

I was today years old when I learned the 'why' behind getting a pap smear. I always used to look at it as one of my annuals that I booked an appointment for, propped up my legs, braced for the discomfort of the speculum, and just did. I knew it was for my health but for some reason, it never clicked for me that a pap smear had everything to do with being preventative and was mostly about your cervix. Even as a 31-year-old who had a LEEP procedure done to remove precancerous cells nearly a decade ago, the dots never totally connected for me that ‘pap smear’ is to the cervix and cervical cancer as ‘mammogram’ is to breasts and breast cancer. Don’t come for me, but I was simply doing what I was ‘supposed’ to do without thinking of the bigger picture as it relates to my health and preventative measures like annual pap smears.
Coming to terms with that realization is actually what led me to write this piece. I realized that there was probably someone like me who was simply rolling with the punches of booking yearly doctor exams, or even someone who might not even go because they may believe going to a gynecologist is only for people who have “an issue” down there. I’m here to demystify some of the myths around pap smears. In honor of it being Cervical Cancer Awareness Month, I am here to also do my part in empowering women to advocate for their health needs, especially when it comes to a form of cancer with a 92% survival rate when diagnosed in its earliest stages. And do you know the easiest way to detect cervical cancer before it becomes cancerous? If you said ‘pap smear,’ you are right on the money.
I spoke with Dr. Janelle Howell, DPT, WCS, also known as the Vagina Rehab Doctor to help spill the deets on what you need to know about pap smears and cervical health.
What is a pap smear?
Perhaps it's elementary, my dear Watson, but I wanted to cover all of my bases when breaking down pap smears for this piece. A pap smear, or a pap test, is short for the Papanicolaou test. It is a diagnostic procedure that tests for cervical cancer in women. A doctor takes a small instrument to brush sample cells on the cervix and then sends those samples to a lab for the results. Once the samples have been tested, a patient can either get a normal test result (which literally means everything is all good under the hood) or an abnormal result (which could signify abnormal changes found on the cervix).
Depending on your doctor, they might suggest doing a colposcopy or a biopsy to ensure that the abnormal test result is not due to the presence of precancerous cells. If it is due to precancerous cells, the next step might be scheduling a procedure like a LEEP to remove those cells from the cervix. Your gynecologist will know best in regards to formulating a treatment plan that works best for you.
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How often should you be getting a pap smear?
The answer to this question may differ depending on your medical history, but Dr. Howell shares that "generally speaking, about every three years is a good frequency to get one." She also adds that every five years, it is recommended to get an HPV test for the human papillomavirus, which is what leads to cervical cancer.
While Dr. Howell suggests people visit their gynos yearly, pap smear or no pap smear, she says that ultimately your specific gynecologist will be able to tell you how often you should visit and what the plan should be if you do have an abnormal pap test result.
When should we visit the gynecologist and what should we expect?
Although there are some people who prioritize regular checkups, there are others who do not have the privilege of accessible healthcare. There are also folks who might not resort to visits with healthcare professionals unless there is a problem or an issue. Such is the case sometimes with gynecologists. As previously mentioned, Dr. Howell advises women to visit their gynecologist yearly even if they don't have a pap smear or a symptomatic health issue or concern. During those routine wellness checks with your gynos, you are able to get things done like a pelvic exam where they exam the vulva as well as the internal reproductive organs, which includes the cervix. Dr. Howell adds that during these exams, gynecologists usually "do an internal exam, apply manual pressure along the abdomen to see if you have tenderness along the uterine border, and order any other needed tests or measures, like a pelvic ultrasound."
She also shares that even if they don't go through the uncomfortable steps of giving you a pap smear, they will look at the cervix and the vaginal canal. "Think about it like getting an oil change. You gotta pop in there every now and then, especially if you are sexually active. You want to make sure you are staying on top of your pelvic health, your reproductive health, and all of that because we are getting our periods monthly, we are in our reproductive ages, and we still have our uterus that needs to be checked on."
"If we are having a lot of clotting, if we are having a lot of pain with our periods, or having missing periods or irregular periods -- those are things that we want to be updating our gynecologist on, so they can make sure nothing more serious is going on causing those symptoms," Dr. Howell concludes.
At what age should you start getting pap smears?
The most common age to start getting pap smears is 21, but typically when a patient is sexually active, they are advised to start getting pap smears then. Of note, just because you aren't sexually active doesn't mean you shouldn't be getting regular pap smears, especially if you are over the age of 21.
This brings us to our next question and answer...
Should you get a pap smear even if you're not sexually active?
Sometimes, we look at doctor's visits from a lens of reactivity versus proactivity. Such is the case with gyno appointments. Sexual activity and/or vaginal health issues are not a prerequisite for gynecologist visits. But Dr. Howell encourages everyone to see the importance of getting pap smears, and even HPV tests, even if you aren't sexually active. "HPV can be transferred, not just from internal sources [like the penis and vagina] but you can get HPV just from skin-to-skin contact."
She states this to emphasize the point that sex is not the only way to get HPV, which is ultimately what leads to cervical cancer. "You can literally just have someone’s skin who has HPV contact your skin, then you are at risk of getting it. There are HPV cells that live on the vulva, that live on the penis, that live on the groin. There’s also oral HPV," she continues, "You don’t have to have sex to get it. So be aware of that."
HPV can even be transferred from mother to child through the vaginal tract, so children can get it from their mothers if their mothers have it. The bottom line is, just because you aren't sexually active doesn't mean you shouldn't be getting pap smears and regularly testing for HPV.
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How can you advocate for your cervical health in relationships and gyno visits?
If you are sexually active, the number one thing you can do to better support your cervical health is to use protection. Dr. Howell notes that using condoms during sex is "one of the most basic, affordable, and safe ways" to guard the cervix. By practicing safe sex "we are limiting the amount of exposure to bodily fluids and bacteria on someone’s genital skin that can impact our cervix. Exposure to someone’s bodily fluid or [the] skin of someone who has HPV is a common way to become infected. We generally get it from another person."
In instances where women want to feel empowered to go beyond the routine pap smear, Dr. Howell wants you to advocate for your cervical health by doing your research and talking to your doctor openly in order to feel confident and comfortable with your cervical health status.
What are some holistic ways to support your cervical health?
Supporting your cervical health can go beyond regular doctor visits, getting pap smears, and using protection during sex. It also looks like having strong sexual health boundaries overall, as well as making better lifestyle choices. "If our diet is filled with more inflammatory foods than anti-inflammatory foods, then that is not going to necessarily help the cervix. So like processed foods, those things are more inflammatory than fresh foods."
For that reason, Dr. Howell suggests doing things like adding "color to your diet." She goes on to say, "You want to make sure that you are getting more color in your diet from plants, which help us to fight inflammation and fight disease. That’s the whole purpose of food, to nourish our bodies." Speaking of diet, another key to nourishing your cervical health is by decreasing your sugar intake. "When I am saying sugar, I am talking about artificial sugar like the sugar that we are putting in our coffee, or the sugar that is in juice; it’s concentrated into one small cup. Artificial sugar and high amounts of it, have been associated with just more inflammation in the body, which includes the cervix."
In addition to watching the amount of sugar you consume, she suggests observing your vitamin A and vitamin D levels as they are "protective for the cervix." "We are eating every day anyway, so you might as well eat foods that help your body to thrive." And for a beta-carotene-rich food that is accessible as it is nutritious, Dr. Howell looks to carrots and says one carrot a day is enough to assist with vitamin A levels which are necessary for cervical health.
As a Pelvic Floor Physical Therapist, Dr. Howell knows the importance of considering the pelvic floor as a way to support the cervix. "Your pelvic floor includes all the muscles that support your cervix and supports your uterus to prevent prolapse. So, checking in on your pelvic floor for pelvic floor symptoms, like urinary leakage, a bulge in the vagina, a 'heaviness' in your vagina, or constipation -- these are things you want to consider in terms of your pelvic floor. Seeing a pelvic floor physical therapist is crucial to helping you overcome those symptoms and take care of your pelvic floor muscles, which are by far the most important muscle group for supporting the position of your cervix and uterus."
For more of Dr. Howell, follow her on Instagram @vaginarehabdoctor.
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Luxury Hairstylist On Viral 'Hey Boo' Texts & Professionalism In The Hair Industry
As Black women, our hair is our crowning glory - whether we paid for it or not. We take pride in how we wear and take care of our hair. As with everything, hair care and hair styling have evolved over the years. Long gone are the days of Blue Magic (although I hear it’s making a comeback).
Now, we have a plethora of creams, oils, conditioners, shampoos, and stylists to choose from. Beyond wearing our natural curls, we have a range of options, from wigs and sew-ins to tape-ins, I-tips, and K-tips. So much choice! But you know what they say about too much of a good thing...
The Black hair industry has definitely blossomed in the last decade with a wave of new stylists and salons popping up all over the place. As much as I love that for us, many of these stylists have become the subjects of viral TikTok and Instagram tirades because of their alleged questionable behavior and bizarre rules.
Excessive policies, strange fees, long wait times, poor performance, and the infamous “Hey boo” texts. Beauty is pain, they say… xoNecole got to the root of these issues with luxury hair extensionist Dee Michelle, who’s been in the hair game for 20 years and runs a seven-figure business - all while being a mom of four.
Antonio Livingston
“I started my business with my career in the hair industry [at] very, very young age when I was maybe like eight...So, over the years, I've just built a very successful seven-figure business very quickly just by offering high-end services and creating great experiences for my clients, many of whom are high-profile professionals,” she said. “I'm also a mother of four, including a set of triplets, which inspires me daily to show what's possible with my hard work and focus.”
Dee’s business has gone viral on social media because of what many call outrageous prices for her invisible K-Tip installs.
“When I developed my invisible K-tip extensions technique, I made sure that it wasn't just about the hair or the style, but about providing a high-end experience from start to finish. So, my clients just aren't paying for the extensions or just the style itself, but they're investing into my meticulous, seamless craft and premium hair sourced from the best suppliers…I've spent so many hours mastering my craft, creating this seamless method that gives my clients long-lasting natural results, and my pricing just reflects that - the value of my expertise and the exclusivity of the service.”
The K-tip specialist stands on business when it comes to catering to her clients and giving them an experience worth the cost.
“And it's just important for me to also say that my clients are high-profile individuals who value quality, their privacy, and their time. They want a service that fits into their lifestyle and their time. They want things that deliver perfection. And I deliver that every single time.”
I’m sure we’ve all seen the various TikTok rants about people’s nightmare experiences with stylists and uttered a silent “FELT!” We asked Dee her opinion on a few nightmare scenarios that beg the response, “please be so forreal."
On stylists charging extra to wash clients’ hair:
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
On ‘deposits’ that don’t go towards the cost of the service:
“I think that's kind of weird, too, for deposits to not be like a part of the service. I've seen people have booking fees and I just don't understand it, to be honest. I disagree with that kind of policy…By all means, people should do what works for them, but to me, it doesn't make sense. Why does somebody have to pay a fee just to book an appointment with you? I don't get it. It feels like exploitation.”
On stylists charging extra to style (straighten/curl) wigs, sew-ins etc., after installing:
“I don't get it. Clients come to us to get their hair done, to get it styled. So why is it extra for you to style it? If you're going to charge extra, just increase your price. I feel like it could be just a lack of confidence in those stylists, feeling like people won't pay a certain price for certain things, or just their lack of professionalism as well, because people are coming to us to get styled.”
On the infamous “Hey boo” text stylists send to clients when they need to cancel/reschedule:
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
We know all too well what kinds of things will keep us from ever gracing certain hairstylists’ chairs with our butts again. So, what should hairstylists do to provide a good service to their clients? What is good hairstylist etiquette?
“For one, being on time is an important rule for stylist etiquette. It's just not okay to require your clients to be on time, and you're not on time. Also, communication. Being able to communicate clearly, respectfully, and professionally, whether that's in person, via text, or on social media. Style is etiquette. Appearance matters. So just maintaining a clean, polished, and professional look. Clients respect you more whenever your appearance reflects your work. There's just so many things, but another thing I would say is active listening. So, being able to pay close attention to what your client wants and also clarifying any questions that they might have. Just to ensure that they feel heard and to minimize any misunderstandings.”
Dee also shared some red flags to look out for when considering a new stylist.
“Even me as a client, if I'm booking somebody and they have a long list of rules, I don't even book with them. That's, for one, just such a huge turn-off. Also, stylists who have inconsistent or unclear pricing, that's a red flag. People who change their rates too much without an explanation. Poor communication. So, if a stylist is responding very slow or responding unprofessionally, or giving vague answers to questions, that can make clients question whether or not they are respecting their time and their needs.
Another red flag - an inconsistent or low quality portfolio. And I feel like, I see this a lot with stylists stealing other people's work, and their portfolio on social media is just very inconsistent.”
We couldn’t let Dee go without getting the tea on what styles she predicts will trend in 2025.
“I feel like people are going back to natural-looking styles. So, a lot of people are ditching the wigs, the lace fronts, things like that. People are still wearing them, of course, but it is becoming more of a trend to embrace your natural hair and something that's not looking too fake. That’s one thing that we're going to be seeing a lot. I would say a lot of layers are coming back, heavy layers. Those are becoming really, really trendy. And people are leaning more towards platinum-colored hair. I've been seeing lots of like blondes coming out. Also, jet black is always going to be a trend. But I would say more like natural colors, but natural colors that are still making a statement.”
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Social Media Has A 'Man's First Love' Theory. I Asked 10 Guys About It.
Let me just put it right on out there and say that my first love and I couldn’t be more ridiculous — and yes, ridiculous is absolutely the right word. Ever since 1993, when we first laid eyes on each other in a friend’s dorm room, it’s been a series of situations, experiences, run-ins, phone calls, declarations — over and over and over again with the latest one actually being about a year ago.
We both happened to be in a part of Nashville, debating about which restaurant to go to, literally debating between the same two, only to ultimately run into each other…again. Googly-eyed and flirting…AGAIN.
This is an intro, so I don’t have a lot of time to get into why marrying someone who has been married before will absolutely never be an option for me (unless they are a widow) and honestly, because neither one of them has yet to jump a broom, I think that’s why there is still a part of us who romanticizes the notion that life may someday cultivate another chance for us. I don’t know — I’ve been humbled enough by his fineness and our undeniable chemistry to not pull a Brandy and “never say never” anymore (some of y’all will catch that later — LOL).
For now, I’ll just say that I’m only sharing all of this because of something that he — and many other men in my world over the course of my life — has said to me before: “I’ve only really loved you and one other woman”…and trust me, there have been MANY, so that statement is…something.
That’s why the man’s first love theory, something that has been generating quite a bit of chatter on social media these past few months, has intrigued me so. Because, even as a woman, I believe that men don’t “fall in love with love” that often. Not only that but, contrary to a lot of rambling gibberish that I oftentimes see on TikTok and Instagram, I also believe that when easily 80 percent of men genuinely love a woman, they take it far more seriously than they are given credit for.
Y’all don’t have to take my word for it, though. Let’s first unpack what the “theory” is all about and then hear what 10 men have to say about it all.
*Middle names are always used in my interview pieces so that people can speak freely*
First, What Is the “Man’s First Love” Theory?
@jayoffline♬ original sound - JB
Honestly, what this guy just said pretty much covers the theory in a nutshell: once a man has experienced true love for the first time, it’s hard for him to ever fully shake it. Okay, but what intel is there to support this notion beyond his post?
Well, a USA Today article on the topic said that this could be true due to the fact that since men are typically not encouraged to process their emotions in the same way that women are, that could be why their first love oftentimes has such a lasting impact on them. Beyond that, I once watched a social media post where a man said that since men are called to provide and protect and women expect men to do that, men love women like they do their daughters while women love men like they do their fathers — and since fathers are (mentally and emotionally) expected to die before daughters, that’s why men and women process love differently in the sense that women can see love ending and surviving it while men? Not so much. Pretty deep, right?
And I mean, the mere fact that 70 percent of divorces are initiated by women? That may help to prove that perspective to be pretty accurate (just sayin’). There’s also scientific research that says women tend to experience love more than men and that women tend to “fall out of love” before men do, although, interestingly enough, men reportedly “fall in love” faster than women and say “I love you” three times quicker (bet y’all didn’t see that last part coming).
What do I think personally? Well, I do think that women are oftentimes more relationship-minded and driven than men which makes sense when you think about the fact that we have a strong nurturing gene within us — and because of that, we’re probably more intentional about having a serious relationship and even more resilient should said-relationship come to an end.
On the flip side, I have talked to so many men about this topic over time that I will stand 10 toes down that I think that when it comes to real, genuine, and lasting love, most men probably have three of those max: their first love, their wife and perhaps someone in between or after (should the marriage end).
That’s just my thoughts on all of this, though. And so, I decided to actually ask 10 guys — guys with different relationship statuses — to share with me what they think about the man’s first love theory…based on what they believe and how they now feel about their own first love.
Here’s what they had to say.
1. Elijah. 29. Single.
“I was late to the game when it comes to love. My first love was in college and she almost ruined my life. Not because she was a bad person — I just had never felt that way about anyone, so it was hard for me to focus on school, I was thinking about changing my plans to follow her around the country and I was even losing some of who I was to make the relationship work. Social media will have you thinking that men don’t know how to love when the truth is that when we fall, we fall hard and if it was painful, we’re just not in a rush to do it again. We’re capable. We just don’t want to be martyrs.”
2. Ian. 30. Engaged.
“My first love was my high school sweetheart. It wasn’t until I got with my fiancée now that I realized that I really did compare every woman after [my first love]to her. That wasn’t fair or even healthy but until her, I had never really seen women on such an ‘all in’ way and, since she broke up with me, it’s not like I had wanted the love to end. Men don’t just not forget their first love, the way that they look at other women is influenced by her. Guys who deny that are lying.”
3. Yosef. 25. Dating.
“The timing of this conversation is strange because I’m wondering if I’m about to have a first love now. I’ve been seeing someone for a few months and even though it’s not serious and there is no title, I can’t get her off of my mind. In high school, there was nothing serious. In college, things stayed casual because I was focused on getting out. Now, I’m ready to consider a relationship and this girl has me seeing women really differently. It’s wonderful and terrifying at the same time. Is that what having a first love is like?”
4. Claude. 45. Married.
“My first love experience is something that I still try to figure out because my actual first love and my wife are very different women — and when I met my wife, it made me wonder if my first love was the real thing. It’s not because I don’t think that my first love experience wasn’t real or even valid but the way I feel about my wife is so much more. I guess what I will say is, if nothing else, men will always be impacted by their first love — and if it was a good situation, they will be grateful that it happened.”
5. Mykal. 33. Single.
“I totally agree with the theory that men don’t fall in love often. For what? What women don’t think about is, once we love you, we don’t have plans to leave. That’s why many men have stories of things that they put up with, too often and too long, because what comes with our love is loyalty. First loves can make or break us — that’s how crucial they are. Only women would challenge that. Guys know.”
6. Jackai. 37. In a Serious Relationship.
“My first love broke my heart and that had me on the war path for a long time. I don’t think women get that once we love you, we see you as perfection and don’t even consider that you will do something that will change that. Once it happens, it shakes us to where either we avoid relationships or we keep things very shallow and surface. While y’all are talking about all we think about is sex, what usually is happening is a guy who is still trying to get over his ex.”
7. Dorian. 39. Dating.
“Funny, because I just talked to my first love recently. Whenever either one of us makes a big life decision, we reach out to update each other. I think it’s because, when we were together, we consulted each other a lot. Anyway, I think that answers your question: men are connected to their first love, one way or another. It’s a space that no one can really compete with. That’s just the way it is.”
8. Franklin. 28. Single.
“Whenever I think about my first love, I’m pissed. She cheated on me and I never saw that coming. It has taken me a long time to believe that all women aren’t like her because when you tell a woman that you love her and she says it back, you don’t even comprehend that she could hurt you. Women don’t get how serious men are about love when it happens…that’s why it doesn’t happen a lot.”
9. Cael. 42. Married.
“I’m lucky to say that I married my first love. It took us forever to get to that point because we’ve known each other since our freshman year in college. We dated for a year and broke up. After graduation, she moved away and got engaged while I dated someone for a few years. We always stayed in touch and when she ended her engagement, we talked more often. I always compared other women to her because she’s my favorite person. We’ve been married for eight years now. Marrying your first love is a pure experience.”
10. Westyn. 30. In a Serious Relationship.
“Your first introduction to anything is going to make up the fabric of who you are. How much you allow that to change you is a choice. A lot about how we love is a choice. But to say that a first love isn’t in the top five as far as life-altering matters? How could it not be? It teaches you about love for the first time. I don’t think any human, not just men, can forget something like that.”
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You know what I appreciated so much about these answers? It’s because each man expressed that, yes, love is a very real thing to and for them, and their first time learning about it in a romantic way, it did indeed transform them on some level.
And that’s why, personally, I don’t think that the man’s first love theory is a mere theory at all. Men do love — and they love pretty hard whenever it happens. Especially when it transpires for the first time.
As you just saw.
“Theory” proven.
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