
Becoming A Single Mom To A Newborn At Age 49 Was The Best Choice I’ve Ever Made

I am a 51-year-old single mom who lives at home with my parents –and I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.
But it wasn’t always this way.
I spent most of my adult life working as a broadcast journalist. After graduating from Baylor, I moved a lot and often far from home– anchoring in Waco, Las Vegas, and St. Louis, then eventually in Atlanta.
I had a dream career: I worked at CNN’s Headline News for seven years.
I was an Emmy award-winning journalist, and my work often focused on women and children. I interviewed a number of women who had overcome major challenges, including Mary J. Blige, Janet Jackson, Misty Copeland and one of Afghanistan’s most prominent politicians Fauzia Koofi. In 2016, I relocated my life to Doha, Qatar to be a presenter on Al Jazeera English.
From the outside looking in, my life probably looked amazing. Doha was incredible. I did what looked like, and often felt like, glamorous work and international travel–frequent trips to Dubai, Seychelles, Bali, Addis Ababa and Venice. If you judge success in life by distance traveled and miles accrued, I suppose you could say I was winning.
The reality, as always, was more complex. For all my travels and adventures, I was often alone. Sometimes this was by choice, but other times I found myself longing for a partner with whom I could share those experiences.
But the farther you go, the harder it can be to find a companion who can keep up. To talk about my failed relationships would take too long, and they were never the true focus of my life or my story. Still, that solitude occasionally crept into loneliness, and I could feel time starting to slip away.
When I was in my 20s and early 30s, I didn't think much about starting a family. I was focused on my career, and I assumed my domestic bliss would just work itself out. In my younger years, I already had a dream job working in Atlanta, a mecca for successful Black professionals. Surely I would meet a great guy, have a picture-perfect destination wedding, and start a family. That didn't happen.
While I was waiting to get married to start a family, I could sense my biological clock ticking.
I remember hoping that feeling would go away and also being envious of my friends who knew they didn’t want children. But that wasn’t me; the desire to be a mom never faded. I realized I kept putting off motherhood by waiting on some imaginary person.
In my 30s, a friend of mine worked for one of the most prominent fertility clinics in the country; she suggested I consider freezing my eggs. I didn't know much about the process other than it was expensive!
I had a well-paying job but spending up to $50,000 for something I didn't know I needed or wasn’t guaranteed to work, was a major financial commitment. So I put it off for a few more years while still looking for love.
At 43, scared my fertility window would close while I was waiting on a partner, I realized I needed to stop giving other people power over how and when I created my family. It was time to freeze my eggs.
Most studies suggest that women who freeze their eggs before age 35 have a better chance of a successful pregnancy. Because I had put it off for so long, the doctor was only able to retrieve five eggs, but at least I had those for when the right man came along. Over the next three years, the right man did not come along. I also considered having a baby with a male friend but then nixed that idea, because … boundaries. Time was ticking.
At 46, I finally grew tired of waiting and decided it was time to use the eggs. That meant going through a sperm bank. My friends helped me pick the right donor.
It was a surreal experience, but I was very realistic that the chances of in-vitro fertilization (IVF) working were slim, so when it didn’t work, I was disappointed, but not devastated. I considered trying again but decided it wasn’t worth the cost or the risk. It was time to pivot on my path to motherhood.
The next step was adoption, so I started researching options. At the time I was living in Doha, which presented a few hurdles. First, I had to hire and foot the bill for a social worker.
If I was living in the United States, I could have more easily found a social worker to conduct the home study—a comprehensive screening of prospective adoptive parents that has to occur prior to approval for adoption. I found one who was based in Germany, but I had to fly him to Doha to complete the inspection.
Another challenge was finding a U.S. agency that would work with me despite the fact that I lived abroad. Miraculously, I was able to get on the waiting list with an agency in Texas—and was approved to become an adoptive parent in late 2018.
Richelle Carey and Avery
Courtesy of Richelle Carey
After a couple picked a different family over me, probably because I lived too far away, I started previewing the disappointment in my head and thinking about how striking out at adoption would crush me much more than my struggles with IVF did. Maybe because it felt more final, or because I was relying on the judgments of others.
Still, I remained hopeful. I kept telling myself that the right baby would find me no matter where I was, but I could improve my odds if I was more focused on my journey. So, I left my dream job.
Leaving a career is always tough, especially when you don’t know how things will work out, where you’ll be, or when you’ll work again. But I knew it was time. I had little left to prove to myself professionally. So I quit my job as a news anchor more than two years ago and moved home to Houston.
I fully acknowledge that my choices come from a place of privilege. I was successful enough in my career to save money, quit without having another job lined up, and move to my parents' fully furnished studio apartment above the garage.
I was still a bit uneasy about it, and at times even scared. I was staring down the barrel at 50, and if you told me that at that age, I would be single and living in my parents’ guest house, I would’ve thought that I had screwed up my life. I certainly never aspired to it.
I think we intellectually know life can happen for us in a variety of ways but find it hard to accept the non-traditional path might be the one we end up taking. Even if we do and receive everything we want, it feels wrong until it feels right.
Matching with my son was a years-long process. Then finally in March 2021 in the depths of pandemic isolation and global despair, I received a call from the adoption agency, saying a birth mother who had a six-week-old baby was interested in meeting me. The very next day, I drove three hours to Dallas to meet them.
As soon as I saw that beautiful baby boy, I knew at once he was the baby I’d been waiting and trying for all this time. The next morning, I told the agency I wanted to adopt him. Four days later, Avery was home with me.
My life now has transformed from globetrotting to potty-training and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Everything you hear about parenting being exhausting is true. What is also true is seeing your child happy makes all that exhaustion worth it. The absolute best sound in the world is a child laughing, which my little comedian Avery does often.
In my work, I often focused my coverage on women and children. In many ways, my motherhood journey is a continuation of that work.
I hope people learn from my story that your path to motherhood doesn’t need to look a certain way or happen in a specific order. I hope my journey encourages women to embrace a variety of paths to motherhood.
You may have your heart set on having a child that is biologically yours, but if that doesn’t happen for you, be open to other options such as egg donors or adoption. Some companies offer insurance options for egg freezing and IVF or can also help with adoption costs. You can even consider becoming a foster parent, which can lead to adoption later on.
Being a single mom over 50 wasn’t how I thought I would end up. I dreamed of something way more straightforward and dare I say it, conventional. I think I knew the road ahead wasn’t going to be comfortable, but it has been more rewarding than I could’ve ever imagined.
And, that road is still just beginning.
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Feature image courtesy of Richelle Carey.'Black Girl Magic' Poet Mahogany L. Browne Talks Banned Books And The Power Of The Creative Pivot
You know you’re dealing with a truly talented and profound voice of a generation when the powers that be attempt to silence it. As a poet, educator, and cultural curator, Mahogany L. Browne has carved out a powerful space in the world of literature and beyond.
From penning the viral poem, “Black Girl Magic,” to writing Woke: A Young Poet’s Call To Justice (a book once banned from a Boston school library), to becoming the 2024 Paterson Poetry Prize winner and a poet-in-residence at Lincoln Center—her path exemplifies resilience, reinvention, and unapologetic artistry. She's published more than 40 works and paid the bills with her craft, a divine dream for many creatives seeking release, autonomy, and freedom in a tough economic climate.
A Goddard College graduate, who earned an MFA from Pratt Institute and was awarded an honorary doctorate from Marymount Manhattan College, Mahogany offers unapologetic realness with a side of grace and empowerment. "I started touring locally. I started creating chat books so that those poems will go in the hands of the people who were sitting in the rooms," she shared.
"And then I started facilitating poetry workshops, so I used my chat books as curriculum. And that, in turn, allowed me to further invest in my art and show the community and people who were hiring me that it wasn't just a one-off, that it's not just, you know, a fly by night—that I am invested in this art as much as I am invested in your community, in your children's learning, in our growth."
Mahogany has a special way of moving audiences, and her superpower sparks shifts in perspective, post-performance introspection, and strengthening of community bonds, especially among Black women. (One can undeniably recognize her gift for arousal of the spirit and mind merely from her listening to her insights from the other side of a Google Hangout call. I can only imagine the soul-stirring, top-tier sensory encounter when watching her perform in person.)
In this chat with xoNecole, Mahogany reflects on sustaining a creative career, the aftermath of writing a banned book, and using poetry for both healing, community-building, and activism.
Anthony Artis
xoNecole: What are three key things that have laid the foundation for a sustainable creative career for you?
Mahogany L Browne: What has helped me is that I'm willing to go in being an expert at knowing poetry and knowing the way in which art can change the landscape of our lives, not just as a poet, but also as a poetry facilitator. How you move through classes, those things are mastered, right? So when I go into another space that's maybe tech-heavy, I don't mind learning and being, you know, a student of the wonder of how we can make this magic, work together.
Two, you’ve got to know how to pivot. Sometimes we say, ‘Alright, this is what my life is going to be. I'm going to be a New York Times best-selling author. I'm going to, you know, have an album that's Grammy-nominated. And then, say you get dropped from your record label. That doesn't mean you can't make an album anymore. You can also still create an album that can be submitted to the Grammys. So, what does a pivot look like as an artist who doesn't have an institution behind them? Pivot being a student of the wonder.
Relationships also really help. How do I serve the community? And in turn, that tells me how the community can show up. For me, I have long-standing ties with a community that will outlast my one life. So, what does it mean to create space where these relationships can develop, can be nurtured, can be rooted, can be cultivated? Creating space—it happens through relationships.
xoN: With today’s economic challenges, what does your current creative process look like, and what are you working on?
MB: I’m always thinking five years ahead. I just reviewed the pages for two children’s books and recently released a YA novel. I’m drafting an adult fiction manuscript now.
Anything I create is founded with the root of poetry, but it can exist in captions. It can exist in commercials. It can exist as a musical. So that's where I’m at now.
xoN: You started performing "Black Girl Magic" in 2013, had an acclaimed performance of it via PBS and the work went on to viral success shortly after. Talk more about the inspiration. And what do you think about the continued relevance more than a decade later?
MB: I wrote it as a rally cry for the mothers who had been keeping themselves truly in harm's way by, you know, being a part of the community right after the death of their child or their loved one. They are usually mothers of victims of police brutality—and just seeing how they showed up in these community spaces, they are devout to the cause but obviously still grieving.
"I wanted this poem to be just a space of reclamation, of joy and of you, of your light, of your shine, of your brilliance, in any which way in which you fashion. Every room you enter is the room you deserve to be in. What does it mean to have a poem like that that exists?"
And the first time I did the poem, the Weeping that occurred, right? It was like this blood-letting of sorts. The next time I performed it, I'm moved to tears because I'm seeing how it's affecting other women who have just been waiting to hear, ‘You belong. You deserve. You are good. We see you. Thank you, despite everything that they said to make you regret being born in this beautiful brown, dark-skinned, light-skinned, but Black body.’
Black women are the backbone—period. Point blank. And so, that that poem became a necessity, not just to the fortitude of Black women in the community, but like you know, in service of healing the Black women.
xoN: One of your books was banned at a school in Boston, and it was later reinstated due to parental and activist support. What was that experience like?
MB: Well, I think it happened because they were racist. That's it. Point blank. The reversal of it was empowering, right? I realized, oh, I thought we just had to sit here and be on a banned book list. But no, parents are actually the leaders of this charge.
So to see that, the parents said, ‘Nah, we're not gonna let you take this book out of my baby’s school just because it's a Black kid on the front saying, ‘Woke’ and they're talking about being a global citizen. They're talking about accountability. They're talking about accessibility. They're talking about allyship, and you don't want them to have compassion or empathy or have even an understanding, right? So no, we rebuke that, and we want this book here anyway.’ To see that happen in that way. I was, like, reaffirmed. Absolutely.
xoN: You recently organized the Black Girl Magic Ball at the Lincoln Center in New York. Honorees included author and entrepreneur Rachel Cargle and National Black Theater CEO Sade Lythcott. What impact did it have and what expanded legacy do you hope to leave with your creative works?
MB: I was really interested in not celebrating just the book, but celebrating the community that made the book possible. And so I gave out five awards to women doing that thing, like, what does it mean to be a Black girl in this world?
I just thought it was gonna be an amazing time. Everybody's gonna dress up—we're gonna celebrate each other. And boom, I then realized that it responded to like a gaping hole. There was a missing thing for Black girls of all walks of life, all ages, right?
"It's very intergenerational. That was intentional to come together and celebrate just being us."
You have all these instances where just being you is either the butt of a joke or it's diminished and not worthy of a specific title in these larger institutions. So what does it mean to just to be loved up on and celebrated?
It felt like a self-care project at first. You know, for the first couple of years, folks were coming and they were getting that sisterhood. They were getting that tribe work that they were missing in their everyday lives.
I love the Black Girl Magic Ball because we got us. If I go out with a bang, they'll remember that Mahogany worked her a** off to make sure all the Black girls everywhere knew that she was the light. We are the blueprint.
For more information on Mahogany L. Browne, her work, and her future projects, visit her website or follow her on IG @mobrowne.
Featured image by Anthony Artis
Your rising sign in Astrology, otherwise known as the ascendant sign, represents how you express yourself to the world, show up, and how others see you. Your rising sign is located at the very top of your birth chart, in the 1st house. It is the zodiac sign that was rising on the eastern horizon at the time you were born and is a leading light in your life. The ascendant sign is as important as the sun or the moon sign and holds a lot of significance in your journey in life and how you will be walking through it.
What Rising Signs Mean in Astrology
Since the rising sign is the 1st house on the zodiac wheel and is the first thing people notice or see about you, it is also an indicator of someone's physical traits, body, and aura. For example, Scorpio Risings are known for their intense eyes and mysterious aura and are often seen with darker hair and physical features. Aries Risings are known for their strong physical body and often look more muscular or fit. Libra Risings have Venus on the Ascendant and are known for their beauty, aesthetic, and feminine energy. You can also work with the energy of your Ascendant sign to see what colors look best on you, and what style you align with, and how to enhance your physical features.
Going deeper, knowing your rising sign is important, as it’s often the missing clue as to why someone may feel like they are a certain way, yet others see them in a completely different light. For example, a Pisces Sun with a Leo Rising may at first come off as someone very confident, outgoing, and outspoken. They may indeed have a more positive and courageous outlook on life because after all, your rising sign is the lens through which you see the world; however, with the Pisces Sun, this person will feel like they are more sensitive and introverted than people know.
Remember, your rising sign is how you are perceived, and not necessarily who you think you are.
How to Find Your Rising Sign
To figure out what your rising sign is, you will need to know your exact birth date, location, and time. Since your rising sign can change within only a few hours, you don’t want to be off with the birth time here. Not to mention, your rising sign is the starting point and the key to unlocking your entire birth chart.
You can find a Free Birth Chart Calculator on many websites through a search engine, or you can download an Astrology app that has them as well.
Read below to see what having a specific rising sign means for you, and how people see you.
1. Aries Rising Sign Meaning
Aries Risings have a childlike face and demeanor. Although, their physical body is typically strong, muscular, or fit. Aries Risings come across as more dominant and direct than most, as they have Mars as their chart ruler, the planet of action. They come across as go-getters, independent, and free-spirited souls who live life on their own terms. Aries Risings seem like they are always doing something, moving fast, and like they have an infinite amount of energy. They are people who tell it like it is, and people often perceive them as brave and forthcoming. They love a lot of color, but look best in red and tend to be trendsetters, coming up with their own unique style and aesthetic.
2. Taurus Rising Sign Meaning
Taurus Risings are all about the vibe. Being in the presence of a Taurus Rising is like instantly feeling safe and comfortable. They take “chill” to a whole new level and prefer to enjoy life’s luxuries and also the simple pleasures of life. Others can sense this love for pleasure and the finer things when meeting them. Physically, with Venus being the ruler of Taurus and at the top of their chart, this rising sign typically has a natural beauty to them. Taurus is a sensual and earthly sign and they often exude this type of grounding energy. They come across as sweet with a graceful demeanor and a strong sense of self.
3. Gemini Rising Sign Meaning
Gemini Risings are social butterflies. They are always getting into new experiences and meeting new people. Others see them as talkative, outgoing, and self-expressive. They are typically very good with their words and make great public speakers. A Gemini Rising is often a chameleon and can change styles, looks, and expressions often. They aren’t easy to keep up with as their mind is going from one idea to the next. They see the world as an experience to engage in and learn from, and people often find them very inviting, unusual, and dynamic. Gemini Risings are charming with bright eyes.
4. Cancer Rising Sign Meaning
Cancer Risings have a nurturing, feminine, and soft energy. They are the friend who is your biggest supporter and protector in life. They tend to come across as sensitive, emotional, compassionate, and somewhat mysterious to others. They wear their heart on their sleeves, but still tend to maintain a sense of mystery about themselves as they show people what they want them to see, and when they want them to see it. Cancer Risings often have round faces and eyes and are drawn toward wearing darker clothes and colors. They have more pronounced feminine features as they are ruled by La Luna herself, and they often strongly resemble their mother.
5. Leo Rising Sign Meaning
You can spot a Leo Rising in a room right away. They grab the attention of others effortlessly and often have something more dramatic about their appearance. Their style, their big hair, and their sunny demeanor are often known for something unique about themselves. Leo Risings have the Sun as their chart ruler, and others perceive them as someone who is confident, creative, outgoing, and dramatic. The spotlight always seems to be on a Leo Rising and they see life as their stage. They are very loving and generous souls, and they exude a lot of natural happiness and joy in life.
6. Virgo Rising Sign Meaning
Virgo Risings give off goddess energy. They are grounding souls, who see the world as a place to help, give to others, and create. Others find them sweet, logical, and down-to-earth when meeting them, and they have a healing and therapeutic energy about them. Virgo Risings aren’t known for the dramatics and they often wear light or no makeup at all, with a simple yet elegant style. You can often find a Virgo Rising in earthy-tone clothes as well, as this suits them best. They come across as more innocent, reserved, and shy even to others, and someone who is a little bit hard to get to know. With Mercury at the top of their chart, they have a strong wit.
7. Libra Rising Sign Meaning
Libra Risings are known for their beauty, their relationships, and the love they give. With Venus at the top of the chart, Libra Risings are peaceful souls who want to give love and receive it. Others are often physically drawn to them with Venus, the planet of love and beauty ruling their world, and they attract many to them. Not to mention, Libra Risings are typically more flirtatious than most and are naturally charming. They see the world as a place to connect, create balance, and live in harmony, and they want others to notice this about them as well. They carry themselves with a sense of grace and elegance.
8. Scorpio Rising Sign Meaning
A Scorpio Rising is felt strongly by others. People are either instantly intrigued by them, or intimidated. They have a strong presence, and their energy is a catalyst of transformation for others being that Pluto is at the top of their chart. Hang out with a Scorpio Rising if you want your life to change. They have deep, intense, and mystical eyes, and are unintentionally the creators of the RBF. A lot of Scorpio Risings feel like people see them as more dominant and empowered than they feel at times, as Scorpio Risings are really just introverts at heart. They have a mysterious, seductive, and magnetic energy and are often physically stunning and fierce. Scorpio Risings look best in dark red.
9. Sagittarius Rising Sign Meaning
Sagittarius Risings are outspoken, joyful, and spiritual. They are known for their wisdom, knowledge, and their thirst for life. Sagittarius Risings see life as an exploration and go on many different journeys and paths in life, constantly searching for new meaning and purpose. Sagittarius Risings are often seen in bright colors with an eclectic and more out-there style and are known for their smile and expressions. A Sagittarius Rising lives life on their own terms and goes to the places that inspire them the most. Others see them as someone constantly changing things up and doing something different, and who lives life to the fullest. They also happen to have luck on their side with Jupiter as their chart ruler.
10. Capricorn Rising Sign Meaning
Capricorn Risings are grounded, reserved, and hard-working. They are often known for their work ethic, their accomplishments, and their steady stature. They have more serious eyes and appearance, and always tend to look put together. Capricorn Risings love a good business attire look, and they are often perceived as someone who is respectful, ambitious, and successful. They care about how they present themselves to others and can seem calculated to some because of this. With Saturn, the planet of challenges at the top of their chart, Capricorn Risings often feel like they had to grow up at a young age, which is why they later in life feel this strong sense of responsibility.
11. Aquarius Rising Sign Meaning
Aquarius Risings are unique souls. They thrive on being different from others, and you will never catch them following a trend or wearing something because everyone else is. They excel in their niche and they understand the importance of authenticity and personal freedom. They usually tend to stick out in a crowd because of their physical appearance and what they are wearing. Aquarius Risings have a thirst for knowledge and others see them as someone who is ahead of their time, open-minded, and inspiring. They are the rebels of the rising signs, and have a gift for communication and connecting with others on different levels.
12. Pisces Rising Sign Meaning
Pisces Risings are sweet souls who live in fantasyland. They tend to see the world with rose-colored glasses, which is their gift and at times their downfall. A Pisces Rising’s appearance is often youthful, with soft eyes and appearance. They come across as someone sweet with good intentions, and people usually trust this rising sign right away. They exude an energy of compassion and transparency and want to get lost in the world with others. Although Pisces is another more reserved, shy, rising sign to have, they have a strong need to create and express themselves creatively. Pisces Risings tend to escape reality, and it can be hard to grasp them fully. They are the rising sign that is out of this world.
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Featured image by Jeffery Erhunse on Unsplash
Originally published on December 8, 2022