Rihanna. Ryan Destiny. DeWanda Wise. Jill Scott. Kelly Rowland. Nicole and Bria Murphy. Kelis. Tika Sumpter. Yara Shahidi. Meagan and L'Myia Good. Janelle Monáe. Toni Braxton. Leela James. Karen Obilom. Nia Long. Lynn Whitfield. Lauren London. Sanaa Lathan. The late Aaliyah. Kerry Washington (especially in the movie She Hate Me). I could go on and on, Lord knows, but when I think of celebrity women who are also quite sexy (at least to me), those are some of the ones who immediately come to mind.
What's dope about the list is they're all different when it comes to their look, their style and their age. At the same time, what they each have in common is there's a hint of mystery and exoticness about them.
Regardless of your sexual preference, when you see them, you tend to do a double-take and, if you were the type to share your WCW (Woman Crush Wednesday), they are the kind of women who would be on your list. They are appealing. They are exciting. Yep—they are sexy.
The reason why I listed them is because if I threw out the names of some of my friends or the woman who does my nails or this chick that I always see whenever I go to a particular mall, you wouldn't have a point of reference. My point in saying that is, a lot of women exude sexiness regardless of size, economic status or platform. Not only that, but just by being a woman alone, there are simple things that we can do to turn the volume up on our own sexiness in 10 minutes or less.
If you've got days when you don't feel your best but you want to feel a little more sultry, risqué or even glamorous, I think if you try some of the following hacks, you'll start feeling intensely excited about your own damn self. After all, the sexiest women radiate from the inside out, not the outside in. That is the foundational key for all things sexy.
1. Invest in Some Sexy Underwear
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I'll be working on an article about the expiration dates of various things soon enough. But for now, just know that if you haven't gotten new bras and panties within the past 6-12 months, you are seriously overdue. If you know that some of your underwear has been in your drawers for at least three Christmases, treat your body to some new stuff. Then make sure that some of what you get is on the sexy side—lace bras, high-cut panties…things that make you feel like you've got a hot date with the finest man alive whenever you put that kind of stuff on (even if you don't).
Oh, and if you're like me and, because your "girls" are on the super-big-and-full side, it's hard to find sexy brassieres, one of the other writers here wrote about some of the sexy bras that she loves. Also, an overseas brand that I've come to adore is Figleaves. I can personally attest to the fact that the way you move changes when your undies are on the sexy tip.
2. Paint Your Nails (a Blue-Based) Red
Red is a fascinating color. As far as color psychology goes, it represents love, passion, fire and desire. What's really cool about the hue is it's something that women of any shade or ethnicity will look amazing in. If you're a woman of color, the key is to look for one that has a blue-base to it. It's more sophisticated and will complement your complexion better. As far as red lipstick goes, The Zoe Report has a list of 'em. But if you want to give your fingers and nails a bit of a red sexy pop, Red Diamond Crushed Diamonds Patent Shine 10x Nail Lacquer is a great-high end nail polish while China Glaze's Heart of Africa is a pretty awesome department store find.
3. Curl Your Eyelashes
Something that all of us should have in our possession is an eyelash curler. It has a way of opening up your eyes and extending the length of your lashes simultaneously. With curly lashes and a coat or two of mascara on them, you can flirt all day long without saying a single word.
4. Apply a Shimmery Lip Gloss
Anyone who knows me knows that if I've got an addiction to anything, it's lip gloss. I really can't tell you how many tubes that I have; it really is low-key a problem. I think what I like so much about gloss is I can put some on real quick, with or without lipstick, and my lips will instantly have a sexy pout to them.
If you really want your lips to stand out, go with a gloss that has some shimmer in it. Some brands that I think work pretty well include C.O. Bigelow Mentha Shimmer Bare Mint, sweetnectarbeauty's Vegan Lip Gloss and Maybelline New York Lip Studio Electric Shine Prismatic Lip Gloss Makeup, Lunar Gem. To tell you the truth, you can easily make some of your own too. All you need is some coconut oil, make-up grade glitter and a couple of other items and you're all set. Get the walk-through on how to do it here.
5. Also Apply Some Bronzer to Your Skin
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Remember how I said that actor Ryan Destiny is super sexy to me? One of the things that I find to be so alluring about her is her deep chocolate skin that seems to have no pores or flaws. Yeah, smooth skin is definitely all-the-way-up sexy.
I wasn't blessed with that kind of skin, but I will say that exfoliation, sulfur soap (it's great if you've got acne) and using sweet almond oil as a moisturizer has done wonders! Also, when I want my skin to have a radiant glow, bronzer makes that happen.
Girl, if you've never gone out with some bronzer on your skin, words can't express how much you're missing out! Forget what others will think; you'll have a hard time walking past a mirror and not staring at your own self! So yeah, make an investment into your complexion and cop some.
(By the way, this is something else that you can make at home. For step-by-step instructions on how to make shimmering body lava, click here.)
6. Rub an Essential Oil onto Your Hair
OK, so you do have a favorite scent, right? How often do you put it on? Me? I'm an essential oils gal myself. Usually I blend two or three of them together to come up with a signature smell. Anyway, while putting a fragrance on your wrists and neck is all good, don't sleep on rubbing some of it onto your hair. For one thing, it will linger there longer than most other places. Plus, it has a way of leaving a trail wherever you go.
Oh—if you're kind of new to the whole essential oil thing, some scents that are really sexy include rose, jasmine, sandalwood, patchouli and cinnamon.
7. Then Pin Your Hair Up (or Put on a Necklace)
One of the most powerful erogenous zones for us is our neck. You know what else? A lot about our age can be revealed on that particular part of the body too (which is why we need to keep it well moisturized at all times). What's more is, when I asked a few fellas that I know about what part of a woman's body really drew them in, they also mentioned the neck; they went so far as to say that's why they love a woman whose hair is up in a ponytail or messy bun, or a woman who has a mean short 'do. For all of these reasons, that's why this particular point made the list.
If you're not feeling your best and you've got long hair, pull it up, add a pair of hoops, then see how you feel. If your hair is on the shorter side, layered charm or medallion necklaces are currently all the rage. Adding a bit of shine on your neck is another way to feel sexy and subtly draw attention to one of the sexiest parts of your body.
8. Put on a Pair of Heels
A pair of heels can do a lot of things—correct your posture, make your butt look amazing and, as Fabolous once said (in his song, "You Be Killin' 'Em"), make a woman "slow strut like she walking to the altar." Whether you're in a little black dress or you've got on a T-shirt and jeans, your entire energy is gonna shift over to being seductive and sexy if you've got the right pair of heels on.
9. Rock Some Glasses (Whether You Need Them or Not)
A couple of years back, for about six months or so, I had to wear some prescription glasses so that they could correct a mild astigmatism that I had (one that existed, apparently since birth, that made itself known after I turned 40). But with all of the frames I've got in my bedroom, you'd think I was blind as a bat! I've always liked how a good frame looks on my face. On both men and women, I think glasses are uber sexy.
It appears that I'm not the only one; glasses seem to have a psychological effect on all of us. They frame our face, show off our personality, give off a vibe of confidence, intellect and a bit of quiet reserve, and they definitely offer up a hint of mystery.
That's why you should treat yourself to a pair of glasses (prescription or not optional); not because your vision necessarily needs them, but because wearing frames is another easy way to look and feel sexy in a matter of moments.
10. Wear an Oversized Men’s Button-Down Shirt
A couple of years ago, a popular fashion trend was women wearing a man's button-down dress shirt. To me, it's not a "trend" so much as a classic go-to. It's empowering and feminine. It looks great on all body types. And, it's the kind of thing that you can wear with a tailored business suit or just to lounge around the house in. And, if you've got a significant other, he's probably gonna find that to be as seductive as any lingerie number you own. It's a win/win all the way around. Stay sexy, sis!
Featured image by Getty Images
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RELATED
So, today? Today, we’re going to tackle how sex impacts us when it comes to our energy fields. What (mostly) inspired this is once reading a science-based article about how it is a fact and not a myth that just like plants can absorb energy from other plants, humans can do the same thing by being in the space of other human beings. And when you stop to really think about it, doesn’t that make all of the sense in the world?
Otherwise, there wouldn’t be terms out here like “peer pressure” and big grown folks wouldn’t be out here trying to look and act just like some of their favorite celebrities or IG influencers (and yet, on that point, I digress).
So, since energy impacts us in some pretty significant ways, let’s take a few moments to see how it goes down when it comes to copulation — just so that you’re (even more) aware of what you’re getting yourself into when you “do the do,” as far as your personal energy space is concerned.
Energy. Revisited.
GiphyOkay, so before we get all up in how energy is exchanged during sexual activity, what is energy as it relates to human beings, in general? Well, in some ways, it all depends on who you ask. For instance, the famed Greek philosopher Aristotle once said that energy is about having the capacity to do something. Some medical experts say that energy is all about how something impacts you on a mental or physical level.
For instance, negative energy tends to be very heavy and draining while positive energy can increase feel-good chemicals throughout your system which makes it easier for you to do things like be creative and problem-solve. Something else that I think is important to keep in mind as far as human energy goes is it’s impacted by a myriad of things including a person’s stress levels, how healthy a person is, what their life choices are (as far as how their decisions influence them) and even what their sleep patterns are like.
And if all of this is true, then something else that Aristotle once said about energy would be beyond accurate: “The energy of the mind is the essence of life.”
Energy is life. Whew, so if this is indeed the case, does this mean that when you choose to have sex with someone, you are sharing your life force — whatever state that may be — with someone as they are doing the same to/for/with you? YES.
What Does It Mean to Exchange Sexual Energy?
GiphySince I grew up in an entertainment industry household, I think that’s probably why I’ve ended up with some close friends who are in the industry as well. That said, I will never forget when I was talking to one of them one day about a particular artist. When I expressed how much sex appeal that she had, my (male) friend simply said, “Yeah, I’ve been in her presence a few times before. She has some really dark energy. I didn’t even hug her.”
Now from a scientific standpoint, dark energy is simply what causes the universe to accelerate in growth over a certain period of time; however, when a person is described to have dark energy, that usually means that they have an evil and/or negative and/or heavy and/or draining aura about them. And y’all, here’s what’s semi-wild about what he said: did you know that science backs that hugs do indeed transfer energy?
Yep, research reveals that a hug from someone can literally alter your brain and body chemistry — so you definitely need to be discerning about who you let up into your affection space. Straight up. And so, since a hug has the capacity to do that, how much more can SEX?
To further emphasize this, let’s begin with an article that I read on Healthline’s website entitled, “Do We Really Exchange Energy During Sex?” After checking it out, one of the main things that I appreciated was when a doctor who was interviewed for the piece said:
“Every sex act is an exchange of energy [because] every sexual act raises or lowers your energy level…Therefore, a sexual relationship isn’t a purely psychological or physiological, mechanical act…Rather, it’s an energetic action. When we have an intimate relationship with someone, the two energies merge.”
Okay, so according to science, when two people have sex, energies merge. Well, according to Scripture, when two people have sex, oneness transpires (Genesis 2:24-25). Let’s keep going.
There was once a Physician-scientist by the name of Wilhelm Reich (who actually died in prison, in part, because of his radical beliefs on sex and orgasms during his time), who once said that having a healthy sex life (which, to him, including orgasms and is what he referred to as “orgastic potency”) is what played a huge role in one’s emotional health and well-being. That’s because, to him, without the release of sexual energy, neurological disorders would be come to be.
My takeaway from this is when you think about the fact that things like serotonin, dopamine, and the “the bonding chemical” oxytocin are all released during sex (and most certainly during orgasms), and also since sex (and orgasms) reduce stress — you need to tend to your sexual energy for the sake of your holistic health. Let’s continue on.
After reading an article on sexual energy on Cosmo’s website in which one of the sex therapists said that “our sexuality is our power" and then reading an article on the same topic on Well + Good’s platform where another expert stated that, “Many belief systems believe sexual energy is an expression of the soul's connection to the cosmos and the rest of the universe”, I thought about the word “power” and then “soul connection.”
At the end of the day, power isn’t just ability but the capability to influence and even take authority over something or someone. And a soul connection? Several years ago, when I penned a piece for the platform entitled, “I’ve Got Some Ways For You To Start Pampering Your Soul,” one of the things that I made sure to emphasize is your soul IS also your life. This means that soul connections are life connections.
And so, it would appear that sharing sexual energy also means that you are making a life connection with someone. And that type of connection has the power to influence you in ways that you couldn’t even begin to imagine. That is how deep exchanging sexual energy is.
What You Should Always Keep in Mind Before Sharing Sexual Energy with Someone Else
GiphyNow are there degrees to this whole sexual energy thing? Of course. The type of connection that a husband and wife of 20 years can make via sex is very different than a one-night stand. However, it would appear that science believes that it doesn’t really matter what you tell yourself about sex with someone (or even how many condoms you may use during sex) — potent energy is exchanged regardless.
That’s a huge part of the reason why I will forever roll my eyes about how ridiculous “casual sex” sounds to me, because, although I do believe that it is very possible to engage in coitus that has no real purpose (casual is purposeless, by definition), what isn’t possible is for there not to be a significant connection made from a scientific standpoint. Because again, if a mere hug can alter you (shoot, a handshake too), do you really think that allowing a man’s penis into the sacred space known as your vagina will not? After reading all of this…do you really?
When it comes to energy, author T. Harv Eker once said, “Energy is contagious: either you affect people or you infect people.” With all that was just shared about sexual energy, each and every person you choose to “engage” with, they are either going to affect you or infect you — just with their energy alone.
Knowing this, if there was ever a time to choose wisely, this would be it.
Your energy is your power. Who you exchange power with? CHOOSE WISELY.
EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON.
And because energy can shift…be cognizant of what you’re doing…EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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Featured image by Giphy