Why Estate Planning Is The Secret To Building Generational Wealth In Our Community
For Blacks in America, even more important than creating wealth is passing that wealth down to the next generation. According to a study by Prosperity Now and the Institute For Policy Studies, the estimated median wealth for Blacks in America will fall to $0 by 2053. Researchers concluded, "As long as a substantial racial wealth gap persists, White households will continue to enjoy greater advantages than their Black and Latino neighbors in meeting the financial challenges of everyday life and will be able to make greater investments in their children, passing economic advantages on."
Confronting the wealth gap and the associated public policies that help fuel it will be one of the biggest challenges of our current generation.
Lawyer Art Steele is trying to change this narrative. As the host of the InkSecure Podcast, she educates entrepreneurs about the legal aspects of their business and how to use the law to grow their business. As a Trusts and Estates attorney, she's also a fierce estate planning advocate with a mission to educate as many minorities about the necessity of proper long-term estate planning. "It's not sexy [and] so easy for people to ignore. When it becomes relevant, it's way too late," says Art. "Personal behavior does not close the wealth gap. We can make as much money as we want. We can be our own bosses. We can build these million-dollar entrepreneurial businesses as much as we want. Yes, it's important that we create wealth, but we need to pass it down and pass it down the correct way. If we don't, every single generation is starting from scratch," states Art.
Avoiding the financial vacuums that are created when someone dies and providing financial gifts for the future, is the key to building wealth in our communities. xoNecole spoke to Art about the benefits of estate planning and some of the key things to keep in mind when beginning the estate planning process.
1. The ability to pass down wealth efficiently.
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Instead of leaving it up to the probate process, estate planning allows you to set up how your wealth is passed down and in a cost-effective and timely manner. Oftentimes, death is unexpected and can leave families with immediate financial obligations. If one's estate is not properly set up, getting access to funds can be a long, drawn-out and costly process. "When you create an estate plan and keep your estate out of probate, you save money. More money goes to your heirs," recommends Art.
While having a will can be useful, setting up a trust is the next step in ensuring what you leave behind gets disposed of in a timely manner. "If you only have a will and not a trust, your entire estate goes through the probate (legal process)," warns Art. To expedite the process, "you should create a will (to be filed in court), but dispose of all your property through a trust. This method avoids probate because the trust agreement is a private contract between you and the trustee (someone you've named). You can get as detailed as possible," explains Art. The value of setting up a trust is the trustee's ability to start working immediately to take care of your family, carry out your wishes and dispose of your assets without having to wait on the court system.
In order to truly build generational wealth, Art recommends thinking beyond lump-sum payouts, where money and assets can be squandered quickly. "When creating an estate plan, think about two to three generations down the line. For example, you may give your children access to a trust fund for life (in the form of monetary distributions) and when they die, the trust funds pass on to the next generation." Though trusts cannot be passed on for an eternity, ensuring there is something left to give to the next generation is more powerful than not having anything passed down at all.
Another key thing to keep in mind is investing in life insurance--especially if you don't have physical assets or money to leave behind. It's important to list beneficiaries even if you don't have a dependent, and it is usually cheaper the younger you are. "Life insurance helps keep things at status quo. No one has to pay for your funeral. You can leave money behind to a niece, brother, or partner, etc." says Art.
2. The ability to have your affairs handled more cost-effectively.
Estate planning also involves creating a plan and designating someone to handle your affairs in the event you become incapacitated, which is done in the form of a power of attorney. "This immediately gives someone access to all of your financials and ability to take money out of your bank account. Your Power of Attorney (POA) can also sign contracts, real estate documents, enter into business contracts, or talk to the IRS on your behalf," explains Art. Your POA can legally tend to immediate financial concerns such as paying your rent, mortgage, or child care should you become incompacitated or die.
If you don't have a power of attorney, loved ones will have to "hire a lawyer, go to court, get a bond and have the court appoint [someone] as the custodian or conservator of your money," warns Art. The process is very expensive and usually prohibitive for most families because it requires hiring a lawyer on an emergency basis because of the urgent needs. Investing in hiring a lawyer to draft a state-recognized Power of Attorney document is worthwhile. Many banks and some states have their own power of attorney documents available for free.
Having an advanced medical directive is also extremely important and allows individuals to designate someone to make medical decisions on their behalf in case they become incapacitated. Advanced medical directives should "have instructions on what should be done to your body, access to medical records, and contain a HIPPA release," says Art. Oftentimes important medical decisions need to be made in traumatic circumstances. Taking the time to think about who you entrust to make important medical decisions on your behalf could be a life or death matter. Why leave it up to chance?
3. The ability to make your final wishes clear.
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Estate planning protects against speculation and disputes concerning the unknown that can usually follow death or incapacitation. It allows you to avoid confusion and answer questions in advance for heirs such as "How, when, and where will my property and assets be disposed? Who will take care of my children?"
Take celebrities Nipsey Hussle and Prince as examples - both prolific musicians who died without a will at different stages of their career. Nipsey's $2 million estate is currently being petitioned to be administered by his older brother Samiel Asghedom. Three years after Prince's death, his estate, valued between $200-300 million, is still unsettled.
Estate planning is also critical for business owners. "If you have a business that has inventory, what happens to that? Who gets it? Does the business continue on [if you die]? Who has the authority to continue on? Can they sell the business? Who do you want to manage the business?" An estate attorney will work with you to legally set up the answers to these questions to ensure your business doesn't die as well.
4. The ability to protect who manages your intellectual property.
Being that we live in a digital world, we all have some form of intellectual property, which Art describes as "property that can produce income long after you're gone." Who is going to manage that income? Where does that income go? Who manages the property so that it actually continues to produce income? Art recognizes, "A lot of entrepreneurs are developing intellectual property through e-books, online courses, blogs. What happens to your creations?" For instance, for musicians especially, leaving behind clear instructions on how one's masters, image and likeness and trademarks can be used is important for protecting one's artistic legacy.
Towards the end of our chat, Art confesses that estate planning can often be a "tough thing to spend money on" because the person setting up their estate plan doesn't receive an immediate benefit. However, "it's the only step we can take to close the generational wealth gap," she urges readers. "Even if you do not have children, you should leave something behind. We should look at estate planning as a way to create wealth for our community."
No one wants to think about their ultimate demise, but making sure the next generation of Blacks in America are set up for success by our ability to pass wealth down is one the most urgent duties of our time. Stop waiting. Start now.
To learn more about getting started on planning your estate and get a FREE copy of Art's estate planning worksheets, click here.
Be sure to follow Art on Instagram @artsteele_esq for more estate planning tips.
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Rana Campbell is a Princeton University graduate, storyteller, content marketing strategist, and the founder and host of Dreams In Drive - a weekly podcast that teaches you how to take your dreams from PARK to DRIVE. She loves teaching others how to use their life stories to inspire action within oneself and others. Connect with her on Instagram @rainshineluv or @dreamsindrive.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Navigating Dating When Emotionally Unavailable & Detached: My Journey Back To Feeling
The last time I came with a dating story, I told you I got my little feelings hurt in 2021. I called myself trying to be out in these streets entertaining a man in a different area code, city, and state — only for homeboy to play in my damn face. So, I went and gave y’all "8 Rules To Casual Dating Every Woman Should Know This Summer." You’re welcome. Fast forward to 2024, and I am now coming to you from a more mature and intentional place. We’re not in summer yet, but I truly believe what blooms in spring, thrives in summer.
2023 was my year, and it was my turn. I had just completed an 8-month holistic detox. The glow-up was real and well-deserved. The way I have poured into myself is unmatched. Let me tell you, self-love is a love you have never known. After a five-year healing journey, I finally felt like myself again, and I was ready to play. My heart was open, my mind was clear, and my body hella transformed. I had told all my friends that I was ready to explore dating again, and at the height of summer, I did exactly just that.
This time I decided I wanted to take my time. I wanted to date the “right way” or the “healthy way.” You know, keep your options open, ask the right questions, believe actions and not words, observe patterns and pay attention to red, yellow, and green flags. I was never the dating app type of girl. I sincerely miss everything about human connection and dating from 2000 to 2012. Can we please bring all of that back into 2024? I prefer to feel a man’s energy and presence in real-time. Nonetheless, I still chose to dabble with a few dating apps. I was all the way outside and dating for practice.
Unfortunately, with today’s dating culture, social climate, and how some of these men move and/or behave, these dates were a dead end. Not one guy made it to my roster. What these men were was benched this season – not one of them could be my first-round select draft pick. It didn't seem like anyone I met was interested in a serious relationship. And it’s completely fine. Miss me with the ghosting, lack of effort, inconsistency, and poor communication. I continued to just do me because what is for me will not miss me.
Kelvin Murray/ Getty Images
The universe must have heard me talking because I had specifically told my closest girlfriends that I wanted to meet someone who lived in the vicinity, no more than twenty minutes away, and no more long distance. And I did meet him (it’s crazy how I manifest exactly what I want). As we started to get to know each other, I liked his energy and effort. I liked the direction it seemed to be going to the point my girlfriends had to tell me not to run from him. Because every part of me wanted to run from something that seemed normal.
I liked what he was coming with until I became uncomfortable with my own feelings, and I didn’t know how to communicate them to him.
With that said, I knew if I truly wanted to experience the truest of loves, a reciprocal, requited love, and be in a healthy relationship this story had to come to a pause. What I didn’t know was that he was going to show me things I didn’t know I needed to work on. I didn’t know he inadvertently was going to help me continue to heal parts of me that were hidden.
As someone who has learned to self-heal, I am no longer the type that runs from herself. I am here for the growth.
The truth is I am emotionally detached from myself, and I am not actively dating at the moment. I am the one that has to work on herself. My reiki healer called it, too – she told me this year would not be a year for a relationship, but a year of continuous growth. And now I see why. After all the healing work I have done thus far – I am an unemotional mess. How?
At my big age of 39, I struggle to communicate my wants and needs.
I still struggle to communicate and process uncomfortable feelings. I would rather give myself anxiety, act nonchalantly, emotionally react, and choose non-communication when I am bothered with someone than address the issue (I will later explain why). I have been ignoring my feelings for so long it has become a habit, a defense mechanism, and more so a trauma response.
If you are someone like me who grew up in a household that didn’t discuss feelings, your emotional needs were unmet, and you don’t feel safe to share your feelings – emotional detachment is quite common.
Oftentimes, we always talk about men being emotionally unavailable, but what if it’s a woman who is emotionally unavailable or emotionally detached? How does she navigate herself, dating, or being in a relationship? As I navigate my emotions this season, let’s explore what it means to be emotionally detached, the signs of detachment, and how to reconnect with yourself emotionally.
Emotional Unavailability vs. Emotional Detachment
When we look at the terminology emotional unavailability and emotional detachment, one might argue that the two terms are interchangeable and have the same meaning. One could also argue that both terms mean that some people are not in tune with their emotions or lack the emotional capacity to be responsive to someone else’s emotions. Fair enough. However, there is a big difference. The definition of emotional unavailability is described as people who have difficulty with sharing their emotions and being receptive to the emotions of those around them.
According to Verywell Mind, signs of emotional unavailability can look like being distant or cold, lack of closeness, and emotional intimacy in relationships, inability to understand and relate to others’ feelings, defensiveness when asked to change or let others in, tendency to shut down or avoid topics that require emotional openness, or withdrawal from people or situations that provoke emotional reactions.
Whereas emotional detachment is defined as the inability to or willingness to connect with others on an emotional level. Furthermore, Psychology Today states emotional detachment can also mean that people do not engage with their feelings. Exhibit A – me. Emotional detachment has various causes – past neglect, childhood or adult trauma, PTSD, depression, personality disorder, bipolar disorder, substance abuse, or, in some cases, medication (i.e. antidepressants). It is important to note emotional detachment is a complex issue. For someone like me, it’s a coping mechanism.
It is easier for me to ignore uncomfortable feelings to protect myself from stress or getting hurt. Hence, my nonchalant demeanor. It is also true for some people it is a reaction to trauma, abuse, and unprocessed emotions. Exhibit B – me. As it is difficult for me to open up about my feelings at the moment. On the contrary – emotional detachment can be helpful in navigating some situations like listening to people’s opinions and gossip.
Unfortunately, emotional detachment is not a behavior that can be turned on and off at will. Please note that emotional detachment is NOT a mental health diagnosis but can be a symptom of a mental health condition such as an attachment disorder. And if you know anything about attachment theory, it is related to the relationship we develop in our childhood with our primary caregivers.
Signs You're Emotionally Detached
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According to Psychology Today and Verywell Mind, general signs of emotional detachment can look like difficulty showing empathy to others, sharing emotions, committing to a relationship, feeling numb, poor listening skills, lack of self-esteem, preferring to be alone, struggling to feel positive emotions, inability to identify emotions, lack of physical, verbal, or sexual contact and losing touch with people or maintaining connections.
In a romantic relationship, emotional detachment shows up as you or your partner not being available for connection, poor communication, or reduced affection.
For me, my experience with emotional detachment is collective. I am an empath to my core. I don’t have a problem relating to other’s feelings or circumstances. I don’t have commitment issues, nor do I have an issue connecting with others or maintaining those connections. I struggle with sharing emotions, at least the negative ones.
Due to the emotional abuse from my childhood and a toxic relationship, I learned sharing emotions just wasn't the safe thing to do. As a survivor of trauma, I learned to suppress feeling negative emotions in general as a form of protection.
How To Reconnect To Your Emotions When You're Emotionally Unavailable
Serious Kid Cudi GIF by Apple MusicGiphyExploring my emotional side in-depth started late last year simply by noticing my reaction to something that he did. I didn’t know how to properly communicate to him how I was feeling or what he did bothered me in the moment. So, I swallowed my feelings and said absolutely nothing. I intentionally chose to avoid the issue. I chose to rationalize the situation instead of acknowledging that my feelings at the time were valid. I chose to act like everything was all good because it was all good.
“It wasn’t that deep to begin with” is what I told myself. And this is where the problem lies.
The saying is true, “What happens in your childhood shows up in your adult relationships.” I came to realize that because I was not able to express my feelings as a child, I struggled to process them. I either hold back my feelings, take a long time to say how I feel, or don’t say anything at all. This is because I fear people will walk away from me like my mother did if I share what I truly feel. I fear my feelings won’t be validated, or they will be rejected.
With that said, I was completely unaware that I was emotionally detached from myself until recently. So, here we are with this article. It all started by reading Instagram’s @theholisticpsychologist, Dr. Nicole LePera’s newest book How to Be the Love You Seek: Break Cycles, Find Peace, and Heal Your Relationships, which was released on November 28, 2023. As I read through the first chapter, I became triggered.
How Dr. LePera describes her childhood with her parents and experiences with her romantic partners somewhat mirrored my experiences with my own parents and relationships. As Dr. LaPera stated in her book, I have no issue showing up for others or meeting their needs and wants. But when it comes to expressing my own needs and wants – I cannot or I don’t. This is mainly due to my hyper-independence.
At an early age, I learned to show up for myself because the people I trusted to show up for me failed. Given my home environment, I had internalized it is not safe to talk about feelings. I never knew my emotional responses and behavior were abnormal. But because I am willing to continue to do my inner work, I know that I can reconnect to my emotions, and undo four decades of repressed emotions.
If you are someone like me who struggles with emotional connection with yourself and others, here is how you go about it:
Lighthouse Films/ Getty Images
1. Know Your Attachment Style
For me, the first step was to understand my attachment style. I asked my therapist if she could help me identify my attachment style to understand my triggers. She recommended The Attachment Theory Workbook by Annie Chen, LMFT. My therapist administered the associated online quiz – Attachment Quiz. If you haven’t figured out my attachment style yet by reading this article, I have an anxious attachment style.
This means I don’t do well with inconsistent behavior, especially from men (but I’m the type that holds men to standards too). People with an anxious attachment style have a need to feel close to their partner. It may come across as “clingy” or “needy.” However, this same need is often driven by fear of abandonment, mistrust, and low self-esteem. I would say knowing your attachment style is helpful because you can work towards having a secure attachment style (with practice) in your relationships – familial, business, work, platonic, or romantic.
2. Become Self-Aware
Most people who are not in the practice of self-care or self-healing are unaware of their triggers, patterns, and behaviors. We are so caught up in the daily minutiae of life that we forget to pay attention to the most important part of our days — ourselves. As Dr. LePera says, make it a conscious habit to pause throughout your day to check in with yourself. Ask yourself:
- How does my body feel?
- What am I doing right now?
- Am I present?
- Am I distracted and lost with other thoughts?
- What do I think or feel when I recall a specific experience with someone?
- What do I think or worry about?
- What would happen if I shared my authentic thoughts, perspective, feelings right now?”
This is what Dr. LePera refers to as exploring your embodied self or fulfilling your authentic needs in chapter two of her book. Consistent mindfulness and self-awareness are key to self-discovery and in any healing journey. Learning to focus on the present moment also includes paying attention to our emotional response to an event or how we think about emotions in general.
3. Practice Vulnerability
The idea of vulnerability is a tough one for me and so many other women for countless reasons. Whether it be toxic family, friendships, relationships, or trauma – trusting others with your thoughts and feelings is not easy. As much as I am open and transparent, I am not as vulnerable. And I believe there is so much power in the duality to be both. To trust someone, let alone a man with your authentic self is a delicate matter.
But it is emotional vulnerability that allows us humans to build authentic connections, create stronger relationships, and break down emotional walls. Emotional vulnerability is not something to be rushed – it takes time and practice from you and the people you choose to have in your life. Medical News Today suggests that we can learn to be vulnerable by opening up more to our closest friends, building our ability to become more trusting, and developing skills to regulate our emotions.
4. Seek Therapy
I have been in therapy for six years and counting. I would consider therapy one of my safe spaces. I am one of those individuals who recommend therapy to everyone as it has given me the tools and resources I need to navigate my life challenges. By choosing to get help, I was able to put my PTSD and depression in remission for four years now. I have also learned how to manage my anxiety.
I am fully aware that in this season of my life requires me to do the work to unlock new levels of self. And any time where I have consciously chosen growth – the universe or life has not failed me. I was able to heal my body, my heart, and my spirit. Now, it’s time to heal my inner child, this hurt little girl who lives in me.
I will say choosing a therapist is similar to dating; you might go through a few potentials until you find a therapist you connect with. Actually, one of my lifelong friends said to me the other day, “Your relationship with your therapist is one of the most important relationships in your life.” I needed her to say that, and I needed to hear it because it’s true. You are essentially trusting a licensed stranger to help you navigate your life on so many levels.
Be picky and ask the questions. Cut the cord at the first red flag given. Again, let me reiterate that emotional detachment is not a mental health diagnosis. It can be treated with the help of a therapist. Emotional detachment only becomes a problem when it starts to interfere with your daily life. Pay attention to changes in your daily behavior and make decisions to cope accordingly.
I am genuinely excited about reconnecting with my emotions. I want to feel all the feels – good, bad, and indifferent. I want to cry all the tears – especially the sad ones. I want to process and release negative emotions. I want to say how I feel in the moment with no fear.
If you are that girl who struggles with emotional connection or thinks you're emotionally detached, I hope that you become willing to face your inner child and show up for her. Don’t run – she has been waiting for you.
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