Time For A Baecation: Here Are 3 Benefits Of Traveling As A Couple
I'm learning that traveling when you're young is not a glamorous thing, especially when young can be synonymous with broke. It's not for the meek or the mild, it's for the wild, the bold, and the brave. Because it's easy to stay in your comfort zone, to talk yourself out of living because of this responsibility or that one, exiling your passions and aspirations to be tasted and tempered with later on in life. Dare I ask, why? Dare I counter that standard with a, "But will you really?"
Maybe it's a dangerous thing to not trust what I tell my future self, but maybe it's also what makes my anxious self much more present and forces my present self to be more accountable about what she wants from her life. She wants adventure. She wants today. She wants now. I am blessed to have a partner whose ideals are similar in that regard, and who is just overall supportive of my needs.
Sheriden Chanel
He knew I needed a pause in my Atlanta life, a change of scenery, a getaway, and adventure. So we found a cheap flight to a place we'd never been and went away for a long weekend. I thought travel was largely in part for me, but was surprised to learn how much richer and stronger it left our relationship by taking us out of our element and causing us to thrive in a whole new one. There's a lot to learn from traveling as a couple. Let me give you just a few lessons...
Bonding Gets Undivided Attention
Being home and in a relationship, bonding is whatever quality time the two of you can find throughout the week be it phone calls, texts, or a weekly date night. Other aspects of your life require your attention, and the relationship can suffer a bit in lieu of responsibilities like running a household, being on someone else's clock through work, and if you're pursuing your passions while you work, that slice of the pie is cut even thinner.
Sheriden Chanel
But when you travel together, bonding is the entirety of your trip in both big and small ways. It was bae's first time ever on a plane, and it warmed my heart that it was willing to conquer that fear with me. He called our "baecay" his first real experience as an adult, he even tried oysters for the first time. It was my first time traveling with a romantic partner as well, so I think those realities combined made us vulnerable and receptive to everything around us that was happening. We were a lot more open emotionally than we thought we'd be on a NOLA excursion, we didn't even need the alcohol that we previously thought we would have to rely on. We were very real and human, which was beautiful and healing to me.
Vacation Sex is INCREDIBLE
Oh my God, if I could write an essay about each and every romp session we had, I would--but I'm limited in this space so I won't bore you with details. Let's just say that it's bangin.' I think it's the combination of the natural high you get from being in a new place paired with your beautiful surroundings--it's a match made in sex heaven. It might have a lot to do with being well-rested too. On a regular day, twenty minutes is bliss to me. But on a vacation where I'm well-rested, well-fed, with skin kissed by the sun, and a little liquor in me, an hour or two in the intersection of languid lovemaking and frenzied pounding was paradise. Our bed creaked entirely too much, but I honestly didn't give a damn. The whole experience of a vacation makes sex feel more tantric in my opinion.
You're Forced to Deal with Your Sh-t!
I thought bae and I would be at each other's throats for much of the trip because we'd be spending four uninterrupted days together with not a whole lot to divvy up our time. Not only that, but traveling can be draining, which puts a damper on attitudes. Surprisingly though, we kept it cute and was able to work on some communication issues because we were forced to iron sh-t out versus sweeping it underneath the rug because we didn't want our time to be ruined. Our tolerance for simple bumps in the road improved because it became a thing of, “Do we really need to bicker about this?" When the answer was “no" we let it go because it wasn't worth it.
Sheriden Chanel
The silently relayed and mutually understood philosophy worked up until the day of our departure. It was storming outside like crazy, we had pretty much run out of spending money so we decided to head to the airport a little early. We sulked in front of each other's faces for quite a bit until I came up with the idea of playing Hangman. We ended up playing that for three-and-a-half hours. It wasn't ideal, but it taught me: Something I thought I already knew, but something that was really solidified for me in that moment.
Featured image by Shutterstock
- 7 Reasons A Staycation Should Be On Your Self-Care Agenda ... ›
- This Couple Sold Everything They Own To Travel The World On An ... ›
- These Couples Are On A Never Ending Baecation - xoNecole ... ›
- LeVar & Reanne Harris On How Travel Keeps The Love Alive In ... ›
- This Couple Sold Everything They Own To Travel The World On An Endless Honeymoon - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- In it for the long-haul: why couples who travel together stay together ... ›
- How to Travel as a Couple: Travel Tips for Enjoying a Couples ... ›
- The Reality of Traveling as a Couple • The Blonde Abroad ›
- 10 Essential Tips for Traveling as a Couple • The Blonde Abroad ›
- The Joy of Traveling as a Couple: Tips for Travel ›
- Black Travel Vibes: This Couple's French Riviera Baecation Is Proof ... ›
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LISTÂ HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:Â Â
​Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
​Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
​Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images