

OK, so before we jump into all of this, let me just say that the title of this article is a bit of a play-on words. I think that’s important to mention because I don’t believe there is actually something called a “love lie”. I have too much respect for love to be out here signing on to toxic resolves like “love hurts” or “love makes you do crazy things” — love doesn’t cause this; people do. No, what I mean by a “love lie” is it’s something that two people, who love each other, sometimes will lie to themselves about when it comes to their approach to their relationship. And when that love is the kind that is shared between a married couple — oh, there are all kinds of lies that have the potential to cause some real drama. Unnecessarily so.
It is indeed the Good Book that says it’s the truth that sets us free. So, let’s do just that today, shall we? Let’s tackle some of the things that many husbands and wives tell themselves about their relationship that really, at the end of the day, are delusional thinking more than reality-based.
“I Can Change My Spouse”
Listen, engaged people, if when you sit in your premarital counseling sessions (because you ARE going to those, right?) and your therapist/counselor/life coach mentions some red flags or areas of incompatibility and you either hear your partner or yourself say, “That’s OK. I can get them to change that,” it really is time to pump the breaks a bit. I’m not exactly sure who started the straight-up lie that it’s a good idea to marry someone who you feel you can control, manipulate and push to change in order to fit into your particular mold, but if you know who it is, I would like to have a word.
While I do believe that healthy relationships can inspire two people to improve, I also think that it is wrong to go into any kind of serious dynamic expecting them to change (check out “The Right Relationship IMPROVES Not CHANGES You”). Anyone who feels otherwise is already saying (whether they realize it or not) that they aren’t satisfied with who their partner currently is and/or that they think it is their role and responsibility to try and make someone be who or what they are not. If it’s the first issue, why marry someone you aren’t happy with? If it’s the second, why do you think that someone needs to fit your ideal? That sounds like ego speaking, not love.
A lot of married people have had long discussions with me because they are spending more time trying to change their spouse than accepting them. What’s super fascinating is the main ones who want to do the changing of someone else can’t even handle mild criticism from their partner (see what I mean about “ego”?). Anyway, before getting into other “love lies” that spouses tell themselves, there’s no way that I couldn’t start out with, perhaps, the most common one — I can change them. That’s not your job. And that’s the God-honest truth.
“If I Give You What I Need, You Should Be Satisfied.”
Hands down, one of the biggest issues in marriages (or any serious love-based relationship) is folks spend way too much time giving their partner what they want instead of what their partner actually needs. Then, to make matters worse, they try and play the victim when their partner isn’t thrilled about it. Remember how I spoke on manipulation a second ago? Unfortunately, a lot of people don’t realize that when you give in order to get, that is a low-grade form of manipulation.
For instance, say that when it comes to your love languages, your top one is gifts. And so, you constantly buy your husband things and, while he does say “thank you,” he’s not over the moon. Plus, you still don’t really receive many presents outside of special occasions. As a result, you start feeling underappreciated by his lack of gratitude and dismissed when it comes to your own needs (and sometimes wants).
Something that I hear a lot of pastors say that really is true is the Bible doesn’t instruct wives to love their husbands; it says that they should respect them (check out Ephesians 5). However, because we like to feel loved, we will totally overlook that and love on them the way we want it to be given. For some men, this doesn’t translate well because respect is what they desire. And again, if you are trying to give your man what you need/want from him so that he will give you more of it, not only is that a form of emotional manipulation, it’s not the most effective approach either.
Communicating your needs and then listening to his (check out “How You And Your Partner Can Listen To Each Other Better”) are the keys to both of you feeling “fed.” Giving what you need is only focusing on you and selfishness in marriage is never a productive or beneficial thing. Get off of giving what you need to the point where it totally ignores giving your man what he needs — even if that totally differs from you (which it oftentimes probably will).
“I Didn’t Marry Your Family. I Married You.”
Chile. OK, let me speak to engaged couples again and say that if your fiancé is already showing signs of poor boundaries with his family members, this is another reason to pump the brakes because while I do think it’s completely delusional to think that you do not have to deal with your partner’s family on a pretty intimate level, I also think that the Bible speaks of “leaving and cleaving” (Genesis 2) by design. In other words, when it comes time to get married, it’s time to start your own traditions and to have your own way of doing things.
That said, I’ve got a close friend right now who has basically been in therapy since she got married (over a decade ago) and about 70 percent of the issues surround her husband’s mother and how unhealthy his attachment to her happens to be. She underestimated it when they were dating. She totally regrets that now. She knows that she didn’t just marry him. She also married how he’s been affected by his family, his bond with his family members, and his expectations for how she interacts with his family. That is A LOT.
You know, sometimes, it’s not until this time of year (the holiday season) when family issues really creep up, and then it ends up putting a ton of stress and strain on your relationship. To that I say, when the two of you decided to become husband and wife, one of the things that you both signed up for was to put each other’s feelings and needs above ALL others. This requires finding the balance between making sure you both feel safe and secure when it comes to how you both deal with family stuff. But if one or both of you thinks that you didn’t agree to deal with each other’s family, that is one of the biggest lies that you’ve ever told yourself. Let that one go today (if possible).
“Sex Isn’t As Big of a Deal As Some Make It Out to Be”
There’s a guy that I know who, shoot, for well over 25 years, wasn’t sexually satisfied in his marriage. He and his wife weren’t sexually compatible and his libido was way higher. Still, they had kids together and so he basically just hung in there until everyone went off to college. Then he filed for divorce. Now he’s married to someone else and grinning more than I’ve ever seen him do it.
I remember about 15 years ago when his wife and I briefly had a conversation about sex. She said to me, “Girl when you get married, you’ll realize that sex isn’t that big of a deal. There are just higher priorities.” Hmph. I wonder what she thinks about that now. Y’all, I will say it until each and every cow comes home — one of the main things that set marriage apart from other relationships IS sexual intimacy (check out “10 Wonderful Reasons Why Consistent Sex In Marriage Is So Important”). Not only that but a lack of it is STILL a leading cause of divorce and even the Bible says that inconsistent sex gives the devil room to do…all kinds of foolishness (I Corinthians 7:5). Besides, if you are talking yourself out of enjoying your partner in this way, that’s sending a red flag up, even outside of the bedroom. Bottom line, there is absolutely no way around the fact that if you are physically capable, sex MUST be made a TOP priority in your relationship. If you shrug this off, it’s not going to go well for you — if “it” lasts at all.
“We Can Get Through This Without Therapy”
I have a few friends who work with couples, just like I do. And if there is one thing that we all say wears us all the way out, it’s the people who fight the purpose of counseling all the way…until they are on the brink of divorce. I’ve used the comparison before because I wholeheartedly believe it to be true — if you took your vows seriously (Ecclesiastes 5), then you know you signed up for a LONG journey with your spouse, and if a car needs its oil changed every 3,000 miles, what makes you think you can — or should — go years without getting another perspective on your relationship so that you can receive insights, tips, and assistance on how to get through the challenging times (ones that I promise you will come, more than once)?
Prayer is great. Talking things over with the right friends is cool too. Oh, but looka here — another Scriptural reference. Proverbs 12:15(NKJV) says, “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but he who heeds counsel is wise.” Counseling doesn’t need to be seen as a last resort; it needs to be treated like a necessary investment. Commit to seeing a professional, at least a couple of times a year. If you want to go the distance, it’s very necessary that you do.
“Divorce Will Make It All Better”
There’s another Scripture in the Bible that says God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). The reason why that is given is because it “covers one’s garment with violence.” When two people are all lovey-dovey about each other, they are all for hearing that marriage starts the “becoming one” (Genesis 2:24-25) process. Yet isn’t it interesting that when they are ready to call it “quits,” they don’t want to address just how violent trying to sever that oneness can actually be — not just for them but those around them; especially if children are involved.
Listen, I know that there are some extreme instances where divorce seems like the only route to take. What I also know is some people were more committed to an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend than they ever were to their spouse before breaking their marriage vows. There are studies to support that around one-third of divorced people regret ending their marriage. That’s why I write articles for the platform like “What Some People Regret About Their Divorce,” “7 Men & 7 Women Tell Me Why They Think Their Marriage Ended,” “6 Questions To Ask Yourself Before Ending Your Marriage,” and “Before Getting Divorced, Consider Separating First.”
So, if you’re currently going through some challenges right now, please don’t fall for the lie that divorce is an automatic solution to your problem. A lot of us have years and years’ worth of wounds and scars — whether we are the ones who got the divorce or the children of the people who did — who can easily challenge you on that. You enter into your marriage sober-minded, right? Give at least that much energy to exiting it.
"Love Conquers All."
Love is probably the most beautiful thing that there is. Still, when it comes to making a marriage work and last, it’s not all that’s needed. Respect is needed (check out “7 Signs That You Truly Respect Your Spouse (& Your Marriage)”). Patience is needed. Clear and consistent communication is needed. Empathy is needed. Forgiveness is needed. Emotional intelligence is needed. Maturity is needed. Friendship is needed (check out “Are You Sure You're Actually FRIENDS With Your Spouse?”). Consistency is needed. Honoring your commitment is needed.
The reason why a lot of people end their marriage is 1) they chalk love up to nothing more than a rom-com level emotion and 2) they act as if love is supposed to do more work in their marriage than they are. Love may serve as the fuel and motivation for a marital union yet there are many other characteristics that must be factored in and, even with those, you’ve still got to choose to want to make your marriage last. To tell yourself that love, alone, is supposed to do all of the heavy lifting is a surefire way to put an expiration date on your marriage before it even begins; especially if you only see it from a “feelings” perspective (feelings change all of the time).
A wise person once said, “Truth is not for comfort; it’s for liberation.” That is definitely some real food for thought when it comes to the truths you believe about marriage vs. the lies. For the sake of your relationship, y’all, please choose wisely.
Featured image by Getty Images
It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Your May 2025 Monthly Horoscopes Are All About Blooming Softly & Trusting Divine Timing
May is about being patient, nurturing your dreams, and creating beauty in your world. This is a more stable and generous month than the chaos that April brought, and we get an opportunity for closure, healing, and rejuvenation this month. We are still amid some important retrograde transits, but these are ones we can navigate better by grounding our energy in the present moment, and not allowing ourselves to stress over the what-ifs.
With the Sun in Taurus for most of the month, May reminds us that there is beauty in finding your peace and not allowing anyone to disrupt that.
Pluto goes retrograde in Aquarius from May 4 until October 13, and this will be a time of remembering your power when it comes to your purpose, innovations, and the ability to attract support into your life. Mercury moves into Taurus on May 10, making this a good time for negotiations, creating new plans financially, and sticking to your word on something that holds value to you. The Full Moon of the month occurs in Scorpio on May 12, and this is the Flower Moon of the year, signifying growth and seeing the beauty in your life.
This Full Moon is all about letting go of what doesn’t feel authentic or resonate with you emotionally, and about experiencing more closure and healing within relationship matters.
Your May 2025: A Monthly Overview
Gemini Season officially begins on May 20, and we enter air sign energy, which is good for communication, business, and coming up with inspiring and new ideas. On May 24, Saturn enters Aries, beginning its new transit where it will remain for the next few years. Saturn in Aries is bold, direct, and straightforward, but so are its lessons. There is a gift in resilience and finding your strength during this time, and this transit will show you where your power is, but it may challenge you to confront self-limiting behavior in the process.
Mercury enters Gemini on May 25, and Mercury loves being here. Mercury in Gemini is the creative genius, and this is a month of aligning yourself with this energy. On May 26, we have a New Moon in Gemini, and it’s time to set your intentions for where you want a communication breakthrough in your life, and what new ideas you want to start planting the seeds for. This is a good New Moon for networking, exchanging ideas, having more fun, and getting inspired.
Article continues after the jump.
May 2025 Horoscopes for Every Zodiac Sign
Keep reading for your sun, moon, and rising sign below to see what May has in store for you.
ARIES
The impact from April is finally behind you, and you get to move forward this month, Aries. After a month of retrogrades and Eclipses, you are starting to see the progress of what you have been working towards financially this year. The Sun is in your 2nd house of abundance, self-confidence, and values this month, and you are putting your dreams here first.
With Venus also in Aries for the entire month of May, you are feeling the support within and without this month, and this is a beautiful month unfolding.
On May 24, Saturn enters your sign, beginning its transit in Aries, which will last for the next few years. Saturn is the master of tough love, and you are going to be learning a lot about yourself during his time and going through a growth spurt. The New Moon of May is at the end of the month on May 26 and will be giving you the answers and clarity you have been looking for, highlighting open communication in your life. Overall, this is your month of fewer obstacles and more progress.
TAURUS
Taurus Season is officially underway, and you are the main character right now, Taurus. Remember that. This month is about trusting your intuition and the timing of things, and knowing that things are working in your favor. With Venus, your ruling planet, in your 12th house for the month, you are seeking a lot of closure and culmination right now and are healing what was. Mercury enters your sign from May 10 until May 25, and it’s all about the perspectives you are gaining right now.
Don’t be afraid to ask the important questions and get down to the bottom of things that have been worrying you. On May 12, there is a Full Moon in your 7th house of partnership, and you are closing the door on what has not been working for you in love. You are seeing the clarity of what you need within your emotional world and how you want to navigate the changes you have been through here now.
GEMINI
May is a new beginning for you, Gemini. You have a lot of energy and vitality with you this month, and you are ready to accomplish some personal goals and intentions of yours. For most of the month, the Sun is in your house of closure and healing, and you are finding yourself rejuvenated from the transformations you have been through. Gemini Season officially begins on May 20, and with the Sun in your sign, nothing is holding you back from shining and living in your truth right now.
On May 25, Mercury enters Gemini until June 8, and Mercury loves being in your sign, as this is your planetary ruler.
Mercury in Gemini is forward-thinking, quick, and intelligent. You are coming up with solutions to previous challenges or obstacles, and overcoming something that has felt restrictive mentally. Before the month ends, there is a New Moon in Gemini on May 26, and this New Moon is one of the best times of the year for you to set your intentions and manifest your dreams. Remember you are worthy of what you are setting out to accomplish this month, Gemini.
CANCER
Cancer, this month requires you to slow down, take care of your health, and allow things to come to fruition the way they are meant to. There is a chance you could be overthinking more than usual this month, and you are being reminded that there is only so much that is in your control, and to give yourself some more grace. The Full Moon in Scorpio on May 12 will help you gain a little more clarity of the heart and is going to be a time of feeling the love and appreciation in your life.
Saturn enters your 10th house of career on May 24, remaining here over the next few years, and you are getting an opportunity to grow and discover where you may have been limiting yourself professionally, socially, or within your aspirations in life. This time is all about reminding yourself that you deserve recognition for the work you do, but that you must also be the one believing in yourself as well. On May 12, there is a New Moon in your house of emotional healing, and you are seeing the gifts of alone time, safe spaces, and tending to your creative inklings at the end of the month.
LEO
This month is an opportunity for a new beginning in love and progress within your emotional world, Leo. You are learning to trust your intuition more, and you are putting more of your energy into your heart’s desires. With the Sun in your 10th house for most of the month, you are shining in your truth and remaining confident in your goals in life.
Venus is in your house of adventure for the entire month, and this is a good time for experiencing romance while traveling or getting out of your comfort zone a little.
Saturn makes a significant move from Pisces into Aries at the end of the month and enters your 9th house. With Saturn here, you will be learning more about what mental growth and clarity mean to you, and this is a good time to dedicate yourself to higher education, traveling, gaining a new perspective, and honoring your integrity and values. The New Moon of the month is on May 26, creating magic within your friendships and community.
You are leaving this month with hope in your heart and new plans for the future.
VIRGO
May is a month of abundance and fruition for you, Virgo. Your dreams and intentions are coming to fruition, and you are owning that which you have created for yourself. With Venus in Aries, this is a good time for seeing support in your life financially, dedicating yourself to your commitments and responsibilities, and seeing the gifts in that. On May 12, there is a Full Moon in your 3rd house of communication, and this is an intuitive time for you, giving you the strength needed to close the chapter on what you don’t resonate with anymore.
On May 24, Saturn enters your house of shared finances, rebirth, intimacy, and resources, and over the next few years, you will be learning the importance of connecting with people who truly have your best interest at heart, and not committing to what feels unstable. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Gemini in your house of career, and this is a good time to manifest and set your intentions for where you want to see professional growth in your life.
Overall, May is about embracing your freedom while honoring the people and connections that help you grow and make you feel more secure in life.
LIBRA
This is a month of feeling empowered and ready to take on anything that comes your way, Libra. You are inspired by the progress you are making in your life right now, and with Venus in your 7th house of love, you are being well-received. This is a month of finding your balance between your path and the growth of your relationships, and there is a sense of support, harmony, and love in your life in May.
You are owning your authenticity and living in your truth fully, and this energy is magnetic.
However, Saturn also enters your 7th house of love this month, where it will remain for the next few years. Saturn empowers and helps you grow, but you can also feel a little more challenged within your relationships during this time. The more you can own your wants and needs, the more you can find vulnerability and support within your relationships. On May 26, a New Moon in a fellow air sign occurs and happens in your 9th house, creating a chance at a new adventure and an opportunity to discover some new inspiration.
SCORPIO
May is about believing in the impossible, Scorpio. It’s time to take a leap of faith in yourself and to remember your power. You are seeking a new beginning in your life, and with the Sun in your 7th house of love for most of the month, you are being supported and encouraged in the process. Pluto, one of your ruling planets, goes retrograde in your house of home and family from May 4 until October, and you are gaining clarity on the people and support systems you can rely on more.
The Full Moon of the month is in your sign on May 12, and this is the Flower Moon of the year. You are in full bloom and ready for whatever is next for you, and this is beautiful. Previous intentions and goals come to fruition for you overall in mid-May, and there is a lot to look forward to right now as you are getting excited about it all. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Gemini in your 8th house, creating a sense of empowerment through what you are looking to change and transform in your life right now.
This month is about not being afraid to take more risks and doing things your own way.
SAGITTARIUS
May is a beautiful month of magic, success, and good fortune, Sagittarius. You are feeling lucky this month and are attracting success to you in many different areas of your life. Venus, the planet of love, is in your 5th house of romance for most of the month, and you are enjoying your life, feeling the love within your heart, and expressing yourself freely in May. You are a magnet for your manifestations, and dreams are coming true for you this month, Sag.
On May 12, we have a Full Moon happening in your house of endings and closure, and you are closing out a big chapter in your life this month.
You are letting go of old pain or emotional experiences and choosing not to repeat a pattern that left you feeling hopeless before. On May 26, we have a New Moon in your sister sign, Gemini, enhancing your need for love, connection, and relationship development this month. This is a great New Moon to set your intentions for what partnerships you want to see grow, heal, and come to fruition for you. Overall, May is your month of fruition, balance, and believing in the magic in your life.
CAPRICORN
May is about slowing down and allowing yourself to find the answers you have been looking for, Capricorn. This isn’t the time to rush your progress or doubt where you are in life. The Sun is in your 5th house, and this is good for finding more time for fun, pleasure, self-care, and asking your heart what it needs. With Pluto going retrograde in your 2nd house of values and income, you are being reminded to hold yourself with integrity and to know that you are worthy of the things you are asking for.
The Full Moon on May 12 is a beautiful time to connect with loved ones or those who inspire you. The universe wants to show you that you are not alone this month and that you deserve to live a life where you can enjoy yourself more and manifest your dreams, rather than believing everything needs to be a challenge to be worthy. Saturn, your ruling planet, then enters your 4th house of home and family, and over the next few years, you are going to be rediscovering what home means to you.
AQUARIUS
Your guidance for May is to trust that what is falling from your life or changing for you is doing so for your benefit, Aquarius. Trust that what is happening is happening for you and not to you, and don’t doubt that you will rebuild from this. With Pluto going retrograde in your sign from May 4 until October 13, you need a break from some of the confusion you have been feeling in your personal life, and you are getting a chance to gain a new perspective this month.
Use this time to get inspired by change rather than let it bring you down, and ground yourself in the present moment more.
Saturn enters Aries in May, where it will remain for the next few years, helping you grow in the areas of your life that have to do with communication, networking, transportation, siblings, and education. You will be learning a lot during this time and will be finding new outlets for self-expression and communication. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Gemini occurring in your 5th house of romance, pleasure, hobbies, and entertainment, and after a month of navigating endings, changes, and closures, you are ready for a fresh start and are receiving one in love now.
PISCES
Allow what is to be, be, Pisces. May is a month of allowing yourself to trust the timing of the universe and not giving up hope that things are going to turn out beautifully for you. On May 12, there is a Full Moon in fellow water sign, Scorpio, and this is a time to get inspired and see the benefits of closure. This Full Moon is about gaining a new perspective and not doubting what is clearer to you now, that you are worthy of a new beginning.
On May 24, Saturn moves into your 2nd house of income, and you are going to be moving through a journey of developing financially, and working on maintaining stability while building new foundations in your life. The New Moon in Gemini at the end of the month is about setting your intentions for your home and family life and creating some new energy here. Overall, May is your month of breaking ground on the things you want to create for yourself and trusting the timing of how things are unfolding.
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Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
7 Black Celebrity Moms Who Got Real About Every Layer Of Motherhood
As with any journey, motherhood comes with its highs and lows, and ebbs and flows. And Black moms, especially those in the spotlight, have never shied away from keeping it real about the truth behind the beautiful chaos of raising children.
From navigating single parenthood and fertility struggles to embracing the unexpected joy and power that comes with raising children, their words reflect the truth of it all. Whether it’s naming the pain, laughing through the chaos, or honoring the love that keeps them going, these moms didn’t sugarcoat a thing.
Below, we’ve rounded up quotes that offer a raw, nuanced, and deeply personal glimpse into what motherhood really feels like.
Taraji P. Henson
On Michelle Obama's podcast, IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson, Taraji P. Henson got real about the generational cycle of single motherhood in her family, and not wishing that on her "worst enemy." She shared in the episode:
"It's just what I'm used to. Unlearning that trauma is where I am now."
Taraji also recalled a moment when her son Marcell was four years old and crying while she was completely spent and had nothing left to give:
"I was so tired, I wanted to cry. I wouldn’t wish being a single parent on my worst enemy, literally, because, think about when you’re exhausted and it’s like, the baby’s crying. ‘Oh, can you go get him, honey?’ There was no honey. I was honey. So If I work 12 hours and I come. If the baby’s sick. Everything fell on me."
Cree Summer
In a StyleLikeU interview, Cree Summer talked about the power of sisterhood in her motherhood journey, crediting them for holding her down as she navigated parenting her daughters as a single mom. She revealed that while initially she viewed becoming a single mother as the "greatest fear of my life," that fear transformed into a deep joy:
"I often find when you go through a separation and you’re on your own as a single mother, boy, you sure find what sisterhood is about for real, right ‘cause your sisters come in, especially the ones that have been through it already. They come in and they tell you that there is another side."
She also reflected on how motherhood, even solo, became her deepest source of love:
"The thing that I feared the most is the thing I love the most. I feared doing it on my own, and I love doing it on my own. Who would've known?"
Article continues after the video.
Kelly Rowland
In her candid book, Whoa Baby!, Kelly Rowland gave new moms everywhere permission to say, "WTF is happening to me?"—and still be head-over-heels in love with their baby. She shared what that messy, beautiful, body-shocking postpartum moment really felt like:
"In the blink of an eye, everything was all about Titan. And of course, that’s what it is to be a parent — that’s exactly how it’s supposed to be. I, too, was feeling the most incredible love I had ever experienced for that tiny little man who had just emerged from my body. But I was also feeling an incredible pain in my vajayjay and wondering if I’d ever walk again."
She continued:
"I didn’t realize how hard it would be for me to have a bowel movement or breastfeed or even sleep... I was also feeling exhausted and overwhelmed and a little bewildered."
Halle Berry
For Halle Berry, becoming a mom in her 40s brought clarity and emotional maturity she didn't have in her 20s. And she's grateful for the timing of her life. On The Wendy Williams Show, she once shared:
"I’m a much better mother at 46, or 41 when I had her, than if I were 21 or 25. I was just a little baby, just trying to figure it out, trying to figure out who I was, let alone have the responsibility of trying to help another little soul develop and grow… I’m so glad I waited."
And in another interview withHello!, she spoke honestly about motherhood and how it reshaped her priorities without sacrificing her purpose:
"It’s wildly affected my life. I haven’t worked as much since I had my daughter. I have another priority and she’s it. But I do want to send her the clear message that working is important and doing something that you love ― that validates you, or makes you feel you are giving yourself to the world ― is really important, so I will keep working."
Gabrielle Union
Gabrielle Union has always been someone who is unafraid of owning her truth, especially in the public eye. That level of transparency extends to her approach to talking about her struggles with infertility. In an interview, she touched on just how invasive conversations about becoming a mother can be.
"For so many women, and not just women in the spotlight, people feel very entitled to know, [they ask] ‘Do you want kids?’ A lot of people, especially people that have fertility issues, just say ‘no’ because that’s a lot easier than being honest about whatever is actually going on. People mean so well, but they have no idea the harm or frustration it can cause."
She went on to add:
"Once a month, I look like I’m in my second trimester because I’m bloated. It leads to the questions and it leads to the rumors, and anytime I go into a doctor’s office, I feel like I’m a member of SEAL Team Six undercover because I don’t want people to speculate."
Tika Sumpter
In an interview with Mother Mag, Tika Sumpter opened up about how motherhood deepened her self-awareness and helped her grow emotionally, not just for herself but also for her daughter:
"Motherhood has taught me to see myself more clearly. It’s made me realize where I’ve gone wrong in the past, and how important it is to take accountability. Like, apologizing quickly when I need to. It’s also helped me slow down, take a breath, and express my feelings better. I know that if I can’t express my emotions in a healthy way, I can’t teach my daughter how to do the same."
The actress and writer also spoke to the often complicated experience of preserving her identity while embracing the one she has as a mom:
"In terms of identity, motherhood has shown me that I’m more than ‘just a mom.’ Don’t get me wrong, being a mother is one of the most fulfilling parts of my life, but I’m also an entrepreneur, a wife, a friend, and so much more. I’ve learned that it’s okay for my identity to keep shifting. It took time to realize that I didn’t have to lose myself in motherhood. I can still pursue my dreams and honor all the parts of who I am."
Ciara
In an interview with PureWow, Ciara dished about the way motherhood has empowered her and elevated her life on every level:
"Motherhood has just shown me there's really nothing we can't do as women. I feel really empowered having my kids in my life. By far, my greatest accomplishment is having them."
The mother of four also went on to say:
"My life has been better. I can't even imagine my life without them... They motivate me. I hope that my kids can look at me and say, 'Anything is possible. Mommy went after what she wanted to achieve, and she did it."
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