Should I Become A Sugar Baby?

Love & Relationships

We live in a world where sex work is one of the oldest professions in the book.

As a woman who has considered doing things I normally wouldn't do, in order to survive, such as exotic dancing, selling my used underwear, and being a massage girl, I know the very real feeling of being backed into a corner. I am the last person to judge anyone, as if I never shook my little booty in a popular Astoria Queens Go-Go Club, tended bar at a strip club, and auditioned to be a stripper twice...

The idea of getting my very own sugar daddy (or several) has crossed my mind on many occasions.

There is an entire underground economy supported by sex trafficking in this country and abroad. The idea of exchanging currency for things of a sexual nature is a transaction primarily carried out by men paying for sexual gratification. Places like Nevada and Amsterdam have even legalized prostitution by government regulations. Though a man can be a sex worker as well and have a "sugar mama," the way our culture is set up, a woman engaging in this kind of work is much more common.

Though I have never fully ventured into these uncharted waters, I have constantly cycled the idea through my mind. I ponder about whether or not I could actually go all the way.

My mother used to tell me that since I was pretty, I would always be able to get a job… Of course, this has not been the case for my life, and in the last couple years, I have been pushed to the brink of being a sex worker due to a lack of gainful employment. I have come across enough women in my lifetime who have successfully made a living as a sugar baby, to consider taking the plunge myself.

There are many perspectives about what having a sugar daddy is all about. This article will disclose some personal experiences and opinions of women who have given it a shot, and those who would never dare!

What Does It Mean to Be A Sugar Baby?

According to the handy dandy Urban Dictionary, a sugar baby is: "A young female or male who is financially pampered/cared for by a sugar daddy or sugar mama in exchange for companionship (i.e. sexual favors)."

A sugar daddy, in turn, is usually, but not always, a much older man who has enough money to spend on a younger woman seeking financial security. In my experience, meeting women with sugar daddies, in many cases, their "tricks" have families; wives and children that are kept in the dark about their secret life.

Usually a sugar daddy wants companionship; but it won't take long for the sexual requests to kick in. It is possible that any one individual only wants eye candy, or a trophy model to cart with them to dinners, exotic trips, and fancy events. Still, sex often waits in the wings.

How Sugar Baby-Sugar Daddy Relationships Work.

Usually a woman finds her sugar daddy online on sites such as Sugar Daddy Meet, Sugar Daddy For Me, and Seeking Arrangements. These sites are set up like any average dating sites like Match.com, or Tinder. You can go online, and set up your profile like any other site, and then you get to browsing for your next human paycheck!

Once you lockdown someone of interest, usually, you set up a time and place to meet. Of course, you would opt for a public place, perhaps a coffee shop, or restaurant. As opposed to regular dating, cutting right to the chase is what happens. "You must always remember, that this is business," says one anonymous survey taker.

She's 100% correct. While you'll want to be personable and cheerful, this meeting is not to get to know the depths of this person, and vice versa. It's all about seeing if an amicable and compatible arrangement can develop. Once this is discerned, usually the numbers are discussed. How often does your sugar daddy want to meet up? How much money do you receive for every meetup? Is the rate lower for just hanging out or going shopping? If so, what is the rate for when sex is involved? Is there a cash allowance? How much will be paid for extended weekend trips? These questions are often answered within the first couple of meetings with a sugar daddy.

Is Escorting The Same Thing As Having A Sugar Daddy?

If this lifestyle is a relatively new concept, you might be wondering if having a sugar daddy is the same thing as having an escort. I received mixed answers from my anonymous survey. Some women said "yes," and some women said "no."

While sexual services might be the end game for both, a sugar baby develops more of a long-term relationship with her sugar daddy than an escort would. One of the complaints an old roommate of mine used to rant about was that her sugar daddy called her way too much just to talk on the phone! This ordinarily wouldn't be something that would happen with an escort. An escort arrangement is more of a one-and-done situation, and maybe done again, if requested through the same agency.

Women who work as escorts, don't usually foster a relationship with their tricks. There isn't a obligation to entertain anything more than what is agreed upon, during the arranged and timed meetup.

The Perks.

In my opinion, when you have a guy who feels more of a man when he believes he can control a woman by pampering and caring for her financially, you likely find someone who is willing to pull all the stops. For instance, my old roommate negotiated a down payment for a brand new car, plus help with paying for an apartment, in addition to receiving $400 every time they had sex. All she had to do was be discreet, prompt, and laugh at all of his jokes. In between sexual meetups, she enjoyed expensive dinners and drinks at snazzy restaurants, all on her sugar daddy's tab.

Some women from the survey said that the whole reason for getting a sugar daddy, was indeed going through financial struggles, and being backed up against a wall. Another mentioned that being a sugar baby allowed you to date older men and gain new experiences. Another woman mentioned that she would never sleep with a man for money, but she would definitely take money for going to dinner or being arm candy. So that led me to exploring other options when it came to the sugar daddy arrangement.

Psychological And Emotional Setbacks.

I would be naive and dishonest to say that I myself have not felt guilty for even considering getting a sugar daddy. When you are raised as a Jehovah's Witnesses, with the jaded belief that just because you are attractive, you will have an easier life, the idea of having to succumb to sex work to survive, can most definitely wound your sense of identity and self-worth. I met one woman who said she would cry herself to sleep after leaving an evening with her sugar daddy.

The emotional effect of giving yourself to someone who might be empty themselves is profound. One of the women from my survey reminds sugar babies to always be safe. Not only should you be safe with your life, but you should keep your psychological and spiritual mind and heart intact.

At the end of the day, your body is your temple, and your decision to become a sugar baby is yours and yours only.

So in a very Shakespearean context, the real question is, "To Be A Sugar Baby, or To Not Be A Sugar Baby…?"

Featured image by Giphy

ACLU By ACLUSponsored

Over the past four years, we grew accustomed to a regular barrage of blatant, segregationist-style racism from the White House. Donald Trump tweeted that “the Squad," four Democratic Congresswomen who are Black, Latinx, and South Asian, should “go back" to the “corrupt" countries they came from; that same year, he called Elizabeth Warren “Pocahontas," mocking her belief that she might be descended from Native American ancestors.

But as outrageous as the racist comments Trump regularly spewed were, the racially unjust governmental actions his administration took and, in the case of COVID-19, didn't take, impacted millions more — especially Black and Brown people.

To begin to heal and move toward real racial justice, we must address not only the harms of the past four years, but also the harms tracing back to this country's origins. Racism has played an active role in the creation of our systems of education, health care, ownership, and employment, and virtually every other facet of life since this nation's founding.

Our history has shown us that it's not enough to take racist policies off the books if we are going to achieve true justice. Those past policies have structured our society and created deeply-rooted patterns and practices that can only be disrupted and reformed with new policies of similar strength and efficacy. In short, a systemic problem requires a systemic solution. To combat systemic racism, we must pursue systemic equality.

What is Systemic Racism?

A system is a collection of elements that are organized for a common purpose. Racism in America is a system that combines economic, political, and social components. That system specifically disempowers and disenfranchises Black people, while maintaining and expanding implicit and explicit advantages for white people, leading to better opportunities in jobs, education, and housing, and discrimination in the criminal legal system. For example, the country's voting systems empower white voters at the expense of voters of color, resulting in an unequal system of governance in which those communities have little voice and representation, even in policies that directly impact them.

Systemic Equality is a Systemic Solution

In the years ahead, the ACLU will pursue administrative and legislative campaigns targeting the Biden-Harris administration and Congress. We will leverage legal advocacy to dismantle systemic barriers, and will work with our affiliates to change policies nearer to the communities most harmed by these legacies. The goal is to build a nation where every person can achieve their highest potential, unhampered by structural and institutional racism.

To begin, in 2021, we believe the Biden administration and Congress should take the following crucial steps to advance systemic equality:

Voting Rights

The administration must issue an executive order creating a Justice Department lead staff position on voting rights violations in every U.S. Attorney office. We are seeing a flood of unlawful restrictions on voting across the country, and at every level of state and local government. This nationwide problem requires nationwide investigatory and enforcement resources. Even if it requires new training and approval protocols, a new voting rights enforcement program with the participation of all 93 U.S. Attorney offices is the best way to help ensure nationwide enforcement of voting rights laws.

These assistant U.S. attorneys should begin by ensuring that every American in the custody of the Bureau of Prisons who is eligible to vote can vote, and monitor the Census and redistricting process to fight the dilution of voting power in communities of color.

We are also calling on Congress to pass the John Lewis Voting Rights Advancement Act to finally create a fair and equal national voting system, the cause for which John Lewis devoted his life.

Student Debt

Black borrowers pay more than other students for the same degrees, and graduate with an average of $7,400 more in debt than their white peers. In the years following graduation, the debt gap more than triples. Nearly half of Black borrowers will default within 12 years. In other words, for Black Americans, the American dream costs more. Last week, Majority Leader Chuck Schumer and Sen. Elizabeth Warren, along with House Reps. Ayanna Pressley, Maxine Waters, and others, called on President Biden to cancel up to $50,000 in federal student loan debt per borrower.

We couldn't agree more. By forgiving $50,000 of student debt, President Biden can unleash pent up economic potential in Black communities, while relieving them of a burden that forestalls so many hopes and dreams. Black women in particular will benefit from this executive action, as they are proportionately the most indebted group of all Americans.

Postal Banking

In both low and high income majority-Black communities, traditional bank branches are 50 percent more likely to close than in white communities. The result is that nearly 50 percent of Black Americans are unbanked or underbanked, and many pay more than $2,000 in fees associated with subprime financial institutions. Over their lifetime, those fees can add up to as much as two years of annual income for the average Black family.

The U.S. Postal Service can and should meet this crisis by providing competitive, low-cost financial services to help advance economic equality. We call on President Biden to appoint new members to the Postal Board of Governors so that the Post Office can do the work of providing essential services to every American.

Fair Housing

Across the country, millions of people are living in communities of concentrated poverty, including 26 percent of all Black children. The Biden administration should again implement the 2015 Affirmatively Furthering Fair Housing rule, which required localities that receive federal funds for housing to investigate and address barriers to fair housing and patterns or practices that promote bias. In 1980, the average Black person lived in a neighborhood that was 62 percent Black and 31 percent white. By 2010, the average Black person's neighborhood was 48 percent Black and 34 percent white. Reinstating the Obama-era Fair Housing Rule will combat this ongoing segregation and set us on a path to true integration.

Congress should also pass the American Housing and Economic Mobility Act, or a similar measure, to finally redress the legacy of redlining and break down the walls of segregation once and for all.

Broadband Access

To realize broadband's potential to benefit our democracy and connect us to one another, all people in the United States must have equal access and broadband must be made affordable for the most vulnerable. Yet today, 15 percent of American households with school-age children do not have subscriptions to any form of broadband, including one-quarter of Black households (an additional 23 percent of African Americans are “smartphone-only" internet users, meaning they lack traditional home broadband service but do own a smartphone, which is insufficient to attend class, do homework, or apply for a job). The Biden administration, Federal Communications Commission, and Congress must develop and implement plans to increase funding for broadband to expand universal access.

Enhanced, Refundable Child Tax Credits

The United States faces a crisis of child poverty. Seventeen percent of all American children are impoverished — a rate higher than not just peer nations like Canada and the U.K., but Mexico and Russia as well. Currently, more than 50 percent of Black and Latinx children in the U.S. do not qualify for the full benefit, compared to 23 percent of white children, and nearly one in five Black children do not receive any credit at all.

To combat this crisis, President Biden and Congress should enhance the child tax credit and make it fully refundable. If we enhance the child tax credit, we can cut child poverty by 40 percent and instantly lift over 50 percent of Black children out of poverty.


We cannot repair harms that we have not fully diagnosed. We must commit to a thorough examination of the impact of the legacy of chattel slavery on racial inequality today. In 2021, Congress must pass H.R. 40, which would establish a commission to study reparations and make recommendations for Black Americans.

The Long View

For the past century, the ACLU has fought for racial justice in legislatures and in courts, including through several landmark Supreme Court cases. While the court has not always ruled in favor of racial justice, incremental wins throughout history have helped to chip away at different forms of racism such as school segregation ( Brown v. Board), racial bias in the criminal legal system (Powell v. Alabama, i.e. the Scottsboro Boys), and marriage inequality (Loving v. Virginia). While these landmark victories initiated necessary reforms, they were only a starting point.

Systemic racism continues to pervade the lives of Black people through voter suppression, lack of financial services, housing discrimination, and other areas. More than anything, doing this work has taught the ACLU that we must fight on every front in order to overcome our country's legacies of racism. That is what our Systemic Equality agenda is all about.

In the weeks ahead, we will both expand on our views of why these campaigns are crucial to systemic equality and signal the path this country must take. We will also dive into our work to build organizing, advocacy, and legal power in the South — a region with a unique history of racial oppression and violence alongside a rich history of antiracist organizing and advocacy. We are committed to four principles throughout this campaign: reconciliation, access, prosperity, and empowerment. We hope that our actions can meet our ambition to, as Dr. King said, lead this nation to live out the true meaning of its creed.

What you can do:
Take the pledge: Systemic Equality Agenda
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Featured image by Shutterstock

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