If You’re Single & Not Exploring Virtual Dating, It’s OK
I recently had a socially distanced hang out with a single friend and we shared our frustration with everyone wanting to know more if we were we virtual dating than they asked how we were faring with this time inside altogether. In the past few months, I've seen an overwhelming amount of "virtual dating" content for singles and quite frankly, I'm over it. Even in the midst of a global pandemic, the world and dating apps have made it clear that as a single person during this quarantine, your job is to date––not spend time with yourself, save money, learn how to bake an olive oil cake (that's next for me), but to find someone to spend your life with.
Still, I get it. Quarantine season hasn't decreased how much people longing for a romantic partner might want to have one. In fact, this time has invited feelings of loneliness and depression into some people's lives as they find themselves starving for human connection, especially those living alone. But, that's not everyone's reality. So while I understand the need for companies to speak to singles and let them know there is still a way to communicate with people while you're social distancing, if you choose to not participate in virtual dating, you should know that choice is just as acceptable.
If you're spending virtual time with a new bae or quarantined with someone special, that's great––but if you aren't, here are other things you can explore to expand your single life in quarantine.
Are you in touch with how you really feel?
Assessing how you're feeling should be a priority period, but we often overlook that for single women. We spend so much time learning how to be better partners, parents, and people that we often don't look out for what needs we could be neglecting to feel within ourselves. While I'll admit that too much alone time inside has been triggering, I can't ever say that sitting with my thoughts hasn't given me clarity on what I need and how moving forward, I can move through my feelings.
Do you want to be in a relationship at all?
I've realized that as much as I say I want to be in a relationship, this time alone has allowed me to be laser-focused on my goals in ways that I never had when I wasn't single, so I often wonder were my cries for companionship even necessary? I want love, and a family but I truly believe that there are instances in life where it needs to be about you, and only you - and that's where I am right now. Additionally, you should also ask yourself what type of relationship you desire to be in, what you desire from your partner, and what type of person you want to be to them, and for them.
Do you want marriage and/or kids?
As I've matured, so has my friend circle and I've come across many women who have never had the white dress Cinderella fantasies that many people (including myself) have had about marriage and being a mother. There are many women who feel full and lead full lives without ever wanting to add a partner or children to the equation. If you're single and feel mentally, emotionally, and financially prepared for children, perhaps it's time to ask yourself if that's something you desire at all.
What do you want your potential partner to know and love about you?
As a Black woman who is unlearning and embracing my duality, it's important to me that my partner loves every part of who I am. In past relationships, I walked away feeling like I often didn't let men see who I really was. There are men that I've dated that don't know I'm funny, or that I can sing but because I'm really shy I only do it around people that I feel safe with. For some time it bothered me to know that I've never felt like I could be my full self, and I never want to feel like that again.
Are you avoiding anything by not dating?
While there are moments in life that are meant for solitude, there is a point where avoiding enters the chat and you need to ask yourself are you single because you haven't found someone, or are you self-sabotaging due to trauma from past relationships, avoiding vulnerability, and replaying moments of pain that occurred during your childhood? Asking yourself those open-ended questions and allowing space and truth to answer them could be what's missing in your journey to meeting the person for you.
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Dubbed one of the "21 Black Women Wellness Influencers You Should Follow" by Black + Well, Yasmine Jameelah continues to leave her digital footprint across platforms ranging from Forever 21 Plus, Vaseline, and R29 Unbothered discussing all things healing and body positivity. As a journalist, her writing can be found on sites such as Blavity, Blacklove.com, and xoNecole. Jameelah is also known for her work shattering unconventional stigmas surrounding wellness through her various mediums, including her company Transparent Black Girl. Find Yasmine @YasmineJameelah across all platforms.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Rihanna Talks Shedding Expectations And Finding Balance As A Mother
Since becoming a mother in 2022, Rihanna has defined parenthood by her terms and hopes to pass that sense of autonomy on to her children.
For Vogue China’s April cover story, Rihanna shared her perspective on raising her two sons with A$AP Rocky, and how she hopes to preserve her children’s uniqueness, devoid of societal expectations.
"The most beautiful thing...is that [children] come into the world with their own individuality and sincerity, without any logic or conformity,” she told the publication. “Which usually makes you feel that you must fit into a certain group."
The “Work” artist, known for her trendsetting style and captivating persona, expressed her desire to support children in fully embracing their individuality and encouraging them to be whoever they want to be. "It's really beautiful to see and I want to continue to help them navigate that and make sure that they know they can be whoever they want to be,” she says.
She continues, “They should embrace it completely, because it's beautiful, and it's unique. I love them just that way."
From shattering music charts to shaking up the beauty industry, Rihanna has forged a path that has since created the “dream” life we see today. One that she says has made her parents proud of.
“I’m living my dream,” she continued. “My parents were very proud of that because they just wanted me to be happy and successful. So, I think the key thing is to find some kind of balance. Yes, balance is important. Do this and you get the best of both worlds. You can write your own life the way you want, and it will be beautiful. Sometimes, you just need to let go of everyone’s expectations and start living your own story.”
Rihanna, who shares sons, RZA, 23 months, and Riot, 8 months, with rapper A$AP Rocky, recently shared her vision for expanding her family in the future in Interview Magazine.
When stylist Mel Ottenberg asked about the number of additional children she hoped to have, Rihanna replied, "As many as God wants me to have.”
"I don't know what God wants, but I would go for more than two. I would try for my girl,” she adds. “But of course, if it's another boy, it's another boy."
Featured image by Neil MockfordWireImage