Why You Should Care What Some People Think
There are some blanket statements I hear people make that automatically earn the response, "Yeah. OK. If you say so." One that immediately comes to mind is, "I don't care what people think."
I'm not so sure gossip blogs, YouTube videos, or terms like "clapping back" would thrive in the way that they do if that were the case. As a matter of fact, I think that a part of the reason why a lot of us are more stressed out than we should be is that we care too much about what the wrong people think. Strangers. Trolls. Negativity addicts. Folks who are critical just for criticism's sake. And also people from our past who haven't spoken to us enough in the past five years to provide much valid insight one way or another.
Being that I used to be one of the people who cared (more than I should) what those categories of folks thought about me, I will provide a little food for thought. Several months ago, someone heard that I was pregnant and approached me about it. I've been abstinent for 12 years now, so the rumor was so ridiculous that it was funny more than it was offensive. I didn't inquire who said it. I didn't chase it down. It was…whatever.
But when I was throwin' it back and that kind of gossip came my way, I was pissed. What it taught me is sometimes I care because there is something within the rumors that has relevance. Because of that, it was a trigger.
These days, I get triggered less and less, though. Some people tell me it's because I don't care what anyone thinks, but that's not true. I truly care what some people think; it's just that my list is very short. People who, through their character and commitment have proven that they truly care about me as a whole, I care what they think. Because their actions show that they really do care about me.
And caring what they think has been a lifesaver in more ways than one. Here's why I say that:
We Automatically Have a Biased Perspective
There's a guy I know who used to live by the motto, "I counsel myself." What in the world? Counseling oneself is like trying to strangle yourself to death. Both are virtually impossible because we are naturally wired to do what makes us most comfortable—in the moment.
Case in point. There's a woman I know who, throughout her entire dating relationship with her boyfriend, he was cheating—A LOT. I know for a fact that at least 10 people told her that, but she didn't listen. It was almost like she was making it a mission to marry him. She did. And guess what? He's still cheating.
I know what it's like to be so emotionally caught up (or sexually sprung) that I only choose to see what I want to see. That's why it's good to get the vision (i.e., discernment) of other people into the mix. They are able to look at the cold hard facts and the reality of what's going on so that you can gain a more balanced perspective.
You're looking from the inside out and someone who loves you looking from the outside in will give you a better view of what you're dealing with so that you can make non-rose-colored-glasses decisions that are truly best for your life.
Even the Bible says getting outside counsel is a smart thing to do (Proverbs 11:14). Because it is.
People Who Truly Care About You Have No Ulterior Motives
One time, while talking to a wife about some drama I was going through with a guy, she said something that was true; still, I didn't really wanna hear all that. While I was telling her, for the umpteenth time, about more stress that he was putting me through, she turned around from washing dishes and simply said, "Shellie, he's not your husband. He's a boyfriend. Stop making this complicated and break up."
When I told her that I didn't like how flippant she was being she said, "I have a husband. And four kids. And bills. My life is going to go on whether you stay with that guy or not. I'm telling you what I wish someone had told me when I was in toxic situations." Then she paused and said, "But you do know I'm making time to listen to all of this…right?"
If you RBTL (Read Between The Lines), it's obvious that she was saying, "I care about you and that's the only reason why I care to have this conversation." My takeaway from that is we should care about what some people think because they are being caring, thoughtful, and loving enough to make our lives a priority in the midst of their own. It's not a right that they care. It's a privilege.
Pride Comes Before the Fall
Some people claim to not care what people think because they interpret it as judgment. Maybe sometimes, but I think that perspective is usually a defense mechanism. My friends know that whenever someone is on the "Don't judge me tip", I'm quick to say, "So, you know if someone compliments you, that's also a judgment call…right?" If most of us were honest with ourselves, we don't have a problem with being "judged", just so long as it comes in the form of praise and not criticism.
But sometimes, the exact thing that we need is to be called out on our stuff. It helps us to see where we're messing up so that we can recalibrate and avoid some unnecessary missteps and mistakes. If all we received was flattery, we'd think we were perfect and that's a surefire way to let your ego set you up for some colossal downfalls.
The past eight years or so of my life have been less dramatic than any other time. I'm sure time and maturity play a part but so does truly valuing the opinions, perspectives, and insights of certain people in my life.
It has literally saved my life to care what some people think. Care enough about yourself to care what some people in your life think too.
Feature image by Getty Images.
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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ItGirl In Motion: Paige Shari Addison Shows Us Why She's The Hostess With The Mostess
Paige Shari Addison is the epitome of an ItGirl, which is why she is one of 100 ladies on xoNecole's inaugural ItGirl 100 list in partnership with Hyundai. Hailing from Atlanta, Georgia, Paige started her journey as a host in high school by hosting parties. Since then, she has made a career in hosting, from parties to big-name events, and she launched Strictly RNB, a platform for new artists and R&B lovers. Paige reflects on her creative path in the limited video series "ItGirl in Motion."
“My first curated event at Criminal Records was incredible. It was all for up-and-coming artists,” she says. “I needed a platform for us as a collective to be able to give ourselves the platform instead of asking for it, instead of looking for it. I was like, I want to make sure I let people get this experience that I would give as a performer but enjoy the experience with them. It was a dream come true.”
The Atlanta native also has her own line of acai bowls called Soulfull Bowls. She started it during the pandemic after events and parties shut down. But it was her love for eating acai bowls and the reactions others had to them that made her want to make it her next business move. Being open to creating new ventures in the midst of uncertainty is a bold move and one of the reasons why Paige has the “it” factor.
“Being an ItGirl means you’re just authentic. There’s an air to us. We have confidence that exudes from the way we speak, the way we put our lip gloss on, the way we walk, the way we talk. I show up as myself everytime I walk into a room. I’m hospitable, I make sure everybody’s good,” she says.
Get to know more about the hostess with the mostess in the video above.
See our ItGirl 100 list in full here. Click through the gallery below for some BTS moments of Paige and our partnership with Hyundai.
Director: Mikkoh @mikkoh
Production company: @polly___studio
Producer/AD: Samuel Cho @choboi90
Producer/Tech: Paul Nguyen @paul__winn
DP: Cristian Bernal @cristianbernal
Editor: @30inthemorning
2nd Cam: Paul Nguyen
1st AC: AJ Paug @ajpaug Gaffer: Dennis Albert @dennisalbert_
Audio Mixer: Victor Chavez @vic_the__
PA: Rick Carreno @ispeakrick
PA: Tiffany Do @tivani.doee
BTS Photo: Prime @theartofprime
Car Detail: @sud_studs @slugglobal
Creative Director @hellobosco
Team Lead @kevgumbo3000
Project Manager @zakk_jullot
Creative Producer @iamkingsheyla
Designers @miacolemxn @noelspiva
@xoNecole
Director, Integrated Marketing @_vang
Campaign Manager @kingchachiii
Talent Lead @kaylawalker
Feature image by Prime/ @theartof prime