Dear Queen: An Open Letter To Women With Broken Spirits And Unanswered Prayers
Dear Queen,
It's a feeling, a state, a circumstance of life that can't be explained until one experiences the feeling for themselves.
It's a time when an overwhelming and uncontrollable sense of despondency, despair, grief and fear encompasses and takes over the very soul of your being, imprisoning you in a world where in the sun still shines, but you can't feel its warmth.
The stars still come out at night, but you can't use them to navigate your way through the darkness; you still exist in the physical sense, but you are no longer alive, your spirit is, for all intents and purposes:
Dead.
You continue to go through the motions of life, fulfilling all of your obligations, but you have ceased living. You force a smile, when your heart just wants to cry. You laugh although, at that very moment, you can somehow feel your soul slowly dying.
Sorrow tucks you in at night and wakes you up in the morning, burning a deeper hole in your heart with every waking moment, a burn that you can really truly feel in a way that you never imagined possible. It's almost like while your heart is still beating; the rhythmic pattern of its beating has somehow been disrupted and is causing you to feel like you are being suffocated.
Your greatest fear is not that your heart will stop beating, but that it will never be returned to it's original state or that time will cause you to forget how it used to beat.
That somehow you will never be the same again, that the clouds enveloping you will never disperse, that the pain will never go away.
That your tears will never dry and that sorrow is all you are ever destined to feel.
Your mind is cloudy and you can't make sense of anything; you have a million questions and no answers. You try in vain time and time again to find a single purpose for your existence, but you come up empty each time. You pray with unbridled fervor and intensity that God has something better planned for you. The world and those whom you trusted have forsaken you and all you have to hold on to is hope that somehow God will miraculously see you through the rain and that there will be brighter days to come.
But yet you can't help but fear that happiness may simply not be in God's plan for you and that it will remain elusive and never find it's way into your life.
What if there is no light at the end of the tunnel?
What if your clouds have no silver lining?
What if the dawn never breaks?
What are you supposed to do then?
Those are the hopeless whispers that leave you with nothing to anticipate but that your last breathe may be near. You can only wholeheartedly pray that God is on your side and that there will be better days to come, but what if God isn't listening to your prayers and all your supplications are in vain? What if God doesn't have time for you? What if you are not truly deserving of God's help? What if God has already answered your prayers, but the answer is an unequivocal “No."
The truth is, you may never know…so when you find yourself in a position where you just simply don't know what to do, then all you can really do is “Let Go and Let God." You have to find a way to somehow let go of your feelings and let God in to take over and ask Him to guide your way and enlighten your path.
If you have never experienced this feeling then I hope that you never do; if you have, then every word that I have written will resonate with you at the deepest level of your consciousness and will reverberate throughout your heart, mind and soul.
You have to trust that what lies ahead will be greater than what you left behind.
The best is yet to come.
xo,
Anan Abdullatif
Dear Queen is a weekly series dedicated to letters from women written for themselves and other women. Have a “Dear Queen" letter? We want to read it! E-mail your letters to submissions@xonecole.com with the subject: Dear Queen.
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Devale Ellis On Being A Provider, Marriage Growth & Redefining Fatherhood
In this candid episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Devale Ellis, actor, social media personality, and star of Zatima, about modern masculinity, learning to be a better husband, emotional presence in marriage, fatherhood for Black men, and leading by example.
“I Wasn’t Present Emotionally”: Devale Ellis on Marriage Growth
Devale Ellis On Learning He Was a ‘Bad Husband’
Ellis grew up believing that a man should prioritize providing for his family. “I know this may come off as misogynistic, but I feel like it’s my responsibility as a man to pay for everything,” he said, emphasizing the wise guidance passed down by his father. However, five years into his marriage to long-time partner Khadeen Ellis, he realized provision wasn’t just financial.
“I was a bad husband because I wasn’t present emotionally… I wasn’t concerned about what she needed outside of the resources.”
Once he shifted his mindset, his marriage improved. “In me trying to be of service to her, I learned that me being of service created a woman who is now willing to be of service to me.”
On Redefining Masculinity and Fatherhood
For Ellis, “being a man is about being consistent.” As a father of four, he sees parenthood as a chance to reshape the future.
“Children give you another chance at life. I have four different opportunities right now to do my life all over again.”
He also works to uplift young Black men, reinforcing their worth in a world that often undermines them. His values extend to his career—Ellis refuses to play roles that involve domestic violence or sexual assault.
Watch the full episode below:
On Marriage, Family Planning, and Writing His Story
After his wife’s postpartum preeclampsia, Ellis chose a vasectomy over her taking hormonal birth control, further proving his commitment to their partnership. He and Khadeen share their journey in We Over Me, and his next book, Raising Kings: How Fatherhood Saved Me From Myself, is on the way.
Through honesty and growth, Devale Ellis challenges traditional ideas of masculinity, making his story one that resonates deeply with millennial women.
For the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker peels back the layers of masculinity with candid conversations that challenge stereotypes and celebrate vulnerability. Real men. Real stories. Real talk.
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
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6 Tabletop Sex Positions That'll Unlock You & Bae's Most Primal Desires
Something I will never tire of is finding new ways to bring new layers to intimacy. A wall you use as momentum, a bathroom sink to help you keep your balance as he worships you on his knees, a shower that is usually for cleansing but evolves into a sacred ritual of shared intimacy.
My favorite kind of sex is the kind of sex that prioritizes pleasure and connection. So, technically and thankfully, I can say most of my sex life has been quite pleasurable throughout the years. But the memorable encounters for sure take the cake. One such encounter actually took place on a kitchen counter, and with it unleashed inhibitions in ways I never anticipated while unlocking levels to top-tier sex. And that, that involved a kitchen counter.
Why Kitchen Counter Sex Just Hits Different
What is it about having your hips pressed into the edge of a kitchen counter that lets out something so primal in you? The cool-to-the-touch feel of the countertop against exposed skin as you rise to meet him again and again. The urgency in every movement. The playfulness of repurposing an everyday space for something far more erotic. If you’re looking to bring that energy into your own sex life, keep reading for positions and tips to explore.
1. The Bounce House
They don’t call it Bounce House for nothing. In this position, the penetrating partner lies flat on their back on a sturdy table or counter while the receiving partner straddles them, knees bent and facing away. With their hands gripping the edge of the surface for support, the receiving partner slides or bounces at their own pace, owning the rhythm, the motion, and the view.
According to sex therapist Michael Aaron, Ph.D., who spoke with Women’s Health, the receiving partner placing their legs between their partner’s creates a tighter sensation, while staying fully astride allows for more bounce and range of motion. Either way, this one puts the receiver in full control, and you know we love a good woman on top position. Pleasure and power? Say less.
2. The Bicycle
Well, you know what they say about riding a bike. In the case of this table top position, it's the receiving partner who is the rider...but not in the way you think. While lying back on a sturdy surface or a table, the receiver will bring their knees toward their chest, bending them as if in a cycling motion. The penetrating partner stands at the edge of the surface, grabbing the receiver's ankles, and guides themselves inside, slowly so as to savor the moment. This angle puts everything on display for the penetrating partner while allowing for deep, connected thrusting for the receiver.
To take things up a notch , the receiving partner can touch themselves or flex their thighs to control the depth or the rhythm. Because, who says only one person gets to have control?
3. Counter Offer
How could we be at the table and not use it to eat? Enter: Counter Offer. In this oral-focused sex position, the receiving partner perches on the edge of a counter or table, lying back or sitting upright with legs parted or bent for comfort. The penetrating partner kneels or stands between their thighs, depending on the setup and the kind of attention they’re ready to give. No doubt, this one’s all about access and intention.
With the vulva front and center, the height makes it easier to maintain eye contact, use hands freely for things like breast play or incorporating toys, and take their time with every moan-inducing taste. And that’s on five, six, seven, ATE.
4. Standing Doggy
Standing Doggy is what happens when a classic like doggy style gets an upgrade. Instead of being on all fours on a bed, the receiving partner bends over a hard surface like a table or counter, keeping their hips aligned at its edge. The penetrating partner stands behind and enters from the back, using the angle to go deeper and create a strong, steady rhythm. This one offers maximum control and visual appeal, especially if the penetrating partner reaches around for a little extra clitoral stimulation throughout thrusting.
This angle can get intense quickly, so bonus points if the receiving partner engages their pelvic floor muscles or shifts their weight to adjust how the pressure hits, especially if your goal is to hit that G-spot sweet spot.
5. Top Shelf
Men's Healthcalls this one "Yourself on the Shelf," but we like to call it "Top Shelf" because it's giving full view, full grip, and climax potential that's hard to top. The receiving partner sits on the edge of a sturdy table or counter while the penetrating partner stands in front of them and slowly slides in, thrusting while keeping them in position. From there, legs can wrap around their waist, arms can encircle their back, and the closeness at peak ecstasy? Chef's kiss.
If you have the core strength, add lifting to the menu for the final strokes leading to orgasm. Otherwise, allow the surface to the heavy lifting and enjoy the pleasure.
6. The Thumper
What better way to remind yourself that you're both the snack and the entrée than with a little tableside service courtesy of The Thumper? This position has the receiving partner kneeling on a sturdy table or counter (keyword: sturdy), hands gripping the edge or braced in front for support. The penetrating partner can then either kneel behind them (if there's room for two), or stay anchored on the ground with both feet planted on the floor (similar to the previously mentioned Standing Doggy). It all depends on the mood.
Kneeling on the table offers just the right amount of leverage for deep, steady strokes. The receiving partner can play with tightness by either keeping their knees closer together for a snug grip, or open their knees wider to invite more access, depth, and stretch. The Thumper is versatile that way, and the most important thing? The receiver gets to be the main course. Yum.
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