
Pass The CROWN: Why This Exec Is On A Mission To End Black Hair Discrimination

Okay, so, boom. In 2005, India Arie and Akon linked up to create a new negro national anthem that firmly reminded America that Black people cannot be defined by their hair, and fifteen years later, it is abundantly clear that Karen and Chad never got the memo.
I'll never forget when I was 16 years old, attending a Catholic school in Augusta, Georgia, when a teacher told me that my twists were too "ethnic" and that straighter hair made me look more "ladylike" in front of another group of students. I felt angry, hurt, and embarrassed by his not-so-micro-microaggression and had no means of retaliation or recourse. If you or someone you love is also Black AF, I'm sure that they, too, have had an experience like mine and it is for this reason that Dove and The CROWN Coalition have linked up to put an end to hair discrimination for good.
Unilever's Executive Vice President and Chief Operating Officer of North American Beauty and Personal Care, Esi Eggleston Bracey, told xoNecole:
"We know as black women, we wear our hair in many ways that are expressions of us. So we define our own professionalism. Our braids, my twists, my locs, my Afro, when I've worn [those styles], those have all been professional because I've worn those in professional settings."
Courtesy of Esi Eggleston Bracey
One year ago today, the CROWN (which stands for Create a Respectful and Open World for Natural Hair) Act was signed into legislation in California, making race-related hair discrimination illegal and triggered a domino effect that has since led seven states to follow suit. The law, initially introduced by Senator Holly J. Mitchell last January, has now been introduced as a federal bill that has the support of more than 70,000 petitioners nationwide and according to The CROWN Coalition, this is only the beginning. As of today, July 3, is officially National CROWN Day.
xoNecole recently chatted with Esi to talk more about how laws like The CROWN Act can be life-changing to the professional narrative Black men and women experience nationwide and, honey, it was a word.
Here's what she had to say.
*Some responses have been edited for length and clarity.
Here at xoNecole, we are owned by a Black woman. We are an office of Black women and hair discrimination is not a thing here. And discrimination is not tolerated at all. If there is someone who feels that they have had a discriminatory experience, what should they do to take action?
Esi Eggleston Bracey: Help us make The CROWN Act law in all 50 states so that we can all be protected because right now we only have that protection in seven states. So the answer for the recourse depends on if there's legislation passed in the state. To get it passed in your state, please go to TheCROWNAct.com and sign the petition. You can also go to TheCROWNAct.com and find out who your local officials are so that you can petition them for The Crown Act in the state. If The Crown Act is in your state, which is what we're celebrating, you have the same recourse.
You have legal action and recourse for the discrimination, the same way you would for gender or for race or other things that are protected based on civil rights legislation and the FEHA legislation. You have legal rights if you feel that there's discrimination.
When you say, what can someone do if they feel that they've been discriminated [against]? The first thing I say is, have a conversation, and say my hair is an extension of me. And in that, [say] I believe it's completely appropriate for me to wear my hair X, Y, and Z, and see where that conversation goes. If through that conversation, you're still denied employment or access to school, and you are in a CROWN Act municipality or state, then you have the right to take action.
There's a lot of intense discussions happening right now, as we know, about meaningful systemic reform versus symbolic pacifiers if you will, can you share specific ways the passing of the CROWN act legislation has directly impacted hair discrimination or the end of hair discrimination and the creation of more equitable and inclusive beauty experiences for black women and girls?
I think The CROWN Act and the work of Dove and the CROWN Coalition and championing the legislation is exactly the action that you're talking about. In our community, as we appreciate people still saying, 'I stand with the black community' [and] 'I support #BlackLivesMatter', [we] want people to go beyond just standing with us, but actually helping us change the world and changing society because we've been oppressed for centuries. It's been 401 years since slavery. And it's only been 56 years that we have been legally desegregated. So we know we have a long road to go to make meaningful change.
I believe legislation can be that meaningful change. That legislation changes lives and The CROWN Act is an example of legislative change that makes hair discrimination, not legal. And hair discrimination is a type of discrimination.
In fact, why we've been able to get it passed is because it's recognized that hair is actually a characteristic of race that is already protected. And so what The CROWN act does is supplement that and make it clear that race is a protected class and things like The Emancipation Proclamation, which is an executive order. If we think about the 13th Amendment, if we think about The Civil Rights Act, The Voting Rights Act -- all those made meaningful changes to where we are today. The CROWN Act is an example of that. It's great to take a stance, it's even better to drive systemic change. The CROWN Act is one, but there's so many other areas that we can use our voice and our influence to drive that systemic change.
You have a daughter. What conversations have you had with her or things you've done with her to help her embrace her natural beauty?
My daughter, Anura, is one of my pride and joys because I have two, my son Benoit, and there are conversations needed with the boys and the girls. She rocks her beautiful natural hair. She wears a big, let's call it an afro puff bun. And she's proud of it. And your question is what have I done? I think it's the same as many mothers do. One is, lead by example, which is be true to who I am regardless of the organizations that I'm in.
I run a $5 billion business and I work for Unilever. I have 24 brands. I've been in corporate America for nearly 30 years. When I came into corporate America, I did feel the pressure to conform. I wore a bob and a perm and straight-up little glasses, and I wanted to fit in and blend in. And then I realized that by doing that, I was perpetuating for all what that standard was. So I challenged myself to break out of that.
I cut off my perm, wore a really short afro, changed a lot to just reflect who I was in the workplace. That is what I try to show and have conversations with my daughter about. I encourage her to go past her comfort zone and be comfortable in sharing who she is, but she's on her own journey. So, I try to lead by example and try to stretch her beyond her comfort zone and then have her see that it's not just about her, it's about other people. So, when she steps out of her comfort zone, she creates a space for others to do the same.
Courtesy of WWD
Have you yourself ever experienced hair discrimination in the workplace? And if so, how did that make you feel?
That's a hard question to answer. I have not experienced a kind of discrimination that asked me to be sent home from school or had me rejected officially from a job. But we all experience what I would call is more the covert discrimination: perceptions.
As a leader, as an executive, I've had many people not assume I was an executive. They might assume I was the intern or assume that I was working to support executives. And I've seen that and it's hard to unpack. Is it because of hair? Is it because of race? Is it because of youth? Is it because of gender?
I'd say probably all of the above because it's happened many times. So, in that, I just smile when someone makes a comment and I might say something like, 'you know, I lead this business, right?' And take what I call a power stance. I've not had to legislate for myself, but I have advocated for myself.
We're currently talking about freedom quite a bit. It’s a major topic of discussion and many things for people in the black community freedom and the black community. What does being free mean to you?
Free to me means free to be. You know, how we all have mantras [and] different things that we say? One of the things I say is free to be me. That's the foundation of freedom -- freedom to be who you are now. What does that mean in the world? That's freedom to be safe. That's freedom to be respected. That's free to contribute. That's free to bring to life the impact that we inherently know that we can make.
To learn more about The CROWN Act, visit their website. Click here to sign The CROWN Act petition and help make hair discrimination illegal.
Featured image courtesy of Esi Eggleston Bracey.
'Sistas' Star Skyh Black On The Power Of Hypnotherapy & Emotional Vulnerability For Men
In this insightful episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Sistas star Skyh Black, as he opened up about his journey of emotional growth, resilience, and self-discovery. The episode touches on emotional availability, self-worth, masculinity, and the importance of therapy in overcoming personal struggles.
Skyh Black on Emotional Availability & Love
On Emotional Availability & Vulnerability
“My wife and I wouldn't be where we are today if both of us weren't emotionally available,” he shared about his wife and Sistas co-star KJ Smith, highlighting the value of vulnerability and emotional openness in a relationship. His approach to masculinity stands in contrast to the traditional, stoic ideals. Skyh is not afraid to embrace softness as part of his emotional expression.
On Overcoming Self-Doubt & Worthiness Issues
Skyh reflected on the self-doubt and worthiness issues that he struggled with, especially early in his career. He opens up about his time in Los Angeles, living what he calls the “LA struggle story”—in a one-bedroom with three roommates—and being homeless three times over the span of 16 years. “I always had this self-sabotaging thought process,” Skyh said. “For me, I feel therapy is essential, period. I have a regular therapist and I go to a hypnotherapist.”
How Therapy Helped Him Heal From Self-Doubt
On Hypnotherapy & Empowering Self-Acceptance
Skyh’s journey is a testament to the power of tapping into self-development despite life’s struggles and being open to growth. “I had to submit to the fact that God was doing good in my life, and that I'm worthy of it. I had a worthiness issue and I did not realize that. So, that’s what the hypnotherapy did. It brought me back to the core. What is wrong so that I can fix it?”
Watch the full podcast episode below:
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Women Are (Still) Spelling 'Coconut' With Their Hips. And Guys Are Losing Their Damn Minds.
While prepping for a podcast interview a while back, because I received the questions beforehand, I did a bit of research into one of the inquiries: what are men’s current favorite sex positions? I doubt any of you are shocked by the fact that what continued to pop up (like here, here, and here) was doggy style and the cowgirl position (i.e., when a woman is on top).
When it comes to ridin’, specifically, that got me to thinking about something that was all over the internet a few years ago: women who were advising that you spell “coconut” with your hips, during sex, in order for you and your partner to receive maximum pleasure and satisfaction.
When I asked a few women I know if they ever tried that before, I was surprised to discover that not only had they, but many didn’t treat it as some random social media fad — they actually still do it to this day. Partly, because it’s fun to them and partly because their partner(s) seem to go crazy for it.
Listen, any time something sexual works like a charm, I’m going to shout it out — (late) trend or not. And so, if you’ve never heard of the whole coconut thing, you tried it and forgot all about it, or you just want to try something new/different/else tonight — here’s a reminder, in article form, that coconut-ting is still alive and well, y’all. And the men are all about it!
But First, The Grapefruit Technique
Video Credit: Myem/YouTube (Funny part starts at 2:40)
If this woman is not familiar to you on sight, you ain’t a real one. LOL. Although I know that a lot of people think that the concept of grapefruiting came from the movie Girls Trip (you can see the clip from the film here) that absolutely is not the case. Auntie Angel (whose real name is reportedly Denise Walker) is the creator of the Grapefruit Technique and although I thought that this video came out way earlier, apparently it made its way onto the YouTube streets sometime back in 2014.
If for some reason, you’re not familiar with grapefruiting on any level, I will tell you right now that I had to download this video because it is absolutely NSFW — so you should probably watch it on your lunch break (on your phone with the volume as low as possible) or at home…because chile, the sound effects? Whew, the sound effects. LOL. However, when I sat down to pen this piece, I thought it was hilarious that this video is what immediately came to mind because it seems like, when it comes to “blow his mind sex hacks,” fruit is constantly on the menu.
When it comes to oral sex, it’s grapefruit.
When it comes to ride ‘em cowgirl, it’s a coconut.
What Is the “Coconut” Sex Trend?
@windy_moraba #duet with @mysteri0us.gir1 spell coconut with your waist 😂😂😂
Okay, so what in the world does a coconut have to do with intercourse? Well, for starters, if you and your partner are looking for an all-natural lubricant, coconut oil works well. HOWEVER, do keep in mind that the disclaimer on this is you shouldn’t use it if condoms are in the mix because they can actually cause rubbers to be less effective (silicone lube is a solid bet for condoms, by the way).
There is another way that coconuts are kinda-sorta incorporated when it comes to making sex more pleasurable — and it actually became pretty popular right after COVID lockdown (2021): spelling C-O-C-O-N-U-T with your hips while you’re on top of your partner.
It’s wild how I forgot all about this until a client of mine was telling me how much her husband liked her on top while it wasn’t her favorite thing to do because it felt awkward to her. When I said, “Have you ever heard of spelling ‘coconut’ with your hips before?” — at first, she looked at me like I was crazy and then she busted out laughing: “Girl, no” was her reply.
Hmph. Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it because, as wild as it might sound on the surface, the word isn’t the point so much as the movements that come with spelling it out are.
When you’re moving your pelvis around to make a “c,” “o” or U-turn, not only does it intensify the level of sensation that both you and your partner feel during intercourse, it can also increase the level of blood circulation to both of your genitalia which can make your orgasms more satisfying too.
At the end of the day, spelling “coconut” is simply reminding you that there are more options to riding than simply sitting there while your partner pumps for all he’s worth or you humping up and down like you’re on a pogo stick.
Spelling “coconut” is an easy hack to bring some variety into cowgirling. However…
Honestly, the “Fruit” Isn’t the Point. THIS IS.
From grapefruiting and spelling “coconut” to reading articles that I’ve penned for the platform like “How To Improve The Taste Of Sperm” — fruit and sex are always going to be a winning combination, one way or another. However, the main point of this article isn’t about making sure that you are a master speller so much as providing you with tips that will make the cowgirl position something that you are confident about and you find a ton of fulfillment in doing.
You can make both of these things happen by incorporating the following things:
Stretch beforehand. A charley horse during sex is the worst thing ever — and chile, don’t let it be right before you’re about to climax. SMDH. Yeah, if you want to feel more comfortable when you’re on top, make sure that you stretch beforehand and that you are well-hydrated. That will reduce the chances of experiencing a totally-out-of-nowhere muscle spasm — whether you decide to “spell” during sex or…not.
Bring pillows into the mix. Sometimes riding is a challenge because your partner feels farther away from your body than you would like. Putting a pillow underneath him can help to elevate his pelvis, so that you don’t feel like you’re stretching and straining. Speaking of pillows, a longer one can really come in handy because it can give your knees some additional support as well.
Also, ask him to put his knees up. Speaking of making the “grind” easier for you, ask your partner to put his knees up. That way, your back can recline on his legs as you’re moving your hips around. You’d be amazed how much this one hack can do for you. Straight up.
Add lube. When you get a chance, check out “The Wetter, The Better: 10 Creative Ways To Use Lubricant” and you will automatically see why bringing lubrication into a cowgirl session is an absolute must. It reduces friction. It makes your movements glide with ease. And it’s just more fun. Promise you that.
Lean in. If your partner happens to be on the larger side of life, one way that you can control his depth is by leaning forward into him. That way, your hips can better control how much or little he is inside of you, so that you can get into a position that gives you the sensation that you are looking for.
Get him to multitask. Again, whether you are spelling “coconut” or not and whether you are riding cowgirl or reverse cowgirl — something that is awesome about being on top is it frees your partner’s hands to do, umm, other things. And since it is so much easier to have an orgasm while your clitoris is being stimulated, get your partner to put some of the lube that we discussed earlier on his fingertips, so that he can gently rub on your clitoris while you are riding him. It doesn’t get much better than that!
Don’t wanna spell? Hula Hoop then. What if you try the whole coconut thing and it’s not a favorite for you (or him)? No problem — when’s the last time that you hula hooped? Pretend that you have one of those around your hips and move around that way. I’d be shocked if you ended up feeling “meh” about that option.
5 Guys Tell Me What They Love When Their Partner Is on Top
A part of the reason why I am “team cowgirl” is because it provides a lot of benefits to the woman: she has more control, it tends to be more comfortable for her, it’s a great position for a quickie and the orgasms tend to be that much more — wonderful. However, as I was thinking about spelling coconut, in general, I couldn’t help but wonder what guys thought about it and the cowgirl position overall.
If you’re curious, here’s what five of ‘em said.
1. Braxford. Engaged. 35. “Y’all be spelling up there? Who knew? My favorite thing about when my fiancée is on top is what I think every man likes: the view. It’s a chance to see her entire body and experience it at the same time. Not even doggy style accomplishes that. Damn, where’s my lady at?”
2. Denez. Single. 42. “Do you know how many ‘spots’ you have access to when y’all are on top? Breasts are in my mouth. Hickeys are on her neck. Prop my head up on a pillow and her tummy is getting licked. When a woman is riding you, it’s sensory overload! It’s crazy how each one looks amazing in that position too.”
3. Omar. In a Serious Relationship. 29. “[He said her name yet I’m not going to share it] isn’t a very vocal lover. Her body and technique are insane, so even though I love dirty talk, I’ve learned to compromise — except when she’s on top. She’s not saying much but those moans? And yeah, we tried the coconut thing. ‘Cs’ and ‘Os,’ hell yeah. ‘Ns’ and “Ts’? Nah.”
4. Nolen. Single. 45. “45 isn’t old but it’s old enough for your back to show out on you when you least expect it. My experience has been that women don’t want a lot of thrusting when they are on top, so it’s like having some of the best sex without having to do much at all. Well, aside from trying not to bust too quickly. I take that back: riding is easy on the body; it’s work on the brain.”
5. Ivan. Married. 37. “I like the spelling sh-t because it switches things up. We make a game out of it by her picking a word and spelling out while I try and guess what it is. We also try to see how many words that we can get to before one of us cums. 12 words is pushing it unless it’s like ‘dog’ or ‘cat’ or something. I’ve guessed ‘coconut’ a few times and I get what the excitement is all about. Spelling bee sex: try it.”
Yep. I concur.
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Featured image by Giphy