

Let’s face it, gentle parenting gets a bad rap. Many of us became familiar with the term "gentle parenting" during the pandemic, and since then we’ve seen an uptick in social media creators showcasing examples of gentle parenting online. Despite their best efforts, however, there still remains misunderstanding and confusion about what gentle parenting actually is. In fact, if you ask the average parent, particularly parents of color, they will almost unanimously describe it as ineffective, permissive, and even dangerous.
Some teachers have even come out to declare that gentle parenting is causing behavioral problems in school.
These suppositions all operate under the premise that gentle parenting lacks structure and discipline. They believe that the parents who adhere to this parenting philosophy eschew maintaining any sort of authority in their household in favor of being their child’s friend.
They couldn’t be more wrong.
Sarah Ockwell-Smith, the psychologist and parenting expert who is credited with introducing the idea of gentle parenting describes it as parenting that "focuses on building connection, having empathy for what children are feeling and mindful discipline, with a focus on teaching and guiding, and setting up age-appropriate boundaries and limits."
What’s often overlooked, however, is that gentle parenting falls under the umbrella of authoritative parenting:
According to the American Psychology Association, authoritative parents are nurturing, responsive, and supportive, yet set firm limits for their children. Current and past research overwhelmingly tells us that authoritative parents are more likely to raise children who are confident, emotionally secure, and academically successful.
Why Ockwell-Smith opted to rebrand an existing parenting philosophy isn’t entirely clear, but what is clear is that maintaining authority and boundaries are core tenets of gentle parenting.
Striking a balance between gentleness and authority can sometimes feel like navigating a tightrope, though. On one hand, we want to nurture our children with empathy and understanding, while on the other, we need to instill discipline and respect. And despite popular and ill-informed opinions, you can be and still are an authority figure in your household if you are a gentle parent.
Without further adieu, here are five practical ways you can embrace gentle parenting without sacrificing your sense of authority:
1. Setting Clear Expectations:
Authority doesn't have to come in the form of harsh demands or rigid rules. In fact, setting clear expectations can be one of the most effective ways to establish authority while remaining gentle.
Children thrive on structure and predictability, so outlining expectations helps them understand what's expected of them. However, it's crucial to communicate these expectations in a calm and respectful manner.
Instead of barking orders, try having a conversation with your child about what behavior is acceptable and why. By involving them in the process and explaining the reasoning behind your expectations, you not only foster a sense of understanding but also demonstrate your authority in a gentle way.
2. Using Positive Reinforcement:
While consequences for misbehavior are necessary, positive reinforcement can be a powerful tool for gentle parenting. Instead of solely focusing on what your child is doing wrong, make a conscious effort to acknowledge their positive behavior. This not only boosts their self-esteem but also reinforces the behaviors you want to see more of. It can be as simple as giving a "thank you" for cleaning up their toys. Positive reinforcement creates a nurturing environment while still upholding your authority as a parent.
3. Practicing Active Listening:
Effective communication is key to any relationship, including the one between parent and child. Practicing active listening is a fundamental aspect of gentle parenting that allows you to connect with your child on a deeper level.
Instead of dismissing their feelings or rushing to provide solutions, take the time to truly listen to what they have to say.
Validate their emotions, even if you don't necessarily agree with them, and show empathy towards their experiences. By demonstrating that you value their thoughts and feelings, you build a foundation of trust and respect that strengthens your authority in a gentle way.
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4. Offering Choices and Empowerment:
Giving your child a sense of autonomy and control can go a long way in fostering a positive parent-child relationship. Instead of always dictating what they should do, offer them choices whenever possible. This not only empowers them to make decisions for themselves but also teaches them valuable problem-solving skills. Of course, the choices should be age-appropriate and within the boundaries of your expectations as a parent.
By allowing your child to have a say in certain matters, you demonstrate that you trust and respect them, which in turn reinforces your authority in a gentle manner.
5. Leading by Example:
Perhaps the most powerful way to balance gentleness and authority is by leading by example. Children are incredibly perceptive and often mimic the behaviors they see in adults. Therefore, it's essential to model the traits and values you want to instill in your child.
Whether it's practicing patience, showing empathy towards others, or handling conflicts peacefully, your actions speak volumes.
By embodying the principles of gentle parenting in your own behavior, you not only reinforce your authority but also inspire your child to follow suit.
Gentle parenting is not synonymous with permissiveness or a lack of authority. By incorporating these five practical strategies into your parenting approach, you can cultivate a nurturing and respectful relationship with your child while still maintaining your sense of authority.
Remember, it's not about being a dictator or a pushover—it's about finding that delicate balance between empathy and discipline that ultimately fosters a loving and harmonious parent-child bond.
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- What Is Gentle Parenting & How To Incorporate It In Your Parenting Style ›
- Effective Discipline: How To Discipline Your Child - xoNecole ›
Exclusive: Melanie Fiona On Making High-Vibrational Music & Saying Yes To Partnership
Melanie Fiona is back! After taking a little more than a decade-long hiatus, she has officially made her return to music and blessed us with two singles, “Say Yes” and “I Choose You.” While both singles are very different from each other, they both reflect who she is today and the type of music she wants to make. In our conversation, the mom of two expressed what she learned during her time away.
“It's interesting, even when I said it is like coming back, I don't ever feel like I really left because I was always still performing. I've still been public. It's not like I went into being this recluse person or version of myself, but the thing that I really learned in this process is that I think things take time,” Melanie says in a xoNecole exclusive.
“I think often we're so caught up in it, being on the timing of demand or popularity, or, like, striking while the iron is hot and the thing that I've learned is that everything is on God's time. That's it. Every time I thought I would have been ready, or, like, things were taking too long, I had to reship some things, personally, professionally, in my life. I also gave myself permission to make a living, not just make a living, but make a life for myself.”
Making a life for herself included getting married to Grammy-nominated songwriter Jared Cotter, starting a family, and embracing new landscapes, such as podcasting as a co-host of The Mama’s Den podcast. She also began doing more spiritual work and self-care practices like meditation, sound healing, Reiki, acupuncture, and boundary setting, which allowed her to get in touch with her inner voice.
“I wasn't putting out music, and I wasn't experiencing a number one record, but I was being a number one mom,” she says.
“I was experiencing things that were allowing me to heal and get in touch with myself so that I could make new music from a space of joy and freedom, and excitement again because I definitely feel like I did lose some excitement because of just politics and industry and what it can do to your mental health and even your physical health. So giving myself the space to really just say, ‘Hey, it's okay. Everything's right on time.’”
The joy and excitement are felt in one of two new singles, “I Choose You,” which is more of a lovers rock vibe, a tribute to Melanie’s Caribbean roots. While the Grammy award-winner is known for ballads like “It Kills Me” and “Fool For You,” she is becoming more intentional about the music she makes, calling it high-vibrational music. She says her music is a “reflection of my life,” as it captures every facet, from hanging out with friends to riding around in her car.
“Say Yes” has the classic R&B vibe Melanie is known for. However, both songs are inspired by her relationship. Melanie and Jared got married in December 2020, and the Toronto-bred artist dished on their relationship. Fun fact: he is featured in the “Say Yes” music video.
“When we first started dating, I had come into that relationship post a lot of self-work. I had gotten out of a long-term relationship, I had a year and a half to date and be by myself and do a lot of work on myself alone. And when we met, I remember feeling like this has to be my person because I feel it,” she says.
“And so when we went into that relationship, and we started dating, I was very clear. I was like, I know what I want. I'm very clear on what I need, and I'm not going to withhold my truth about myself in this process because of pride or fear of rejection. I know you love me, but I'm coming with my heart in my hand to let you know that if we're gonna get there, we have to put fear aside and say yes. So that was kind of like my open letter to him, which is why the video is us having a conversation.”
Melanie also shares that saying yes to her partner has empowered her in many ways, including motherhood and showing up for herself. Her new EP, also titled Say Yes, will be available at the top of 2025.
Check out the full interview below.
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There's something about snuggling up in your favorite blanket and watching a comfort show or movie on Netflix, and what better time to do just that than in December? As the weather outside gets cooler, staying in becomes more of the norm. Thus, Netflix and Chill is a go-to. Luckily, Netflix has released new Black films and series on their popular streaming platform.
From Tyler Perry's historical drama The Six Triple Eight, starring Kerry Washington, to the Will Packer-produced comedy starring Marsai Martin, Regina Hall, and Issa Rae, Little, this season is looking up.
See the full list below.
Little (12/1)
Regina Hall's character is a bossy tech mogul who has everyone scared of her, including her assistant, played by Issa Rae. However, when she transforms into her younger self (Marsai Martin), she learns how to be more kind to others.
Daddy Day Care (12/1)
Eddie Murphy stars in this film as a father who decides to open a daycare after losing his job.
30 For 30 Collection (12/2)
30 For 30 is an ESPN docu-series highlighting some of sports' legendary figures and moments. Some of the episodes include Winning Time: Reggie Miller Vs. The New York Knicks and Celtics/ Lakers: The Best of Enemies.
Jamie Foxx: What Had Happened Was (12/10)
In this special, the multi-talented Jamie Foxx returns to stand-up to give an unforgettable performance.
Blood, Sweat & Heels S2 (12/13)
The short-lived Bravo reality TV series documented the lives of a group of girlfriends making it in NYC. The show starred model-turned-podcaster Melyssa Ford, author Demetria Lucas, and the late TV host Daisy Lewellyn.
The Equalizer S1-3 (12/16)
The hit CBS show starring Queen Latifah is now available on Netflix. Watch the beloved actress kick ass and take names in this popular drama.
The Six Triple Eight (12/20)
The new Tyler Perry film starring Kerry Washington is a true story about the first and only Women’s Army Corps unit of color during World War II.
Christmas Game Day Ravens Vs. Texans (12/25)
While many will tune in to watch the Baltimore Ravens vs. Houston Texans game, others will tune in to watch Beyoncé perform during halftime.
Michelle Buteau: A Buteau-ful Mind At Radio City Music Hall (12/31)
Comedian Michelle Buteau's comedy special will focus on her life with twins, going viral, and much more.
Evil S3 (12/31)
While Evil was unfortunately canceled by CBS, viewers can rewatch the series on Netflix, with season three premiering December 31st.
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