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He Said Yes! We Asked Men How They Feel About Women Proposing
Shows like Married At First Sight and 90-Day Fiance prove that matrimony looks a little different than it did when our mother and grandmothers said their vows. Wedding traditions like jumping the broom and losing your virginity on your wedding night seem like a thing of the past, but there are some customs that seem like they will never go out of style.
For example, it is tradition that a man get down on one knee and propose to his wife-to-be, but with feminism on the rise causing a number of gender norms to be thrown out the window, it may soon become socially acceptable for a woman to ask for her man's hand in marriage.
Over the past few weeks, I've seen a number of videos where a woman gets down on one knee, followed with a slew of negative comments echoing the sentiment that it's a man's responsibility to propose. Some people have even used the Bible as a reference to support their argument, quoting a scripture I'm sure we're all familiar with:
"He that findeth a good woman, findeth a good thing; and of the Lord he shall draw up mirth (and he receiveth favour from the Lord)." (Proverbs 18:22-24)
Mind you, that description technically has nothing to do with a marriage proposal. The debate surrounding role reversal in marriage proposals has split the internet down the middle, so to get down to the bottom of this argument, I did a little bit of research. First, let's talk a little about how this ritual came to be in the first place.
In the past, marriage was symbolic of a business agreement between two families. Historically, marriage was a ritual that ensured that children were legitimately conceived. Many of these marriages were arranged and contrary to popular belief had little-to-nothing to do with love or religion. While the first documented marriage dates back to 2350 B.C., in Mesopotamia, other cultures like the Hebrews, Romans, and Greeks adopted the custom over the next hundred years and applied their own traditions. Marriage between two people didn't officially become associated with the Roman Catholic church until the eighth century, and marriage for love didn't become a concept until the middle ages.
Around the 18th century, it became more of a custom that people choose their own spouses, but still, women often played a muted role in this process. Whether their spouses were arranged or chosen by their own initiative, it has always been tradition that a man ask a woman (or her father) for her hand in marriage.
In a nutshell, there is no biblical or historical reason why a woman shouldn't propose. Getting down on one knee isn't necessarily reserved for one gender. If you love someone, and they love you, why shouldn't a woman feel comfortable enough with her man to propose? Because... double standards. That's why.
This male-dominated language of courtship has continued for centuries, but now, a number of women have taken it into their own hands to take their relationships into the next level. Before writing this article, I could not fathom getting down on one knee to propose to a potential suitor, but after reading other women's reasons for doing it, I can't help but think that asking for a man's hand in marriage is feminist and progressive AF.
Still wary of the concept, I took it to the streets and asked a few of my guy friends what they thought about a woman proposing. Here's what they had to say:
Clif Cooper, 27
Do you want to get married one day?: Yes
How would you feel if a woman proposed to you?: If a woman decided to propose to me, I think I would naturally feel awkward. Also, if the proposal of her asking me were to happen in a public setting, I would for sure feel nervous. I understand that progression exists and certain things change, but sometimes, it's OK to stick with tradition. Personally, I would want to be the one to put myself out there and ask for her hand in marriage.
Bryant Albert, 26
Do you want to get married one day?: Yes
How would you feel if a woman proposed to you?: I would feel like I haven't done my part as a man to make her feel wanted and secure enough to trust me to propose. Especially because that would be something I expressed in my relationship. I would take a great deal of pride in making her feel like the most special woman in the world. So, if she were to propose, I would have to assume that I gave her no other option.
Jordan Gray, 29
Do you want to get married one day?: Yes
How would you feel if a woman proposed to you?: If a woman proposed to me I would feel flattered. I'd feel flattered that someone found me worthy enough to want to marry me without me asking them. However, I would just feel uneasy because in my mind proposing to the spouse is the man's role. I feel like it has to do with masculinity in the relationship and my masculinity would have decreased.
Although time has passed, and marriage is no longer thought of as a business negotiation, it is still a formal agreement. One that, with discussion and planning, can be proposed by either party in the relationship. But before giving your man the chance to tell his family, "She went to Jared," take these things into consideration:
- Have you two discussed your thoughts and expectations of marriage to one another?
- Is he someone who would be flattered or insulted by such a grand gesture?
- What does it mean for your relationship if he says no?
- ASK HIM how he feels about the idea of a woman proposing.
I'm no marriage counselor, but the consensus of my friends' statements make it a "nah" for me dawg. It seems like proposing to their dream girl is a pretty big deal for men, and I would never want to rob my soon-to-be husband of that opportunity. But, I also know that every relationship is different, and some women say that proposing to their man took a lot of a pressure off of him and don't regret their decision one bit.
After gathering this information, I see that the reasons a lot of people don't agree with gender reversed proposals are rooted in a somewhat patriarchal ideology. After this survey, I also will admit that I will never, ever get down on one knee, but, knowing the historical background of marriage proposals makes me think twice about judging the next woman who decides to.
Featured image by Getty Images.
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Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
‘ACross Generations With Tiffany Cross’ Have A Candid Conversation About Diversity In Media
Being the only Black person at your job can often make you feel isolated. There’s no one to relate to or who even understands your background. This is a conversation that many Black people have among each other and a topic that was covered in the latest episode of ACross Generations with Tiffany Cross.
Host Tiffany sat down with media professionals Michele McGhee and Sidney Madden to discuss everything from diversity in media to their own journeys in the industry. Tiffany, who has worked at many media platforms such as BET, revealed that during her time at CNN, she felt isolated and dismissed by her coworkers.
“Not only isolated in what you looked like but isolated in your lived experience and have people summarily dismiss your humanity on a daily basis,” she said.
Michele agreed; however, she took a different approach toward the dismissiveness she experienced while working at CNN.
“I would sit there, and I’d be like, oh my God, I’m the only one, and really it made me connect to my faith because I said God wants me to be the only one because He wants me to have this voice. He wants me to have this moment, and He wants me to go on this journey because if you’re with someone else, I can’t stretch and grow you the way I need you to be.”
She continued, “So now, as a 58-year-old woman, I never ask God, why am I alone.”
Michele is now the co-founder and CEO of Expectant Media, a company that elevates Black-owned media and creators.
Sidney is a writer and host of NPR’s podcast Louder Than A Riot. When she began working at NPR, she was one of three Black people and the only Black woman in the music department.
She recalled a moment when she pitched a story about Cardi B’s buying power before she became mainstream and how well it did on the site. The story reminded her of the value she brings to the table.
She said, “It was a point of validation for me because I’m like, ‘Oh, actually, I can learn all this stuff you’re talking about, but there’s some things you’re never gonna know. And I’m truly gonna be the expert in that I can assert in this place that you can never take away from me, and that’s the voice.”
Watch the full episode of ACross Generations with Tiffany Cross below.
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Feature image by ACross Generations with Tiffany Cross/ YouTube