Gia Peppers is that girl-next-door, friend-in-your head who slays and stays super-booked and super-busy, cares a lot about the plight of Black folk (especially sistas), and makes sure you stay enlightened and reflective about some of the most difficult but necessary topics affecting Black communities. She’s also that bestie that is sure to drop some Bible-laced inspo as easy as breathing, with quips and realness that remind you why we, as Black women, need sisterhood, friendships, and thriving networks now more than ever.
“I just want people to not put too much pressure on themselves for this new year and don’t worry if their goals are not done within the first month,” she said in an interview with xoNecole. “To give themselves the grace that we may give others all the time. We’ve been through a crazy last two years and it takes a lot for us to fully show up within the parameters of what we want to accomplish without really dealing with what these last two years have done to us as a people, especially for Black women because that’s what I know and who I am.”
Courtesy of Gia Peppers
The award-winning journalist and TV personality–who, by the way, is doing triple-duty as a contributor on the Today show, host on Amazon Music’s R&B Rotation, and co-host of the wildly popular podcast, Black Girl Pod—is geared up for Season 3 of More Than That With Gia Peppers.
The Rutgers University grad, who splits her time between New York and Los Angeles, is super-excited about the opportunity to continue to serve radio and online listeners in more than 100 markets, with many of the episodes airing via Black-owned stations across the U.S. The show amplifies Black voices, excellence, perspectives, and experiences on subjects including wellness, entertainment, and wealth. “We were awarded Adweek’s Best DEI podcast in 2021," she added. "So we are doing work that people are finally really celebrating, which is awesome because we have a team of creatives who are just as passionate about telling these real stories that impact us as I am.”
xoNecole caught up with Peppers to get the deets on just what's in store for the show, why she continues to ride for the power of storytelling in shifting narratives and forging change in Black communities, and what she loves more about the unique medium of podcasting.
xoNecole: You’ve had a successful career in media for years. What would you say is the key to the longevity?
Gia Peppers: It starts with your mindset, as everything does. You have to be relentless in your pursuit of storytelling, evolving with technology as it evolves, and figuring out new ways to enter into this space that align with what you believe you’re here to do. It’s a balance of purpose. It’s [also] a balance of reflection and realigning.
xoN: You’ve got some fresh conversations coming with your podcast and radio show, More Than That. What’s new that listeners can expect from season 3?
GP: First, More Than That is one of those shows that we have the privilege of being able to tell stories about the conversations we’re having in real-time. One of my favorite things to note is that we’ll literally pull conversations that are trending and figure out the experts to talk to when it comes to how we can approach wellness in a whole bunch of different ways and that doesn’t just mean wellness traditionally. How can we make sure that we’re talking about sustainability and what does that really mean and how do we apply it.
This season we’re really setting our eyes toward the future. We did a lot of great storytelling in 2020 when we started this. It was the height of the Black Lives Matter 2.0 movement where we were in the racial reckoning in this country and we had to tell the reality of what it means to move forward within the grief of what we’ve been through but also understand there are more ways to tap into what we want to say and do and be in this moment.
And we continued that for season 2 with motivation and this time we’re thinking about the future. Our first episode, one of the great things we’ve seen is the resurgence of the attention on HBCUs [from] the mainstream and how that’s affecting enrollment and funding and things like that and I mean, the culture is clearly impacted by HBCUs and the graduates. We have a great conversation about how we are going to utilize this moment within our culture so that this is not a passion moment—that HBCUs thrive from this moment on.
We have David Banner, an HBCU graduate, and [he is] just one of those iconic men who gets all the aspects of hip-hop culture [and] education moving forward. We talked to Cari Champion as well, because she’s something who has covered sports for the past 15 years and is a person who knows how incredible it is to have athletes coming out of high school, who are the top-ranked in the world, choosing HBCUs and what that means to our community. And the same way ADifferent World impacted how many people looked at HBCUs twice, this new wave of athletes is also doing the same thing for our high school and our Gen Z students.
It was such a great conversation, and again, we’re thinking about forward movement.
Courtesy of Gia Peppers
xoN: Working in media, you can have some very prolific moments with interviews and conversations. Who has been your most memorable guest on the show?
GP: Well, there have been so many great people on our show! It’s hard to choose! We did an episode featuring a farmer from Urban Mothers Finest Farms in North Carolina, and she just changed my perspective of going to put my feet in actual soil and grounding, and what properties exist in the sun and the land, especially for Black women. Just standing there and being more centered and being connected to the space where so much trauma has happened and for our people in this country specifically but where so much life is. I learned we absolutely need to put our feet in soil sometimes and sit there and be connected to something that is bigger than ourselves.
And the healing—I know as I’m driving down the East Coast and you get to certain parts of town, you [are] like ‘Dang, this used to be a plantation. I don’t even want to look at it.’ But then it’s like yeah, but these people survived and thrived, and I am the living evidence of their dreams and prayers and their faith that something would change. Just the idea of watching something grow and seed and sprout is good for our mental and spiritual health. She just changed my mind in so many ways.
Another person who was so great was Lynae Bogues. Of course, we all know her. We get her brilliance every week in Parking Lot Pimpin.’ She’s just such a brilllant historian and she knows so much about the past and beautifully connects it with the future.
xoN: What do you love the best about podcasting that’s different from other types of media?
GP: This one is hard because I might like all of media the same. All of it is a lift. Your best version of that story is you showing up in the fullness of your experiences, your research, your passion for the conversation—that’s always going to be the common thread with all types of storytelling. It doesn’t matter the medium.
With podcasting, people are a lot less worried about cameras and more interested in the conversation and feel less pressure to be perfect. We do a lot of focus on making sure our guests know that this is not a get-ya-got-ya show [and] this is not a tea [gossip] show. This is a real conversation around what matters to our community, what’s affecting our community, and how we can make it better.
I love that, with this particular podcast, we get to have conversations that don’t just focus on messiness and focuses on solutions around how we can be better within our personal and external lives.
For more of Gia, follow her on Instagram @giapeppers. And click here to check out the new season of More Than That.
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2023 was my year, and it was my turn. I had just completed an 8-month holistic detox. The glow-up was real and well-deserved. The way I have poured into myself is unmatched. Let me tell you, self-love is a love you have never known. After a five-year healing journey, I finally felt like myself again, and I was ready to play. My heart was open, my mind was clear, and my body hella transformed. I had told all my friends that I was ready to explore dating again, and at the height of summer, I did exactly just that.
This time I decided I wanted to take my time. I wanted to date the “right way” or the “healthy way.” You know, keep your options open, ask the right questions, believe actions and not words, observe patterns and pay attention to red, yellow, and green flags. I was never the dating app type of girl. I sincerely miss everything about human connection and dating from 2000 to 2012. Can we please bring all of that back into 2024? I prefer to feel a man’s energy and presence in real-time. Nonetheless, I still chose to dabble with a few dating apps. I was all the way outside and dating for practice.
Unfortunately, with today’s dating culture, social climate, and how some of these men move and/or behave, these dates were a dead end. Not one guy made it to my roster. What these men were was benched this season – not one of them could be my first-round select draft pick. It didn't seem like anyone I met was interested in a serious relationship. And it’s completely fine. Miss me with the ghosting, lack of effort, inconsistency, and poor communication. I continued to just do me because what is for me will not miss me.
Kelvin Murray/ Getty Images
The universe must have heard me talking because I had specifically told my closest girlfriends that I wanted to meet someone who lived in the vicinity, no more than twenty minutes away, and no more long distance. And I did meet him (it’s crazy how I manifest exactly what I want). As we started to get to know each other, I liked his energy and effort. I liked the direction it seemed to be going to the point my girlfriends had to tell me not to run from him. Because every part of me wanted to run from something that seemed normal.
I liked what he was coming with until I became uncomfortable with my own feelings, and I didn’t know how to communicate them to him.
With that said, I knew if I truly wanted to experience the truest of loves, a reciprocal, requited love, and be in a healthy relationship this story had to come to a pause. What I didn’t know was that he was going to show me things I didn’t know I needed to work on. I didn’t know he inadvertently was going to help me continue to heal parts of me that were hidden.
As someone who has learned to self-heal, I am no longer the type that runs from herself. I am here for the growth.
The truth is I am emotionally detached from myself, and I am not actively dating at the moment. I am the one that has to work on herself. My reiki healer called it, too – she told me this year would not be a year for a relationship, but a year of continuous growth. And now I see why. After all the healing work I have done thus far – I am an unemotional mess. How?
At my big age of 39, I struggle to communicate my wants and needs.
I still struggle to communicate and process uncomfortable feelings. I would rather give myself anxiety, act nonchalantly, emotionally react, and choose non-communication when I am bothered with someone than address the issue (I will later explain why). I have been ignoring my feelings for so long it has become a habit, a defense mechanism, and more so a trauma response.
If you are someone like me who grew up in a household that didn’t discuss feelings, your emotional needs were unmet, and you don’t feel safe to share your feelings – emotional detachment is quite common.
Oftentimes, we always talk about men being emotionally unavailable, but what if it’s a woman who is emotionally unavailable or emotionally detached? How does she navigate herself, dating, or being in a relationship? As I navigate my emotions this season, let’s explore what it means to be emotionally detached, the signs of detachment, and how to reconnect with yourself emotionally.
Emotional Unavailability vs. Emotional Detachment
When we look at the terminology emotional unavailability and emotional detachment, one might argue that the two terms are interchangeable and have the same meaning. One could also argue that both terms mean that some people are not in tune with their emotions or lack the emotional capacity to be responsive to someone else’s emotions. Fair enough. However, there is a big difference. The definition of emotional unavailability is described as people who have difficulty with sharing their emotions and being receptive to the emotions of those around them.
According to Verywell Mind, signs of emotional unavailability can look like being distant or cold, lack of closeness, and emotional intimacy in relationships, inability to understand and relate to others’ feelings, defensiveness when asked to change or let others in, tendency to shut down or avoid topics that require emotional openness, or withdrawal from people or situations that provoke emotional reactions.
GIF by Kim's ConvenienceGiphyWhereas emotional detachment is defined as the inability to or willingness to connect with others on an emotional level. Furthermore, Psychology Today states emotional detachment can also mean that people do not engage with their feelings. Exhibit A – me. Emotional detachment has various causes – past neglect, childhood or adult trauma, PTSD, depression, personality disorder, bipolar disorder, substance abuse, or, in some cases, medication (i.e. antidepressants). It is important to note emotional detachment is a complex issue. For someone like me, it’s a coping mechanism.
It is easier for me to ignore uncomfortable feelings to protect myself from stress or getting hurt. Hence, my nonchalant demeanor. It is also true for some people it is a reaction to trauma, abuse, and unprocessed emotions. Exhibit B – me. As it is difficult for me to open up about my feelings at the moment. On the contrary – emotional detachment can be helpful in navigating some situations like listening to people’s opinions and gossip.
Unfortunately, emotional detachment is not a behavior that can be turned on and off at will. Please note that emotional detachment is NOT a mental health diagnosis but can be a symptom of a mental health condition such as an attachment disorder. And if you know anything about attachment theory, it is related to the relationship we develop in our childhood with our primary caregivers.
Signs You're Emotionally Detached
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According to Psychology Today and Verywell Mind, general signs of emotional detachment can look like difficulty showing empathy to others, sharing emotions, committing to a relationship, feeling numb, poor listening skills, lack of self-esteem, preferring to be alone, struggling to feel positive emotions, inability to identify emotions, lack of physical, verbal, or sexual contact and losing touch with people or maintaining connections.
In a romantic relationship, emotional detachment shows up as you or your partner not being available for connection, poor communication, or reduced affection.
For me, my experience with emotional detachment is collective. I am an empath to my core. I don’t have a problem relating to other’s feelings or circumstances. I don’t have commitment issues, nor do I have an issue connecting with others or maintaining those connections. I struggle with sharing emotions, at least the negative ones.
Due to the emotional abuse from my childhood and a toxic relationship, I learned sharing emotions just wasn't the safe thing to do. As a survivor of trauma, I learned to suppress feeling negative emotions in general as a form of protection.
How To Reconnect To Your Emotions When You're Emotionally Unavailable
Serious Kid Cudi GIF by Apple MusicGiphyExploring my emotional side in-depth started late last year simply by noticing my reaction to something that he did. I didn’t know how to properly communicate to him how I was feeling or what he did bothered me in the moment. So, I swallowed my feelings and said absolutely nothing. I intentionally chose to avoid the issue. I chose to rationalize the situation instead of acknowledging that my feelings at the time were valid. I chose to act like everything was all good because it was all good.
“It wasn’t that deep to begin with” is what I told myself. And this is where the problem lies.
The saying is true, “What happens in your childhood shows up in your adult relationships.” I came to realize that because I was not able to express my feelings as a child, I struggled to process them. I either hold back my feelings, take a long time to say how I feel, or don’t say anything at all. This is because I fear people will walk away from me like my mother did if I share what I truly feel. I fear my feelings won’t be validated, or they will be rejected.
With that said, I was completely unaware that I was emotionally detached from myself until recently. So, here we are with this article. It all started by reading Instagram’s @theholisticpsychologist, Dr. Nicole LePera’s newest book How to Be the Love You Seek: Break Cycles, Find Peace, and Heal Your Relationships, which was released on November 28, 2023. As I read through the first chapter, I became triggered.
How Dr. LePera describes her childhood with her parents and experiences with her romantic partners somewhat mirrored my experiences with my own parents and relationships. As Dr. LaPera stated in her book, I have no issue showing up for others or meeting their needs and wants. But when it comes to expressing my own needs and wants – I cannot or I don’t. This is mainly due to my hyper-independence.
At an early age, I learned to show up for myself because the people I trusted to show up for me failed. Given my home environment, I had internalized it is not safe to talk about feelings. I never knew my emotional responses and behavior were abnormal. But because I am willing to continue to do my inner work, I know that I can reconnect to my emotions, and undo four decades of repressed emotions.
If you are someone like me who struggles with emotional connection with yourself and others, here is how you go about it:
Lighthouse Films/ Getty Images
1. Know Your Attachment Style
For me, the first step was to understand my attachment style. I asked my therapist if she could help me identify my attachment style to understand my triggers. She recommended The Attachment Theory Workbook by Annie Chen, LMFT. My therapist administered the associated online quiz – Attachment Quiz. If you haven’t figured out my attachment style yet by reading this article, I have an anxious attachment style.
This means I don’t do well with inconsistent behavior, especially from men (but I’m the type that holds men to standards too). People with an anxious attachment style have a need to feel close to their partner. It may come across as “clingy” or “needy.” However, this same need is often driven by fear of abandonment, mistrust, and low self-esteem. I would say knowing your attachment style is helpful because you can work towards having a secure attachment style (with practice) in your relationships – familial, business, work, platonic, or romantic.
2. Become Self-Aware
Most people who are not in the practice of self-care or self-healing are unaware of their triggers, patterns, and behaviors. We are so caught up in the daily minutiae of life that we forget to pay attention to the most important part of our days — ourselves. As Dr. LePera says, make it a conscious habit to pause throughout your day to check in with yourself. Ask yourself:
- How does my body feel?
- What am I doing right now?
- Am I present?
- Am I distracted and lost with other thoughts?
- What do I think or feel when I recall a specific experience with someone?
- What do I think or worry about?
- What would happen if I shared my authentic thoughts, perspective, feelings right now?”
This is what Dr. LePera refers to as exploring your embodied self or fulfilling your authentic needs in chapter two of her book. Consistent mindfulness and self-awareness are key to self-discovery and in any healing journey. Learning to focus on the present moment also includes paying attention to our emotional response to an event or how we think about emotions in general.
3. Practice Vulnerability
The idea of vulnerability is a tough one for me and so many other women for countless reasons. Whether it be toxic family, friendships, relationships, or trauma – trusting others with your thoughts and feelings is not easy. As much as I am open and transparent, I am not as vulnerable. And I believe there is so much power in the duality to be both. To trust someone, let alone a man with your authentic self is a delicate matter.
But it is emotional vulnerability that allows us humans to build authentic connections, create stronger relationships, and break down emotional walls. Emotional vulnerability is not something to be rushed – it takes time and practice from you and the people you choose to have in your life. Medical News Today suggests that we can learn to be vulnerable by opening up more to our closest friends, building our ability to become more trusting, and developing skills to regulate our emotions.
4. Seek Therapy
I have been in therapy for six years and counting. I would consider therapy one of my safe spaces. I am one of those individuals who recommend therapy to everyone as it has given me the tools and resources I need to navigate my life challenges. By choosing to get help, I was able to put my PTSD and depression in remission for four years now. I have also learned how to manage my anxiety.
I am fully aware that in this season of my life requires me to do the work to unlock new levels of self. And any time where I have consciously chosen growth – the universe or life has not failed me. I was able to heal my body, my heart, and my spirit. Now, it’s time to heal my inner child, this hurt little girl who lives in me.
I will say choosing a therapist is similar to dating; you might go through a few potentials until you find a therapist you connect with. Actually, one of my lifelong friends said to me the other day, “Your relationship with your therapist is one of the most important relationships in your life.” I needed her to say that, and I needed to hear it because it’s true. You are essentially trusting a licensed stranger to help you navigate your life on so many levels.
Be picky and ask the questions. Cut the cord at the first red flag given. Again, let me reiterate that emotional detachment is not a mental health diagnosis. It can be treated with the help of a therapist. Emotional detachment only becomes a problem when it starts to interfere with your daily life. Pay attention to changes in your daily behavior and make decisions to cope accordingly.
I am genuinely excited about reconnecting with my emotions. I want to feel all the feels – good, bad, and indifferent. I want to cry all the tears – especially the sad ones. I want to process and release negative emotions. I want to say how I feel in the moment with no fear.
If you are that girl who struggles with emotional connection or thinks you're emotionally detached, I hope that you become willing to face your inner child and show up for her. Don’t run – she has been waiting for you.
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