If you are one of the many people who lose control over their body whenever Lil Uzi Vert's "Just Wanna Rock" comes on, here's something to note: there's much more where that comes from. Uzi's song falls in the Jersey Club music category, which is a genre that incorporates house music and hip-hop. Its roots began in the late 1990s in Newark, New Jersey, and it's finally starting to make a name for itself outside of the state thanks to artists like UNIIQU3.
UNIIQU3, born Cherise Gary, is a vocalist, producer, and DJ who grew up in Newark, New Jersey. Already involved in the arts, she naturally fell into the Jersey Club scene. Now, she is credited with being among the first women to bring the genre to the forefront thanks to her many remixes, and more recently, she dropped original tracks like "Shake The Room" and "Microdosing." She also has a radio show, Club Queen Radio, on SiriusXM.
"UNIIQU3. I mean, she definitely lives up to her name," she says. "You always got to expect the unexpected with me, especially when it comes to my music. I'm just fun. I'm free. I'm energetic, and I love to talk about confidence and feeling like that girl. You know?"
Find out more about the Jersey Club queen in an exclusive xoNecole interview below.
xoNecole: When did you know that you could make a career out of Jersey club music?
Uniiqu3: Oh my gosh. Well, Jersey club music is something that I grew up with. So it's always kind of been that second-nature sound that we hear just in the atmosphere. You know what I mean? Like living in New Jersey. That's what you heard on walking down the block, especially like after school. So yeah, just growing up. I've always heard Jersey Club, but I knew that I could make it a career when I started going to parties. I started going to parties because I was a dancer and I used to take dance class at the New York Symphony Hall downtown. It was like the performance hall, you know. I was real prima ballerina.
But being downtown, I heard all this club music. It's like, what is this? Where do they play this at? You know, because I'm listening to piano (laughs). Real, real classical. And yeah, from going to the parties, just seeing, like, how wild it was. I just saw that at the time. It was a lack of female presence on the DJ decks and I felt like the DJ really controlled the night, you know, they were like the ringleader. They control the vibe. They were on the mic, and I was just like, it's no girls. It's just all, dudes. So, you know, I was like, You know what? I'm gonna step from just being a vocalist and doing DJ drops and being a dancer to being a DJ, and that's when I kind of like saw a lane, you know.
xoN: For someone who has never experienced a Jersey Club party, what is one thing or a few things that they can expect?
U: Oh my gosh. I feel like going to a Jersey Club party because it is a very Black genre. It comes from the city of Newark. I feel like you're gonna just experience like Black culture, Black dance culture, and at its golden age, I feel like it's very youth driven, but people of all ages could enjoy it. So you're gonna experience that just like Black excellence on the dance floor behind the decks. Just the energy in the room. And I feel like you're going to just experience some really good music, like your favorite renditions of your top 40 hip hop songs, reggae songs, R&B songs because we're known for our remixes. So you're gonna hear a lot of creative remixes of your favorite songs. Yeah, and just like a very welcoming environment where you could be free. I felt like Newark is a hard place to live, even though it's turning around. I'm actually really proud of my city, but it's like made for you to get lost in it.
UNIIQU3
Photo by Margherita Andreani
xoN: Do you think with the success of Jersey Club music becoming more mainstream due to the Uzis and even Beyoncé doing more dance music. Do you think people are going back to that, like just dancing and being happy and feeling free in the clubs?
U: Definitely, I think it's really dope how Lil Uzi tapped into the club culture because he came up with it, and Beyoncé, also, she just tapped into the dance culture as well. Yeah, I feel like after the lockdown, everybody's just really wanting to go out and have the best time and just make sure that when you go out, it's, you know, intentionally a good time. So yeah, I think people are just trying to dance, make music that's fun and creative, and also just kind of take you back to a time that was good and life like the way that Beyoncé went and sample music sampling music is really popular now. So I think the way that they went and sampled dance tracks, they just kind of wanted to give people that feeling again, like, you know, of happiness. Happiness and wanting to come together; the community she's touching.
xoN: You started off as a dancer and then became a DJ, producer, and you rap as well. What is your favorite thing about being in the genre and what are some of the challenges that you've faced?
U: I feel like my favorite things about being in just the club culture. Jersey Club culture is that it's really exciting. It's forever changing. And I feel like as an artist in general; it challenges me to just want to, you know, keep reinventing, like the way that I make club music because club music was really raw at first. It was really sample bass. You know, people know it for its remixes, but now we're stepping into original club songs, and that's something I've been doing for a minute just like really learning to express myself and talk about deeper topics, and you know, the turn up let's go, booty bounce shake it to the left, to the right. You know, like some projects I really like to talk about, like love or like just being confident in yourself. Yeah, I feel like that's where club is gonna go. You know what I mean? As more artists are drawn to it these days.
So yeah, that was definitely something I love, like being able to learn to express myself on club, that was kind of a challenge as well. 'Cause I feel like at the time, people didn't understand it. But you know, I'm happy that some of my older songs that I was experimenting on trying to just do like real club songs instead of like bangers are being sampled. Like Doechii, she sampled my song, "Bubblegum," and that was on my first EP, as well as Chlöe sampling "Have Mercy," which was on my first collaboration project with my homegirl TT, the artist from Baltimore, and so it's just nice to kind of see like my older things get repurposed for new. That means like I'm a little ahead of time like I was onto something.
So I love that, and some of the challenges is definitely just being a Black woman just trying to break into the dance world. I felt like before it was really, you know, male-dominated, very white man, but now I'm starting to see like the diversity, and I'm, I'm helping do that, you know, because I like to align with people like me and let them know that dance music is Black music. We got a lot of culture rooted in that. So, yeah, I find that to be a challenge, but I feel like that's something I've been overcoming. And yeah, that's me. That's me in Jersey Club right now.
xoN: You were mentioning, like Chlöe and Doechii sampling your songs. It's kind of full circle, right?
U: Yeah, definitely full circle because I feel like those are girls that I would remix their songs as well, so I could play on the dance floor. If it's like that up to the tempo. I like to play. I like to get, we up there. We make you sweat (laughs). So that's, those are the two girls. I would definitely like remix their songs. And I've always supported, you know, throughout their careers as they're rising to stardom. So I think it's just like all in tune and I'm happy that it could kind of be since club music is like new to a lot of people. I'm happy that that could be like a cool entryway to where people could kind of dive into UNIIQU3's catalog and see what I'm about as well. Yeah, there's more room for collaboration. Like I think it's dope. Black girl magic.
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Thing is, with the divorce rate still being higher than it ever should be (for the record, a husband is not a boyfriend, and a wife is not a girlfriend; a marriage is serious business, y’all) and acting married being praised (or at least acknowledged) more than actually being married seems to be — folks who 1) are married and are looking for some hacks that will help with relational longevity or 2) want to be married someday and want insight on how to make their future marriage last are constantly seeking truly beneficial material.
Can you Google articles with random bullet points? Sure. And I’m not discouraging it. Every little bit of wisdom that you can pull, I fully support. However, the reason why I like to do articles like this one from time to time is there is something to be said from hearing real talk from multiple sources on the same topic who have some solid wisdom and knowledge on a particular topic.
Today? 11 married couples who were willing to talk about how they’ve been able to make it to several wedding anniversaries with a smile on their face and no regrets for choosing who they chose. Let’s all sit at their feet for just a moment.
*Middle names are always used in my content that’s like this so that people can speak freely*
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1. Kyle and Adrienne. Married 12 Years.
Kyle: “Some of your readers aren’t going to want to hear this but it’s worked for my marriage: people need to lower their expectations sometimes; I mean, men and women. We go into marriage with stuff that movies told us, social media told us, friends who are always single told us about what we should expect from someone, and then want to fault the person when they’re not what we made up in our head. Everyone should have standards but if you’re expecting your spouse to be some living version of a fairy tale character, you’re going to be disappointed almost every day of your life. Drop those expectations some and watch your relationship be a lot less stressful.”
Adrienne: “Talk to people who respect your man about your marriage. I’ve never believed that you shouldn’t ever go to anyone when you need some support. Even the Bible says that there is safety in wise counsel [Proverbs 11:4]. Too many women talk to women who don’t respect men, in general, let alone their husbands, and so that’s where things go left. Sometimes, you need an ‘outside in’ perspective. But if that woman is always taking shots at men, doesn’t respect marriage, or isn’t someone who holds your man in high regard, don’t ask her for advice. Really, you should ask yourself why you’re friends with her at all.”
Shellie here: I’m big on engaged and married couples having a “village” of sorts for their relationship, too. Check out “Why Every Engaged Couple Needs A 'Marriage Registry'” to get a good idea of what I mean.
2. Levi and Paulette. Married for 15 Years.
Levi: “Some of you have probably heard of the 7-7-7 rule. It’s where couples go on a date every seven days, have a weekend getaway every seven weeks, and go on a romantic trip of some sort every seven months. My wife and I do the 2-2-2 rule instead because sometimes our schedule and budget make ‘7’ difficult. It has gotten easier since Shellie told us about the sex jar. Bottom line, if you’re waiting for time to just open up to be with your spouse, that ain’t gonna happen. Schedule intimacy, including sex. Prioritizing it is better than saying you’re gonna be spontaneous and…never are.”
Paulette: “Initiate sex, dammit. When Shellie told us that men initiate sex most of the time, and then I thought about how often I used to push my husband away whenever he did it — I never really thought about how that made him feel until I put myself in his shoes. We’ve got to stop having all of this understanding for why women cheat when it comes to them not feeling desired or not getting attention when we’re the same way to our husbands. Your marriage isn’t ‘Young and the Restless’, where you’re just supposed to wait for your man to make the move. If you want to feel wanted, do the same thing for him.”
Shellie here: What’s a sex jar, you ask? You can read more about it via “5 Reasons Why Every Married Couple Needs A Sex Jar.”
3. Matthew and Gaia. Married for 17 Years.
Matthew: “Reenact some of your favorite times together. My wife and I do that semi-often. We’ll go back to where we had our first date, or we’ll go back to the hotel where we had some of the best sex before. Bringing back memories of when you felt the best together can give you the motivation to stay together to create some new memories to ‘play out’ later on.”
Gaia: “If you want to ‘mom your husband,’ you need to have kids — or at least get a dog! I didn’t realize how bossy I was until I got married. It’s because I saw my mom be that way with my dad. In my eyes, I thought that’s what love looked like until I watched how my in-laws were. They don’t try to change each other, and they definitely don’t make any demands. They’re very polite. I think a lot of married people are rude to their partner. Don’t be that.”
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4. Joseph and Carletta. Married for 10 Years.
Joseph: “Go to therapy for your childhood. I’m dead serious. No one is going to show you yourself like your wife will, and I realized that a lot of my hang-ups came from unhealed childhood stuff. It’s hard to be an adult in your marriage when you’re still emotionally a kid in a lot of ways. If you’re at the point where you think therapy is needed, go alone and deal with your childhood first. It did miracles for me and mine.”
"No one is going to show you yourself like your wife will, and I realized that a lot of my hang-ups came from unhealed childhood stuff. It’s hard to be an adult in your marriage when you’re still emotionally a kid in a lot of ways."
Carletta: “Meditate together once a day. Even if it’s just for 5-10 minutes, you need to carve out a moment to be mindful, focus on each other, and slow the world down. [Joseph and I] have been doing it for a couple of years now; it’s totally changed the way we communicate. Meditation reminds us to put each other first; that if we’re focused on each other, we can take on…whatever.”
5. Zeke and Rachelle. Married for 12 Years.
Zeke: “An argument is not a fight and a debate is not an argument. Learn that and you’re home-free. That’s all I got.”
Rachelle: “That advice that you just got? That sums up what it’s like to live with my husband. He’s very cut-and-dry, direct, and not wordy. That used to bug the hell out of me until I realized how wordy I was and then accepted that I wouldn’t want ‘two of me’ in the house [LOL]. He’s right. You can have a difference of opinion, and it be a debate. You can not find a middle ground on something and it turns into an argument. Neither of those is a red flag. It just comes with being with someone who is as much of an individual as you are.”
6. Taurus and Madison. Married for 22 Years.
Taurus: “Be prepared for your partner to change — not a couple of times, quite a bit. And when they change, that alters the relationship because now it’s not the person you stood with on your wedding day; it’s someone else. People get divorced so much because they are inflexible; they expect their spouse to never switch up and that’s just not how life is. If you’re rigid, controlling, or don’t know how to adjust, you don’t need to marry anybody. You’re gonna be miserable, and so will they.”
Madison: “Pray before sex. Before my husband and I got married, we had quite a bit of sexual history that caused us to do some comparing, and that led to resentment. In marriage, we had to adjust to how it’s more than just what we’re getting from another person. Married sex comes with so much more spirituality and responsibility. Prayer before sex reminds us to see it from a spiritual lens — and that makes the experience more intense and sacred. It might sound weird at first. Just try it. I don’t think you’ll regret it at all.”
"Married sex comes with so much more spirituality and responsibility. Prayer before sex reminds us to see it from a spiritual lens — and that makes the experience more intense and sacred."
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7. Karl and LaTasha. Married for 9 Years.
Karl: “Check in with your partner twice a day. In the morning before leaving the house and at night before going to sleep. If you work outside of the home, a lot can happen during the course of one day, so you shouldn’t assume that the person you left in the morning is who you are coming home to. I don’t mean sharing each other’s schedules or to-do lists. I mean, asking your spouse, ‘How are you doing? How are you really doing?’. It’s a smart way to take note of their mood and needs so that you are never blindsided.”
LaTasha: “Give each other some privacy. I have never been the kind of woman to go through a man’s phone, and I won’t start. If you think that you have to be a detective in your relationship, why are you in it in the first place? I know that Karl would give me codes and passwords if I wanted them because we’ve talked about it all before. Knowing that he would is enough for me. Marriage is an institution, but damn, it shouldn’t feel like jail.”
8. Thomas and Wynter. Married for 15 Years.
Thomas: “Ask your partner what their sexual needs are. Never assume that they haven’t changed because if we all agree that we are constantly growing and evolving as people, why would sex be exempt? Don’t personalize what they say about it either. All of us have sexual fantasies and interests that we keep to ourselves because we don’t know what our partner will think or ‘cause we think that they will create stories in their head about what made us think that way. I’ve learned that intimacy is feeling okay with sharing the deep stuff. The more comfortable a man, especially, is with doing that, the better the sex will be for everyone because talking about stuff like that is like taking down some walls.”
Wynter: “It’s okay to take one vacation a year with your girls and one by yourself. Just don’t go with people who don’t have the same standards as you, and as far as your solo venture, it doesn’t need to be longer than a long weekend. One thing that they don’t tell you about marriage is how there are times when you will feel like it is monotonous because of the routine of everything. A girls’ trip reminds you to get back to you outside of being someone’s wife or mom, and the trip alone is when you can sit around and do whatever you have to negotiate most of them. And yes, your man should be given the same courtesy.”
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9. Allen and Yvette. Married for 11 Years.
Allen: “STOP. BRINGING. UP. OLD. SH-T. SH-T. Nothing creates walls in a marriage more than you telling someone that you forgave them, and then the minute something else happens, here you go with the rap sheet of wrongs. Forgiving someone means that you are pardoning them, and that’s not what you’re doing if you’re constantly holding stuff over their head. One thing that marriage will show you is how bad of a forgiver you are. Most people suck at it, if we’re gonna be real about it.”
Yvette: “I already know that some women are going to assume that my man must’ve done something to say all of that (LOL). He’s a much better forgiver than I am, believe it or not. The real plot twist is, what gets on his nerves more than anything, is when I bring up stuff that he’s forgiven me for. Allen is the kind of man [who] hates to live in the past. I’ve grown a lot because of that. I think my advice would be to stay focused on solutions and tomorrow instead of problems and yesterday.”
Allen: “Sh- t, that’s bars, babe!”
Shellie here: INDEED.
10. Brennton and Danyelle. Married for 16 Years.
Brennton: “Why anyone who is trash at forgiving would get married is beyond me. It’s delusional to the nth degree to think that you are worthy of forgiveness and others aren’t — or that what you do isn’t ‘as bad,’ and that’s why you deserve forgiveness and others don’t. My wife and I have a lot of time under our belts. I’m here to tell you that there will be something, daily, that you will need to forgive your partner for on some level. If you can’t see yourself being open to that, marriage simply isn’t for you.”
Danyelle: “I don’t know who taught so many of us that being passive-aggressive will get us what we want, but it’s a damn lie. If something is wrong, stop saying ‘nothing’ when your man asks you what’s up because, if you’ve got a man like mine, he’s gonna say ‘Okay’ and go on about his day. Brennton often says that my refusing to speak isn’t his responsibility, it’s mine. That used to piss me off because, deep down, I knew that he was right. Oh, and chill on the grudge-holding too. With guys, that’s not going to get you anywhere either.”
11. Christopher and Yvonne. Married for 26 Years.
Christopher: “Have more loyalty for your spouse than you do your closest friend. Too many people don’t think like that. If you’ve got a friend since college, you’ve been through some things and you’ve learned to forgive and move past it. If you can’t see your wife or husband in this way, why did you get married? You should never have more grace for someone who you didn’t take vows with; that’s ludicrous. Before anyone else, I’m going to prioritize reconciling with my wife. It’s because I value her more than anyone. That’s what marriage is.”
"Before anyone else, I'm going to prioritize reconciling with my wife. It's because I value her more than anyone. That's what marriage is."
Yvonne: “Even if you’re not about ‘traditional gender roles,’ discuss what the expectations are for the home. People don’t divorce over cheating as much as getting sick of beard clippings in the bathroom sink or cars that look like pocketbooks. When you sign up for marriage, you are doing daily life with another person. Articulate your expectations. Listen to theirs. Be flexible until you both can make it work. Do that, and you’ll look up, and it’s been 20 years already.”
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Gems. Pure gems, y’all.
You know, popular consultant Barbara De Angelis once said, “Marriage is not a noun; it’s a verb. It isn’t something you get. It’s something you do. It’s the way you love your partner every day.” And love? Love is a choice.
And so, whether you’re married, engaged, or simply desire marriage in the future, hopefully, these tips will help you to choose how you love your spouse (or future spouse)…better.
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