Should I Become A Sugar Baby?
We live in a world where sex work is one of the oldest professions in the book.
As a woman who has considered doing things I normally wouldn't do, in order to survive, such as exotic dancing, selling my used underwear, and being a massage girl, I know the very real feeling of being backed into a corner. I am the last person to judge anyone, as if I never shook my little booty in a popular Astoria Queens Go-Go Club, tended bar at a strip club, and auditioned to be a stripper twice...
The idea of getting my very own sugar daddy (or several) has crossed my mind on many occasions.
There is an entire underground economy supported by sex trafficking in this country and abroad. The idea of exchanging currency for things of a sexual nature is a transaction primarily carried out by men paying for sexual gratification. Places like Nevada and Amsterdam have even legalized prostitution by government regulations. Though a man can be a sex worker as well and have a "sugar mama," the way our culture is set up, a woman engaging in this kind of work is much more common.
Though I have never fully ventured into these uncharted waters, I have constantly cycled the idea through my mind. I ponder about whether or not I could actually go all the way.
My mother used to tell me that since I was pretty, I would always be able to get a job… Of course, this has not been the case for my life, and in the last couple years, I have been pushed to the brink of being a sex worker due to a lack of gainful employment. I have come across enough women in my lifetime who have successfully made a living as a sugar baby, to consider taking the plunge myself.
There are many perspectives about what having a sugar daddy is all about. This article will disclose some personal experiences and opinions of women who have given it a shot, and those who would never dare!
What Does It Mean to Be A Sugar Baby?
According to the handy dandy Urban Dictionary, a sugar baby is: "A young female or male who is financially pampered/cared for by a sugar daddy or sugar mama in exchange for companionship (i.e. sexual favors)."
A sugar daddy, in turn, is usually, but not always, a much older man who has enough money to spend on a younger woman seeking financial security. In my experience, meeting women with sugar daddies, in many cases, their "tricks" have families; wives and children that are kept in the dark about their secret life.
Usually a sugar daddy wants companionship; but it won't take long for the sexual requests to kick in. It is possible that any one individual only wants eye candy, or a trophy model to cart with them to dinners, exotic trips, and fancy events. Still, sex often waits in the wings.
How Sugar Baby-Sugar Daddy Relationships Work.
Usually a woman finds her sugar daddy online on sites such as Sugar Daddy Meet, Sugar Daddy For Me, and Seeking Arrangements. These sites are set up like any average dating sites like Match.com, or Tinder. You can go online, and set up your profile like any other site, and then you get to browsing for your next human paycheck!
Once you lockdown someone of interest, usually, you set up a time and place to meet. Of course, you would opt for a public place, perhaps a coffee shop, or restaurant. As opposed to regular dating, cutting right to the chase is what happens. "You must always remember, that this is business," says one anonymous survey taker.
She's 100% correct. While you'll want to be personable and cheerful, this meeting is not to get to know the depths of this person, and vice versa. It's all about seeing if an amicable and compatible arrangement can develop. Once this is discerned, usually the numbers are discussed. How often does your sugar daddy want to meet up? How much money do you receive for every meetup? Is the rate lower for just hanging out or going shopping? If so, what is the rate for when sex is involved? Is there a cash allowance? How much will be paid for extended weekend trips? These questions are often answered within the first couple of meetings with a sugar daddy.
Is Escorting The Same Thing As Having A Sugar Daddy?
If this lifestyle is a relatively new concept, you might be wondering if having a sugar daddy is the same thing as having an escort. I received mixed answers from my anonymous survey. Some women said "yes," and some women said "no."
While sexual services might be the end game for both, a sugar baby develops more of a long-term relationship with her sugar daddy than an escort would. One of the complaints an old roommate of mine used to rant about was that her sugar daddy called her way too much just to talk on the phone! This ordinarily wouldn't be something that would happen with an escort. An escort arrangement is more of a one-and-done situation, and maybe done again, if requested through the same agency.
Women who work as escorts, don't usually foster a relationship with their tricks. There isn't a obligation to entertain anything more than what is agreed upon, during the arranged and timed meetup.
The Perks.
In my opinion, when you have a guy who feels more of a man when he believes he can control a woman by pampering and caring for her financially, you likely find someone who is willing to pull all the stops. For instance, my old roommate negotiated a down payment for a brand new car, plus help with paying for an apartment, in addition to receiving $400 every time they had sex. All she had to do was be discreet, prompt, and laugh at all of his jokes. In between sexual meetups, she enjoyed expensive dinners and drinks at snazzy restaurants, all on her sugar daddy's tab.
Some women from the survey said that the whole reason for getting a sugar daddy, was indeed going through financial struggles, and being backed up against a wall. Another mentioned that being a sugar baby allowed you to date older men and gain new experiences. Another woman mentioned that she would never sleep with a man for money, but she would definitely take money for going to dinner or being arm candy. So that led me to exploring other options when it came to the sugar daddy arrangement.
Psychological And Emotional Setbacks.
I would be naive and dishonest to say that I myself have not felt guilty for even considering getting a sugar daddy. When you are raised as a Jehovah's Witnesses, with the jaded belief that just because you are attractive, you will have an easier life, the idea of having to succumb to sex work to survive, can most definitely wound your sense of identity and self-worth. I met one woman who said she would cry herself to sleep after leaving an evening with her sugar daddy.
The emotional effect of giving yourself to someone who might be empty themselves is profound. One of the women from my survey reminds sugar babies to always be safe. Not only should you be safe with your life, but you should keep your psychological and spiritual mind and heart intact.
At the end of the day, your body is your temple, and your decision to become a sugar baby is yours and yours only.
So in a very Shakespearean context, the real question is, "To Be A Sugar Baby, or To Not Be A Sugar Baby…?"
Featured image by Giphy
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Fontaine Felisha Foxworth is a writer and creative entrepreneur from Brooklyn New York. She is currently on the West Coast working on creating a TV Pilot called "Finding Fontaine", that details the nomadic journey of her life so far. Keep up with her shenanigans @famoustaine on IG.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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From Toxic Traits To Transformative Growth: Understanding Evolved Vs. Unevolved Zodiac Signs
Explore your sign’s 2024 horoscope predictions to learn what is in store for you this year in love, career, and more. Check out the love compatibility of each sign to learn more about zodiac pairings and all things compatibility.
Have you ever heard someone talk about a certain zodiac sign and wondered why your experience of that particular sign has been completely different? We have all heard about the notorious Gemini Man or Virgo Man being a difficult partner to have in love, but does this apply to all Geminis and all Virgos? Well, this is where the discussion of evolved signs vs. unevolved signs comes in. It’s the idea that, while some toxic or challenging traits are more prevalent in certain signs, it also depends on the individual at hand and on whether or not they have evolved in life.
Evolved vs. Unevolved Signs: A Guide
Astrology is life-changing not only because it allows you to learn more about yourself, but it also allows you to see certain behaviors or traits in yourself, and change them if you are not happy with the way they manifest in your life. To be evolved means to learn and develop. In order to tell whether you are dealing with an evolved sign or an unevolved sign, look at the way they navigate their strengths and weaknesses. We are all predisposed to certain behaviors aligned with our zodiac sign; it’s how you grow from your experiences rather than what you accept as a defining characteristic of who you are.
Evolved signs have done the inner work, unevolved signs make excuses for their behavior.
When we are talking about evolved zodiac signs, we are talking about the Virgo who appreciates progress more than perfection, the Libra who trusts that they can stick to a decision rather than accepting they are incapable of making the best one, and the Aries who takes intentional action rather than an impulsive one. It’s those people you meet and they make you change your perspective on a certain sign you may have had a negative experience with in the past. An unevolved sign, however, is the Aquarius who isolates rather than expresses how they are feeling, the Scorpio who lets their jealousy get the best of them rather than trusting their connections, and the Leo who puts their ego before anything else.
The good news is that if you feel you are living a more unevolved version of your zodiac sign, you can change this by first addressing where you may be self-sabotaging, and where you can highlight more of your strengths. Healing from past traumas, seeking a therapist or astrologer, or overall making your well-being more of a priority all will benefit. When you are feeling good within, you attract more experiences to you to where you can be that evolved version of yourself rather than entertain old habits or ways of relating that don’t serve you.
It takes work, but the more you tap into the evolved version of yourself and strengthen this part of you, the less you will revert to your old ways or attract those same types of toxic or unevolved people towards you.
So, how do you know which side of the coin you are dealing with or are yourself? Read below to find out more about the traits and characteristics of the evolved vs. unevolved signs of the zodiac.
EVOLVED ARIES
- Confident
- Methodical
- Disciplined
- Leader
- Energetic
UNEVOLVED ARIES
- Aggressive
- Short-tempered
- Reckless
- Arrogant
- Impulsive
You’ll know whether you are dealing with an evolved Aries versus an unevolved Aries through the way they communicate and approach others. If they are confident and encouraging, you are dealing with an evolved Aries who is comfortable with who they are but also doesn't feel the need to force their energy on you. Unevolved Aries will make you take a step back, evolved Aries will make you want more. Aries’ strengths are that they are bold and assertive, but an unevolved Aries tends to create more disagreements or challenges with others in the process.
EVOLVED TAURUS
- Abundance-mindset
- Grounded
- Generous
- Compassionate
- Trustworthy
UNEVOLVED TAURUS
- Materialistic
- Stubborn
- Lazy
- Vengeful
- Envious
An evolved Taurus versus an unevolved Taurus can be differentiated by the person who has stability or who has goals in life that they share with you and are working towards. The unevolved Taurus you will most likely find on the couch, demanding that you give them what they need at the same time. Unevolved Tauruses tend to show traits of envy or jealousy when you are explaining a recent win to them. An evolved Taurus will be the first person you want to go to with the good news, and they are a big support and secure person to their loved ones.
EVOLVED GEMINI
- Communicative
- Curious
- Creative
- Innovative
- Fun
UNEVOLVED GEMINI
- Confusing
- Chaotic
- Disorganized
- Bored
- Unpredictable
An evolved Gemini will have you feeling understood, heard, and inspired. They are fun and light-hearted people to be around. An unevolved Gemini will have you questioning them, life, and everything in between- and will create unneeded chaos in your life. Unevolved Geminis are notorious for being unavailable and disloyal in relationships, and you can tell the difference between whether they are evolved or not by what they do when they are bored. Do your Gemini create or connect, or do they do something destructive, leaving you feeling a deep sense of distrust around them?
EVOLVED CANCER
- Compassionate
- Nostalgic
- Supportive
- Nourishing
- Protective
UNEVOLVED CANCER
- Moody
- Holds a grudge
- Pessimistic
- Manipulative
- Clingy
An evolved Cancer leaves you feeling supported, nourished, and loved. An unevolved Cancer may make you feel the same way, but will be hot and cold on when and how they show it. An evolved Cancer will be your go-to and someone you can trust with basically anything. An unevolved Cancer, however, you will steer away from and not want to express yourself to them for fear of them making things worse. Evolved Cancers understand their emotions, unevolved Cancers let their emotions get the best of them.
EVOLVED LEO
- Self-confident
- Passionate
- Generous
- Motivating
- Kind-hearted
UNEVOLVED LEO
- Entitled
- Angry
- Selfish
- Controlling
- Dramatic
Evolved Leo has an evolved ego. They have a strong sense of self, they know who they are and what they want, but they don’t let that get in the way of how they treat others. Unevolved Leos command the room in a way where you are looking at them in shock rather than in awe. Unevolved Leos think the world revolves around them, evolved Leos think the same thing but also want other people to be in that world or think the same thing about themselves as well. Evolved Leos are like the Sun, and you will feel enlivened in their presence.
EVOLVED VIRGO
- Organized
- Caring
- Down-to-Earth
- Inspiring
- Helpful
UNEVOLVED VIRGO
- Perfectionist
- Overly critical
- Resentful
- Anxious
- Cynical
The easiest way to tell the difference between an evolved Virgo and an unevolved Virgo is the way they make you feel. If they make you feel inspired and like you can accomplish or experience great things, you are dealing with an evolved Virgo. If they are overly critical of everything you do, you are dealing with an unevolved Virgo. Evolved Virgos help you grow, unevolved Virgos tend to make you feel incapable of that. Evolved Virgos can laugh off or let go of the little things, unevolved Virgos will get caught up in them.
EVOLVED LIBRA
- Relationship-oriented
- Balanced
- Charming
- Diplomatic
- Fair
UNEVOLVED LIBRA
- Codependent
- People-pleaser
- Flaky
- Indecisive
- Dishonest
Evolved Libras make some of the best partners, friends, and confidants. Unevolved Libras make some of the hardest of the above to maintain. The difference between the two is the Libra's ability to find the balance between their needs and the needs of others. Libras are relationship-oriented people, but unevolved Libras tend to let this trait get the best of them and will be in and out of relationships and never really settle down to figure out what they truly want and need. Evolved Libras love, but will not sacrifice their sense of self in the process.
EVOLVED SCORPIO
- Passionate
- Mysterious
- Intuitive
- Transformative
- Resilient
UNEVOLVED SCORPIO
- Obsessive
- Secretive
- Reclusive
- Destructive
- Ruthless
The difference between an evolved Scorpio and an unevolved Scorpio is their ability to let go. Evolved Scorpios have learned from their past and have made their life better in the process. Unevolved Scorpios hold onto a lot of resentments and often cause themselves or others emotional turmoil. Evolved Scorpios can let people in and make some of the most loyal, protective, and supportive partners. Unevolved Scorpios tend to be very distrustful of others and have a hard time letting go of control in any way or letting people get close to their inner world.
EVOLVED SAGITTARIUS
- Outgoing
- Optimistic
- Spiritual
- Adventurous
- Genuine
UNEVOLVED SAGITTARIUS
- Dramatic
- Brash
- Superiority-complex
- Unreliable
- Careless
The evolved Sagittarius are inspiring, optimistic, and hopeful. The unevolved Sagittarius is just about the complete opposite of that. Evolved Sagittariuses have learned to fuel their adventurous spirit with intentional action rather than recklessness, and are there for their loved ones rather than leaving people hanging or being unreliable. Unevolved Sagittariuses can be very rude and aggressive and will mask this behavior with humor. They can be very harsh, rather than the evolved Sagittarius who is still outgoing, but is also genuine and confident and aligned with their highest self.
EVOLVED CAPRICORN
- Hard-working
- Loyal
- Stable
- Sensible
- Ambitious
UNEVOLVED CAPRICORN
- Workaholic
- Unforgiving
- Rigid
- Stubborn
- Dominating
When you are looking at an evolved Capricorn, you find yourself in the presence of someone loyal, hardworking, and down-to-earth. An unevolved Capricorn can be judgemental and cold, with only their personal goals in mind. Unevolved Capricorns seem to be stuck in the same place in life, and unmoving in what they believe is best for them. Evolved Capricorns are open to feedback and are flexible enough to figure out what is truly best for them, to explore, and to allow someone else to lead them at times. Evolved Capricorns are responsible and productive but take care of their well-being in the process.
EVOLVED AQUARIUS
- Freedom-oriented
- Logical
- Friendly
- Open-minded
- Outgoing
UNEVOLVED AQUARIUS
- Distant
- Cold
- Disloyal
- Detached
- Superiority-complex
Evolved Aquarius and unevolved Aquarius are mirrors of each other. The evolved version of Aquarius is friendly, open-minded, and supportive of not only themselves but of others as well. The unevolved version of Aquarius can be quite distant and detached from their relationships and life altogether and can be hard for people to get close to. Evolved Aquariuses value their independence, but don't use escapist behavior as an excuse for their actions. Unevolved Aquariuses will leave someone on read for months instead of just telling someone how they feel.
EVOLVED PISCES
- Loving
- Intuitive
- Compassionate
- Creative
- Romantic
UNEVOLVED PISCES
- Consuming
- Escapist
- Moody
- Distant
- Unrealistic
Evolved Pisces are the artists, muses, lovers, and dreamers. Unevolved Pisces may have that same creative energy but tend to wear rose-colored glasses that get them into trouble in the process. Pisces are hard to grasp in the first place with their fluid, mutable nature, but an unevolved Pisces will make that distance feel like miles. Unevolved Pisces can get pretty messy and will act out on their emotions without getting the full picture or giving themselves time to sort things through. Evolved Pisces on the other hand, let their emotions inspire them and know how to step into their true power.
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Featured image by Tanja Ivanova/Getty Images