Dear Queen: An Open Letter To Women With Broken Spirits And Unanswered Prayers
Dear Queen,
It's a feeling, a state, a circumstance of life that can't be explained until one experiences the feeling for themselves.
It's a time when an overwhelming and uncontrollable sense of despondency, despair, grief and fear encompasses and takes over the very soul of your being, imprisoning you in a world where in the sun still shines, but you can't feel its warmth.
The stars still come out at night, but you can't use them to navigate your way through the darkness; you still exist in the physical sense, but you are no longer alive, your spirit is, for all intents and purposes:
Dead.
You continue to go through the motions of life, fulfilling all of your obligations, but you have ceased living. You force a smile, when your heart just wants to cry. You laugh although, at that very moment, you can somehow feel your soul slowly dying.
Sorrow tucks you in at night and wakes you up in the morning, burning a deeper hole in your heart with every waking moment, a burn that you can really truly feel in a way that you never imagined possible. It's almost like while your heart is still beating; the rhythmic pattern of its beating has somehow been disrupted and is causing you to feel like you are being suffocated.
Your greatest fear is not that your heart will stop beating, but that it will never be returned to it's original state or that time will cause you to forget how it used to beat.
That somehow you will never be the same again, that the clouds enveloping you will never disperse, that the pain will never go away.
That your tears will never dry and that sorrow is all you are ever destined to feel.
Your mind is cloudy and you can't make sense of anything; you have a million questions and no answers. You try in vain time and time again to find a single purpose for your existence, but you come up empty each time. You pray with unbridled fervor and intensity that God has something better planned for you. The world and those whom you trusted have forsaken you and all you have to hold on to is hope that somehow God will miraculously see you through the rain and that there will be brighter days to come.
But yet you can't help but fear that happiness may simply not be in God's plan for you and that it will remain elusive and never find it's way into your life.
What if there is no light at the end of the tunnel?
What if your clouds have no silver lining?
What if the dawn never breaks?
What are you supposed to do then?
Those are the hopeless whispers that leave you with nothing to anticipate but that your last breathe may be near. You can only wholeheartedly pray that God is on your side and that there will be better days to come, but what if God isn't listening to your prayers and all your supplications are in vain? What if God doesn't have time for you? What if you are not truly deserving of God's help? What if God has already answered your prayers, but the answer is an unequivocal “No."
The truth is, you may never know…so when you find yourself in a position where you just simply don't know what to do, then all you can really do is “Let Go and Let God." You have to find a way to somehow let go of your feelings and let God in to take over and ask Him to guide your way and enlighten your path.
If you have never experienced this feeling then I hope that you never do; if you have, then every word that I have written will resonate with you at the deepest level of your consciousness and will reverberate throughout your heart, mind and soul.
You have to trust that what lies ahead will be greater than what you left behind.
The best is yet to come.
xo,
Anan Abdullatif
Dear Queen is a weekly series dedicated to letters from women written for themselves and other women. Have a “Dear Queen" letter? We want to read it! E-mail your letters to submissions@xonecole.com with the subject: Dear Queen.
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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How A Stay At Switzerland's Luxurious 7132 Hotel Reminded Me To Live The Life I Deserve
Sometimes, as women—especially as single Black women—we simply need to be reminded that we are deserving of living a life we dream of. Even if that means creating it for ourselves. I recently set out on a weeklong trip to Switzerland, a trip I’ve been wanting to take for years, and near the end of my visit, I had an epiphany.
“DeAnna, this is the life you deserve,” I thought to myself as I took in the gorgeous bathroom in my suite at the famous 7132 Hotel and Thermal Spa. It was one of the most luxurious hotels (and bathrooms) I had ever stayed in—and that’s saying a lot for someone who often travels for work.
To help you better understand why this was such a mental awakening for me, I first need to give a bit of my backstory. I’m in my late thirties. I’m an attorneyand a journalist. I own a home and have traveled the world extensively. Essentially, I’ve done everything in life I set out to do. However, when it comes to dating, I struggle. Not because there is anything wrong with me per se, but because my career and “lifestyle” often create problems in my romantic relationships.
View from my hotel room
Courtesy
I’ve been told everything from, ‘I can’t continue to date you because you seem to choose your career over wanting to settle down and have kids’ by a man after only the second date to ‘Maybe if you just sat down somewhere for a while, I’d actually wife you’ by someone who has honestly never proven themselves to be the settle down type. And these are only a handful of the things I’ve been told over the years.
It’s been frustrating, to say the least, and there have even been seasons where I purposely dimmed my light in hopes that my career wouldn’t push away potential suitors. I know what you’re thinking, “Girl, why would you even consider that? If they’re for you, it won’t matter what you do.” Hey, don’t judge me, but also, I one hundred percent agree.
My hotel bathroom
Courtesy
That’s why this recent moment in Switzerland was right on time. When I first walked into the hotel to check in, I was blown away by the surrounding beauty. It was a five-star property with one of the world’s most famous thermal bathhouses. Yet, it was something about seeing that 90% of the hotel’s guests were couples, that forced me to sit back for a bit of introspection—while soaking in the thermal spa, of course.
As I went through the mental conversation, there was a battle of sorts. On one hand, I knew that being able to partake in experiences like the one I was having at that moment was important to me. I knew that, at times I actually love being able to dabble in the finer things—after all, I’ve worked hard to be able to afford them. On the other hand, and sadly, I knew that sometimes being a single Black woman that publicly showcases her “luxurious” habits can intimidate men and even scare them off from pursuing you under the guise of them feeling like they “can’t do anything for you, because you have everything.”
My hotel room
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So, what is a girl to do?
Do I minimize/hide the life and experiences that I have? Do I play down the hard work I’ve put in to get where I am professionally? Or, do I risk being single in exchange for being able to have said life, without backlash?
Luckily, the joy that I felt while being at this property won. There was something about taking a full day to simply pamper myself at the bathhouse and in my in-room steam shower and soaker tub, indulging in cuisine from a 2-star Michelin restaurant and doing all of this while surrounded by an amazing group of Black women that reminded me—this is certainly the life I was meant to live and that I deserve. Even if it means that right now, I’ll just have to provide it for myself until the right partner comes along. And honestly, I’m okay with that.
Restaurant at 7132 hotel
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