10 Hacks That Can Make Cooking Easier (If You Hate To Cook)
As someone who spent a few years living with her great-grandmother as an adolescent, a great-grand who insisted on giving cooking lessons on the weekends (whether I liked it or not), I know that my age (46 in June) is totally showing when I say that it floors me, how many women 1) don't cook and 2) could care less. As a marriage life coach, you might think that it has to do with domestication, but actually, as a single woman, I don't get why a lot of women don't want to do it for themselves. Cooking saves money. Cooking allows you to customize your dishes to make them just like you want it. Cooking is healthier too. But between a lot of the ladies who I personally know, along with an article I read that said 63 percent of millennials don't know what a butter knife looks like, 60 percent don't know how to make salad dressing and 25 percent don't know how to make a birthday cake from a box—I just know that the spirit of my late great-grandmother would want me to do something.
Now, if you're someone who is like, "Whatever, Shellie. Postmates was designed with me in mind," hey, do you, girl. But if you hate to cook but it's mostly because you never really learned how and you're totally overwhelmed at the thought of figuring out where to start, here are 10 hacks that could, in time, bring you to conclusion that you like your own homemade meals more than you thought you ever would.
1. Invest in Some Solid Cooking Utensils
As someone who cooks, pretty much on a daily basis, I can tell you, straight up, that cooking is gonna suck for you if all you're working with is a frying pan, one cake pan and a mixing bowl. Yeah, you definitely need some utensils in your arsenal in order to make things easier for you. So, what should you have in your kitchen?
- A good set of knives
- A cutting board
- A set of measuring cups and spoons
- A variety of mixing bowls (different sizes)
- A non-stick skillet (and eventually an iron cast one too)
- Small and large saucepans
- A vegetable peeler
- A meat mallet
- A slow cooker
- A colander
- Some wire whisks (they also come in different sizes)
- A pizza pan
- A few baking sheets
- A glass casserole dish
- An electric mixer
- A blender
I already know that some of y'all read that and was like, "See, that's why I don't feel like cooking in the first place. Just look at that list." But no one is saying that you've got to get everything at the same time. Plus, a lot of these items are not very expensive at all; many, you can even cop at the grocery store. And again, I promise you, if you've got them in your possession, it will make cooking (almost) a breeze. (By the way, this list pretty much only scratches the surface. If you want to check out more things that a lot of regular cooks own, check out "Essentials List: 71 of the Best Kitchen Cookware, Utensils, Tools & More".)
2. Accept That Prepping Is Probably What Bothers You Most
I won't lie to you. When it comes time for me to make something, if anything makes me roll my eyes, it's the prepping part (well that and sometimes all of the clean-up that's required). In fact, if you are a recipe-reading kind of person (I'm not so much), you might notice that the prep time can take as long as the cooking time, if not longer. But again, if you've got the right cooking tools, that can take a lot of the stress out.
Some other things that can make prepping easier include—reading recipes in their entirety before you begin; not feeling like you've always got the peel the skin of fruits and veggies (squash, sweet potatoes and carrots are just some of the foods that taste great with the skin on, if you roast them); making sure your pans are hot rather than cold before putting your ingredients into them; cooking dried beans in mineral water (they'll cook faster that way if you do) and definitely cleaning up as you go.
Oh, and if chopping fruits and veggies is what you absolutely loathe the most, I've got a couple of DIY videos that can offer you a couple of tips and tricks. The fruit one is here; the veggie one is here. You can also gain some basic knife skills here.
3. Don’t Procrastinate
If all you do is lay around, saying to yourself that you hate cooking, not only is that going to program your mind to always have that mindset but you're not gonna get anything done. A way to avoid procrastinating is to schedule a window in your day when you're going to cook. For most (beginner's) meals, all you need is 60-90 minutes, tops. When you think about the money you're about to save (because cooking is cheaper than eating out), how much healthier the meal will be over restaurant dining, and the pride that you will feel for making it yourself, it will definitely be time well spent.
4. "Cook Like Costco"
What the heck do I mean by "cook like Costco"? I've got people in my world who treat Costco like it's Six Flags or something. Of course, they like it so much because they can buy in bulk which makes things so much more convenient. Well, if you know that you hate to cook, why not "cook in bulk"? What I mean by that is, rather than torturing yourself by setting out to prepare homemade meals on a daily basis, instead, choose a day to knock out 3-4 dishes. For instance, right now, I've got some mac 'n cheese, some fajita meat and a casserole in my fridge. For the mac, all I need to do is heat up some veggies and maybe bake some chicken breasts (which is nothing). For the fajita meat, I just need to pull out my tortillas and add some diced tomatoes, black beans, lettuce and cheese. The casserole can basically stand on its own. Whatever I want to eat, I can just warm it up in the oven and I'm good to go. I don't have to think about cooking again—unless I want to—for another 3-4 days or so.
5. Start with Super Simple Recipes
Don't be out here feeling like you've got to be a four-star chef overnight. That is putting more stress on yourself than you need to. Shoot, just recently, I watched a video on how to make some butter swim biscuits. Not only did they only require seven ingredients, they were super easy to make too. So was the end result of a smothered cabbage (without pork) recipe video. Oh, and something else that was fun to make is "Popeyes Chicken Sandwich/Copycat Recipes". As far as finding recipes online, all you need to do is go to your favorite search engine and put "easy recipes" in the search field; you will find a ton. Or, you can do something that I think will be a lot more enjoyable for you. I'll get to that in the next point.
6. Watch a Monitor While You Do It
All of the recipes that I just referenced? They weren't written recipes; they were videos. When you are watching an expert breakdown how to prepare a particular dish, it can make following along so much easier (the time will go by faster too). YouTube is chocked full of video recipes (including ones by Black chefs and master cooks). All you need to do is position your laptop or smartphone next to you and "play and pause" as you go along.
7. Try a New Dish Each Week
There are a few people in my life who absolutely hate leftovers. As a marriage life coach (and journalist), I like to dig beneath the surface. Come to find out, some of them do because they were poor growing up and had to eat the same stuff over and over again. In response to that information, sometimes I will look for something new and/or exotic to make for them. It can make cooking even more fun and rewarding for the preparer as well as the one who is eating what's been made.
If one of the main reasons why you hate to cook is because you find it to be BORING, challenge yourself by deciding to take on a new kind of dish every week. If nothing else, it will encourage you to do something that you never have before. You might even be pleasantly surprised by the end results.
8. Entertain Yourself
Unless you just totally suck at multi-tasking, use your cooking time to binge-watch a television program or watch a movie. Or you can put on one of your favorite Spotify playlists. Or you can put your phone on speaker and catch-up with a friend or two. No one said that being a good cook means that you have to move around in silence or that you've got to bore yourself to tears. By entertaining yourself in the process, you won't even notice how much you're getting done. Before you know it, your meal will be ready.
9. Find Your “Incentive”
Your incentive for cooking more can kind of run the gamut. Maybe you want to save money. Maybe you want to eat healthier. Maybe you want to get your nosey auntie who brings up the fact that you can't cook at every family function off of your back. Maybe you want to impress your girlfriends. Or, maybe you want to surprise someone special in your life (because few things are more romantic than a candlelight dinner or indoor picnic at home). Whatever it is, by having an actual incentive, that can motivate and inspire you to cook; even if not daily, at least more often than you currently do.
10. Reward Yourself
Reward means "something given or received in return or recompense for service, merit, hardship, etc." and yeah, if you hate to cook, doing it can feel like a straight-up hardship; at least for a while. If you decide to push through and make some homemade dishes anyway, reward yourself for doing that.
Pick up your favorite bottle of wine. Get a dessert that you really like. Do something that will make you feel good about the decision that you made to DIY some dishes. Once you've got a month down of cooking some stuff, even if it's just one meal a week, I'm thinking that you'll start to have a more positive outlook on it. Hey, my great-grandma and your auntie will at least be happy. Baby steps, sis. Baby steps.
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Less & Less Of Us Have Close Friends These Days. Why Is That?
German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche once said, “It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” At close to two decades of working with married couples, I agree with this man 1000 percent. It’s actually the main motivation for why I once penned, “Are You Sure You're Actually FRIENDS With Your Spouse?” because, the reality is, if you’re not friends with the person who you vowed to share every aspect of your life with, for the rest of your life, it’s going to be very difficult (if not damn near impossible) to honor that level of commitment. Without question, I will now and forever die on the hill that if you like your partner, you can make it through the not-so-in-love-right-now moments. Vice versa? Eh…not so much.
A basis for why I feel this way? Another quote immediately comes to mind. Famed author Jane Austen once wrote: “There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature.” You know, back when I also wrote “10 Things You Should Absolutely Expect From Your Friendships” for the platform, I shared that some of the traits of a friend — a real friend — include loyalty, honesty and compassion. And if you can’t say that your spouse is this way (as they say the same thing about you), chile…what is y’all doin’ over there?
So, why am I talking about marriage when this article is supposed to be about friendship? It’s because, something that life has taught me, kinda sorta the hard way, is we should vet potential friends — especially close friends — almost like we would a spouse.
And if you keep reading, I think you’ll get why I framed the intro in the way that I did.
Why Friendships Are Still Hella Essential
GiphyOkay, so before I get into why it seems that people have fewer friends than they ever had before, let me just say that, even as an ambivert who enjoys my own company and has absolutely no problem with being alone a good amount of the time, every personality type needs friends. That’s not just my opinion;science makes it a fact. Not only do studies support thathealthy friendships help us to feel more satisfied with our lives, but they can also reduce our chances of experiencing depression, stress, and anxiety and they increase longevity overall.
This is why — without going too deep because it’s kind of another topic for another time — it’s important to not allow past hurts and disappointments from former friends (or folks you thought were your friends) to cause you to build up walls as you declare that you don’t need anyone. When you do that, all you’re really doing is working against your own health and well-being. The saying that “no man (or woman) is an island”? It is absolutely true.
That said, even if it’s just a couple of people, make sure that you’ve got individuals in your life who you can call a friend and, in turn, they can say the very same thing about you, okay?
Are All of Those People Your Actual Friends? Or Do You Just Happen to Know a Lot of Folks?
GiphyAight but what if you happen to be someone who swings on the other side of few? Meaning, if someone were to ask you how many friends you had, you’d quickly declare that you’ve got too many to count. Listen, not to patronize or anything yet, but whenever I hear folks (especially if they are over 35) say something along those lines, it takes me back to high school — a time when so many of us thought that so long as we knew a ton of folks and/or we were popular, clearly, we had many friends.
Wisdom and pure ole’ dealing with humans on a consistent basis will teach you that an article that I wrote a few years back for the platform has a title that is spot-on: “According To Experts, We Only Have A Few Friends — Here's Why.” According to it, the average American (based on a survey that was conducted) has somewhere around 16 friends. Oh, but wait. Last fall, I wrote another article for the platform entitled, “What's The 'Five Friendship Theory' All About?” According to it, if you’re someone who takes the word “friend” and the responsibility that comes along with it very seriously and quite literally, as an adult, you can probably only maintain about five close friendships.
Why? Well, that brings in another article that I once wrote: “Life Taught Me That True Friendships Are 'Inconvenient.'” Chile, I don’t know about y’all but my friends know that if I call you that, you can call me in the middle of the night, and you can have money towards your rent (I’m not your mama but we all have hard times sometimes) and I’m gonna have your back in a way where you’ll wonder where you stop and I start — and no, I don’t have a lot of bandwidth for a ton of those people.
Okay, but what if you’re someone who is like, “I know that I have more than 16 and definitely more than five friends, no question”? The next thing that I would encourage you to explore is a theory by Aristotle (check out “According To Aristotle, We Need ‘Utility’, ‘Pleasure’ & ‘Good’ Friends”). Without even realizing it, many of us have people who we use the word “friend” for when…it’s kind of like how social media apps say “friend”: we’re familiar with one another and enjoy some of the same things, we might even have some of the same goals; at the same time, though, we’re not “all-encompassing friends.” We just get along really well at work (utility friends) or like to go to brunch at the same spots sometimes (pleasure friends).
Taking all of this into account, are you sure that you have a ton of actual friends? Or do you just happen to know a lot of people and you use that word for the lack of having another?
And that brings me to my next point.
There’s A LOT of Space Between “Friend” and “Enemy”
GiphyIf you read a lot of my friendship content, something that you will notice me saying quite a bit is that there is quite a bit of space between friend and enemy. It needs to be mentioned, as often as possible, because there are some people who get offended if you don’t consider them to be a friend — and that is unfortunate. I say that because the conclusion shouldn’t automatically be that they are your enemy just because “friend” isn’t what immediately comes to your mind.
They can be an acquaintance. They can be “cool people.” There is someone in my life who, while we’re not friends in the traditional sense, we are each other’s confidant; years ago, we agreed that we would be the place to tell each other whatever and it would stay between us — that is the main purpose that we serve in each other’s lives. Some people, you may consider to be spiritual family in the sense that you care for them and have some deeply profound things in common and still, they are not exactly a friend (I mean, a lot of blood relatives aren’t “friends” with each other).
All I’m trying to say here is we’re all too old now to only put folks in two boxes when it comes to this particular relational dynamic: friend or enemy. So, take some time out to seriously reflect on what you consider the various people in your life to be. I can promise you from personal experience that the sooner you know and the clearer you are, the easier it will be on everybody — because needs and expectations will be clear to you (and them once you articulate them) too.
What Got Folks to Having Less Friends? The Pandemic Plays a Significant Part.
GiphySo finally on to what inspired this piece to begin with. A part of it was an article that was published last year by Big Think entitled, “Americans more than ever have no friends. Here are 5 steps to make more friends.” Another was something that The New Yorker published back in 2021; it’s entitled “What COVID did to friendship.” Y’all don’t have enough time and I don’t have enough space to get into the fact that, just because the media may be talking about it less, that doesn’t mean that we’re not still in a pandemic.
In fact,one article stated my thoughts on it quite well when it said, “The real question, then, is not whether COVID is still a pandemic, but how much COVID illness and death are we willing to accept?” SMDH. And one of the things that has come with experiencing COVID is an interesting type of PTSD: detachment. There are plenty of articles out here to support the fact that my saying that is not merely my opinion.
Even according to the American Psychological Association, loneliness damn near skyrocketed, especially during lockdown and, unfortunately, a lot of people have not recovered from it. That’s why it did not surprise me at all when I read that more than ever, many people do not consider anyone to be a best friend; fewer people are relying on friends for any type of real support, and there is a semi-steady decline in people having friends, especially quality friendships, overall.
In fact, as far as close friends go, currently, close to 50 percent of Americans say that they only have three or fewer, and a relevant contributor to that was what the pandemic revealed as far as people’s proactive participation in other individuals’ lives (I actually read that young women were the ones who lost touch with friends during the peak of the pandemic the most). I also thought it was interesting that some studies cite that 12 percent of Americans say that they don’t have any friends at all.
Is the pandemic the only cause? No. So are things like people working more hours and spending more time online than they probably should (which also increased due to the pandemic, though). To that, Teen Vogue once published, “Social Media Is Impacting IRL Friendships” and Healthline once published, “Social Media Is Killing Your Friendships.” Then we also have to factor in having families of our own which can also take up a lot of time, and that sometimes can cause us to forget to nurture our friendships; so, before you know it, they fade to black. Not due to a fallout or anything, just…life.
And all of this? Some people are saying that it has led to what is known as a “friendship recession.” A huge flag about that is there are reports that a drop in close friends can cultivate a type of loneliness that is just as health hazardous as smoking a whopping 15 cigarettes a day. Not good, y’all. Not. Good.
Quality over Quantity Is Key. Just Make Sure That You Have a Friend or Two.
GiphyOkay, so what is my overall point? That’s a fair question. Just like sometimes “life life-ing” can make us forget to tend to our friendships, if you don’t stumble across content like this, you might not even realize that you’re feeling mentally stressed, emotionally strained, or super isolated and it’s all because you need to prioritize your friendships — because your mind, body, and spirit need them. Again, science has proved it.
At the same time, if, like a client of mine, you find yourself getting a little bit paranoid because you have noticed that over the past several years, your close friend count has been far less than what it used to be, this article proves that you are absolutely not (pardon the pun) alone. Honestly, there’s nothing wrong with having a very small circle of friends because quality is gonna beat out quantity every time; you just need to assess when it happened and why so that you can be sure that you are choosing it to play out that way and it’s not due to some underlying cause that you hadn’t taken into consideration — until now.
An Italian priest by the name of Thomas Aquinas once said, “The happy man in this life needs friends.” Even if it’s just one or two people, please make sure that you have folks who aren’t just your friend but your very close friend. You need them. They need you.
Everyone else, figure out where they fall and nurture accordingly. Life is a lot. We all get by with the help of our friends. Real talk, y’all. Thank goodness for them.
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