Why I Don't Care If There Are Same Sex Couples In My Kids Cartoons
It's been a year since Nickelodeon debuted an interracial, gay couple on their cartoon, “The Loud House” and now parents everywhere are once again pissed, but this time it's with the Disney Channel.
In an episode of “Star vs. The Forces of Evil” the main characters attended a concert where the song "Just Friends" caused a ripple effect of kisses from concert attendees ― a few of them were same-sex couples, making it the network's first same-sex kiss in an animated cartoon.
The Internet had a lot to say about it:
While some people didn't see a problem with it, not everyone is happy. Activist group One Million Moms released this statement on their website.
This is the last place parents would expect their children to be confronted with content regarding sexual orientation. Issues of this nature are being introduced too early and too soon, and it is becoming extremely common and unnecessary. Disney has decided to be politically correct versus providing family-friendly entertainment. Disney should stick to entertaining instead of pushing an agenda. Conservative families need to urge Disney to avoid mature and controversial topics.
What's funny about all of this is that the clip from the show isn't detailed, in fact it's a few seconds long; much like the Nickelodeon "Loud House" episode. In their July 20th episode “Overnight Success”, the show’s main character, Lincoln Loud, invites his friend Clyde McBride over for a sleepover. When Clyde arrives, he is escorted by his two dads, Harold (voiced by Wayne Brady) and Howard McBride (voiced by Michael McDonald). In the clip (which you can watch below), Harold and Howard are dropping Clyde off at Lincoln’s house for the evening and in true overprotective parent fashion, bring along everything their son might need from his inhaler to a picture of their progressive family. The clip in fact doesn’t even focus on anyone’s sexuality, it focuses on a family that just happens to include two caring and considerate fathers who are in a relationship.
Unfortunately, a few parents on my Facebook page didn’t see that. What they felt they witnessed was LGBT lifestyles being forced into their households and Nickelodeon robbing them of the opportunity to initiate the “sex talk” with their pre-schoolers and basically stripping them of their fragile childhoods.
A few highlights from the conversation include:
“Its simple i wanna see a regular cartoon that just shows a strong black family thats funny, it aint to many but im curious to kno why my son is suppose to be watchin a show that show two uncles together.”
“Absolutely forcing a vision that’s not ideal.”
“A gay kids show?? 😩 wtf and why? What show is this?”
“Yeah I admit it. I don't have a problem with LGBT but I personally feel they pushing that shit too hard on kids. That's why kids is like 5 and don't know what they supposed to be.”
Like I’ve said many times before, I don’t expect everybody to stand on their porch and raise a rainbow flag. But when it comes to raising our children to understand exactly why representation matters and to be tolerant of others’ lifestyles, I just can’t see how we can preach, “#BlackLivesMatter (but please keep the gay couples off the cartoons)”. I’ve written before how representation has come a long way since I was a young girl and how happy I am to see my daughter growing up in a world of #BlackGirlMagic. But I can’t fight for there to be Michelle Obamas, Zendayas, and Taraji P. Hensons while secretly believing diversity only applies when it comes to the black race being represented and respected.
I can't say I agree with every lifestyle, and I don't pretend to understand all of them, but I think it's still important to teach children to be tolerant. Just like some people can't understand the struggle of the black man, others don't know what it's like to be gay, queer, transgender or otherwise. I think that's what tolerance is all about: Recognizing that just because you don't understand a struggle, that doesn't mean it's not real.
[Tweet "Just because you don't understand a struggle, doesn't mean it's not real."]
In addition, a cycle that I would like to break with my own daughter is the hypersexualization of our society. In a 50 second clip (that many of the parents that were commenting didn’t even watch) no one could seem to get past the sexuality of the two dads to recognize the cartoon wasn’t even about their relationship. It was about a boy getting dropped off by his overbearing parents to a sleepover. I’ve seen parents holding the hands of children that can recite the whole second verse of Drake’s “Controlla” or could draw a Venn diagram of all of the Kardashian sisters’ sex partners, but suddenly gay couples start to make an appearance on cartoons and everyone’s on a tangent about TV robbing children of their innocence?
As uncomfortable as these conversations may make us adults because of our own transgressions, sexuality is something that is a part of all our identities from birth. Instead of shaming sexuality completely, I believe in taking cartoons like these, or other shows that hint at sexuality, and starting much needed, healthy, age-appropriate conversations about what sexuality means to them and the part it plays in their life. As a sex educator, I always say “the sex talk” is about more than “Wear a condom and don’t get pregnant.” It’s about providing our children with healthy examples of romantic relationships.
I can respect that every household has the right to shape the world for their children as they see fit and raise them with the values that are important to them. But sexuality and alternative lifestyles are here to stay. You can only shield your children from them for so long before they have to learn how to treat others with respect and not discredit everything they don’t understand or that doesn’t apply to them.
If you don’t start these conversations it will only be a matter of time before the world does it for you.
But even if you choose to save the “sex talk” until they’re 25, the “tolerance” talk needs to start now, about ALL of the issues in the world, not only the ones that affect us.
What do you think about same-sex couples being added to cartoons?
Writer, sexual health superhero, and #BlackGirlMagic and #BlackBoy curator regularly featured on @Madamenoire. Toya can usually be found in between her earbuds, listening to trap music and refreshing her browser for concert tickets. Tweet her @thetruetsharee.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Have You Heard Of The 4B Movement? Here's Why It Matters.
Depending on what side of TikTok you’re on, you’ve been seeing an uptick in content about the 4B Movement. In response to South Korea having the world’s lowest birth rate, TikTok user @denimchromosome gave a brief synopsis of the movement on February 16. “Korean women are so done with Korean men that they’re literally just deciding to die out," she said in her post.
While the video is only 30 seconds, this user broke the movement down to its essence and sparked a broader conversation for people to fully dive into knowledge about the movement and why some Korean women have decided to fully commit to this push for gender equality and social justice.
What Is the 4B Movement?
The 4B Movement gained notoriety and prevalence in 2019 when a collective of Korean feminists decided they would no longer marry men (비혼 bihon), have children (비출산 bichulsan), date men (비연애 biyeonae), or have sex with men (비섹스 bisekseu). The name of the movement came from all four agreements, starting with the letter B in Korean. The women who have chosen to participate in this movement are doing so as a result of the blatant misogyny that exists in their society.
They are challenging the cultural norms of their country by removing themselves from the dating scene, ignoring the beauty standards and consumerism propagated toward women, and calling out the pay disparity in the Korean job market.
Go Min Hee, a political professor at Ewha Women's University in Seoul, told NPR, "Gender gap in education has disappeared with the declining number of children and growing attention to education.” As of 2003, women’s college enrollment rates in the region have surpassed men’s.
“But the income gap in the post-education labor market hasn't closed," she continued. South Korea has the largest gender pay gap in the developed world, as of 2022, women still made 31% less than their male counterparts.
In the same report, Jeong Han-Wool, head of the Research Institute of Korean People, shared “For a long time, patriarchal norms governed South Korean society. But those social norms dissolved with democratization, and I don't think we have established new norms that can fill the vacuum.”
Han-Wool said the 4B movement was ignited by the Me Too movement here in the U.S., which he said sparked a new wave of young feminists in South Korea.
While others don’t connect it directly to the movement, they doacknowledge that 4B emerged after multiple incidents of high-profile murders of Korean women, a rampant culture of revenge porn, and spy cam sex crimes were at an all-time high.
Additionally, there is blatant discrimination against women in the workplace; married women are often subjected to gender-based violence, and women are expected to take on the majority of household and child-rearing responsibilities.
Tackling Gender-Based Bias
Digital creator Ryan Carriger said, “Through amplifying the voices and the experiences of the movement, it can illuminate the far-reaching nature of gender-based bias and challenge the social structures that reinforce inequality.”
However, some, such as Anna Lee, have said that the Western media is sensationalizing this movement in South Korea. Despite the fact that reports from the country’s Ministry of Education support the quickly diminishing juvenile population, which many argue is a direct result of feminism. As of February 2024, 157 elementary schools throughout the country will have zero first graders. The lowest reported since the ministry began keeping records in 1970.
Likewise, because of the uptick in feminist voices, young men have shared their feelings of “reverse discrimination” and want the government to get rid of the Gender Equality Ministry in large part because it’s making the job market even more competitive.
Yet, this government entity focuses on more than career equity. One of its main purposes is to protect Korean women who are victims of gender-based crimes such as sexual assault and rape. Opponents of the government’s desire to dismantle this ministry believe it is a dangerous idea and will only lead to more harm toward women in the future.
As the online dialogue continues to build around the 4B Movement, many women from across the world are standing in solidarity with the women of South Korea. Some American women online are sharing a similar sentiment that they’ve already committed to the agreements of the 4B Movement in their personal lives without knowing it was associated with any deliberate social activism.
@wtfaleisa Replying to @user9720585462941 ♬ original sound - wtfaleisa
Decentering Men and Toxic Patriarchy
As many women’s studies scholars have found throughout history, to truly gain gender equality, you have to destabilize patriarchal systems and institutions. Activist, feminist, and author bell hooks once wrote, "Feminism is a movement to end sexism, sexist exploitation, and oppression. Decentering men is a central aspect of this movement." Judith Butler, a gender studies scholar, has further added that decentering men "does not mean erasing men or their experiences, but rather acknowledging that our social and political structures have been built around a narrow understanding of masculinity."
Yet, in true social media form, some of the discussions that are emerging online are demonizing, shaming, and insulting women who are choosing to distance themselves from men, that are collectively harmful to their overall well-being. Proponents of the movement are providing counterarguments to these videos.
Some people can’t seem to wrap their heads around the fact that there are women who would rather be single, have full autonomy over their bodies, and build a life that they want for themselves. Many naysayers of the 4B Movement are calling these actions misandry.
Carrieger disagrees with the notion that the movement is discriminatory against men and says, “Just as Black individuals have long fought against systemic racism and oppression, women have faced their own battles against gender-based discrimination and inequality.” He continues, “The 4B movement's call to challenge traditional gender roles and advocate for the empowerment of women reflects the struggle for equality that resonates within the Black community.”
Finding Common Ground for Social Justice
Historically, any oppressed group looking to gain equal citizenship in a society is always met with pushback, violence, shame, and blame. We saw it with America's civil rights and women's suffrage movements. We saw it with the anti-apartheid movement in South Africa and, most recently, with the women’s movement in Iran. This conversation could continue for hours upon hours, and the debates on whether women hate men could rage on for millennia.
The one piece of the conversation that some people are failing to address is that women, not only in Korea but globally, have decided they’d rather be single, child-free, and at peace than have to be subjected to constant trauma, discrimination, and abuse.
It goes without saying that not all men fall in line with patriarchal beliefs or disagree that there are toxic men in the world. However, this conversation is about a collective experience women around the globe share when it comes to their roles in a misogynistic world.
Even women who are in loving relationships and happy to be mothers have shared their understanding of why women would not want to have anything to do with men. Women standing up for themselves and not wanting to feel like second-class citizens isn’t an attack on men, but a call for them to be held accountable for their behavior, both past and present.
And for men to acknowledge that women play just as important a part in society as they do.
I’ll leave you with this quote from activist and scholar Angela Davis: "Decentering men is not about diminishing men or their contributions, but about recognizing that true liberation requires challenging all forms of oppression, including patriarchy."
This quote fully embodies the essence of the 4B Movement and similar movements that aim to decentralize men in our global society.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Delmaine Donson/Getty Images