Everything You Need To Know About The Transformative Power Of Yoni Eggs
A couple of years ago, I discovered a new modality that took my healing journey to the next level. I'm not even sure how I found out about Yoni eggs prior to coming across a distributor's Etsy account but I always seem to be guided to exactly what I need at the right moment. Shortly before my discovery of these transformative crystal eggs, I started having flashbacks of sexual abuse I experienced as a child. I was still living in Long Beach during the resurfacing of this childhood trauma and during the time, I was at a crossroads of whether I should move back to Georgia or stick it out in sunny, expensive SoCal.
A culmination of unfortunate events and an emotional breakdown led to me calling my dad to admit what, at that time, felt like defeat. I needed to come home. After so many years of fearfully holding on to my childhood secret, I crumbled under the emotional overwhelm and revealed what had happened to me decades ago. As much as I wanted to live my California dream, I knew that I needed to be around my family for support while finding my way through sexual trauma that had surfaced for the first time in 20 years. A week later, I was homebound.
Shortly after settling back into my roots, I found myself bonding with my first Yoni egg, a Rose Quartz crystal, marking a new phase of my commitment to self-love, spiritual evolution and the awakening of a calling hidden in the shadows of my pain.
Editor's Note: This is the writer's personal experience with Yoni eggs. This is in no way a substitute for a medical opinion. If you decide to use Yoni eggs, consult your doctor and use these tools at your own discretion.
What’s a Yoni Egg?
Yoni eggs are egg-shaped crystals used in the vaginal canal for physical, sexual, and spiritual revitalization. The most commonly used Jade Eggs, dating back to royal dynasties in Ancient China, were used to enhance women's healing abilities, creative expression and spiritual power through their sexual energy. Today, Yoni eggs are used for a wide variety of reasons including PMS relief, womb wellness, emotional healing, spiritual growth and so much more!
How Do I Use My Yoni Egg?
Each woman's experience with the Yoni egg will be unique to her. It is common for all sorts of memories and emotions to arise. My personal experience with Yoni eggs has brought about an array of responses mainly dependent upon the type of crystal I use.
My first Yoni egg, Rose Quartz, was a warm and light experience. I recall feeling extremely giggly, like a little girl, along with feeling a gentle lightheartedness. I recommend this crystal for beginners as well as for women that want to cultivate a deeper sense of self-love, enhance fertility, gently heal emotional trauma and expand the heart chakra. Rose Quartz is also well known for increasing vaginal lubrication and emotional intimacy with your partner. Use the power of your yoni wisely! This crystal is best suited for women wanting to deepen emotional intimacy in established relationships. If you're into more casual sexual encounters, Red Carnelian is your best bet.
When choosing a Yoni egg, rely on your intuition, first and foremost. You're likely attracted to a specific type of egg for a reason (just like I was attracted to Rose Quartz as a means of gentle emotional healing). The Jade egg is commonly recommended for beginners due to its non-porous exterior and durability, making it easier to maintain cleanliness and less likely to crack in case your Yoni egg falls out while you're using the bathroom. Yes, it's very common for a beginner's egg to drop into the toilet but as you develop your Yoni egg practice, you'll cultivate greater Yoni awareness, giving you the strength to manipulate your vaginal muscles to prevent your egg from sliding out.
It is recommended that you use your Yoni egg for a few hours every day (except during your menstrual cycle). Regular practice with your Yoni egg can enhance vaginal awareness, increase stimulation, alleviate PMS symptoms, balance emotions, develop self-love, expand intuitive and body awareness, awaken creativity and self-expression, and boost overall vitality.
What Size Yoni Egg Should I Use?
There are three standard sizes of Yoni eggs—-small, medium, and large. Small eggs, best for more experienced users, are 2.0-3.0 cm. Medium eggs, the most popular go-to, are 3.0-4.5 cm. Large eggs, best used for beginners, are 4.0-5.5 c.m.
Small Yoni eggs are great to use for building vaginal coordination, enabling you to easily move your Yoni Egg inside of your vaginal canal. Note:Use this size egg if you've experienced 2nd or 3rd degree Pelvic Prolapse to avoid placing extra pressure on your pelvic organs. The small Yoni egg is also helpful for developing intuition, requiring you to rely on your insight to connect with your Yoni egg's placement. After consistently refining your practice with a medium for several months, you may wish to advance to a small egg.
Medium Yoni eggs are the most commonly used and best recommended after at least one to three months of regular practice with a large egg. If you feel like you can easily remove your large egg and have developed your pelvic floor strength, you may be interested in using a medium egg. Women seem to benefit most from medium eggs which help develop vaginal muscle coordination. Using a Yoni egg takes the Kegel exercise a step further due to both its weightlifting and aerobic components.
Note:If you're on birth control, had a partial/total hysterectomy, or you're experiencing menopause, a medium egg is the best option for you as your vaginal lining may be more delicate.
Large eggs are best recommended for beginners as its width makes it less likely to fall out. This size egg helps you become more neurologically engaged while building vaginal strength. You can also control the movement of your Yoni egg more easily with a large egg. Avoid this size egg if you tear easily during intercourse or have experienced Pelvic Prolapse. Use the large Yoni egg daily (except during your menstrual cycle) for one to three months before advancing to a medium egg.
As you can see, your preferred Yoni egg size varies depending on many factors including personal goals, lifestyle, sexual activity, and medical history. If you need help deciding which size egg is best for you, please consult with a trusted Yoni egg distributor.
Non-Drilled or Drilled Yoni Egg
Both non-drilled and drilled eggs have their pros and cons. The advantages of non-drilled eggs is that they're more basic for beginners, less maintenance to clean, encourages connection with Yoni's muscle movement, and is also preferred during vaginal penetration. Disadvantages of the non-drilled egg include the possibility of a more difficult removal as well as it not being viable for advanced practices.
Drilled eggs offer advantages of easy removal due to the option of a string being used, more versatility for advanced practice, and easier observation of vaginal fluids. Some disadvantages of drilled Yoni eggs include a high maintenance cleaning routine as well as them not being suitable for vaginal penetration.
How to Clean Your Yoni Egg
Rose quartz crystal yoni eggGetty Images
There are various ways to clean your Yoni egg. What I refer to as a thorough cleaning, should be done prior to using your egg for the first time. Avoid harsh cleaning products and opt for natural cleaning ingredients such as hot water, apple cider vinegar, lemon, or baking soda. To begin, boil a cup of water (avoid the microwave) and add 2 tsp of ACV. Once the water is simmering, pour it in a small container. Give the water a few minutes to cool down especially if you're cleaning a quartz crystal (Crystal quartz, Rose quartz, Amethyst).
Allow your egg to relax in the water for a few minutes before rinsing it under lukewarm water. Let the egg air out and cool down before inserting it into your Yoni. You may also like to bathe your Yoni egg in Sage or incense smoke to clear your crystal from energies it previously came into contact with.
How Do I Charge My Yoni Egg?
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First and foremost, energetically cleanse your Yoni egg with Sage or incense smoke prior to charging your egg. Afterwards, gently allow your Yoni egg to rest in the palms of your hand. Focus your intentions on what you desire to cultivate from using your Yoni egg. You can infuse your crystal with self-affirming intention like:
- I am comfortable in my sexual expression.
- I allow myself to enjoy pleasure.
- I orgasm with ease.
- I am confident, focused, and determined.
- I love and accept all aspects of myself.
- I am healed from trauma stored in my womb.
- I embrace my lunar cycle and my PMS is soothed.
Use your intuition to charge the most genuine and helpful intentions into your Yoni egg. You may also like to charge your Yoni egg underneath the moonlight or try burying it outside in a safe place to connect with Gaia's healing energies.
Bonding With Your Yoni Egg
Developing a relationship with your Yoni egg is a unique process for each woman. I prefer somewhat of an elaborate ritual when initiating a new Yoni egg into my collection which includes a Goddess Bath to cleanse my crystal and get a feel for the work she wants to do with me. Although it's totally fine to infuse your own intentions into your Yoni egg, I love connecting with the innate wisdom that each crystal carries. After my Goddess Bath, I may also include a candle meditation, automatic writing or a tarot reading in this initiation process.
Feel free to be as simple or elaborate as you like. Your intention is the most important element of your magic! Other suggestions may include sleeping with your egg underneath your pillow, breathing and Kegel exercises, yoga, sensual dance, or connecting with nature. Use your intention and do what feels best for you!
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our weekly newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
The Power Of Connecting Energetically To Your Yoni
How I'm Cultivating Better Self-Love By Using Yoni Eggs
Take Better Care Of Your Vagina With These Tips
Women Are Using Yoni Steams To Heal Themselves From Sexual Trauma
Featured image by Giphy
Originally published on May 15, 2019
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Age-Gap Dating Is HUGE Right Now. Still...Read This Before Doing It.
If you’re someone who’s been reading my content for a while, you know that I’m pretty big on accountability (with both men and women), and that means sometimes I will call out blatant hypocrisy and double standards. Today? It’s the fact that I find it to be mighty interesting that when an older woman is dating a younger man, she’s usually considered to be a “cougar” yet when an older man dates a younger woman, suddenly he’s a “perv” (short for pervert).
It's important to bring up that super unfair comparison because, when it comes to a particular dating trend that’s on the list of being a really big dating trend right now, it’s both men and women who are looking to get in on it — and if it’s good for one gender (within reason), in all fairness, it should be seen the same way for the other (again, within reason).
So, with that said, whatever it is that I’m about to share on the topic of age-gap dating, just know that I have no bias; I simply think it’s important for men and women, younger and older, to take a very realistic approach to this kind of dating…because as with pretty much everything in life, it has its pros and some, well, cons too.
Popular Doesn’t Automatically Mean Best
GiphySomething that has kind of always fascinated me about our culture is how so many people will abandon all common sense and logic, just to do something that is considered popular. Well, at the end of the day, that’s pretty much what a trend is: something that is currently done by a lot of people for…whatever the reason. When it comes to dating trends, specifically, oftentimes, they are “birthed” out of surveys from dating sites or apps. When the people who conduct them notice that something is overwhelmingly preferred, encouraged, or supported, then it becomes a trend — and that’s just where age-gap dating came from.
Long story short, Bumble kinda-sorta-recently did a survey and discovered things like 63 percent of folks don’t factor in age when it comes to dating, and 59 percent of women said that they would date a younger man; those are pretty large numbers, and so, there ya have it: a trend.
I will say that although the study wasn’t super-duper specific about when an age gap is considered to be too much of one,Glamour published an article a few years back that said, 10-plus years between two people is enough to start causing some issues if one is not careful (more on that in a sec). And so, before you decide to get out here lookin’ for a youngin’ or a more — eh hem — mature man, just because it currently seems like everyone else is open to it, consider if 10 years — backward or forwards — is something that you would want to deal with; especially long-term.
If you’re not sure, keep reading. Hopefully, I will provide some things for you to ponder.
Difference in Age Means Differences Everywhere
GiphyI’ve got people in my world who have big age gaps in their relationships. I’m talking about more than just 10 years. One example that immediately comes to mind is a married couple who has 15 years between them; the wife is older. On some levels, everything seems cool and copasetic. Oh, but there are nuances. Like she can be very condescending when it comes to what he finds to be fun and entertaining. Plus, their sex drives are not even close to being compatible now that she is well past menopause. It’s interesting because, rather than acknowledging that a lot of all of this has to do with their vast age differences, she prefers to see him as being immature. He’s not immature, sis. He’s just a lot younger than you are.
So, when it comes to age-gap relationships, that’s the first thing that you should think about: are you willing to deal with the differences that will probably come about, simply because you are at different stages in your lives due to your different ages?
Example: Because people say that I don’t look my age (‘preciate it), it’s not uncommon for folks to try and set me up with someone who is in their early 30s. For the most part, I’ll pass. For one thing, I intentionally decided that I didn’t want to have kids a long time ago, and I don’t want to have that discussion/debate with someone who may feel otherwise (quite possibly because they don’t have kids or want more of them). Also, I’ve worked with people, in the lane of relationships, for quite some time now.
Men before 35? For the most part, I encourage their focus to be on themselves and building their life (because a lot of guys don’t hit their professional and financial peak until their late 40s or early 50s). As for myself, I’m pretty settled, so I don’t want to be a hindrance when it comes to them up and moving a few times or switching career paths. Do that babe. You should.
I could go on and on when it comes to this particular point. The bottom line is dating someone who has a semi-significant age difference from you and then having a problem with the differences that come along with it is like really enjoying the summertime and then expecting winter to act like it…just because you do. Feel me?
Age-Gap Dating Requires Being a (Patient) Student. And Teacher.
GiphyWhenever people talk to me about the hours that they spend (or is it waste?) arguing with folks on social media, something that I will oftentimes say (for instance) is, “Some of those folks weren’t even born when Freaknik happened. Let them come to the wisdom and insight that you have, due to your age, on their own.” Same thing goes for age-gap dating.
When it comes to these celebrity relationships, so many of them switch up like they change their underwear, so I won’t even give specific examples. If you surf or scroll on a daily basis, though, you know that there are some older women dating younger men and older men who are dating younger women who show all the signs in the world of heading for a real roller coaster ride because…they are simply at two totally different points in their life.
For instance, when you’re in your 20s, it’s not automatically a red flag that you want to go to the club often. Oh, but when you’re in your 40s, you can be tempted to tell them that it is — even though you did the same thing when you were their age. You know, just because you’ve “been there and done that” before, that doesn’t mean you should look down on them because they haven’t (yet).
Yeah, that’s another challenge about age-gap dating and age-gap relationships: you tend to think that you should be someone’s parent instead of their partner.
So, do I think that age-gap dating can never work? No, that’s not the case. What I will say is if you’re not a very flexible person, you are about to be pissed, often. Because when you’re with someone who has a different view of things that you do, and a part of it is because they are a different age than you are, you’ve got to be willing to teach some things that could help them to grow and also learn some things that could help you to become a better person — whether they are the older one or not.
Take two of my clients where, again, the husband is younger (by nine years) and the wife is older. He says all of the time that if he had not come into her life, she would’ve aged faster because she owns the fact that she’s not naturally a very adventurous person. At the same time, because of her influence in his life, he’s better with time management, which has helped him professionally, because she’s a huge planner (something that she learned to become due to “fumbling some balls” back when she was younger). See what I mean: the student as well as the teacher.
Does this apply to all relationships? It should. I’m just saying that when age-gap dating comes into play, lessons tend to pop up often and sometimes, very unexpectedly, simply due to folks being at various places and stages due to their age alone. If you can’t fathom dealing with that, age-gap dating is probably not something that you should get involved with.
Casually Doing It Can Tend to Backfire
GiphyOkay, so what if you’re someone who wants to do some age-gap dating on a casual level? What could possibly go wrong there? Well, from reading some of my other articles (check out “We Should Really Rethink The Term 'Casual Sex'”), you’ll already know that I’m not big on the meaning of casual: apathetic, careless, off-hand, without serious intention. Me? Especially at this age, I have zero energy or interest to be dealt with on a casual basis (whew, chile). And what if you’re the one who wants to take this approach? I mean, you’re grown, right? Do you.
I will just give the heads up when it comes to, say, wanting to have a casual sexual situationship with a younger man, while there is more content out here that says while 20-somethings may be having more sex, it’s the people in their 40s who are actually enjoying it the most (which means that it shouldn’t be assumed that the young guys do it better), science is science — and science says that testosterone levels are at their highest when a man is in his 20s. Meanwhile, for us, we are reportedly able to have the most consistent orgasms while we’re in our 30s. Where am I going with all of this?
I actually didn’t become sexually active until college. My first love was younger than I, and goodness, when didn’t he want to hump my leg? The college period was like a sea of raging hormone vessels with free rooms in the form of dorms. Chaotic and damn near diabolical in hindsight. LOL. And a big part of that is because guys have testosterone surging, and we as women are hella fertile. Getting off stays at the forefront on some level (at least for most of us).
The challenge with that is a lot of people who are hormone-driven may not necessarily be relationship-minded. And once you hit your late 30s-40s, after a couple of months of mind-blowing sex (perhaps), that could get old, especially if the sweet young thang doesn’t have much more to offer than that. And so…where do things have to go? That’s the thing about casual…usually nowhere. Again, by definition.
I will say that if you just read all of that and was like, “Okay…and still, what’s the problem?” — hey, do you, sis. I just think it needs to go on record that once you reach a certain point and place in life, casual experiences with younger men can damn near seem brutal — and you can’t really blame them if you got turned out, yet they barely respond to any texts that don’t have sex on the menu. #justsaying
Make Sure to Be Extremely Honest About Your Needs. And Expectations.
GiphyLet’s swing to the other side of this: you dating an older man. I know someone who is currently doing that as well. She’s in her late 30s, and he’s in his early 50s. He’s stable. He’s smart. She said the sex is bomb. Dating him is fun, spontaneous, and full of surprises. So, what’s the problem? He’s super set in his ways. His values are hella traditional (hers are not).
More than anything, though, she wants to get married, and he’s divorced, so he has more of a “been there, done that” take on it. Does he have a problem with being exclusive? Absolutely not. However, having another wife or more children? His kids are grown. He’s mentally and emotionally past that time, too. And so, at a bit of a crossroads, they are — both are invested, and yet, because they are in different seasons of life, they don’t want the same things.
That’s another thing to consider when it comes to age-gap dating — if you are looking for something serious or substantial, you don’t really have time to waste when it comes to getting your needs and expectations out on the table. That’s why, past the first date to see if there is potential for a real connection beyond just chemistry, when it comes to age-gap dating, you really need to get your needs and expectations out there (on both sides) as soon as possible because — and pardon the pun — time is definitely of the essence.
___
A lot to think about? Yeah, perhaps. At the same time, is the age-gap something to be leery of? No. It’s just important to check your motives, be realistic, and not lie to yourself or the person you’re seeing about what you want to get out of it.
Because no matter how hot of a trend age-gap dating may currently be, you need to do what’s right and best for you…not merely what is…popular.
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Featured image by FG Trade/Getty Images