically, it means you have some form of relationship with your partner’s other partner, whether as a group or individually. A lot of times, KTP relationships are highly personal and rooted in mutual respect, communication, and friendship.
Intimacy in an Asexual Polyamorous Marriage
Mikki says she and her husband, Raheem, still share intimate moments despite being in a polyamorous marriage. “Our intimacy is emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and physical, although non-sexual. We are intentional about date nights weekly, surprising and delighting each other daily, and most of all, we communicate our needs regularly. In my opinion, our intimacy is top-tier! I give my husband full-body massages, mani-pedis and make sure I am giving him small physical touches/kisses throughout the day. He is also very intentional about showing me his love and affection.”
Raheem and Mikki now use their lives as examples for others. On their website, thepolycouplenextdoor.com, they coach people interested in learning how to be consensually non-monogamous. “We are both relationship coaches. I specialized in emotional regulation, and Raheem specializes in communication and conflict resolution. The same tools we use in our marriage help our clients succeed in polyamory."
Mikki advises people who may be asexual or seeking non-monogamy to communicate their needs openly and to consider seeking sex therapy or intimacy coaching. Building a strong relationship with a non-sexual partner requires both empathy and compassion.
For more of Mikki, follow her on Instagram @getmikkibey. Follow the couple's platform on Instagram @thepolycouplenextdoor.
Featured image by skynesher/Getty Images