Content Creator Vic Styles Shares Her Path To Becoming A Freelance Life-Liver

For Instagram lifestyle and wellness influencer, Vic Styles, this isn't the life that she planned for herself. In fact, it just might be better than she could have ever imagined, "My dreams created the path for where I am today, but I don't think that I could have even fathomed what my life would be like." When you wander into the corner of the internet that Vic has crafted, there's a certain peace that absorbs you, a sense of tranquility that, as many Black women can attest to, is earned through tough lessons and radical self-choosing.
For Vic Styles, the very act of declaring her pursuits through the amalgamation of her passions points towards a life of liberation. Free from outside pressures, only leaving the evidence of her calling.
Coming of age in an analog era where there were no monikers like, "influencer" or even "content creator," conceiving a life centered around this thing called "the internet" would challenge even the most imaginative of dreamers. Still, one thing that has always stood the test of time for Vic was her ever-evolving and innate personal style, "I've always loved fashion. I kept this notebook where my mom would take Polaroid pictures of what I would wear so that I wouldn't repeat the same outfit within a two to three week period." Call it a mini lookbook of #OOTDs before there ever was a name for it, if you will.
Although Vic's early days as an inventive teen and young adult pointed her in the direction of pursuing a life in fashion, her ar family upbringing encouraged structure and tradition as fundamental aspects for her post-grad endeavors. "My whole life I had expressed this interest in fashion, I was always creative, but my family never really took the time to hone that." Still, her smartness of style never fell from her gaze.

Courtesy of Vic Styles
During Vic's senior year of college, she made a drastic and intuitive pivot. "I had a 3.6 GPA, I was in all honors classes, but I just wasn't feeling it, so I dropped out. I had four more classes to graduate, but I walked out." Despite her parent's disappointment and dismay, she knew that her inner compass was guiding her to something greater. "I felt something in my spirit that was like, 'This is not where I'm meant to be. My parents completely cut me off, basically they were like, 'If you're gonna be grown, you're gonna be grown for real.' So I learned what struggle was. I was broke, I had to live on people's couches. I had to make big sacrifices, but it was all worth it."
Vic's journey displays high risk, with a significant return.
Now, the self-declared Freelance Life-Liver continues to carve out new worlds on the internet with her blooming love life, sustainability journey, and co-hosted podcast, Kontent Queens! Proving that your best life will always be the one you decide to choose for yourself.
xoNecole: When you were facing difficult times in LA, what kept you going in those moments?
Vic Styles: I think there was a lot of divine intervention on my behalf. When I first moved there, I had found these girls on Craigslist to live with; I had no friends, no money, and no family. I showed up at this apartment with these girls who I only knew from the internet, I mean, this could have been a scam, and thank God it wasn't. I got an internship there with a really famous celebrity stylist and became her assistant. Then I met my next boss and became her assistant. Then I stepped out on my own based on the connections that I had made as an assistant. But the timing of everything had to be divine because it wasn't within my power to have these things line up the way they did. Every time I felt like giving up, something good would happen, so I knew I couldn't give up because that was my sign.

Courtesy of Vic Styles
xoN: Now, you’re a self-proclaimed “Freelance Life-Liver.” Where did the inspiration behind this title come from and how were you able to take agency of this self-declaration? It sounds like freedom!
VS: Yes, it is freedom! The title came when people would ask me, "What do you do?" while I was still in the midst of styling and being an influencer. I was honestly like, "I'm freelance and I get paid to live my life." And that's still how I look at it. I know the term influencer isn't what a lot of people want to be associated with because of its negative connotation: "Oh, you're superficial, you're inauthentic." Part of it was disassociating myself from that. I want people to feel that when you come to the space that I've carved out for myself on the internet, you see these pieces of my life.
Yes, sometimes brands pay me to talk about their products, but the things I talk about naturally integrate into my life already. When you see me on the internet, I hope that you see a woman living in joy and being herself.
xoN: As a content creator, you have a focus in wellness. What was the turning point in your life that led you on your wellness and sustainability journey?
VS: When I think about wellness, I think about it from a holistic aspect. You can't be well if your mind, body, and spirit aren't well; everything has to be well. I was really depressed five years ago; I didn't want to eat, I considered suicide, I was in a place when I didn't love myself, I didn't even know myself. So I picked up a book by Alex Elle called Words from a Wanderer and everything she was talking about in this book from seeing yourself to forgiving yourself blew my mind. It started me on the journey of saying nice things to myself, but I couldn't just say it, now I had to do nice things and feed myself nice things. This carried into skincare and what I put on my hair and I started to treat myself how I wanted other people to be treated.
As far as sustainability, I was broke. I had to shop at thrift stores, I had to reuse things! Being sustainable started from a lack of money and resources and me having to be resourceful on my own
xoN: You speak a lot about originality on your podcast and how important it is for content creators to not try to be “the next so and so.” How were you able to stand out to brands and find your own authentic identity?
VS: I don't think it comes from finding it, I think it comes from tuning in and tuning everything and everyone else out. I don't spend a lot of time on the internet on other people's pages, and I know that sounds strange, but that's when I feel myself swaying in another direction. I spend a lot of time in self-reflection: I read, I write, I go on trips, I spend a lot of time by myself getting to know the things that I naturally like. If no one else was out there, if no one else could impact my likes or dislikes, what would I naturally gravitate towards?
And those are the questions I ask myself before when I put things on the internet, am I doing this because Victoria, at home, when no one is watching would really do this, or am I doing this because the world is watching?
"I spend a lot of time in self-reflection… getting to know the things that I naturally like. If no one else was out there, if no one else could impact my likes or dislikes, what would I naturally gravitate towards?"

Courtesy of Vic Styles
xoN: Your new podcast, Kontent Queens, is a space where content creators can glean insight into all things social media! What led you (and co-host, Kia Marie) to collaborate on this new endeavor in the audio space?
VS: It was actually Kia's idea. She approached me in summer 2019 and I was down for the cause. She's someone that I really respect and look up to in this space and we just felt like this needed to be done. There are so many creative spaces, classes, workshops for women that don't look like us. And we needed to fill that space. I think I can speak for Kia saying that we didn't have help. There was no roadmap for us and it's still fairly new. So if we can help other Black women in some shape or form, that's our due diligence.
xoN: On Kontent Queens, you and Kia don’t hold back on the gems. How did you all decide to take an abundance approach in the information you share on the podcast; especially in an industry that can be so individualistic?
VS: Purpose. I think Kia and I have a purpose to inspire and motivate, specifically our people. When you operate out of abundance and give back to people, it comes back to you tenfold. There's room for all of us. This is a community effort, community means everything to us and it can't be a community if there's just two of us at the top. We need all y'all too! It's a party, pull up!
"This is a community effort, community means everything to us and it can't be a community if there's just two of us at the top. We need all yall too, it's a party, pull up!"
xoN: When you envision the community you are shaping with the podcast, what does a safe and inclusive space for Black women look like to you?
VS: We would have more creative authority, we would be valued. We would be seen and heard more. We could be paid more, there would be no tokenism. It looks like equality across the board.
xoN: Even though the pandemic has been a challenging time to navigate, you actually found love just days before the nation shut down in a “shoot your shot” kind of way. Could you tell us more about that?
VS: Yes! I was out to eat with my homegirl and went to the bathroom and I walked past this guy who gave me the stare of life. I'm sitting behind him and he's turning around the whole brunch looking at me. So before I left, I wrote my number down on a napkin and said, "Text me if you want later." And he did! We've seen each other every day since March 11.
xoN: They say relationships are like holding a mirror up to yourself. What have you personally learned about yourself through this relationship?
VS: That I am worthy of love. Fair love. Good love. Unconditional love. I think before this relationship, it always felt like I was in these battles with men. It always felt like I was trying to get them to see me and appreciate me and it was never working out. I was always that girl that felt like once I get a man to see how great I am, then he'll reciprocate and it never happened. Because at the time, I don't even think I even realized my worth.
So I've had someone come in who shows and tells me just how worthy I am, even more than I imagined I was. He's my partner; anything I need he does, but he tells me no and tells me when I'm wrong. It's also special to be around someone and them not get on your nerves. I grew up [as] an only child, so I need a lot of space. I have to be alone a lot, so the fact that we can vibe and be together all day speaks volumes for me.
xoN: What was the healing process like for you to get to a place where you could receive the love that was for you?
VS: I've been in therapy for over a year now, and girl, it has changed my life! More importantly than that, I'm 34 and I just got saved. I have never in my life identified as Christian until now and I think that has also helped change the relationship I have with myself and my partner.
"There's no way for me to mess up whatever is meant for me. Maybe I needed that lesson, maybe that bad thing needed to happen so it could mold and shape me into the woman I am today. I have to let go and let God."

Courtesy of Vic Styles
xoN: One of your life mantras is “You can’t mess up your destiny.” What were the experiences in your life that led you to this lesson?
VS: I felt like I made a lot of mistakes when I was younger, or at least that's what I was told. They'd say, "You're so smart, why'd you drop out of college? You shouldn't have done this or that." And as life kept happening and blessings kept falling into my lap, I kept saying to myself that even if I make a bad decision, I'll learn from it and grow from it. There's no way for me to mess up whatever is meant for me. Maybe I needed that lesson, maybe that bad thing needed to happen so it could mold and shape me into the woman I am today. If something is a no, it's for a reason, and that may not be revealed to me until much, much later, but I have to let go and let God.
For more on Vic Styles, follow her on Instagram here, and be sure to check out on the Kontent Queens Podcast.
Featured image courtesy of Vic Styles
Originally published on February 15, 2021
Your December 2025 Monthly Horoscopes Are All About Surrender & Alignment
December is about letting go. We end the year with the need for more peace, reflection, and rejuvenation, and that is exactly what December is providing for us. The Sun is in Sagittarius, and anything is possible. This is the month to believe in that and to know that the universe is supporting you. With a Supermoon in Gemini as we begin the month as well, we have an opportunity to gain the closure we have been looking for this year and to wrap up old projects, ideas, and communication breakthroughs.
This is the month to make your peace the priority and let go of trying to control the way the tides are turning. Trust in your new beginning, and give yourself time to prepare for it this month.
A big part of the clarity that is coming through this month is due to Neptune going direct in Pisces on December 10, after being retrograde here since July. With Neptune now direct, we are able to see our inspiration and creativity a little more clearly, providing the perfect energy for dreams and manifestation to be built upon. The smoke is clearing, and it’s up to you to decide what you want to do with this newfound clarity that this transit is bringing. Mercury also moves back into Sagittarius on December 11, which is great for communication and clarity, and the adventures you were trying to see through at the beginning of November come around for you again with greater purpose and support.
On December 15, Mars enters Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and this is the extra push we need to make important changes and to be on the path towards greater abundance, stability, and prosperity. Mars in Capricorn takes care of business, and we have extra energy at our disposal during this time to do so. This transit is an ideal time to focus on your career or financial goals for next year and to start putting some of these plans into motion now. A few days later, we have the New Moon of the month, which will be in Sagittarius on December 19, and this is the perfect New Moon to manifest.
The energy is high, magic is in the air, and it’s all about moving forward with the new beginnings that are inspiring you and bringing you joy to think about right now.
Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21, and this earth sign energy is how we heal, gain closure, and build new foundations in our world. With Venus also moving into a Capricorn a few days later, there is something about peace, prosperity, and security that we are gaining in life and in love as we close out the year, and this is what we need right now. This month is about reflecting on what was, letting go of old hurt, and renewing. December is an ending and a new beginning in one, and there is magic in this space to be created.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what December 2025 has in store for you.
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
December is a full-circle moment for you, Aries. You are seeing the gifts in your world and have a lot of gratitude for the way things have come about for you as of late. There are culminations in your world that are providing you with more abundance, stability, and community, and you are exactly where you are meant to be this month. With the Sun in a fellow fire sign and in your 9th house of travel for most of the month, December is a good time to get out of your comfort zone, explore the world around you, and get your body moving.
Mars, your ruling planet, also makes a change and moves into Capricorn on December 15, which will fuel your inspiration and power in your career space. You are making a lot of professional progress as we close out the year; however, make sure to be more mindful of your competitive drive right now. The New Moon on December 19 is the perfect opportunity for you to create some new plans and goals when it comes to traveling, education, and where you want to gain some new inspiration in your world. Overall, this is a month of things coming together for you serendipitously.
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
December is about trusting your intuition, Taurus. You have a lot on your mind this month, and it’s best to delegate, communicate, and allow yourself some relief by opening up to someone and not feeling like you have to hold everything in. As we begin the month, we have a Supermoon in Gemini happening in your house of income, and the plans and projects you have been building here come to fruition for you now. This is the time to gain clarity on your financial world and to take a look at what spending habits you want to let go of here as well.
With Venus in your 8th house of shared resources for most of the month, you are doing a cleanse on your commitments, partnerships, and business ventures. You are taking a look at what you want to dedicate yourself to in the future, and what commitments you may need to let go of now in order to be in the space you truly want to be, both financially and within some of your relationship dynamics. Before we end the month, we have a New Moon in this same area of your chart, and it’s time to look at the opportunities that are presenting themselves and to trust your internal guidance system to lead you forward.
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
You are moving forward fearlessly this month, Gemini. December is your month of love, passion, and dignity, and you are owning the light that you shine. We begin the month with the last Supermoon of the year, happening in your sign, and you are stepping up to the plate. You are showing up, owning how much you have grown this year, and allowing yourself to heal while also acknowledging that you have done your best and you deserve to have fun in the midst of the changes you are creating.
Mercury, your ruling planet, is officially out of retrograde, and you can use this energy to the fullest potential now. With Mercury in your 7th house of love, it’s time to speak from the heart and to talk about the things that matter and that are inspiring you right now to your loved ones. You never know what kind of epiphanies you may have when you open up the conversation to others. Before the month ends, you have a New Moon in this same love area of your chart, and this New Moon is all about manifesting romance, commitment, and abundance in your world.
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
December is an opening for more love, more joy, and more freedom in your life, Cancer. You have come to a place where you hold so much gratitude in your heart for where you are today and where your heart is shining, and things come together for you with more ease right now. With the Sun in your 6th house of health, work, and daily routines for most of the month, you are getting your ducks in a row while also putting more energy and effort into taking care of yourself, your priorities, and your well-being. This month surprises you in many ways, and it’s because you are showing up.
Mars and Venus both move into your house of love, relationships, marriage, and abundance this month, and you are making strides in your love life. You have both of these opposing forces on your side and are being recognized for the love you are while also receiving the love you want. This month, overall, is about focusing more on the positives in your world and letting your heart have its joy. Before December comes to an end, there is a New Moon in Sagittarius, and this is the perfect opportunity to create the plans you want to see through next year, especially when it comes to your work life, colleagues, business ventures, and health.
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
The scales of karma are balancing, and they are balancing in your favor this month, Leo. December is your month of truth, and of seeing it clearly in your world. The Sun is in your house of romance, pleasure, and happiness for most of the month, and it’s time to relax, be in the present moment, and allow what is meant to be, to be. With a Supermoon in your 11th house of manifestation as December begins, this is a powerful month for seeing your dreams come to fruition, and for feeling like the intentions you have set this year are finally here for you now.
Mars also moves into your 6th house mid-month, and this is the perfect energy to have to move into the new year. You have extra energy at your disposal right now and are feeling fearless with what is possible for you and your daily routine. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in a fellow fire sign, Sagittarius, and this is a breakthrough moment for you and your heart. December, overall, wants to show you how loved and supported you are and will be doing so in magical, unexpected, and concrete ways.
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
December is a month of victory, Virgo. You are showing up and experiencing some new successes in your world that move you forward on your path in life. With a Supermoon in your 10th house of career as we begin the month, the effort and intentions you have made this year come into full bloom, and you are being recognized for who you are and the good work you have done. This month is all about showing up and allowing yourself to be seen and loved, knowing that you deserve the support and opportunities you are receiving.
Mars moves into Capricorn on December 15, which brings the passion and excitement into your love life, hobbies, and little pleasures in life that light you up. You want to have fun this month and are going to be walking into the new year with this fearless, happy, and spontaneous energy within you. Before the month ends, Venus also enters Capricorn, and in this same area of your chart, you have a lot to look forward to and believe in right now. Overall, December wants you to be happy and will be doing everything possible to make that happen for you. This is your month to shine, Virgo.
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
December is a month of opportunity for you, Libra. New doors open, and you are financially making breakthroughs this month because of it. December begins with a Supermoon in your 9th house, and you are getting a clearer view of where you have been making strides in your life and how it has all brought you here to this present moment of freedom. This month is showing you what happens when you are fearless with your purpose and when you believe in yourself and what you are worthy of.
Moving further into December, Mars moves into your 4th house of home and family mid-month, and you are closing out the year in your safe spaces. You are spending more time with your loved ones and taking the time to quiet your mind and listen to what your heart has been telling you. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, happening in an area of your life that deals with communication. This is a great time for getting the answers you have been looking for and for feeling more clear-headed and confident about the decisions you are making as you move into the new year.
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
Patience is a virtue this month, Scorpio. December is all about remaining patient and vigilant with what you are creating in your world, and knowing that the universe has your back. It’s time to be reminded of the power of hope, and this month is an opening to greater clarity in your life. There is a lot of energy in your financial zones right now, and this is providing you with new opportunities and new insight; however, the speed at which things come about for you may feel daunting. Keep your head up and eyes focused on what you want and know that you are more than worthy of receiving it.
With Mercury in your 2nd house of income this month, December is a good time to plant new seeds and to think about where you want to be financially a month from now or even a year. This month is asking you to think bigger and to think more long-term so that you can set the appropriate plans into motion now. We also have a New Moon in your house of income before the month ends, and this is when you will see more of your dreams come to fruition in this area of your life, and have more opportunities to build. Overall, December will be teaching you a lot, Scorpio.
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
Sagittarius Season is here, and there is a lot in store for you this month, Sag. December is all about what you are dedicating yourself to. It’s about setting your intentions and putting the work in to back up your dreams, and about getting things in order so that when the new beginnings come, you are ready for them. The Sun and Venus are in your sign for most of this month, and there are a lot of eyes on you right now. You have the potential to create a new beginning for yourself, and it’s time to invest in yourself, your love life, and your dreams.
Mercury moves into Sagittarius on December 11, and this is giving you another opportunity to see through some of the plans that you had initiated in November. Mercury was retrograde in your sign last month, and there may have been some disruptions to your vision and plans for the future, and now this energy is turning around for you. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in Sagittarius, and you are walking through new doors fearlessly. You are catching others by surprise by your growth this month, and you are thinking a lot about your purpose, future, and plans for the new year.
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
December is all about the vision, Capricorn. You are moving through a lot of changes and transformations this month, yet they are giving you a chance at a new beginning in the process. You are focused more on the future and what goals you want to manifest for yourself right now, and are ready to let go of what hasn’t been working for you. With the Sun in your 12th house of closure for most of December, this is your time for healing, but remember, healing doesn’t have to be isolating or boring; you can thrive while you renew, and you are this month.
Mid-month, the excitement picks up for you, and you are feeling more energized than you have in a while. Mars moves into Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and you are being proactive with your goals, intentions, and passions. You are a force to be reckoned with this month, and you are making things happen for yourself with confidence. Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21 this year, and this is definitely speeding up your healing process. You are breaking free from what was, and with Venus also moving into Capricorn before the month ends, you are leaving this year in high spirits and with love opening a new door for you.
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
December is all about community, creativity, and manifestation, Aquarius. This is the month to work together with others to help bring your dreams to life. You are in a space of inspiration, empowerment, and beauty, and are creating more of this energy around you and in your world. Look out for what support comes your way this month and know that you don’t have to do everything alone to succeed. With the Sun in your 11th house of manifestation and friendship, your intentions are coming to fruition, and it’s time to celebrate with the people you love and to own how far you have come this year.
On December 19, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, lighting up your life in all of the best ways possible. This is your New Moon of freedom, victory, and magic, and you are seeing new beginnings appear that you were once just hoping for. Before the month comes to an end, Venus moves into your 12th house of closure, and after an active and successful month, you are ready to relax, heal, and give your heart some of the attention it has been asking for. You are moving into the new year with the need to release and renew what hasn’t been working in your relationships, and you are finally ready to.
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePISCES
December is a big month for you, Pisces. You are making some huge accomplishments this month, and are feeling like everything you have been through this year has been worth it for these moments that are coming to fruition for you now. The Sun is in your 10th house of career and reputation for most of the month, and this is where a lot of your focus is right now. You are claiming your successes and putting yourself out there in ways that not only serve you, but that inspire others as well.
Neptune officially goes direct on December 10, after being retrograde in your sign since July, and you are finally seeing things a little more clearly. You are feeling renewed inspiration and passion in your life, and your intuition is your strongest asset right now. Before December comes to an end, we also have a New Moon in your 10th house of career, and what happens now not only changes things for you in the present, but it also opens new doors and what is possible for you in the new year as well. Overall, you are on top of your game this month and are owning the joy and empowerment you feel.
Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
You're Over Him. Should You Wait Until After The Holidays To Say It?
When a client told me that she was seriously considering ending her relationship of 10 months before Christmas, I wasn’t surprised. That’s not a sneak diss on what she has going on with her man or anything; it’s just that I know that the holiday season (the month of December, more specifically) is a very popular time for folks to call things off. Between the pressure of bringing people around family and the urge to start off the new year with a clean slate — yeah, it makes sense.
At the same time, though, I do think that there is something to be said for ending things well — and when it comes to a break-up? During this time of the year? Before you make that official move, I just want to make sure that you’ve thought a few things through.
Things like what exactly? So glad that you asked.
How Serious Is the Relationship?
GiphyOkay, so if you’ve never heard of the “10-date rule” before, it’s basically the belief that after 10 consecutive dates with someone, it’s time to come to the conclusion that you are officially in a relationship with them. Personally, I have lived, observed and counseled enough people to say that when it comes to knowing where you stand with another person, you shouldn’t assume one damn thing — you should 1000 percent communicate your thoughts and listen to theirs in return.
That said, it is a bit different (wouldn’t you say?) if you’ve been out on a couple of dates with someone vs. if you’ve been with them for almost a year. So yeah, the first thing to ponder is how serious the dynamic is. Because honestly, if things are new and fairly casual, I don’t see how ending things, whether it’s the holiday season or not, is going to matter much — one way or another.
Remember, the holidays tend to be a very emotional time; however, if there isn’t a huge emotional investment going on, I don’t think anyone in a casual situation is going to look back and think that you are a villain (or Grinch), just because you’d prefer not to go on a third date with them. Good lord.
Next point.
Do You Want to Slow Down or End Things Entirely?
GiphyAre you totally over him or is it more like there are some things about the situation that you want to step back and ponder before making any major decisions about the future? If the answer is “B,” I recommend talking it over ASAP; especially if the two of you have been seeing each other for a while at this point. I say this because, whether you all are at the “meet the family” (or have already met the family) stage or not, when people are in a relationship, they tend to factor one another into their holiday plans — and it’s hella inconsiderate to not take this into account when it comes to the guy who you are seeing.
That said, I will say this: It’s mighty interesting that you are choosing this time of the year for this type of relational self-reflection — so, while you’re on this break, think about what it symbolizes.
For instance, are you slowing things down right now because you’re not sure if you want to go into a new year with him or are you doing it because spending the holidays together tends to represent that a relationship is far deeper than you want yours to be right now? Because really, you could’ve gone with the summertime (for example) not the holiday season to make this type of move…so, if your “pump the brakes” time is now, chances are, there is some subconscious subtext going on that you really should get to the root of.
Actual Holidays Are a DEFINITE No-No
GiphyYou would think that this wouldn’t need to be said yet since I once experienced a guy who decided to be a complete a*shole on my birthday some years back — yeah, let’s address it. Isn’t it interesting that one study revealed that during the first week of December, searches for how to break-up with someone go up by a whopping 60 percent? Then, if you add to that the fact that the holidays can sometimes be pretty stressful — well, while most folks with a heart and a conscience wouldn’t dream of breaking up with someone on an actual holiday, sometimes the pressure of everything can create the perfect storm for it to happen anyway.
That said, a super-duper throwback song by Neil Sedaka entitled, “Breaking Up Is Hard to Do” — and it absolutely is. Know what makes it worse: It happening on a holiday, so that every time the day rolls around, it’s bittersweet because you remember that someone broke up with you then.
Listen, just because you may not love or even like someone (in that way) anymore, that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t treat them with some common decency and respect. Besides, don’t you also want your own Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day to be as unscathed and drama-less as possible?
Whatever you’re gonna do, you’re grown, chile. If you want my advice, though — put good energy into your future holiday seasons and avoid breaking up (or even having deep decisions) on actual holidays.
Definitely Keep the Golden Rule in Mind
GiphyProbably, until the end of time, there are going to be debates about whether karma is real (in the sense of it being scientifically proven). While quite a bit of data says that it isn’t and that it tends to be adapted and promoted by certain faiths more than anything — if you do believe that you reap what you sow (Galatians 6:7-8), at the end of the day, that is pretty much what karma is all about and, as I oftentimes say, karma (or sowing and reaping) don’t have expiration dates. In other words, what you have said and done can manifest in ways and at times that you never saw coming. A cautionary tale, indeed.
So yeah — even if you’ve been with ole’ boy for a while now, you’ve tried to make it work and you just don’t see a future for the two of you anymore, however you decide to end it, definitely keep the golden rule of doing unto others as you would want them to do unto you in mind.
Be as kind as you are honest. Be as empathetic (putting yourself in his shoes) as much as you possibly can. Avoid gaslighting him about how he feels about your decision. Be clear about how you’d like things to be moving forward (for instance, if you actually DON’T want to be friends afterwards, there’s no need to say it). And try not to do anything that will make him feel used — like waiting until after receiving a Christmas gift to end it (you’d be amazed by how many people do exactly that. SMDH).
The thing about break-ups is, live long enough, and you’re probably going to be on the giving and receiving end of one. So, even if you’re not really emotionally invested in your relationship anymore, be kind to your future self and be as respectful as possible throughout your…relational transition. Because even if you don’t feel like he deserves it, your feelings up the road, with someone else who may do the same thing to you…absolutely do.
Timing Is Everything
GiphyA bishop by the name of Fulton J. Sheen once said, “Patience is power. Patience is not an absence of action; rather it is ‘timing’ it waits on the right time to act, for the right principles and in the right way.” And while it might seem really challenging to figure out when the RIGHT time to break up with someone is — “right” is about using good judgment, right is about conforming to certain principles (like integrity and fairness), right is about doing things in order. Now with that in mind, is the RIGHT TIMING now or should it be later?
Only you can really answer that yet what I will say is if your mind, body and spirit aren’t on the same page — figure out why before making any moves. Oh, and if it’s simply about fear — girl, whether it’s November 30, December 9 or January 14…break-ups are always going to be uncomfortable. It’s about knowing what’s best for you and then ending things in a way that is as respectful, timing-wise, as possible (again, due to the whole karma thing).
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‘Tis the season and sometimes “out with the old” means leaving a relationship behind. Just make sure that you move with wisdom and discernment and not hypersensitivity and knee-jerking.
That way, you can look back on every holiday season with as little regret as possible.
Due to how you handled things. Including a (potential) break-up.
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